


Pledge

by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)



Series: Pledge AU [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Erwin Smith: Devastating hottie who thinks he's totally straight whoops, Explicit Sexual Content, Frat Boy Erwin, He's trying to straighten up poor boy, M/M, Mike is a good boy, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Someone let Levi smile, eruri - Freeform, ex-thug Levi, frat hijinks, light hazing, my best friend is physically devastated by this fic, they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-04-18 02:36:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 123,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14203218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Bell/pseuds/EllaBesmirched
Summary: Levi isnotin a fuckingfrat.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello this fic has consumed my soul and I have written about fifty pages in a week so I need to just hurl this out into the world at this point. All my love to Ajax who reads every new entry no matter how small and screams about it so I want to write more immediately. 
> 
> *Tiny warning* This fic will feature other ships and parings mentioned in passing since it's a college au and everyone is a whore.
> 
> Also, a side note: There was pretty much no Greek life at my university. I do happen to have a little brother who was in a frat and I interviewed him extensively during the writing process; basically all the fraty frat stuff in this fic is based on his responses to my questions, some spotty research, and college movies. If you are or were part of a frat or a sorority or close to people who were, please feel free to come TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT. <3

“Swaaaaanky!” Kenny crows, staring around the dorm with an unlit cigarette stuck to his bottom lip. 

Levi rolls his eyes and drops the box he’s holding on the counter. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” 

“That thing where you move your lips and words come out.” 

“Don’t be a little bitch just cause yer gonna miss me, brat.” 

Levi doesn’t dignify that with a response. Instead he throws the car keys at Kenny’s head. Kenny doesn’t even look like he’s flinched, but the keys still go sailing past to clank against the wall behind him. “Go make yourself useful and start getting my shit outta the truck.” 

Kenny flips him the bird, but still picks the keys up and saunters out of the room. 

Levi wipes the sweat off his forehead and peers around. It’s ungodly hot outside, and they’d been driving for three hours with the windows down since the AC in the Ford hadn’t worked in about ten years. The dorm room is cooler, but Levi guesses the whole building is warmer than usual since it’s been empty for most of the summer and all the doors are open to accommodate the move in. 

Kenny is right. ‘Swanky’ isn’t exactly a word he’d think to use to define a dorm room, but this place almost fits the bill. Levi is standing in a common area; there’s more furniture here than in any living room he’s ever had growing up. Plus it all matches. There’s a flat screen TV hung on the wall, and two desks-- one on each side of the room. The walls are painted a serene blue that matches the richer color of the cushions on the sofa and armchair nicely. There’s a kitchenette with a sink, a microwave, and small stove top with two burners. Levi can see the bathroom he’ll share with his roommate through an open door, and what must be his room through another. 

He assumes it is his room because the bed is naked, and it’s clear his roommate has already been here. One of the desks sports a very large and very shiny iMac, and there’s crumpled paper in the wastebasket in the kitchen. Levi picks up his box and then drops it on the bare bed; he spends a few minutes pulling out his faded linens and making the bed before he hears Kenny’s boots jangling down the hallway again. 

“Hey, kid, fuck do you want me to put this shit?” 

Levi resists groaning to himself. Kenny has come back carrying far too much for one man to comfortably carry in one trip. Levi has no doubt that Kenny is strong enough to handle the huge pile of boxes, but he looks utterly ridiculous while doing it. 

“Fuck is wrong with you, you’re gonna break my shit,” Levi snaps, snatching the top two boxes out of Kenny’s arms. One of them has Levi’s brand new (to him) laptop in it and he’d be shit out of luck if Kenny shattered it on the hardwood floor. 

“I got it!” Kenny protests, setting the other two boxes down on the floor at his feet. “What do you think, I’m some kinda moron?” 

“Obviously--” Levi starts to drawl, but he cuts himself off to gape in horror when Kenny clears his throat and spits absently at the sink. He’s standing too far away though, and he misses. “ _What the actual fuck, you disgusting shit-for-brains--”_

He berates Kenny for a good three minutes while he fishes a bottle of disinfectant out of one of the boxes and scrubs at the spot with a fresh sponge. Kenny just shoves his hands in the pockets of his torn black jeans and goes to stare out of the huge window that takes up most of the wall across from the doorway. 

“Nice view you got here,” he mutters when Levi is done glaring. 

He stalks to the window, about to pull the blinds shut and tell Kenny to go home when he looks down and sees what it is Kenny is staring at. The window faces the lake, and they have a perfect view of the green lawn surrounding it-- and all the bikini-clad coeds sunbathing in the summer heat. 

“Oh, what the _fuck,”_ Levi groans. The last thing he needs is literally _anyone_ catching Kenny’s dirty old man routine. “You’re disgusting, get the fuck outta my room.” 

“Aw, come on, kid,” he chuckles, pointing. “You gotta admit-- look, there’s a nice frat boy for you-- you queers like it when they’re all muscle-y like that, right?”

“ _Get out.”_ Levi grabs Kenny by the collar of his striped black and tan button up and drags him away from the window. 

“What, you don’t want me to help you unpack?” 

“I got it,” Levi growls. 

“Fine, come get the last box then, and your stupid fucking skateboard.” 

Kenny sulks all the way to the truck. Levi stares at the scuffed toe of his off-brand chucks after he pulls his skateboard and the last box from the bed of the pick up, and gets his cigarettes from the glove box and his backpack from the floor on the passenger side.

“So, uh,” Kenny mutters. He climbs into the driver’s seat so he won’t have to keep talking. “You, uh. Stay outta trouble, brat.” 

Levi rolls his eyes. If he were five years younger, he’d tell Kenny he doesn’t find trouble and it’s not his fault trouble always finds him. But they both know that’s a lie.

“See ya at Thanksgiving.” 

“See ya.” 

The truck roars when Kenny throws it into gear. They hit a pothole halfway here and now something in the engine is grinding. Levi hopes, secretly, that Kenny makes it home okay, but he’d never say it outloud. 

“Hey, brat.” 

Levi lifts his chin to show he’s listening. Kenny stares at the steering wheel. 

“I’m…” Levi rolls his eyes again. If Kenny’s just going to waste his time-- “Yer mom would be prouda ya.” 

He squeals out of the parking space before Levi can fully comprehend what he’s just said. When the words finally penetrate, Levi stares at the empty space for much longer that he should. Then he turns on his heel and climbs the six flights of stairs back to his room; the elevators are too busy to bother with. 

Levi keeps his head down as he makes his way back to the room. He passes people hugging their parents goodbye, greeting old friends, wheeling dollies full of boxes and trunks into their rooms. He makes note of the RA’s room as he passes-- they’d told him at check in where it would be located and to familiarize himself with the layout of the floor. There is a dry erase board on the door that says, _Hi! My Name Is: Hanji. My Major Is: Biomedical Engineering. My Pronouns Are: They/Them._

Levi noted a similar board on his own door, but he hasn’t taken the time to fill it out yet; he hopes he can avoid it altogether. 

When he opens the door to his room, he draws up short. The room isn’t empty anymore. 

There is a man sitting on the sofa. A very large, very tan, very blond man. He’s holding the remote for the TV in one hand and eating an apple with the other. The fingers curled around the apple are black and before Levi can blink and figure out what it is he’s seeing, the man is turning his head. 

Fuck. 

He’s. 

He’s goddamn beautiful is what he is. Blond hair, parted perfectly and combed to the side. Blue eyes the color of the lake. A jawline like a renaissance sculpture and wide shoulders and narrow hips to match. He’s dressed in a soft blue t-shirt that probably cost more than Levi’s hand-me-down laptop. 

“Hey!” he says brightly, standing in one impossibly smooth motion and _Jesus Christ_ he’s about a full foot taller than Levi. “You must be Levi!” 

He carefully takes the apple out of his right hand, and then holds his hand out. 

Levi eyes it. 

It’s a prosthesis. Levi almost hesitates before he catches himself. He hastily sticks his arm out and feels metal and plastic squeeze his hand briefly. 

“I’m Erwin.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Levi mumbles, trying not to wipe his hand on his torn jeans-- not because he’s unnerved by the fact that he just shook a robot hand, but because he knows wiping the feel of the plastic away is probably the most offensive thing he could do and so of course, his body tells him to do it. 

“Uh, I got here a little early, so. Hope you don’t mind I picked a desk and a room.” Levi blinks at him and he smiles, expression just a little unsure. His cheeks seem a shade pinker when he adds, “Easier for me to get to the plugs on that one. So.” He motions with his left hand toward the desk and Levi takes a closer looks. The outlet under the one Erwin has chosen is situated just to the left of the desk, and easily accessible. Erwin has already set up his computer; he’s got a strange, bulky keyboard positioned in front of it that’s more square than normal, and curved up in places. 

Levi says, “Sure. Uh. No problem.” 

Erwin is wearing tennis shoes, white gym socks, and gym shorts. Levi can see all the muscles in his calves. There is a tennis racket sitting on the kitchen counter that wasn’t there before, and a new tube of tennis balls. 

Erwin carefully transfers the apple from his left hand back to his right, eyes focusing briefly on the prosthesis, thick, beautiful brows furrowing. He catches Levi staring and Levi clears his throat. 

Erwin gives him a brief, lopsided smile, and says, “Weird, right?”

“No,” Levi tells him. “Course not.” 

Erwin nods once to himself, and Levi realizes he’s being quiet and strange again. Awkward, Isabel would have said, though Levi hates that word. Too many people use it for the wrong reasons. 

“I’m gonna unpack.”

“Sure,” Erwin says. Levi disappears into his room to start putting his clothes away. He is alone for maybe three minutes before he hears the clatter of his skateboard trucks sliding against the base of the counter. 

“So you skateboard?” 

Levi resists the urge to roll his eyes. _No, I just like how it looks._ “Yup.” 

Erwin appears in his doorway. He leans against the doorframe, crosses his ankles, and says, “Cool.” 

Levi looks at him from under the fringe of his hair and gives a short, jerky nod. He looks, impossibly, even taller when he stands like that. 

“You play tennis?” 

“What?” Levi chuckles cooly, lifting his head. 

“Tennis,” Erwin says brightly. “Some friends are coming over and we’re gonna go play so. You know, you can come if you want. I’ve got an extra racket you can use if you don’t have one.” 

“Never played,” Levi answers, keeping his voice as neutral as he can. As if he’s ever had access to a goddamn _tennis court._

“Jean’s shit,” Erwin answers. “So we can show you how.”

Levi lifts his eyes again, takes in Erwin’s perfect hair and his golden tan and bright blue eyes and luxurious gym clothes and says, “I think I’m alright.” 

Erwin shrugs. “Open invitation,” he replies. 

“Uh. Thanks.”

He doesn’t leave. Levi has to keep his eyes from rolling out of his head. Of course he got the fucking nosey roommate who is probably just dying to be friends. He actually comes into Levi’s room and drops onto the bed, bouncing the neat piles of worn t-shirts Levi is organizing. 

He picks up one of Levi’s textbooks (dinged, tattered, spine covered in _pre-owned_ stickers) and says, “Anatomy. Are you a science major?” 

Levi’s jaw slides and he breathes out through his nose. The last thing he needs is to get off to the wrong start with the man he’s supposed to be living with for the rest of the school year. 

“Pre-med.” 

“Sweet,” Erwin says brightly, dropping the book neatly on Levi’s nightstand. Levi blinks when he realizes Erwin has moved the book out of his way. “Wonder how we ended up in the same room,” he muses. “They usually try to pair you with similar majors. I’m a Classics major,” he adds. “Kinda the complete opposite of you.” 

_Classics._ Well that fucking figured. Of all the useless, self indulgent _bullshit._

Erwin has an accent. Southern and sophisticated. Levi could practically smell the old money. 

“They assigned me last minute,” he admits. His scholarship includes room and board, only some idiot had fucked up in the housing office and filled the dorm he was supposed to live in. He’d gotten a free upgrade as a result, but he’d known he would be the odd man out among a building full of spoiled, pampered brats. Of course, that would probably be the case wherever he went on this campus. 

“Oh, me too!” Erwin says. “That’s probably it then.” 

“You too?” Levi betrays himself by asking. Erwin fits right in here. 

“I was supposed to live in the frat housing,” Erwin explains. “But this building is reserved for special needs students. Closest to campus and stuff. They insisted I be here this year.”

Levi lifts his head. “Um…”

Levi is saved the trouble of speaking when their front door bangs open and a man even bigger and blonder than Erwin barges in. 

“Erwin!” 

Erwin is off the bed so quickly Levi’s pile of shirts falls over again. He watches Erwin bound into the living room, calling, “Mike!” and feels his lip curling. The whole greeting reeks of a party movie stereotype. Until they reach each other. Then Mike lifts his right hand to reach for some truly douche-y handshake, but Erwin pauses and spreads both his arms. 

Mike says, “Oh, shit,” and quickly switches hands. They perform some elaborate motion that is no doubt a secret, and then Mike says, “ _Dude,_ let me see that thing, holy fuck.” 

Levi hears Erwin laugh, and then he lifts his right arm. 

“You look like the fucking terminator, man, that is _sick.”_

“Wait, wait, look,” Erwin says brightly. The two men turn toward the counter and Erwin carefully reaches out and lifts the tube of tennis balls with his right hand. 

Mike drawls, “Dude.”

Erwin says, “It’s almost like I’m a real boy.” 

“Man, I didn’t even know they could do that.” 

“Me neither,” Erwin admits, twisting his wrist and staring at his own arm. Levi only realizes he is staring at them through the door when Erwin lifts his head and catches his eye. Levi ducks his head, heat in his cheeks. “Oh, dude, come meet my roommate.” 

Mike lifts his head and looks through the door. “Roommate!” he calls cheerfully, making the last syllable last about five full seconds. “How’s it going?”

“Uh, good,” Levi answers. “Levi.” 

“Mike,” Mike says, jerking his chin. “Hey, man, you wanna come play some tennis with us?” Mike has a racket slung over his shoulder. 

“He says he doesn’t play,” Erwin answers. 

“Neither does Jean,” Mike replies with a chuckle. 

“Uh, I have to unpack,” Levi tells them. He’s trying not to stare at Erwin’s new hand. It’s apparently very new, if Erwin’s friends haven’t seen this prosthesis yet. Levi assumes Erwin had a cosmetic prosthesis, or wore nothing at all before this. 

But then Mike speaks again and Levi has to change his assessment. 

“Can you still serve?” Mike asks, voice suddenly just a little _too_ casual. 

“Uh. I haven’t tried yet,” Erwin admits. “I was practicing a one-handed serve over the summer, but I still can’t get the power I used to have.”

“How do you do it?” 

Erwin swipes his racket from the table and pinches the case between his knees so he can unzip it. “Can you open those balls?” Mike complies while Erwin shakes his racket from the cover. When he holds out his racket, Mike drops the ball on it. He bounces the ball a few times, and then says, “According to youtube, it’s like…” Levi watches him tilt the racket until the ball is where he wants it. Then he tosses the ball into the air, adjusts the racket in his hand, and knocks the ball against the door. “Kinda like that,” he says, tucking the racket under his right arm and picking up the ball. “But I don’t have quite as much time to get my racket up, you know?”

“Makes sense,” Mike tells him. “But, like, practice, man. You’ll get it.” 

“Yeah, well,” Erwin continues. “I should be able to do a standard serve now, just left handed. I guess we’ll see.” He drops the tennis ball into his right hand. 

“Well, fuck, you ready?” 

“Yeah,” Erwin tells him. He replaces his racket in its cover and slings it over his shoulder. “See ya, Levi!” 

“See ya,” Levi mutters, watching them both go. 

*

Levi finishes unpacking (it’s not as if he has a lot of shit to worry about) and can’t tear his mind away from Erwin the whole time. Levi has never been one for first impressions, but Erwin seems nice enough. He’s exactly what Levi expected to find, if he’s being honest-- his fresh clothes and shiny electronics and _frat brothers_ stink of unappreciated glamor and luxury. He probably has no idea what the real world is like, what it feels like to have holes in your shoes and to pamper a second hand laptop like it’s made of gold. Gold would probably be sturdier, Levi thinks wryly. His scholarship had included a stipend intended for supplies, but it had barely been enough to cover all the textbooks he needed. Most of them he was able to get second hand, but a few had required brand new editions since he needed fresh log in codes and you couldn’t buy those used. 

His room looks bare. He hadn’t seen the point in bringing the few decorations he’d tacked up to his walls at home. Hanging broken skateboards and tattered band t-shirts around his college dorm room seemed juvenile. 

The bedrooms are small compared to the huge shared living space; they’re almost the size of Levi’s room at home. It’s really just an oversized closet with a dresser, a bed, and an end table. Levi sits on his bed and stares at the pale blue walls for a long time before the itch in the soles of his feet tells him to move, to do _something._

He grabs the plastic tub of cleaning supplies from his dresser and gives the bathroom a quick wipe down before he stashes the tub under the sink. It’s spotlessly clean already; Erwin has left a green plastic basket of toiletries suctioned to the shower wall, and another smaller, matching container sitting on the sink. Levi stares at the little shower caddy for perhaps longer than he should. Erwin has shampoo and conditioner of a brand Levi has never seen before-- the writing on the bottles looks French. He’s got another bottle of bodywash, and a loofah on a stick. By the sink he’s left shaving cream, a razor, a toothbrush, and five little bottles and tubes that elude Levi completely. They’re covered in kanji. At least Levi assumes it’s kanji. 

Levi doesn’t have a shower caddy. Levi has a toothbrush and a three-in-one bottle of _Suave for Men_ that he found on sale at the Dollar General. He retrieves both and puts them in their proper places. 

Then he tries to connect his laptop to the wifi, but it won’t work until he steps out into the common area. He eyes the thick cinder block walls with a mental sigh; there must be a reason the desks are out here and not in the bedrooms. 

Classes don’t start for a week and only one of them has posted the full syllabus and first week’s reading online. Levi scrolls absently through the assignment; he can probably do it tonight, he decides. 

Instead of pulling out his textbooks like he should, he navigates to Facebook. 

Levi doesn’t have a Facebook. 

But of course, Erwin does. 

He toggles to Erwin’s ‘About’ info first. He’s from a swanky town about an hour south of here and it looks like he’s never had a job before. He’s older than Levi by about three years, which Levi finds strange. It is _purely_ coincidental and it doesn’t bother him _at all_ when he sees the words _Interested in: Women_ before he navigates back to Erwin’s wall. 

It’s all there. The arm, it seems, is very new indeed. 

The first few pictures Levi finds are all bright, cheerful photos of Erwin showing off his robot arm. Some are shared by his father, with captions about how proud he is, how strong, how driven, how stubborn Erwin is. He clicks back through photo albums, sees a shirtless Erwin with wraps around his stump of an arm playing tennis. In another he is riding a horse. In a third, he’s exercising his shoulder in what Levi assumes is a physical therapy clinic. A little farther back, Levi finds a picture of Erwin in a hospital bed. His right arm is a bulky lump of bandages, and his face is bruised and battered, but he’s smiling, giving the camera a thumbs up. 

And after that, he is whole again. Two perfect, beautiful arms and broad shoulders and a pearly white smile. He is lounging on the beach with pretty women, he is dressed in a sports jacket with his frat brothers, he is sailing with his father. 

Levi clicks back to the picture in the hospital room, scans the comments. There are _a lot_ of them. _Stay strong, brother. Praying for you. You got this!_

Levi rolls his eyes at the inane platitudes. 

The picture is from a little over a year ago. 

Levi closes the photo albums, and starts looking for statuses, for an _explanation._

Erwin is popular. The number of people commenting on every status update, sharing pictures on his wall, liking all his photos is enormous. And there are more photos from the passed year than Levi thinks exist of him over the course of his whole life. 

He scrolls far enough that he finds the day of the accident; Erwin’s wall is flooded with well wishers, with people hoping for a speedy recovery and _praying_ for him. One comment catches his eye: _Can someone please tell me what’s going on is Erwin ok?_

Mike is the one who replies. _Sailing accident. He’s ok, just hurt. Will share updates._

The thread is flooded with comments. When Mike appears back on the thread, he has more details. _At the hospital._ _Yesterday afternoon, Erwin and his dad were out sailing. They stopped to help a capsized boat and there was an accident. He got stuck between the boats. He’s gonna be alright, but his right arm is hurt real bad. He goes into surgery again in a few hours and we’ll know after that if they’ll have to amputate._

Levi is chewing on his lip without meaning to. He knows how the story ends; reading all the comments from Erwin’s friends hoping for good news is making his stomach hurt. 

He navigates instead to Erwin’s videos. The first one he finds is from about a month ago.

Erwin is sitting on a doctor’s table, in jeans and a white tank top. His hair is messier than it usually is in his photos, but he’s smiling just like always. It’s the first image Levi has seen of what remains of Erwin’s right arm-- no wraps, or bandages, or long sleeves to obscure it. He’s talking casually to the camera man. Levi assumes it’s his father. 

“Wait, it’s live?” 

“Yeah, it’s live, say ‘hi.’” 

Erwin tilts his head back and laughs. “Uh, hey guys.” 

“Tell them what we’re doing!” 

“Uh, okay, so, I’m about to test out my first prosthesis,” Erwin says proudly, looking directly into the camera. “And if there’s no problems, I can wear it home tonight,” he adds. 

Erwin and the man behind the camera chat; Levi gathers this is one of many appointments, that Erwin has been here before and tested various pieces of the final product.

Then the prosthetist comes into the room. Levi watches her explain to Erwin how to put the arm on and take it off, and then he watches Erwin very carefully open and close his fingers, a look of sheer joy in his eyes.

“Fuck, that’s so cool.” 

“Language,” the cameraman mutters. “Your grandmother is watching this.” 

“Sorry, Nana,” Erwin replies automatically. 

“Can you turn your wrist?” the prosthetist interrupts. Erwin stares down at his hand, eyes narrowing in focus, and Levi watches his wrist move. He gives a giddy laugh and distracts them all for a moment, twisting his wrist back and forth at various speeds.

“So if I--”

The door opens and Levi slams his laptop shut so fast he winces, afraid he’s broken it. 

Erwin is dripping sweat and red in the cheeks. “It’s _so_ hot out there,” he complains, dropping his racket on the table and crossing to the full sized refrigerator for a bottle of water. 

Levi tries not to look incredibly guilty. 

“Want one?” Erwin asks, when he catches Levi looking at him. Levi shrugs and Erwin tosses him a cold bottle. Levi takes a sip while Erwin drains half of his in one go. 

“So. Uh. How did it go?” Levi asks against all his better judgement. 

“What now?” 

“Tennis? You know. Your. Your uh, serve.” Levi winces behind his hair. 

“Oh!” Erwin says brightly. “Not bad. Still wierd trying to do it lefty,” he admits. “But easier than it was with only one arm.” 

“So that’s,” Levi begins. He knows what happened now, but he’s not sure he’s willing to admit he’d been Facebook stalking the guy. “What happened?” he says finally. 

“Boating accident,” Erwin replies simply. “Summer before this. I took last year off to recover and this is my first semester back.”

“I’m sorry,” Levi says. It seems like the thing to say. But Erwin just shrugs, lips quirking in an expression that is almost a scowl, so Levi presses on. “So you’re still a junior?” He knows the dorms are supposed to put students in the same years together, but he’d seen Erwin’s age and assumed there was some kind of special circumstance. 

“Yeah. You?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Levi replies. 

“Cool,” Erwin replies. There is a long silence. Levi finds it exceedingly awkward, but Erwin doesn’t seem to mind. He stares at Levi like he’s waiting for Levi to say something. When Levi doesn’t, he says, “Well, I’m gonna take a shower.” 

Levi furrows his brows at the air; that doesn’t seem like something Erwin needs to announce. He disappears into his room, and when he emerges a few minutes later, naked except for a pair of mesh shorts and a towel thrown over his shoulder, he is carrying his right arm in his left hand. Levi watches him set it on the desk and plug it in before he disappears, wordlessly, into the bathroom. 

Levi takes one spare moment to swipe his hand over his face before he opens his laptop again and pulls up the reading he’d planned to do later. 

When Erwin exits the bathroom, the whole dorm smells fucking _amazing._ Levi hates it. 

“Oh, hey, I meant to ask you. Me and Mike and a few friends are hitting up this bar after the floor meeting tonight. You wanna come?” He’s standing in his doorway, mesh shorts sinfully low on his hips and a towel draped over his head. Levi is absolutely not staring at his chest and at the overly defined muscles in his shoulders. It takes him perhaps a fraction longer than it should to hear what it is Erwin is asking him.

Levi considers it. He really does. Not because he actually wants to go, but because he’s already turned Erwin down for fucking _tennis_ and even if he didn’t exactly come here to make friends, it seems stupid to turn his brand new roommate down twice in one day. Erwin is clearly just trying to be nice. Levi should humor him. 

“Uh, they might not let me in,” he says after an uncomfortable pause during which he is thinking of all the reasons he shouldn’t go. 

“What? Why?” 

“I’m nineteen,” Levi explains, lifting his head from the reading he’s working on. 

Erwin draws up short. “What?” 

Levi tries not to roll his eyes and only succeeds in not groaning. “Turn twenty in December.”

“You’re a junior,” Erwin tells him blankly. 

“I transferred from a community college,” Levi admits grudgingly. “I took a few extra classes last year, and then a full fucking load over the summer so I could transfer in as a junior.” 

Erwin raises his brows and drops onto the sofa. “Fuck, dude, that’s a lot of credits for one year.” 

Levi shrugs. 

“What’s your schedule like this semester?” 

“I’m taking eighteen credits,” Levi tells him. It’s the most they will allow him to take, but compared to his course load last year, when he’d had to get special permission to take two extra classes each semester, he hopes this will feel easy. 

Erwin’s lips curl a little bitterly. “I’m only taking fourteen,” he mutters. “I usually take one more class, but they didn’t want to _overwhelm me,”_ he drawls. Levi just blinks at him. “I can still walk to class,” Erwin tells him. “And it’s not like I need two arms to _study.”_

“That’s some bullshit,” Levi agrees. Then he glances at Erwin’s _myoelectric_ (he maybe did a little research when he was supposed to be studying) arm and asks, “Can you type with that thing?” 

Erwin shrugs. “Sorta? The hand positions are limited. So for typing, you can use a pointing motion, but it’s slow as fuck. I’m better off just using it for the mouse and typing with my left hand.” Levi nods. 

The arm interests him. It’s an impressive feat of modern science and it’s all Levi can do to keep from asking Erwin to tell him all about it. He also knows it probably cost a small fortune. Erwin’s elbow, wrist, and hand are all robotic. Judging from Levi’s very cursory research, the fact that Erwin’s missing his elbow makes fitting him with a prosthetic more complicated; so Erwin’s slim new arm is probably top of the line, represents the cutting edge of prosthetic technology.

Instead of voicing any of this, he says, “Don’t they make those with like, fucking flesh tones? So it doesn’t look like a prosthetic?” 

Erwin pulls a face. “Yeah, but it was _weird._ Like nevermind the uncanny valley thing, you know, like something just isn’t right? It just wasn’t _my hand._ I like it better that way. With the _realistic_ design, I kept looking down and expecting it move and work like my real hand. And then it just _didn’t..._ ” Erwin trails off, stares at his left hand sitting on his knee. 

“It’s pretty fucking tight,” Levi tells him, injecting a little confidence into his voice. “You know, the whole, cyborg thing.” 

“Thanks,” Erwin smiles. 

Levi’s stomach does a strange little wiggle and he realizes he’s been carrying on an actual conversation with a stranger in which he posed questions and the stranger answered. That’s… new. Levi doesn’t _talk_ to people. 

Erwin has a very nice smile. His teeth are straight and white and there’s something soothing about it, calming, like a thumb between the shoulder blades.

Erwin’s thick eyebrows go up, just a little. 

Levi is staring. 

He clears his throat. “Anyway, yeah, if they’ll let me in, I’ll go. Sure. Thanks.” 

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Erwin says. “We bring the pledges there sometimes. They’re usually like, eighteen, nineteen.” He stands up and gives Levi a wicked grin. “You can DD.” 

“No, I can’t.” 

“Aw, come on--”

“I can’t drive. I don’t have a license.” 

Erwin’s face falls. “Oh. How come?” 

Levi stands abruptly, laptop in hand. “I’m gonna finish this reading before we go out, so.” He retreats to his room and leaves Erwin staring after him when he closes the door behind him. 

His laptop still won’t connect to the wifi in here, but he’s already loaded the page with the correct article. It’s a long time before his eyes actually pick up the words on the page. 

*

He has a meeting with the counselor at five PM. When he emerges from his room, Erwin is eating another apple and channel surfing. 

“Heading out?” 

“Yup,” Levi mutters, grabbing his skateboard. 

“Floor meeting is at seven thirty,” Erwin reminds him. 

“Yeah, I’ll be back,” Levi replies. He slips out the door before Erwin can ask him where he’s going. 

He’s surrounded by yuppies, he decides. He spots more flashy bikes than he can count, and lots of well dressed twenty somethings in boat shoes. A few of them glare at him when he skates past. He sticks to the street when he can-- the sidewalks are carefully laid brick in most places. He’d tried to skateboard on one of those walkways a few years ago and broke his collarbone when his wheel hit a brick that was just a little higher than the ones around it. 

Pixis is waiting for him. “Mr. Ackerman! Right on time.” 

Levi grunts and slouches into the office. It’s hot outside; he’s overheated from the ride over and annoyed for it. His tattered Misfits t-shirt is sticking to his back and he can feel sweat dripping out of his hair. 

“How was your ride here?” 

“Long,” Levi answers shortly. 

“Traffic?”

Levi shrugs. The ride had been fairly clear; Kenny had dropped him off at ten AM so the roads hadn’t really started to fill up until the last hour or so. 

“Find your room ok?” 

“Yup.” Levi sniffs and peers at a poster on Pixis’s wall. It’s a kitten hanging from a tree with the caption _Hang in there!_ and Levi has to assume Pixis means it as a joke. He’s an old, balding man with a light-hearted but somehow steely air about him. Levi has only met him twice before, when he came for his student orientation last month, and when he met with his parole officer the month before that. 

Pixis stares at him in amiable silence until Levi finally gives him a flat, uninterested glare. 

Then Pixis goes on as if there has never been a break in the conversation. “Did you meet your roommate?” 

“Yeah.” 

“How do you like him?” 

“I just met the guy,” Levi protests. When Pixis just stares at him, he says, “Fine. He seems fine. Asked me to play _tennis.”_

“And did you?” 

Levi lets his eyes go wide. “No, sir. See I didn’t know if the fucking _tennis_ court was on my approved list of locations.” 

The side of Pixis’s mouth lifts. “Cute.” 

Levi has to resit the urge to flip him the bird. 

“You know you’re allowed to go anywhere on campus, and anywhere beyond campus within a two mile radius as long as you don’t go south of Second Street.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“I can print out the map for you if you’d like.” 

“I don’t need a shittin _map,_ alright, I got it.” 

“Are you sure? Because you just said…” Levi glares at him. Pixis smiles. “We’re working on an _honor_ system now, Levi. No more ankle bracelets and curfews. It’s up to you to decide where you can _safely_ spend your time. I think you know no one would have any complaints about you visiting a tennis court, assuming you did so with the intent to actually play tennis.”

Levi shifts in his seat. “Yes, sir.” 

“I’ve been reviewing your schedule for the semester. You sure you can handle this course load? The classes you’re taking here are going to be a bit more strenuous than the ones you completed at UCC.” 

Levi peers to the side. Shrugs one shoulder. 

“Frankly, I’d recommend you drop a class. But if you insist on taking a full course load, I won’t stop you. You have two weeks before add/drop is over. I’d look at your syllabi very carefully and decide if you want to move forward with a full eighteen credits.” 

“I took more than that last year,” Levi protests. 

“You spent last year confined to your uncle’s home except to attend class,” Pixis points out. “This is a bit different. There’s a lot more to distract you here, and a lot more freedom to make unwise choices.” 

“I can handle it,” Levi says flatly. 

Pixis considers him for a long time. “I assume I don’t need to impress upon you the opportunity you’ve been afforded by attending this university, Mr. Ackerman. You’ve been given a second chance.”

Levi squirms. He has to physically bite his lip to keep from snapping that he knows, that there is nothing Pixis can say that means more to him than what’s been going on inside his own head. Instead he says nothing at all. 

“I know you know not everyone is so lucky,” Pixis says quietly. Pointedly. Levi squeezes his biceps with the tips of his fingers to keep from flipping his chair over. “I don’t think I need to tell you not to waste it. I’ll see you next week.”

“Do we really have to meet every week?” Levi complains. “I’ve got shit to study and shit.” 

Pixis stares at him. “Make it through this semester and I’ll see about cutting our sessions to twice a month. Deal?” 

Levi nods. “Deal.” 

He smokes three cigarettes on the way back to his dorm and still doesn’t clear the sick taste from his mouth. 

*

It’s been a long time since Levi was in a bar. He’s pulled on a black t-shirt with no holes in it and a thin black hoodie since he always gets cold in restaurants; he hadn’t intended to use it, but now he’s glad he brought it. He looks like a pariah next to Erwin and his loudly dressed frat brothers. There’s Erwin, in a mint green polo and khakis. There’s Mike, wearing the same thing, basically, but in fucking _pink._ And then three other boys-- Jean, Armin, Eren. Armin and Eren are pledges, Levi gathers-- or will be, since rush isn’t technically over until next week. Eren has been staring at him all night. Levi’s glad he isn’t drinking or he just might start staring back. 

There’s almost a problem when they walk into the bar. The bouncer asks to see IDs. Levi keeps his head down and lets the guy mark his hand with an X; just as he’s about to walk past, the bouncer says, “Hey, don’t I--”

But Levi is already pushing into the bar. 

He keeps his hood up and tries to figure out what the fuck Erwin and his _frat buddies_ are doing in _this_ bar. 

“You come here a lot?” he mutters the first second he gets Erwin alone. 

“Not really.” Erwin peers down at Levi and gives him an evil grin, then lowers his voice. “We just come here to fuck with the pledges. Look at Armin. He’s about to shit himself.” 

Levi looks up and he has to laugh. Armin _does_ look like he’s about to lose his dinner. 

“We really shouldn’t hang out here long though,” Levi insists. 

Erwin furrows his brows. “What, are you scared?” he teases. 

Levi feels his jaw slide. “Suit yourself.”

There are worse bars they could have picked, but not by much. Levi sticks to the shadows, keeps his hood up, and scans every face that passes by. Even so, he still misses a few of them. It’s not until he looks across the room and watches someone in a leather vest shove Eren so hard he knocks a table over when he falls into it that his heart really begins to pound. 

Eren has crazy eyes, Levi decides. He’s seen eyes like that before, in men who were _not_ to be fucked with. But it’s the guy who pushed Eren that really has Levi concerned. 

Levi has stuck close to Erwin and now he grabs him by the sleeve. “We need to go. Now.” 

Erwin looks across the room, sees Eren squaring up for a fight, and says, “Oh, shit.” 

“I got him. Get your boys.” 

“Are you--”

“I said I got him.” 

Levi reaches Eren just as he’s shoving a chair out of his way to reach Dom. “Okay, time to go, brat.” He grabs Eren by the back of the shirt, keeps his back to Dom, and starts to yank him toward the door. 

“Hey, what the fuck, let go of me, I’m gonna--”

“Get your ass kicked,” Levi hisses. He shoves Eren into Erwin-- he and Mike bustle Eren out of the room _very_ quickly. 

Levi feels Dom’s hand on his shoulder. “Hey, where you taken’ him, we was just gonna have some fun, shrimp--” 

The frat boys, Erwin, they’re busy with Eren. 

Levi turns, puts his hand on Dom’s chest, and lets the other man get a good look at his face under his hood before he says, quietly, “Find some other fun.” 

Dom’s eyes get wide and he jerks away. 

Levi is out the door before Dom or any of his cronies can react further. 

He hits the street fast and keeps on trotting. “Come on.” He’s very glad when they all follow him. His brain feels too fuzzy to pay attention to what they’re all saying. It’s not until he’s three blocks away and sure Dom hasn’t followed them that he allows himself to slow down. By that time, Eren is calmer, but still furious, and Erwin and Mike have been trying to talk to Levi for the past block and half. 

“ _Levi!”_

“What?” 

“What did you say to that guy? Fucking hell, Eren, how stupid do you have to be to pick a fight with a goddamn _Titan?”_ Mike demands. 

“He _pushed me!”_ Eren exclaims. 

“Levi,” Erwin says quietly. “What did you say?”

“Just told him ‘sorry,’” Levi lies. Then he tears his hood off (they’re in a safer part of town now) and gives Eren a flat stare. “That guy woulda slit you like a pig, dumbass.” 

“I can take care of myself,” Eren growls.

“Yeah, well, so could he.” 

“How do you know?” Eren spits childishly. 

Levi shrugs. “Fuck with a Titan then, see where it gets you.” 

Eren is quiet, fuming. It’s Armin who asks, in a very small voice, “How do you know he was--”

“Vest,” Erwin ticks off. “They’ve all got ‘T’s on the front and a lot of them have ‘Titan’ on the back.”

“And tattoos,” Mike adds. “Under the collarbone on the left side. You could see the top of it under his shirt.” 

“You’re lucky Levi saved your ass,” Jean laughs. 

Eren looks like he’d like to rip Jean’s head off. Levi decides he has had far too much fucking _fun_ for his first day back in the city. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, no fuck that!” Captain Soccer Douche is saying. “He’s not even in your fucking frat, you can’t use him, that’s not _fair.”_
> 
> Levi raises his brows. “Fuck did this bitch just say to me?” 
> 
> “We said,” the Soccer Douche says smugly, “Soccer team versus Sigma Kaps. You’re not a Sigma Kap.” 
> 
> “You’ve gotta be--” Levi starts to say. 
> 
> But then Mike interrupts. “He’s a pledge!” he says loudly. 
> 
> Everyone looks at him very slowly.
> 
> “You expect us to believe _this guy_ is a fucking pledge?” Soccer Douche laughs. “Bullshit!”
> 
> “Yeah, he is!” Mike says. He elbows Levi. “Tell him, Levi.”
> 
> Levi stares. 
> 
> Gunther mutters, “ _Yeah,_ tell him, Levi.” 
> 
> Levi turns his eyes on Erwin. Erwin gives him a shy, apologetic look. 
> 
> Levi’s jaw actually clicks when he says, “I’m a pledge.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is keeping me sane if I'm honest (and also Ajax. Like woah is she helping SO MUCH). My wedding planning has become a little maddening and I haven't been able to bring myself to work on any other writing but THIS FIC. I hope you guys like it cause honestly it's my lifeline at the moment.

“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?” 

Levi blinks and looks up at Petra before he winces. “Sorry.” Physics is not his fucking strong suit. 

Petra smirks at him. “We can take a break if you want. Till you’re a little more _focused.”_

Levi nods and adjusts himself on the bleachers. Erwin and his brothers are playing soccer. They suck, but Levi would be lying if he claimed he wasn’t enjoying watching them try. Erwin’s frat seems to be overly populated with attractive men. Levi supposes he shouldn’t be surprised-- they’re all sheltered mamma’s boys with nothing better to do but work out and play sports they have no talent for. Makes for a lot of strong backs and thick arms at least. 

“Which one is your roommate?” Petra asks. She’d met Levi here after Erwin had begged him to get out in the sun instead of locking himself in his room or the library to study like he’d been doing for the past two weeks. 

“Erwin?” Levi mutters. “He’s the blonde with the arm.” 

“The arm?” Petra chuckles. “They all have-- oh.” She pauses. Then she says, “ _Oh!_ I heard about him! Last year! I didn’t realize he was back in school.” 

Levi nods. 

“What’s he like?” 

Levi shrugs. “Leaves water on the bathroom floor and he keeps trying to get me to come the fuck _outside_ but he doesn’t eat my hot pockets so there’s that I guess.” What he doesn’t mention is the steady stream of women who have been in and out of the room for the past two weeks, _greeting_ Erwin, studying with him, and sometimes doing _other things_ that Levi pretends he can’t hear from behind his bedroom door. He doesn’t mention that at all.

Petra wrinkles her nose. “You know those things are terrible for you, right?” 

“Do I look like a give a solitary fuck?” 

Petra giggles. Levi crinkles his brows at her; he hadn’t intended for that to be funny. “No, I guess not.” 

Levi stares at her. He’d met her in physics class, on day one. She’d sat down beside him and then followed him around the room every day since-- it didn’t matter if Levi sat in the front, the back, on the sides, there was Petra. It would have been obnoxious except she took amazing notes and seemed to have a knack for this. Also she never tried to get him to talk to her aside from a friendly hello. They’d taken a practice quiz two days ago and Levi had not done as well as he would have liked. An eighty one wasn’t a _terrible_ grade, but he wasn’t about to tank his GPA with fucking _Bs._

“Wanna try this again?” Petra asks brightly. 

Levi sighs. “Yeah, I think I got the first part, it’s just the second bit--”

“Well, why don’t you explain it back to me?” 

Levi does. He almost gets it right. 

As far as study sessions go, it could be worse. 

Levi focuses on Petra’s voice until a commotion on the field distracts them both. When Levi looks up, he sees a collection of men in mesh shorts _also_ holding a soccer ball standing in the middle of Erwin’s game. 

Mike is saying, “Fuck you, you can’t kick us off the field--”

“We’re the _soccer team,_ genius,” the man in front is saying. “This is, like, _our field.”_

Erwin wipes his hand over his sweaty forehead. “Come on, guys. We’re in the middle of a game.” 

“You didn’t book it, you can’t kick us off,” another of Erwin’s frat brothers (Gunther, Levi thinks) insists. 

“I dunno what you ladies think you’re doing, but that limp wristed flailing is _not_ playing a game.” 

In spite of himself, Levi bristles. 

“Play you for it!” Eren bellows, shoving himself to the front of the pack. Someone grabs him by the back of the neck and yanks him back, but the soccer team has latched onto the idea. 

“Oh, you’ll _play_ us for it?” They all laugh like the idiot jock has said something particularly clever. “You’re on. Soccer team versus Sigma Kaps, let’s go.” 

Levi sees Eren wince when someone slaps him on the back of the head. 

The Soccer Douche is counting. “You idiots are short a man.” 

“So one of you can sit out,” Erwin says reasonably. 

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.” 

“What the fuck?” Mike calls. But Erwin is already looking up at the bleachers. At Levi. 

Levi shakes his head. 

Erwin throws his head back, mouths _Come on!_ and waves his hand. Levi says out loud, “No.” Erwin says, “Hold on,” to the soccer team and jogs over to the bleachers. “Levi, come on!” 

“No, fuck, I’m wearing _jeans--_ ”

“You don’t even have to do anything! Just stand there and if the ball comes to you kick it back to one of us, it’s _fine._ ”

“Make one of them sit out.” 

“You should go,” Petra interrupts, brushing her hand against Levi’s shoulder. Her hand lingers perhaps a bit longer than it should. Levi glares at her. “Look, you’re all tight and stressed about _physics,_ go play, it’ll help.” 

“I don’t--”

“Levi,” Erwin half whines. “ _Please.”_

Levi could stab him. That’s the same fucking tone of voice he used to get Levi outside in the first place and now _this._

“You fucking _owe_ me, Smith,” Levi tells him, hauling himself to his feet and stalking onto the field. 

Erwin puts his left hand on Levi’s shoulder and smiles at the rest of his ‘team.’ “See? Levi’s here, we’re all good.” Levi tries not to shrug him away. 

“Yeah, whatever,” the Soccer Douche says. “First to three.” 

Both teams agree. 

Levi stands out of the way in his jeans, and dripping sweat in a faded black t-shirt. He doesn’t give a shit if Erwin’s frat gets chased off the field. He’s reviewing the physics concepts Petra was explaining to him as the game moves around him. Eren scores the first goal; Jean scores the second. Then of course, they’re all so busy congratulating themselves they let the soccer assholes score their own two goals, easy. 

Levi is just about to thank his fucking stars that this whole thing is going to be over quickly when he hears one of the soccer dicks say to Erwin, “Maybe if they gave you a robot foot you could keep up.” 

Levi’s whole world goes red. “Hey, what the fuck did you just say to him?” He’s stalking across the field, knuckles cracking with the way he’s clenching his fists and trying to decide just how hard he can beat this fucker into the ground before they’ll expel him when he realizes _everyone_ is looking at him. 

The guy who made the comment looks Levi up and down (he’s about as tall as Erwin and almost as wide) and bursts out laughing. 

Erwin’s cheeks are red. But he still says, “It’s fine,” very softly when Levi gets within earshot. 

“It’s not fine,” Levi says loudly. “Say that shit again and I’ll put your fucking teeth down your throat, motherfucker, _try me._ ” 

Erwin’s brows furrow. The whole frat is staring at him. “Levi. It’s. Really, it’s fine, calm down.” 

Levi grinds his teeth together. “Fine. Let’s fucking play.” 

Levi stays by the ball this time. Because seriously, _fuck_ them. He waits until the shithead who made Erwin blush gets the ball, and then he fucking _goes._ It’s a perfect steal. Before anyone has seen what has happened, Levi has toed the ball behind him, and the asshole he’d stolen it from is hitting the ground, _hard._ It’s clean though. Levi made sure of that. Levi pauses, lifts his head so he can look the Soccer Douche in the eye, and sticks his hands in his pockets. He kicks the ball into the air, steps (hops, really) _over_ the man on the ground at his feet and catches the ball on the top of his foot when he lands.

They all try to swarm him. It’s funny, really. They’re _slow._ And maybe, just maybe, Levi is pissed off enough to show off. Levi could never afford baseball cleats or a field hockey stick (not that any school he’s ever gone to offered fucking _field hockey)_. He valued his intelligence too much to ever pick up football. But soccer… Soccer required one ball and a stretch of ground wide enough to jog down. He didn’t even need teammates for the trick shit he’d learned to do. And since he’d spent the last year locked on Kenny’s property, he’d found himself with time to kill and not much to do besides study to kill it. So he wasn’t even out of practice.

He dribbles down the field, dances around the ball on the tips of his toes, and sends half the team stumbling to the ground trying to outmaneuver his feints. The last player to hit the dirt is the goalie. Levi pauses, heels the ball between his shoulder blades, and walks backward into the goal. He finds the meathead who’d made fun of Erwin and meets his eyes as he lets the ball slide off his shoulders and into the goal. “Maybe if you took your fucking head out of your ass you could _keep up,_ bitch.” 

Erwin stares at him, pretty lips parted in total shock.

Levi finally pulls his hand out of his pocket to point at the soccer captain (or at least he assumes he’s the captain) and says, “Get the fuck off the field.” 

He’s nearly deafened by the uproar. Erwin’s brothers _swarm_ him, clapping him on the back, belting his name like it’s a cheer, and the soccer team rages. 

“No, no fuck that!” Captain Soccer Douche is saying. “He’s not even in your fucking frat, you can’t use him, that’s not _fair.”_

Levi raises his brows. “Fuck did this bitch just say to me?” 

“We said,” the Soccer Douche says smugly, “Soccer team versus Sigma Kaps. You’re not a Sigma Kap.” 

“You’ve gotta be--” Levi starts to say. 

But then Mike interrupts. “He’s a pledge!” he says loudly. 

Everyone looks at him very slowly.

“You expect us to believe _this guy_ is a fucking pledge?” Soccer Douche laughs. “Bullshit!”

“Yeah, he is!” Mike says. He elbows Levi. “Tell him, Levi.”

Levi stares. 

Gunther mutters, “ _Yeah,_ tell him, Levi.” 

Levi turns his eyes on Erwin. Erwin gives him a shy, apologetic look. 

Levi’s jaw actually clicks when he says, “I’m a pledge.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Soccer Douche takes a step closer, gets in Levi’s face. Levi is going to murder someone and it’s going to be all Erwin’s fault. “Where’s your pin?” 

Levi blinks at him. “My--”

“You’re not wearing your pin?” Mike interrupts, grabbing Levi by the shoulder and spinning him around. “Bad move, pledge, if you hadn’t just won us the game, that’d be laps!” 

Levi levels his most murderous expression at Mike and Mike drops his hands from Levi’s shoulders _very_ quickly. He still points at Levi and says, “Anyway, pledges count, so, uh. You guys can _go now_.” 

The soccer team grumbles the whole way off the field. When they’re gone, everyone looks at Levi, and Erwin says, “Shit, Levi, you’re amazing, why didn’t you tell us you played?” 

“I got shit to do!” Levi snaps, motioning a bit erratically to Petra. She’s grinning at them from the bleachers and when she sees them all look at her, she waves. 

Jean says, “Fuck, she’s cute. You hitting that?” 

Levi seriously considers breaking his neck. “Not my type. I like ‘em taller,” he says flatly. 

“Good thing you’re like five feet tall,” Eren says brightly. 

“I’m five foot fucking three and it’s your goddamn fault we had to play at all so maybe eat my entire ass, Jaeger.” 

Mike slaps Eren on the back of the head again. “Yeah, seriously, Jaeger, what the fuck was that?” 

“We won, didn’t we!” Eren protests. 

“Yeah, cause Levi’s a soccer god,” Erwin chuckles. 

Levi feels some heat in his cheeks that has nothing to do with the weather. “I gotta go study.” 

“No, stay and play with us!” Mike bellows. “Now that you’re--”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Levi says dangerously. “Because if you say what it is I think you’re about to say I’m gonna have to break your fucking face.” 

“What?” Mike says, face falling. “Levi. You _have to--”_

“I don’t have to do shit!” 

“What, no! If they find out we lied we’ll never be able to show our faces on campus again!”

“Not my fucking problem.” Levi turns to stalk back to stands. Of all the _ridiculous bullshit_ \--

And his is swarmed again. All of them. Fucking _all of them._

“What, Levi, wait, come on--”

“You _can’t--”_

“We’ll be _outcasts--”_

“Erwin, talk some sense into him!” 

Levi pauses, turns his head. 

Erwin gives him a very guilty look that for _some fucking reason_ makes Levi want to throw himself off the nearest skyscraper and says quietly, “Please?” 

It should take more than that. It really should. _Really, it should._

Levi turns around and faces a group of disgustingly hopeful frat boys for a long time. God, the _looks_ on their faces-- on-- on Erwin’s face. 

Levi sniffs. “I swear to fuck if you idiots try to make me dress up in drag, or lick a toilet or some shit, I will literally _murder_ you.” 

His furious glare is undercut by the raucous cheer that deafens him. Or maybe it’s Erwin, smiling so big it’s like the fucking sun came out, only Levi hadn’t realized it was cloudy. 

What the fuck is he getting himself into. *

Levi cuts his study session with Petra short; he needs a break, he needs to _think,_ and he needs to breathe. He chain smokes and skateboards and winds up at a divey gay bar he’s never been into before. It’s a little farther north than his usual haunts, but not as ritzy as most of the places in this part of town. It’s the middle of the day and the place is almost empty. Levi walks through a haze of cigarette smoke and bad cologne and old, stale beer and finds Someone to take his mind off Erwin _motherfucking_ Smith. Someone not at all age appropriate. Someone not at all sunny or kind or fucking _straight._ He stumbles back to his dorm room later with sore legs and loose shoulders and sleeps until Erwin wakes him up again. 

“What?” he groans, when Erwin finally stops knocking on his door and just opens it. 

“We’ve got a party to go to, pledge,” Erwin says with a truly infuriating smile. 

Levi says, “You’ve gotta be shittin’ me.” 

“Nah, come on. We’ll give you your pin and get drunk with sorority chicks, it’ll be fun.”

“Do I look like I’m trying to bang a sorority chick?” Levi demands, finally lifting his face out of the pillow. 

Erwin shrugs. “You gotta go.” 

Levi groans the whole time. His thighs are sore; he probably should have considered the repercussions of breaking a fucking _year_ long dry spell with some wannabe daddy day drinking at a dive bar. “I don’t own khakis!” he shouts at Erwin when Erwin turns to walk away. 

“Just try not to look like you slept in a gutter,” Erwin tells him brightly. 

Levi owns one pair of black, slim fit jeans that don’t have holes in them. A gray button up and his black almost-chucks are the best he can do. Erwin looks him up and down in a way that makes his chest do a funny little swoop and then says, “You clean up alright, Ackerman.” 

Levi rolls his eyes so he doesn’t do a _very_ strange thing and smile. Levi doesn’t _smile._

Erwin has already gotten dressed. He smells even better than usual and he’s wearing some kind of gauzy long sleeved collared shirt in white with blue jeans that make Levi do a double take. He’s spent plenty of time staring at Erwin’s ass when Erwin wasn’t looking but this… in those jeans it’s a thing of beauty. 

Hanji stops them in the hallway. “Hello! Room six fifteen!” they belt at the top of their lungs. 

“Hey, Hanji,” Erwin says brightly. 

“And where are you two headed on this _lovely_ summer evening? Tell your RA _all_ about it.” 

Erwin laughs. “Party at the Sigma Kappa Sigma house.”

“Ooh, that sounds like fun.” 

“You know you’re always welcome!” Erwin tells them. Then he casually pushes past and Levi knows he’s trying to get away from Hanji before they demand to examine his arm again. 

Levi pulls out his cigarettes the second they hit the street. 

“Nervous?” Erwin asks him.

“What?” Levi mutters absently, flicking his lighter. 

“You only smoke when you’re stressed out.” 

Levi turns and looks at Erwin in complete shock and only catches himself at the last minute. “Or when I’m bored, or drunk, or just finished fucking.” 

“Are you calling me boring?” 

“What? No, I’m--”

Erwin raises his brows. Smiles just a little bit. 

“Fuck you, alright, I’m not a fucking _frat_ boy, and this is a _bad_ idea.” 

“Oh, it’s fine,” Erwin tells him lightly. “Sigma Kap’s a pretty laid back house. The worst thing you’ll have to do is clean up after the parties and like… run around the lake in your underwear or something.”

Levi is silent, considering. “You’re gonna make me run around the lake in my underwear.” 

Erwin peers down at him, a sly, mischievous smirk on his lips that _does something_ to Levi’s chest again and says, “If you’re lucky.” 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

Erwin shrugs and actually starts to _whistle._

“Erwin. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“Thank you, by the way.” 

“What?” 

“That guy today. You know. The one. Who.” 

Levi puffs out a cloud of smoke all at once, suddenly _furious._ “That guy’s lucky I didn’t bury him,” Levi mutters. “Fucking shithead pussy bitch.” 

Erwin gives him a strange look that seems equal parts curious and amused. “I can take guys like that,” Erwin tells him. 

“Tch.” 

Erwin chuckles. “I mean that shit doesn’t matter, it doesn’t bother me.” 

Levi does a very rare thing and meets Erwin’s eyes. “I saw your face. It bothered you.” 

Erwin is quiet then, for longer than Levi thinks is usual. “It’s alright,” he says finally. 

Levi’s voice is bright when he says, “Yeah, it is. Cause I woulda beat the shit out of him and he knows it.” 

“You’re like a third his size,” Erwin laughs. 

Levi turns so he’s walking backward down the street, and blows smoke in Erwin’s face. “You coulda taken him. And I could take you.” 

“Oh, really?” 

Levi flips his hair out of his eyes and says, “Yeah. One hand tied behind my back.” 

“Fuck you.” 

Erwin’s laugh is infectious. Levi flicks his cigarette butt at Erwin’s feet and doesn’t light another. 

Erwin has invited Levi to every party the Sigma Kaps have thrown, but Levi hasn’t seen the house until now. It’s huge-- brick with white columns and thronged with a handful of what Levi assumes are pledges trimming the hedges and picking up trash in the yard. 

Erwin’s arrival seems to mark the start of some event because the second Erwin’s foot touches the brick steps, Mike is outside clapping his hands and calling everyone in like a drill instructor. 

Levi glares at him as he and Erwin walk past and Erwin mutters, “He’s the chapter president.” 

Levi replies, “I thought that was you.” 

Erwin’s eyes flick over Levi’s face and then to the floor. “It was gonna be,” he says. “But then I was gone last year, so, Mike was the best choice.” 

The whole frat gathers in one room. Mike gives some speech about throwing an amazing party, and Sigma Kappa Sigma, rah fucking rah. Levi lounges in a corner near Erwin until Mike says, “And! We have a new _special_ pledge we need to extend a big _Sigma Kappa Sigma_ welcome to. Levi, get your ass over here.” 

Levi’s jaw clicks when everyone turns to look at him, most of them in abject confusion. 

But Mike goes on to explain, “Levi helped us out with a _little_ situation with the soccer team today, demonstrated real Sigma Kap spirit, so we’ve decided to let him join our current pledge class.” 

“You just decided?” someone asks, voice halfway between smug and curious. There are a few mutinous whispers.

The whole room goes quiet when Erwin says, “Yeah.” No one else argues. 

Mike makes a big deal of pinning a little silver badge to Levi’s collar, gives Levi some boring ass speech about how important it is and how he can’t lose it. 

Levi almost feels a little sick. They treat this shit like it’s _life or death,_ like it’s _so important._ Levi knows what’s important. If Erwin wasn’t watching, he’d probably tell Mike to shove his shittin’ pin up his ass. 

At the end of it, they all do some synchronized clap, and a sort of callout. Levi’s not sure he can put up with this shit for more than a few _days_ much less a whole semester. 

“Alright, pledges,” Mike crows finally, propelling Levi with a little push back toward the gathered crowd. Levi considers punching him in the fucking gut and decides Erwin would probably disapprove. 

“We’ve got _a lot_ of _very interesting_ activities planned for you boys over the next month. But tonight, we’re gonna start with a little _friendly competition.”_

Levi sees Eren and Armin exchange concerned glances. 

“The name of the game is _phone numbers,_ boys! Pledge with the most _unique, working_ phone numbers by the end of the night gets…” He looks at Erwin and grins. “ _A prize.”_

The pledges all shift and stare at Mike. 

“Gotta be girls at this party. We’re co-hosting with our sister sorority tonight, so _don’t fucking embarrass us._ You get to ask _one time._ She turns you down, you _move the fuck on._ None of this pathetic whiny wannabe puppy dog bullshit. We get any reports of any of you being creepy motherfuckers, you’re gonna wish you’d _lost like men!”_ he bellows. 

“Plus,” Erwin adds, “The Alpha Rho girls will fuck you up if you piss them off.” 

“Seriously,” Mike agrees. “Anyway, you gotta have her text you her number, so we know it’s real, and if you say a word about _why_ you want her number, I will personally tape you to the flagpole, got it?” 

All the pledges disband and Erwin smirks at Levi. “Think you can hang?” 

Levi pulls out his cigarettes with a scowl and Mike snaps, “Not in the fucking house, pledge.” 

“I swear to fuck if you call me ‘pledge’ one more fucking time--”

“That’s not how a pledge talks to his president. I think this calls for push ups. Erwin?” 

Levi narrows his eyes. 

Erwin gives Levi a look that is half apologetic, half thoroughly amused, and says to Mike, “He’s little, just do like thirty.” 

Mike grins, snaps his fingers and points at the ground. 

Levi could kill him. Just a little. Just for a second. There are enough people around, they could probably wake him back up in the ambulance. 

Instead, he flicks his unlit cigarette at Mike’s face, drops to the ground and pounds out thirty push ups almost faster than Mike can count. 

As he’s finishing the last five, Mike mutters, “Alright, maybe we should have given him a few more.” 

Levi lifts his head, looks Mike in the eye, and switches to a one armed stance. 

When he does another ten with ease, Erwin starts laughing and says, “Alright, fuck, asshole, stop making us look bad.” 

Levi pops back to his feet and says, “You make it easy.” 

It’s quite possibly the biggest party Levi has ever been to. He’s been to some wild, insane parties before-- this isn’t really like that. But the sheer number of people-- he realizes very quickly that the Sigma Kaps are popular. He wanders around the room a little absently at first, and realizes more women are looking at him than he is used to. When he finally decides to talk to one, she looks at his pin and then back at his face, smiling. 

Levi tells her her nail polish compliments her skin tone perfectly, and did she just get her brows done because they look _amazing_ and leaves five minutes later with a text from his _oh my god new best friend._

He moves around the room like that a few times before he sees a very pretty Asian woman slap Eren on the back of his head. Eren sulks off. Levi figures any girl who can pummel Eren is probably worth talking to and slinks over. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she says, eyeing him in total disinterest. That’s new. 

“What’d Jaeger do?” 

“What?” 

“You’re beating up on Jaeger, what did he do?”

“He’s Eren,” she says flatly. “What didn’t he do.” 

Oh. Levi _likes_ her. 

“Nice scarf.”

She laughs coldly. “Wow.” 

“What?” 

“Really? _Nice scarf?”_

“It is. And a _bold_ choice as far as summer fashion accessories go.” 

The woman raises her eyebrows at him. “Who are you?” she asks, voice raising on the first word like she’s very skeptical it will matter. 

“Levi.”

The woman tilts her head back. “You’re the guy who kept Eren from getting his shit kicked in by a Titan a couple weeks ago.” 

“That’s me,” Levi replies, voice getting a little chillier than he means for it to. “Brat must have a fucking death wish. He’s lucky we were there.” 

“He does,” the woman groans. “He’s gonna wind up buried.” 

“You guys are friends?” 

“Yeah. Or. Siblings. Kinda. Adoptive. I’m Mikasa.” 

“Cool.” Levi nods, glances around. “Hey, you wanna play some beer pong?” he motions to the table where Mike and Erwin have been reigning supreme. 

Mikasa shrugs. “Sure.” 

They win. By _a lot._

_*_

Levi has a few beers. The room starts to get a little soft around the edges. He spots a tall, athletic brown woman standing alone in a corner and decides he could probably use one more phone number. 

“Not interested,” she snaps before Levi can even open his mouth. 

Levi raises his brows. “I dunno, she keeps looking at you from the corner of her eye, so I’d say if you play your cards right, you might have a shot.”

The woman turns her head. “What?” 

“The pretty little blonde? Yeah, her name is Historia. She seemed like she might be eyeing Jean but then he put a beer in her hand and now she’s doing that thing bi chicks do where they get gayer after half a drink.” 

The woman peers down at him. “I know what her name is,” she says, almost curiously. Then she lowers her voice. “You really think I gotta shot?” 

Levi shrugs, stares at Historia from across the room. Levi has her number too, but more so than the other girls, she’d seemed like she was just being polite. He reviews the interaction in his mind. “Mm,” he mutters. “Look at her nails.” 

The woman scoffs. “I mean. Look, _I know,_ but--”

“And her blazer.”

“I mean, _yeah, but--”_

“She’s a GSEX major.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“We talked. We bonded. It was a whole thing. I’m Levi, by the way.” 

“Ymir,” Ymir says suspiciously. “Look, none of that is definitive alright? And she’s still talking to that blonde twat--”

“You could interrupt them.” 

Ymir sulks. 

“If she’s into him, she’ll blow you off. If not… hell, maybe you’ll be saving her. She might appreciate it. _Swoon_ thankfully into your arms.” 

Ymir chews her lip, and then marches across the room without another word. 

She does, however, come back to Levi before she and Historia leave together. 

Levi gets her number too.

* 

Levi wakes up in the frat house when Mike comes running through blaring a _goddamn bull horn._ Levi has no recollection of actually passing out on the sofa upstairs but he’s not hungover so it couldn’t have been all that bad. 

They make the pledges clean the whole house from top to bottom. Levi doesn’t actually mind that bit. It’s almost soothing, except only Eren seems to be able to do it right. Mike barges in on Levi yelling at a pledge named Connie that if he’s gonna just float his rag over the toilet seat like that, Levi is going to use his bristley fucking head as a scrub brush and show him how the fuck to clean a toilet. Mike informs them that the house is clean enough and they need to gather for the phone number talley; he watches Levi with a strange, bemused sort of expression on his face and Levi is so busy trying to figure out what it is Mike’s thinking that he almost misses the way Connie won’t look at him at all now.

They make a big show of collecting all the phones and going through them one by one. 

Most of the guys were lucky to get three, but there are a few standouts here and there. Eren and Jean tie for first with seven. Mike calls one girl from each of their phones, puts her on speaker, and asks her why she gave them her number. In both cases the woman laughs, plays coy, and finally says some variation of “He was cute and I was drunk.” 

When Mike picks up Levi’s phone he turns it over. “What the fuck is this?” 

“Uh, I think that’s called a _flip phone,_ Mike,” Erwin drawls in amusement. He’s standing by the wall with his arm plugged into an outlet and can’t move to the front of the room like he’s probably supposed to. 

“Who the fuck--” Mike begins, turning it over in his hand. 

“What, now my fucking _phone_ is an issue?” Levi demands. 

Mike pulls a face. “Whatever, let’s see how many _Levi_ got.” He glances at Erwin and mutters, “This should be good.” 

“Fuck is that supposed to mean?” Levi calls. 

“One!” Mike overrides him. “Two.” He’s scrolling. “Three. _Four._ Not bad. Ok. Five. Shit. Six. Oh! Seven!” He tilts his head. “Eight.”

Eren and Jean both look furiously over at Levi. 

Mike’s eyes flick to Levi’s face. “Nine.” 

Erwin whistles. 

“Ten… eleven, twelve--” Mike’s fingers move a little faster and they can all hear Levi’s ancient phone clicking since Mike has to press actual numbers. “ _Fifteen?”_

“What?” Erwin says sharply, standing up a little straighter. 

“Mother fucker got fifteen-- I call bullshit,” Mike proclaims. “No, fucking way.” Then he looks at Erwin and adds softly, “That’s more than you got.” 

They all look at Levi when Levi says, perhaps a little smugly, “Sixteen, actually. Christian is a woman.” They blink at him. “Who knew, right?” 

“Bullshit!” Mike calls. “Bullshit. We’re calling some of these-- oh, now I _know_ you’re pulling some shit. He’s got Mikasa _and_ Ymir in here.” 

“No fucking way,” Eren announces. “Mikasa doesn’t give people her phone number. Like ever.” 

Mike dials the number. 

“Hello?”

“Meeks!”

“Levi? You’re not Levi, who the fuck is this?”

“It’s Mike.”

“Mike? What the fuck do you want?” 

“You gave Levi your number last night?”

“No, he guessed it,” Mikasa drawls. 

“How come?” 

“So he knows who to call if he ever needs help getting Eren to pull his head out of his own ass.”

A snicker goes around the room and Eren shoves Jean on the shoulder. 

Mike says, “Actually, that checks out. Thanks, Mikasa!” He sings her name buoyantly. 

Mikasa says, “Whatever.” 

“Okay, so. He got Mikasa’s number,” Mike announces. “But there is no way in hell you followed the rules and still got a number from Ymir.”

“Why not?” Armin whispers a little too loudly to Eren beside him. 

Erwin interrupts. “Let’s just say she’s a _big_ fan of Sappho.” 

Eren looks very confused, but Armin says, “ _Oh,”_ in a sudden fit of understanding. 

“Hello?” Ymir’s voice is muffled, a little tired. 

“Hello!” Mike sings. “Ymir?”

“Mike?” she mutters sleepily. “Why are you calling me from Levi’s phone?” 

“You gave Levi your number last night?”

“You’re _calling me from his phone,_ what the fuck do you want?” 

“Uh, so the Sigma Kaps, we had a little bet going last night about which pledge could get the most numbers and--”

Ymir interrupts, laughing. “And Levi won?” 

“Maybe.” 

“And you want to know why I gave him my number?” 

“Uh huh.” 

Ymir snickers. “That dude is so gay.”

Mike furrows his brows. “What?”

“Levi? Short, too pretty, constantly murdering people with his eyes?”

“Uh. Yeah. That’s him.”

“Hella gay. Like, seriously _so so_ gay.” 

“So you… gave him your number.” 

“So we can have gay coffee together and _gab_ about being _gay,_ and just be really fucking _gay_ together,” Ymir drawls. “He helped me pick up this cute freshman girl, what do you want from me, I’m a very simple woman.”

“Uh. Thanks. Ymir.” 

He hangs up the phone.

Levi feels an itch between his shoulder blades and wonders if he’s going to go to prison tonight for slaughtering an entire frat house because they are _all_ staring at him and he doesn’t like the looks on their faces. 

Mike says, voice a little awed, “You pretended to be gay to pick up chicks?” 

Levi blinks. “No.” 

Mike looks at Erwin. “That’s genius. He’s a genius.” 

“I mean, it’s kinda dishonest,” Erwin chuckles. 

“I didn’t pretend--”

“Well, fuck, the only rules were you can’t tell them it was a competition, so I guess Levi wins.” 

“But I didn’t--”

“Alright, fucking _round of applause_ for Levi!” 

Levi puts his head in his hands and has to breathe out through his nose _very_ slowly as they all clap and cheer. 

“You’ll get your _prize_ tonight, _”_ Mike says.

It is only with a supreme effort that Levi doesn’t flip him the bird. Mike would probably tell him to do more push ups and then Levi would have to _kill_ him.

“So that means the _loser,”_ Mike drawls, voice suddenly the epitome of pure evil. “Is.” 

They all turn and look very slowly at Armin, who shrinks like a dying flower into his spot on the floor. He’d only gotten one phone number. 

“We have a prize for you too, Armin,” Erwin says brightly. “A very special prize.” He bends suddenly and unplugs his arm. “But that’s not until next week. We’ll tell you all about it then.” 

They send the pledges away with instructions to report back at eleven. It’s a Sunday, and Levi is just a little impressed when they add, “We won’t keep you too late since it’s a _school night.”_

He knows enough about Erwin and his study habits to know that part isn’t a lie. 

*

He and Erwin both sleep most of the day. Levi trudges back to the dorm alone-- Erwin and Mike have some kinda meeting that doesn’t involve the pledges-- and takes a short shower before he climbs back into bed. He hears Erwin come in not long after and then the dorm is silent for a few hours. 

When he wakes up, he eats a hot pocket and moves his laptop into the common area so he can study. Erwin emerges, yawning, scrubbing his hand over his face, and plops down on the sofa. 

“So. How was your first Sigma Kappa Sigma party?” Erwin asks. He stretches his long legs out on the couch and Levi stares a little shamelessly from the corner of his eye. Erwin is wearing shorts and no shirt, and Levi can see all the golden hair on his legs and his chest and traveling in a little trail down his belly. He’s getting a tan line from the harness on his prosthetic. The scars on his right bicep are pink, still too fresh. Levi has scars that look like that. 

Levi shrugs. “Not so bad,” he admits. “Do the Alpha Rho girls do like, crossfit or fucking Muay Thai in their free time?” he asks. 

Erwin chuckles. “Yeah, actually. Mikasa’s a mixed martial arts instructor. A few of them meet like four or five times a week to work out. They let the Sigma Kaps they like join them sometimes. I’ve been a few times, and she’s pretty good.”

Levi nods, pulls an interested face. He’s been going for regular runs because _he can_ now but he’s still been working out in the dorm most days. “That would be cool,” Levi tells him. 

He doubts there’s much Mikasa can teach him, but maybe she’ll know a few exercises he can throw into his routine. 

“What’s this prize bullshit?” he says suddenly. 

Erwin laughs at him. “Surprise.” 

“Erwin.” 

Erwin stands then, shrugs his shoulders, stretches his naked right bicep toward his neck, and then throws his left hand between his shoulder blades. “Well, I gotta go, see ya at eleven, Levi!” 

“Erwin!” 

Erwin locks himself in his room. When he emerges a few minutes later, dressed in jeans and a tank top and wearing his arm again, he rushes out of the room before Levi can stop him. 

Levi hates him. He does. That’s what this is, it’s _hate._

He finishes his homework. 

Eventually, he gets dressed and goes to meet the Sigma Kaps by the lake. 

*

Half the frat is there when Levi arrives, and so are a handful of the Alpha Rho girls. Levi recognizes Sasha, Mikasa, Annie, Ymir, and a few more whose names he can’t remember. They all stand and chat together. They keep looking at Levi and that _pisses_ him off, so he chain smokes to distract himself. It’s another ten minutes before the rest of the Sigma Kaps arrive. Eren is the last to trot up. He’s still technically on time, but that doesn’t stop Mikasa from smacking him on the back of the head again. 

“Alright!” It’s Erwin this time who speaks and everyone gets, somehow, even quieter than usual. “Our first real party this semester was, I’d say, a _raging_ success.” Everyone cheers. 

Ymir and Mikasa say sarcastically, “ _Yay!”_

“And! Not only do we have a winner for our yearly phone number challenge. We have a _new record.”_

Another cheer. Levi flicks his cigarette butt into the lake. 

“That means _Levi,”_ Erwin says brightly, stepping to the side so he can put his hand on Levi’s shoulder and push Levi in front of the gathered group. “Is the first pledge this semester to _take the plunge.”_

Levi feels like someone has dumped a bucket of cold water over his head. “What?” 

The girls and the initiated brothers all cheer. The pledges just seem very relieved that it’s Levi standing here and not one of them. 

“Sigma Kap tradition,” Erwin tells him cheerfully, lowering his voice. “You strip, do a lap around the lake, and then swim from the kissing bench to the Fritz statue.” The two points he marks are on opposite sides of the lake, width-wise. The lake is oblong and the swim crosses the short side so it’s not a terribly long path but...

“No,” Levi says automatically. 

“ _Tradition,”_ Erwin tells him. “You _gotta--”_

“Erwin, I can’t swim.” 

Erwin stares at him blankly. The brothers who have heard start to fall quiet. “What do you mean you can’t swim?” 

“ _I can’t swim.”_

“That’s a problem,” Mike interrupts. 

“It’s not super deep, really,” Erwin says slowly. 

“Is it deeper than five foot three inches?” Levi demands testily. 

“Well. Yeah.”

Mike sighs. “Just. Just take the lap, we’ll figure something out.” 

“The lap,” Levi says. 

Erwin grins at him again. “Yep.” 

“Run around the lake in my underwear.” 

“Uh. No.” 

“Erwin.” 

“ _Tradition,_ brother,” Erwin tells him, squeezing Levi’s shoulder with his big, _impossibly_ fucking warm hand. “We’ve all done it.” 

“You said underwear.” 

“Uh. I said underwear if you were lucky.” 

Levi curses, loudly, fluently, enough to make Ymir go, “Jesus christ,” and kicks his shoes off. Then his socks. 

He turns his back to them when he pulls his shirt off and hears Mike say, “What the _fuck?”_

Levi turns his head, alarmed by the reaction. “What?” 

“How much do you _weigh?”_

Levi furrows his brows. “Like one forty five?” 

“Jesus christ.” 

“That tattoo is _dope.”_

Levi doesn’t recognize this voice, and he turns his head again, looking for it. Instead, he finds Erwin staring at him, a strange, unfamiliar look on his face. When their eyes meet, Erwin’s face goes blank and he says mildly, “Angel wings, huh?” 

Levi shrugs. He keeps his body angled so the left side of his chest is turned away from Erwin. There are certain things he’s just not ready to talk about. They can all see the huge set of wings covering his back-- there’s nothing strange, to a lay person, about that. But Levi has other marks on his skin that might raise more questions than he is willing to answer. 

When he drops his pants, the hooting and cheering starts. 

Levi rolls his eyes and takes off. He’s run the path around the lake before and it’s not too long. He can hear the Sigma Kaps cheering the whole way; their voices carry across the lake. A few wandering co-eds who just happen to be out give him a little cheer when he streaks past.

He’s only slightly winded when he makes it back around, and he is thoroughly _stunned_ to see Erwin disrobing. He’s already kicked off his shoes and taken off his shirt. He’s taking off his arm when Levi jogs up. Levi is too curious to remember he should probably pretend to be a little more embarrassed about being totally naked out in public so he doesn’t even bothering covering himself.

“What are you doing?” 

“You gotta swim across the lake,” Erwin tells him. “Come on.” Erwin shoves his arm into Mike’s hands, and then drops his pants (but not his underwear) with one hand. 

Levi tries not to gape at him. Or argue. Instead, he looks around at the assembled Sigma Kaps and lets off a little steam by saying pointedly, “My eyes are up here, Jaeger.” 

The resulting guffaws and ribbing that Eren has to deal with drown out Levi’s voice when he trots over to Erwin and says, “I can’t fucking swim, Erwin, what do you think--” 

Erwin ignores him and walks over to the kissing bench. He waits until they’re out of earshot of most of the group before he says, “I’m gonna swim with you. It’s fine. You can, like, hold onto me.” 

“You have _one arm.”_

“I was a _lifeguard_ for, like, six years before the accident, Levi, you’ll be fine. Plus, Mike’s a lifeguard too. And Connie is a volunteer EMT. I promise, we’ll be fine. We’ll go slow. Come on.” 

He drops over the manmade ledge where the water meets the lawn. The water rises to his chest. 

Levi swallows the lump in his throat, and drops in too. The water rises to his throat and a very unfamiliar surge of panic flares in his chest. 

“Look,” Erwin tells him calmly. “We’re gonna float on our backs, okay? Just like this.” Erwin lays back in the water and bobs there, paddling his hand and his feet to keep afloat. 

Levi stares at him for a long, silent minute before he turns and tries to float like Erwin is. 

He immediately swallows a mouthful of lake water and pops up coughing and swearing. “Fuck this, fuck you, fuck your fucking frat, I’m not fucking doing this, fucking fuck, _fuck--”_

Erwin is laughing at him and catches Levi’s arm when Levi turns to haul himself out of the lake. 

“Alright, alright, come on. I’ll help you. Just lay back.” 

“Erwin.” 

“ _Levi.”_

Levi groans at him. The groan dies in his throat when he feels Erwin’s enormous hand on the middle of Levi’s back, just below his shoulder blades. “Just lean back.”

“You’re trying to _kill me.”_

“Don’t you trust me?” 

Levi glares. 

Erwin _smiles_ at him and says, “You’re fine, I got you.” 

Levi squeezes his eyes shut and obeys. He does not immediately drown.

“See?” Erwin tells him. “Easy. Now just grab my arm, and we’ll swim across, okay?” 

Levi nods silently, wraps his arm around Erwin’s shoulder, and lets Erwin start towing him across. 

He bobs at first, keeps taking a mouthful of water and having to spit it back out, but after a few minutes, he figures out how to turn a little so he can keep his head up and look at Erwin at the same time. Erwin floats on his back and has no trouble at all keeping his head above water even though he seems to be balancing himself only with what’s left of his right arm. 

“How come you can’t swim?” Erwin asks when Levi has gone a few minutes without swallowing water and is feeling like maybe he’s not going to die tonight because of a stupid frat tradition after all. 

“Never needed to,” Levi tells him. “Didn’t grow up near water, so.” 

“You didn’t go to pools?” Erwin laughs. 

“Pools have shallow ends,” Levi says flatly. 

“Yeah, but _that_ shallow?”

Levi splashes him, wets his pretty golden hair that he’s been trying to keep out of the water. 

“And, see? All done.”

Levi blinks, puts his feet down. 

“Wasn’t so bad, right?” 

“I mean,” Levi complains. 

They reach the ledge under the statue of King Fritz and Levi hears the Sigma Kaps and Alpha Rhos cheering again. They’re all trotting over now to meet them. The ledge here is higher than it was on the other side and Levi thoughtlessly jumps to catch it before he’s scrambling out. After he hauls himself up, he looks down and finds Erwin considering the ledge with a pinched look on his face. 

“Oh, shit, um--” Levi starts. But then Mike jogs up, thrusts Levi’s clothes into his hands, and throws himself down on the ground to help Erwin climb up. It takes them a few seconds, and a few more hands when Eren and Jean rush over to help, but they get Erwin out of the lake by the time Levi is pulling his t-shirt back on. 

He watches Erwin roll his left arm in a circle, watches the way the water makes his black boxer briefs cling to his body in a manner that is thoroughly obscene, and jumps when Ymir says, _very_ quietly. “Oh. I get it now.” 

“What?” Levi snaps, turning his head. 

“Why _you_ are pledging Sigma Kap.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Please. You’re not the frat type.” 

“And you’re the sorority type?” 

Ymir raises a brow at him. “I am constantly surrounded by hot women who think they haven’t given it _the old college_ try if they don’t get drunk at least once and hook up with one of their sorority sisters, so what the fuck do you think?” 

Levi says, “Fair.” 

“You’re playing with fire,” Ymir tells him. 

“You’ve got the wrong idea,” Levi snaps back. “He’s my roommate.” 

“Yeah. I know that look. Take my advice. Go down to Roxie’s, find you someone who waxes his chest and works out for fun and _get it out of your system._ ”

“Hey, Ymir?” 

“What.”

“Eat me.” 

Ymir sticks her tongue out at him. Levi turns his back on her and absolutely _does not_ watch Erwin put his clothes back on. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone says, “Levi?” 
> 
> There is laughter in the voice and Levi realizes it’s Mike. He turns his head, about to tell Mike to leave him alone and draws up short when he sees Erwin standing there too. They are both wearing amused smiles, but Erwin’s doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “You, uh. Having fun?” 
> 
> Levi raises his brows, and motions to the very attractive person he’s been kissing. “ _Obviously.”_
> 
> “Uh, Levi….” Levi watches, totally bewildered as Erwin puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder. Levi is so confused, he allows himself to be led away. Erwin lowers his voice and says, “Levi. I don’t know how to tell you this, but that woman you’re with? I think she’s…”
> 
> Levi gives Erwin a look that is equal parts stunned and disinterested. “You figured that out, did you?”
> 
> “Uh…” 
> 
> _Really,_ Levi fumes. This is getting to be _utterly ridiculous._ He puts his hand on Erwin’s shoulder, pulls Erwin down so they’re on the same eye level, and says, “Erwin. I don’t know how to tell you this. _But this is a gay bar.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I'm updating this on Fridays. :D? 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL YOUR COMMENTS AND KUDOS ARE GIVING ME SO MUCH LIFE AND HELPING ME THROUGH SO MUCH STRESS RIGHT NOW. I'm gonna try to repay you with more fic but honestly I really don't feel like that's enough. <3<3<3

In spite of all the _fun_ from the weekend, Levi manages to get a 91 on his physics quiz. Petra peers over his shoulder when he gets his paper back and says, “Hey, nice job.” 

Levi frowns. It’s an A. But _just barely._

“Got any plans for the weekend?” Petra asks him as they gather their books and walk out into the bustle of the main hall. 

“Sigma Kap bullshit,” Levi mutters. 

Petra smiles at him. “The Sigma Kaps seem nice,” she informs Levi. “I hear they throw the best parties and they always kick out the dudes that are being sketchy.” 

“Yeah,” Levi agrees. “Although I think the Alpha Rho girls have something to do with that.” 

“I almost pledged Alpha Rho,” Petra says. “My dad didn’t want me to join a sorority though. Plus the dues are _so expensive.”_

“Dues?” Levi snaps, turning his head. 

“Yeah, it sucks,” she says. “They have to pay to put on those parties, plus pay the university, plus pay to be a part of the whole fraternity national order thing, and some of them have to pay to rent or own the houses.” 

Levi doesn’t hear the rest of what she’s saying. By the time he splits off to go to his dorm, he can’t remember anything they talked about. 

Erwin is sitting at his desk, typing at a truly breakneck pace with his left hand. His hand _flies_ over his strange, square keyboard and Levi is impressed-- Erwin gets faster with that thing every day.

“Uh, hey, Erwin?”

“What’s up?” Erwin asks, turning in his chair and giving Levi his _undivided_ attention. Levi hates it when he does that. He feel like Erwin can see into his soul with those big blue eyes and Levi is convinced he won’t like what he finds there. 

“Does Sigma Kap have fucking _dues?”_

“Oh, yeah,” Erwin says easily. “They’re do at the end of the month. I didn’t tell you?” 

Levi’s stomach clenches. “How. How much?”

“Six fifty.” 

“Six _hundred?”_

“Uh huh.” 

Levi gives Erwin a look that is equal parts furious and helpless. “Erwin. I don’t. I don’t have that kinda money.” 

“We can set up a payment plan. It’s--”

“ _No,_ Erwin, _fuck.”_ Erwin gets very quiet, _serious._ He looks at Levi with this confused, _endearing_ expression and Levi doesn’t know whether to scream at him or hug him. His voice is very quiet when he says, “I’m here on a full scholarship. I get a little stipend every month to supplement the meal plan, but I don’t. I don’t have that.” 

Erwin’s brows knit together. “Oh.” 

“Yeah,” Levi mutters. “So.” He starts to take his pin off. 

“Okay,” Erwin says loudly.

“Okay, what?” 

“It’s fine.” 

“What do you mean _it’s fine?”_

“You don’t have to pay it, it’s fine, I’ll take care of--”

“ _No,”_ Levi snaps. “No, you will not _take care of it--”_

“Levi,” Erwin says calmly. “Mike and I will make it work--’

“No, you won’t.” Levi’s voice is rising. “I don’t need your fucking _charity._ Fuck, what rich fucking _fantasy_ world do you live in that you would just _forget to tell me_ about _six hundred and fifty dollars,_ mother _fucker.”_

“It’s really no trouble,” Erwin starts to stammer. 

“Fuck you,” Levi spits. He is out the door before he can hate himself for the hurt, confused expression on Erwin’s face. 

He paces around the lake three times in a cloud of cigarette smoke before it’s time for his meeting with Pixis. He feels calmer, by then, and is formulating something like an apology. It’s not Erwin’s fault he has no idea what an empty wallet feels like.

“Levi! Punctual as usual,” Pixis tells him. “Tell me about your week.” 

Levi lets his head fall back on his neck and stares at the ceiling. He does not want to talk about Erwin. He _does not._

“Shakespeare is gay, physics still sucks, and Zeus needs to keep it in his fucking pants.” 

“You’re not taking a mythology course this semester,” Pixis says with a small frown. 

Well, fuck. “No, Erwin was going on about Zeus and a pretty cow and it just sorta _stuck.”_ So much for not talking about Erwin.

“How is Erwin?” Pixis asks because _of course_ he does.

“Fine,” Levi answers a little guiltily. Then he plows on, “He still keeps leaving his wet towel on the bathroom floor but I mean. I’ve had _worse roommates,”_ Levi says pointedly. 

Pixis is staring at him. 

“What?”

“What’s that pin?” 

Levi feels his cheeks get hot _for some reason_ and says, “I uh. It’s a pledge pin. Erwin. The Sigma Kaps, they, uh.” 

“You’re pledging a fraternity?” 

Levi shifts in his chair and tries and fails to sound surley when he says, “What, is that against the rules?”

“On the contrary,” Pixis tells him. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.” 

“You do?” Levi asks in surprise. 

“I do. Sigma Kappa Sigma is a credit to our Greek life programs,” Pixis tells him. “We’ve never had reports of excessive hazing, or overly rowdy parties. There’s an unofficial rule among the freshmen girls that the Sigma Kappa Sigma house is, uh, a bit _safer_ than some of the other houses on campus.” He lifts his head from the papers he’s been absently straightening and meets Levi’s eye. “Given your _history,_ I think it’s clear that _brotherhood_ is something you value and I think seeing this sort of camaraderie in a _mostly_ legal environment will be good for you.” 

Levi is quiet, staring at Pixis’s desk. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. They need money for dues, so--”

“Oh, that won’t be a problem,” Pixis answers easily. 

“What?”

“The university can cover that.” 

Levi blinks at him. 

“I’m in charge of your case, Levi. I can approve this sort of expense if I think it’s beneficial to your growth here.” 

Levi swallows and says, “Thank you.” 

The words still feel strange in his mouth. He’s not used to having real reasons to thank people. But Pixis just smiles and says, “Unless there is something else you’d like to discuss, I’ll see you next week.” 

*

Erwin is sitting on the couch staring at a blank TV screen when Levi walks in. 

Levi freezes in the doorway. Erwin jolts to his feet. “Levi, I-”

“I’m sorry,” Levi mutters, voice gruff. 

Erwin chews his lip. “Uh. Me. Me too.” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Levi answers, staring at a spot by his bedroom door. 

“I mean, I shouldn’t have assumed,” Erwin tells him. “But listen, Levi, half that money is for fucking _parties_ and we got a bigger pledge class this year than usual. As long as we don’t make a big deal about it, we can--”

“It’s covered,” Levi answers. 

“What?” 

“My. The counselor in charge of my scholarship, Dr. Pixis. He says he can get the university to cover it.” 

“Oh! Cool.” Erwin blinks at him. “Pixis is… Dr. Pixis is in charge of your scholarship?”

“Yeah,” Levi admits. “They sorta make me go talk to him once a week. You know, to make sure I’m keeping up with my classes,” Levi adds hastily. 

“Me too.” 

“You too?”

“Yeah, you know, it’s my first year back so, uh.” Erwin rubs his left hand over the back of his head. “They make me meet with Pixis once a week to talk about how _I’m coping.”_

Levi snickers. “That’s bullshit.” 

“Tell me about it. And what the fuck is up with that fucking cat poster? I honestly can’t tell if he’s being facetious or not.” 

Levi actually laughs. “Fuck, I _know.”_

The knot in his stomach unties itself a little. 

Levi drops into the armchair and pulls some of his work out of his backpack. 

“How’d physics go?” Erwin asks, falling back onto the couch. 

“Aced the quiz just barely,” Levi tells him. “But now I have to deal with this bullshit.” 

He holds up the paper he’d written for his Shakespeare class and slaps it with the tips of his fingers. It’s covered in red ink and a very large ‘ _C.’_

“Oh, shit,” Erwin says.

Levi sighs as he stares down at it. “I can make corrections and turn it back in on Monday for a higher grade,” he mumbles. 

“Let me see.” 

“What?”

“Let me look! I’m a good writer, I can help.” 

Levi’s eyes dart between Erwin’s wide blue eyes and all the red marks on his white paper, and he silently hands it over. 

Erwin is quiet while he reads. Levi shifts in his chair, embarrassment building in his gut. 

“Wow,” Erwin says finally. Levi is about to snap, to tell him he doesn’t have to be an asshole about it when Erwin says, “Levi, this is _really_ good.” Levi just blinks at him. “I mean the writing is shit, but the ideas are really solid. This is fine, we can fix this. It’s mostly grammar and mechanical stuff tripping you up anyway.” 

“Yeah, I’m shit with that stuff,” Levi answers. It was why he’d put off taking an English class as long as he did. It was the only gen ed he had left to fulfill. 

Erwin walks Levi through the paper paragraph by paragraph and by the end of it, Levi has had a realization. Some part of him had always assumed Erwin was a party boy, an average student with above average privilege. 

But as he finally manages to make Levi understand what the difference between a direct and an indirect object is, Levi realizes Erwin isn’t just kind and funny and gorgeous. He’s brilliant too. He makes all of this sound _easy_ and by the end of it Levi feels like something has clicked into place, like some missing puzzle piece has finally appeared and this just _makes sense_ now. 

And he’d just… dropped everything. To help. To help _Levi._ He didn’t have to do that. 

When they reach the end of the paper, Erwin adds, “So if you do that, I bet you get an A on your rewrite. And hey, just let me read over it before you turn it in. I don’t mind.” 

Erwin smiles. 

Levi swallows and the lump in his throat doesn’t go away. 

Ymir was right. This is _very bad._

*

When Erwin and Levi arrive at the Sigma Kappa Sigma house later that night, they find all the pledges, a handful of the brothers, _and_ a handful of the Alpha Rho girls waiting. Annie, Sasha, and Mikasa are all standing against the wall with Mike looking _very_ amused. 

Everyone keeps looking at Armin. 

For once, Levi and Erwin are the last to arrive. Erwin takes a spot at the front of the room with Mike, and Levi slinks into a dark corner.

“Well, boys! Today is the first Friday of the month and that means--” He pauses and looks behind him. “Drum roll ladies?” 

They give him the finger. 

“It’s amatuer night at Roxie’s!”

A few of the boys look at each other in confusion. Someone says, “ _Oh no!”_

“And! After our little challenge last week, _we have a volunteer!_ Armin….” 

Levi puts his face in his hands. The girls are all holding make-up bags. 

Of course. 

It takes about two hours for them to transform Armin into a barely passable drag queen. Armin, for his part, seems to be very good natured about the whole thing. He points out that the shoes Mike has for him don’t match the dress they all picked out and Sasha disappears to raid Ymir’s closet since she’s got the biggest feet. Dressing him is some kind of bonding event, with all the boys trying and failing to apply Armin’s make-up and the girls haveing to shove them aside and take over according to their instructions. 

When it’s all over, and they step back to examine their handiwork, Armin says hopefully, “How do I look?” 

Erwin stares him up and down and says, “Something still isn’t right.” 

“We’re not drag queens!” Mikasa snaps. “That shit is an art.” 

“It’s the eyebrows,” Levi announces. They all turn and look at him very slowly. “No self respecting queen would ever go out in public with her eyebrows like that.” 

“How do you know?” Annie replies flatly. She shares Armin’s coloring so she’d been the one to apply his foundation and contour and touch up his brows. 

“I dated someone who was into this shit,” Levi says. It’s not a lie. He steps forward, unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth, and says, “Get me a glue stick.”

“A _glue stick?”_ Erwin laughs. 

Levi looks at him. “Did I stutter?” 

There is a brief shuffling of feet, of people exclaiming, ‘Well, I don’t have one!’, until someone finally says, “Oh, shit, I might.” 

A purple glue stick is deposited in Levi’s hands. He stares at it. He’d watched his ex (if she could even be called that; it’s not as if they had ever really dated, so much as fucked after her shows) do this enough that he thought he had the gist but it was a little different with the tools in his hands. 

“Gimme one of those eyebrow things, the little comb things.” 

Annie puts it in his hand. They all watch him, thoroughly amused, as he carefully tries to recreate the techniques he’d watched all the queens use to make their eyebrows disappear.

It's a strange feeling, being the one holding the tools. It makes him think of Isabel, of the queens they'd known back then teaching her how to put on eyeliner because she'd had no one else to show her how. She’d been fourteen; Levi had been sixteen. 

The man he'd been with had been much older. Old enough to know better. Old enough that Levi's stomach squirms now to think of him-- her, on those nights when she brought Levi and Isabel and Farlan backstage at Roxie’s to loiter while she got dressed.

It makes him cringe to think of what a difference almost four years makes. They'd thought they were grown, invincible, that they owned the city. 

They'd been so stupid. 

When he is done with Armin’s brows, he steps back and examines his handiwork. 

Mikasa says, “That looks fucking stupid.” 

“Now you use the, fuck, what’s it called, concealer? That shit,” Levi motions to Annie. “And then the stuff that goes on top, I think, and _then_ you can give her eyebrows.” 

It works. Annie feathers on a pair of blonde eyebrows and then they all look at Levi. 

“What?”

“I mean, that’s better,” Erwin says, coming to stand beside Levi. “But I think we still have room for improvement.” 

Levi examines Armin. “Lipstick is too harsh. Annie, use that pink you were wearing at the party last week. And lose the wig. Armin’s already got girl hair.” 

A chuckle goes up. Armin pouts but doesn’t seem overly offended. 

When Annie is done reapplying the lipstick, they all look at Armin one last time. 

“Well?” Armin says. 

Mike puts both his hands on Armin’s shoulders and marches him to the floor length mirror on the bathroom door. “ _You’re beautiful.”_

“Needs a name,” Levi calls. 

Someone yells, “Anita Cox!” 

Levi rolls his eyes, but it sticks. Mike says, “Let’s go, _Anita!”_ And they all make their way to the club. 

*

Levi knows Roxie’s. Levi used to practically _live_ in Roxie’s. It’s set up a little differently than he remembers, and the bartenders are new. There are two Titans hanging around outside when the Sigma Kaps march past, and Levi melts into the middle of the group, keeps his head down. 

It’s a bizarre feeling, this melding of lives. There is something so _familiar_ about being here again, and yet, it is _very_ different. He can’t drink like he used to, but after the show starts, he loosens up a little. Armin is, really, _miraculously_ , pretty fucking good. He’s already a little fem as it is, but with the silver heels and green sheath dress they’ve put him in, he doesn’t even need to practice to get the walk right. He has a delicate, shy sort of demeanor that works for him somehow, and lip syncing to ‘Like a Virgin’ is always a good move. The frat boys surprise Levi-- they clap and cheer and hoot and holler and throw dollar bills at everyone who goes on stage. They don’t even get offended when other men ask them to dance. 

Levi actually has _fun._

They’ve been here for a long time when one of the queens catches his eye. She’s black, with long pink box braids and is almost as big as Erwin. She catches Levi looking and twiddles her fingers at him. 

By the time Levi is pressing against her up against the wall by the bathroom door, he’s starting to think if this is what frat life is like, he could get used to it. 

“Could you lose the heels?” he snaps after a few seconds. “Like you _need_ to be six inches taller.” 

She laughs at him and steps out of her heels and Levi pushes her against the wall again to feel her muscles flex. She’s big, strong. Levi curls his fingers around her arms and mumbles something about how sexy that is. This feels normal. This music and lighting, this Someone. Levi doesn’t need to think about _Erwin_ and his frat, not when Levi has never had any trouble finding attractive men to fuck. 

Someone says, “Levi?” 

There is laughter in the voice and Levi realizes it’s Mike. He turns his head, about to tell Mike to leave him alone and draws up short when he sees Erwin standing there too. They are both wearing amused smiles, but Erwin’s doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“What?”

“You, uh. Having fun?” 

Levi raises his brows, and motions to the very attractive person he’s been kissing. “ _Obviously.”_

“Uh, Levi….” Levi watches, totally bewildered as Erwin puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder. Levi is so confused, he allows himself to be led away. Erwin lowers his voice and says, “Levi. I don’t know how to tell you this, but that woman you’re with? I think she’s…”

Levi gives Erwin a look that is equal parts stunned and disinterested. “You figured that out, did you?”

“Uh…” 

_Really,_ Levi fumes. This is getting to be _utterly ridiculous._ He puts his hand on Erwin’s shoulder, pulls Erwin down so they’re on the same eye level, and says, “Erwin. I don’t know how to tell you this. _But this is a gay bar.”_

“Yeah,” Erwin says slowly. 

Levi rolls his eyes. “Christ. Erwin. I’m gay _.”_ Erwin stares at him. Blinks. “Like, to borrow Ymir’s words. _Hella gay._ I am _so fucking gay.”_

Erwin’s face is white. 

Something sour bubbles in Levi’s stomach. He pushes away from Erwin, yanks his hand from Erwin’s shoulder. “I told you I wasn’t pretending.” 

“I thought you meant…”

“Whatever,” Levi snaps. Erwin doesn’t look happy or amused anymore. Levi doesn’t know what he’s seeing on Erwin’s face but he knows whatever it is, it can’t be good.

He doesn’t want to deal with it, doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to consider the not-so-remote possibility that for all his supposed kindness Erwin might have an _issue_ with having a gay roommate.

So instead, he snaps his fingers, and says, “Babe.” 

The queen whose name he didn’t get turns to look at him. 

“You wanna get outta here?” 

“Sure thing, hon!” she says brightly. “But don't you snap your fucking fingers at me again, mkay?”

She slips her heels back on and flits after Levi. Levi turns and, perhaps a little more forcefully than he means to, stomps out. 

The little group of Titans hanging around outside has gotten bigger. Levi lowers his head and trots one way, only to find his path blocked by a group of them. He’d have to call attention to himself to slip by, so he turns instead, to walk the other way, and a hand lands on his chest. 

Levi draws up short, heart suddenly sprinting in his ears. 

Dom says, “Well, if it isn’t _Little Levi.”_

They’ve all closed in. Levi grinds his teeth together. They fucking knew he was here. Behind him, he hears the person he’d left with say quietly. “Oh, shit.” 

Levi says, “Get your fucking hands off me,” and shoves away. 

“That’s no way to greet an old friend.” 

“Kiss my ass, how about that?”

“We didn’t know you was coming back to town, Levi. Last we heard you was in lock up.”

“Yeah, well,” Levi spreads his hands. “I’m out.”

“And you didn’t come visit with us? That’s rude.” 

“Get the fuck out of my way.” 

“Nah, see, the boss was real interested to hear you was back in town. Wanted us to come find you.” 

Levi has had enough. Enough of _all_ of this. Whatever _the fuck_ just happened with Erwin is enough for now and he doesn’t need _this_ on his plate too. 

He yanks the collar of his shirt down, shows Dom the shiny square of scar tissue where his tattoo used to be and said, “I paid my dues going in and I paid them coming out. Tell _him_ he can bite me.” 

Levi starts to push through them, and Dom puts his hand on Levi’s chest again. “You know, Levi, I suggest you be a _little_ more polite, otherwise my friends here might get a little _offended.”_

Levi turns his head sharply and the guy standing next to Dom actually jumps. 

He grins, feral, vicious, when he looks back at Dom and says, “You gotta death wish?” 

Dom doesn’t move. “You been outta the game a long time, Ackerman.” 

Levi looks down at his hand then back up. “You willing to bet it’s been long enough?” 

Dom’s eyes flare. Fear. Levi knows it. He can _smell_ it. Dom is a fucking bitch and he knows it’s only numbers that have any hope of protecting him if shit goes south. Dom lowers his hand. 

The queen says loudly to Levi, “I’m out.” Her heels click back toward the door. Levi turns to tell her not to go, to tell her it’s fine, they can get out of here, and he finds Erwin standing in the doorway, watching _everything_ with a look of shocked horror on his face. 

And Levi draws up short, squeezes his eyes shut, gives himself away so _obviously_ he doesn’t have any chance of explaining this with a lie. God, how long has Erwin been standing there?

Dom laughs. Levi knows they all see the look on Erwin’s face, that they know Erwin is scared and Levi has been outed in the _worst_ possible way. These animals can smell weakness and Levi knows they scent it everywhere. 

“I’ll give him your message,” Dom says brightly. “See ya around, Levi.” 

He starts to go. The little circle breaks up, and Levi says quietly, “Erwin--”

“Oh, and Levi!” Levi turns his head. Dom and his cronies are half way down the block now. “How’s _Izzy_ doing?”

Levi wakes up an hour or a second later with an arm across his body and his back to a very solid chest and it is only the vague understanding that it’s _Erwin_ trying to hold him back that keeps him from elbowing him in the face. He’s screaming. 

“ _Say her fucking name again,_ you piece of shit,I will _end you,_ Dominick, I swear to _fuck,_ you keep her fucking name outta your mouth or I’ll shove your tongue so far down your throat you can lick your own asshole, you hear me? I’ll _gut you_ \--” 

Dom and his cronies are laughing. But Levi can see how they keep their distance, how none of them are really willing to step to him for real. 

_“Levi!”_ Erwin hisses his name and Levi finally snaps quiet, lets his furious eyes fall on Erwin’s face as Erwin pulls him back and steps in front of him. “There’s like fifteen of them,” he hisses. 

Levi bares his teeth. “Not enough.” 

Erwin studies his face in shock, looks at Levi like he doesn’t even know him, and _really_ he doesn’t. 

“What’s going on?” Mike’s voice breaks through the furious swirling in Levi’s head. This night was fun. He’d been having a good time. He was about to get laid. 

“Fuck this.”

No one calls after him when he stalks back inside. People practically jump out of his way when he stomps to the bar. 

“Gimme three shots of Cuervo.” 

The bartender looks at him and furrows his brows. “I’m gonna need to see some ID.” 

And Levi does something he hasn’t done in a very long time. 

He taps a very particular spot under his collarbone and says, “No, you don’t.”

The bartender swallows. “I can give you two…”

“Jay still owns this place right? Tell him Levi _says hi.”_

The bartender whirls without another word and when he comes back three minutes later, he says quietly, “What can I get for you again, Mr. Ackerman? Was that tequila? It’s, uh. On the house.” 

A familiar shiver darts down Levi’s spine. _It fucking better be._

“Three shots of Cuervo,” he repeats, voice pleased, and almost calm. “And a pickle back,” he adds as an afterthought. He doesn’t pay any attention to the fact that Erwin has followed him inside, is watching him in silence from a spot somewhere behind Levi and to his left. 

Levi takes his three shots, one right after the other. 

And then he turns to find someone to fuck in the bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” Erwin stops him with a hand on his arm. Levi shrugs away from him. 

“Fuck does it look like?” Levi demands. And he ignores Erwin for the next hour. He ignores Erwin when he finds the queen he’d been about to leave with. She wants nothing to do with him now. He ignores Erwin when he looks for someone new, and when he finds Someone New. And he ignores Erwin when he takes Someone New back to the dorm. He barely knows what Someone New looks like; it’s been a long time since he took shots like that, and the room is spinning a little. He breaks his rule and takes him into his bedroom. Locks the door. He doesn’t usually like strangers in his space, but it seems fucked up to fuck on the couch he and _Erwin_ share, so bedroom it is. 

His whole body is sore by the time they are done. He has scratches on his back and bites on his neck and his thighs. He kicks Someone New out, sends them off to find their way out of the dorm on their own, and finds Erwin, still awake, with gray fledgling sunlight filtering through the blinds and landing on his chest. He’s sitting on the sofa in utter silence. 

Levi takes one look at him and locks himself in his bedroom. 

*

He wakes up with a headache to a very soft knock on his door. He almost tells Erwin to fuck off. Almost. 

Instead he opens the door and stares at Erwin through the crack, eyes slanted against the light in the common room. 

“Hey.”

“What.” 

“I’m. I’m gonna go to the dining hall for some food, you know, it’s kinda late and all. I thought. Maybe. Do you want to come.” 

Levi feels his eyes get wide. “You. You’re asking me to come get food with you.” 

Erwin nods. “I thought we could. You know. Like. Talk. Or whatever. Plus Armin gets to take the plunge tonight, so we’ve got that to do.”

Levi swallows. “You. Um. Okay,” he says slowly. “Hold on.” 

He gets dressed and brushes his teeth and his hair and can’t seem to make his brain work. Erwin wants to _talk_ to him? 

Levi takes his skateboard with him and smokes a cigarette and skates silently beside Erwin down to the dining hall. They don’t talk while they walk there. They don’t talk while they get their food. Erwin only speaks when he says, “Let’s get this to go.” 

So they take their food out to the lake. The kissing bench is empty and Erwin makes a beeline for it. Levi wordlessly follows and sits on his skateboard while he eats his sandwich. 

Erwin says, “I don’t really know what to say.” 

“You wanted to fucking talk,” Levi snaps. He stuffs his food in his mouth before he can say more. 

“Yeah, I know,” Erwin mutters. Then he says, “You. You knew those guys.” 

“Yeah. I know those guys.” 

“And the guy from the bar? The one who fucked with Eren?”

“Same guy,” Levi answers. He stares at the grass by Erwin’s feet. “That’s how they found out I was back in town.” 

“I thought. I mean you said your uncle lives--”

“He does,” Levi answers. “But I grew up in the city. I was, uh. I was in the foster system. So.” 

Erwin says _very_ quietly. “Levi, you’re a Titan?”

Levi clenches his jaw so tightly he thinks he might crack a tooth. He tugs the collar of his shirt down, shows Erwin his scar, and says, “Nope.” 

Erwin winces. “Jesus.”

Levi lets his collar go. “Can’t wear the colors if you don’t live the life,” he mutters. 

“You were, though.” 

“Yeah. I was. Been out maybe. Maybe going on three years now. Give or take.” 

“Oh.”

“Look, I get it,” Levi says finally. “You know, you guys have this whole _golden boy_ rep to keep up, it’s fucking fine, I didn’t want to join your stupid frat anyway, you _made_ me, so--”

“I didn’t tell them,” Erwin hisses. 

“Mike--”

“Mike thinks those guys made fun of me and you went off,” Erwin says carefully. “He doesn’t-- I mean, I didn’t tell him what happened, okay?”

Levi lifts his head. “Why not?”

Erwin bites his lip. “It’s not my place,” he says finally. “And it’s not their business.” 

Levi says, “Thanks.” 

“So how…” Erwin trails off. Levi doesn’t help him along. “That guy said. Did he say you were in… lock up?”

Levi winces. “You heard that, huh?” 

“Yeah. I mean. I sorta followed you out, so… You were. You were in prison?”

“Juvie,” Levi tells him. “For a year. And then house arrest for a year. And now this. I have to meet with the counselor every week. He reports to my parole officer. And I have like… like I can go where ever on campus, but I’m not supposed to really go much further past it. I’m supposed to stay away from Titan territory.” 

Speaking it feels like shaking loose some giant weight. Levi hadn’t realized how anxious he was, how much he didn’t want Erwin to know about _any_ of this. It shocks him to realize he wants Erwin to think well of him. He hates having to talk about it, but somehow, it feels better than having to keep it all secret. 

“If I stay outta trouble, they’ll seal my record,” he says quietly. “If I fuck up, I go to prison.” _Real_ prison. Not Juvie. Not house arrest. Prison. 

“Levi.” 

Levi lifts his head. 

“Those guys were… those guys were scared of you. Weren’t they?” 

Levi studies Erwin’s face. His eyes are big and round and he’s still biting his lip. He looks… concerned, worried-- emotions Levi isn’t used to parsing. But there isn’t any fear. Levi knows that one very well, and that’s not what Erwin is feeling right now. 

“Yeah. Erwin. I’m sort of a scary mother fucker.” 

Erwin shocks Levi when he smiles. The expression is fast, gone quickly, and Erwin says, “What, you? You’re a teddy bear.” 

Levi throws him the finger, has to bite his own lip to keep from smiling at the grass. 

“So what’d ya do?”

“What?”

“To get arrested?” 

“Um.” Levi’s ghost of a smile fades. 

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to--”

“Ask me some other time,” Levi mutters. “I’ll probably tell you. Maybe.” But he can’t talk about it right now. He’s never had to tell anybody this shit from scratch. For years he wore his colors with pride; there was no hiding who he was. And after that, he’d been in juvie, or at Kenny’s and everyone had known. Judges, lawyers. Pixis. 

Erwin is the first person he’s gotten to know since they flayed that tattoo from his chest. He’d never thought of himself as the type of man who would ever hide who he was-- not when for so long the Titan crest had been the only thing he liked about himself. 

Erwin says then, “Who’s Izzy?”

And Levi feels cold. He says, “Isabel. She hated when people called her Izzy.” Erwin is silent. “Sister,” Levi mutters. “Foster sister. Sorta. She was.” Levi motions to his chest so Erwin understands. _Titan._

Erwin says quietly, “Was?” 

Levi stands up. “I’ll see you here tonight, alright?” 

Erwin nods. “Yeah. Ten o’clock.” 

“Cool.” Levi goes to skate, to clear his head. And he calls Isabel. * Later that night, Armin runs his lap and swims the lake-- it’s a Saturday and it’s earlier in the evening so he has more of an audience than Levi did. Levi almost feels bad for him-- he’s not exactly as comfortable being stark naked outside as Levi was. But when he climbs, streaming water, out of the lake, and all the brothers fall in around him slapping him on the back and chanting his name, he grins so big Levi thinks his face might crack apart. 

And even though he doesn’t want to, Levi thinks of robbing a convenience store at knife point, of throwing a bag of money at Zeke’s feet, and then laying on a pool table so some gorilla with a tattoo gun can ink a ‘T’ framed by teeth onto his chest. It’d been a party. Grown men slapping him on the back, calling him a badass, calling him _family_ and _brother,_ telling him _welcome home, kid._ There’d been beer, weed, cocaine. They’d given him a beer and a joint but Zeke hadn’t let him near the blow. Too young, he’d said. He’d been twelve. 

The memory makes his scar itch.

He’d paid his dues going in. And he’d paid them coming out. 

After, they go back to the Sigma Kappa Sigma house and have another party; this one is smaller than before. Just the Sigma Kaps and the Alpha Rho girls, and a few friends of the frat. 

Levi’s skin itches, so he drinks until it stops. And then his head hurts so he follows his nose until he finds Mike and Jean getting stoned in Mike’s room while Erwin watches. And then the room starts spinning so he leans back against Mike’s sofa and loses track of everything until Mike nudges Levi’s shoe with his own. Levi opens his eyes and finds they are alone. 

“You gonna be okay there, Ackerman?” 

Levi closes his eyes and says, “You really think I can’t handle my _weed,_ dude?” 

Mike plops onto the couch beside him and says, “I mean, you’re passing out on my couch.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“So about last night.” 

Levi cracks one eye. 

“Are you like. Gay gay or like just kinda gay?”

Levi snorts. “Gay.” 

“Word.”

“That a problem?”

“Nah, course not, man. I just mean. I mean I felt kinda bad about the whole phone number thing, so, you know. Sorry about that. Sorta. You know, open mouth, insert foot.” 

“It’s cool.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Cool.” Mike pauses and hits his bowl. He holds it out to Levi and against his better judgement, Levi takes it. “Thanks for looking out for Erwin.” 

Levi turns his head. Mike has spoken suddenly and quickly, the words blurring together. 

Levi hits the bowl so he doesn’t have to respond. 

“He’s. You know, he’s just.” Mike sighs. “It’s fucked up, alright? All the shit he has to deal with now. I hate it. Everytime we go out together, everyone stares at him. And people ask him about his robot arm and I think he’s okay with that, mostly, but I can tell sometimes he wishes people would just leave him alone and let him walk to class.”

“Yeah,” Levi agrees. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that.” 

“What’d those guys say to him last night?” 

Levi looks away. Shrugs. 

But Mike doesn’t press him. Instead, he claps Levi on the shoulder and says, “Don’t get too fucked up, dude. You kids gotta clean the house again in the morning.” He’s grinning. 

Levi smirks and tells him to go fuck himself. 

He sits there for a long time. When he finally stands up and wanders downstairs, the first thing he sees is Erwin with some blonde chick pressed up in a dark corner while the party lights flash and the ten or so people still left standing dance in the center of the room. 

And something fierce and furious crests in Levi’s chest all at once. It’s an unfamiliar feeling, and it’s strong and he can taste it in the back of his throat. 

He turns on his heel and goes into the kitchen instead, where Eren and Armin and Jean and a few other faceless co-eds are gathered around the keg and laughing and jostling each other. 

Levi barges into the middle of the group and grabs Eren by the front of the shirt. 

“Jaeger. Dance with me.” 

He’s tangentially aware of Jean chuckling and whistling at them, of Armin squeaking when Levi pushes by him again, and of Eren, wordlessly allowing himself to be pulled into the next room. 

“You actually dance?” Eren laughs at him when he finally finds his voice. 

Levi shrugs and doesn’t release the hold he has on the front of Eren’s shirt. “Not really, but I make exceptions for all the cute boys.” 

Eren’s eyes get wide. But beer has made him bold and he puts both his hands on Levi’s hips and bites his lip when he looks at Levi’s mouth and the first song is barely over before they end up on the couch, before Levi is crawling into Eren’s lap and Eren has his hands in Levi’s hair. 

Levi likes bigger men, but Eren is fit and wiry and strong enough. There’s something young and naive about him, something that makes Levi feel like he might be taking advantage, but then, it’s Eren who keeps getting drunk and just _staring_ at Levi and if Levi recalls correctly, Eren is only a year younger than he is. 

He has no idea how long they’ve been on the couch when Eren says, “Should we be-- here--” 

Levi turns his head and realizes the room has emptied. Erwin isn’t in the corner anymore. The music is still playing but the house is going quiet around them. Two girls and Connie are asleep on the sofa across the room. 

He takes Eren back to the dorm. Erwin and his chick-of-the-night are kissing on the couch when Levi stumbles in. 

He tries not examine the vicious surge of satisfaction in his gut when they both look up and watch him tug Eren into his bedroom. He’s sure he is imagining the strange, dark look on Erwin’s face when Levi closes the door behind them.

The rest of the night blurs after that. Eren isn’t what he wants; he realizes very quickly this was a bad idea. Eren holds him too gently, kisses him too sweetly, and Levi keeps having to turn his head so Eren can’t reach his lips. Eren wants to look at him, keeps whispering in his ear about how _sexy_ Levi is and Levi almost kicks him out before they’re finished. He’d wanted someone to touch him until he didn’t feel like himself anymore and instead, he’d found someone who wanted to hold all his pieces together when all he wanted to do was fall apart. 

Eren falls asleep. Levi can’t, so he goes and sits in his closet, knees to his chest and head against the wall. 

That’s where Ewin finds them the next morning, when he comes to wake them up to clean the frat house. He’s wearing a black, blank look on his face and Levi’s head hurts and his stomach hurts and now his chest hurts too.

The only words he says to Eren as they walk back to the Sigma Kap house are, “We shouldn’t do that again.” 

Eren just shakes his head and says, “Nope.” 

Levi breathes a little easier. Eren’s a nice kid. The last thing he needs is someone like Levi. 

When Levi gets back to the dorm, Erwin is sitting on the couch reading _The Odyssey._

Before Levi can even greet him, he says, “Two guys in two days? That some kinda record?” 

He doesn’t lift his head from his book. Levi watches him carefully turn a page with his prosthetic. 

Levi says very calmly, and very matter-of-factly, “Hardly.” 

_As if Erwin has any right--_

“Can you not fuck our frat brothers?” 

Erwin doesn’t lift his eyes from the book. 

“ _Excuse me?”_

Erwin turns another page, and Levi knows he’s not actually reading the words now. 

“It’s _none of your business--”_ Levi has to take a breath because he is suddenly livid, so angry his throat hurts, so _offended_ he wonders how hard he can hit Erwin with one of the apples sitting in a bowl on the counter. 

Actually--

“Hey, what the fuck!” Erwin jolts off the couch and drops his book when Levi pegs him in the middle of the chest with one of them. 

“Fuck you, Smith! I _knew_ you had a fucking problem with this, you _dick--”_

“Problem with-- what the fuck are you talking about? I just don’t think you should go sticking your dick in the goddamn _pledges_ \--"

“ _Good thing I didn't than.”_

“Bullshit, I _heard_ you--"

Erwin goes quiet all at once when Levi just stares at him with his brows lifted. His golden tanned cheeks get suddenly _very_ red, eyes flicking from the top of Levi's head to his toes and then back again and instead of asking him what the fuck he's staring at, Levi says, “Your constant parade of blonde bimbos is cool but I get a little cock and it's the end of the fucking world, you can _fuck_ yourself with your double standards.” 

Erwin gaps at him like a fish, mouth open and moving and Levi watches about ten different emotions that he can't begin to name flicker across Erwin’s face before Erwin says, “You're right.” 

“I know I am,” Levi snaps before he can stop himself. 

“Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. It's not my business-- look it's been a weird fucking weekend, alright?” 

“Yeah, it has,” Levi agrees a little suspiciously. 

“Let's just order a fucking pizza and agree not to talk about it, okay?” 

Levi glares. Erwin doesn't meet his eyes. Levi says, “Fine. That sounds fine.”

So Erwin orders pizza, with pineapples, just like Levi likes. They sit on the couch and eat it and don't say a goddamn word about the last forty eight hours. 

It's not until the pizza is gone and Levi is trying to decide if he's going to at least offer to pay for half of it that Erwin says very quietly and calmly, “So. You and Eren.”

“There is no ‘me and Eren,’” Levi tells him. “It was a bad idea.” 

“Really?” Erwin’s voice is almost suspiciously calm. “How. Uh. How come?” 

Levi sighs and leans back against his chair. Erwin seems calm enough. Levi’s not sure what his little outburst was all about but if he wants to ask genuine questions, Levi supposes it doesn’t hurt to be honest. It’s not as if he’s ever been particularly secretive about his sex life-- what he likes and how and who. 

“He’s not really my type,” Levi replies carefully. 

“Oh. What’s. What kinda guys do you…” Erwin trails off, color in his cheeks again. 

“I’m stronger than I look.” That’s a fucking understatement. “And I like guys who-- you know, I don’t feel like I have to be careful with. Who can hold me up if they want to and…” 

“Oh. And Eren. He, uh.” 

“Too skinny,” Levi announces. “And too sweet.” 

“Sweet?” Erwin says a little more sharply than he’s been speaking. 

Levi pulls a face. “I’m sure the chicks he goes for love those big green puppy eyes and that whole innocent, gentle _thing_ he’s got going on but, it’s not for me.” 

Erwin gives Levi a shy smile that’s just a little twisted. “You’re saying he was bad in bed.”

“Oh, no,” Levi answers. “No, he was fine. Just. Not what I wanted.” 

“Oh.” Erwin is silent. He stares at the empty pizza box and then says in a rush, “Listen, Levi, I really don’t-- I mean I don’t-- _we_ don’t care that you’re…”

“Gay?”

“Yeah,” Erwin says, blushing again. “You know, it’s, it’s fine. So. Sorry if I-- I just didn’t realize, is all.” 

Levi’s not entirely sure. Erwin’s been looking at Levi differently now. Blushing at him, looking entirely uncomfortable-- and see-sawing between attempts at understanding, at telling Levi it’s all _fine_ and _good,_ and blatant embarrassment written all over his face. And then this _Don't fuck the pledges_ nonsense. 

Levi doesn’t know how to deal with it. There had never been a closet for Levi to be in. And until very recently, he’d had Titan colors to protect him-- and when they didn’t or when the asshole in question was a Titan himself, Levi had just beat someone to within an inch of their life and then told them, go ahead, call me a fucking fag again. 

He has no idea how to handle Erwin and his... Underhanded discomfort. Of course, Levi realizes, Erwin’s _issue,_ whatever the fuck it is, doesn't seem to apply to Eren or Ymir or Historia. Maybe he just doesn’t like _living_ with the gay, Levi thinks. 

“I’m gonna take a shower.” 

When he gets out, Erwin is gone. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji says, “Well, now what should we play?” 
> 
> Mike jolts to his feet. “ _I know.”_
> 
> They all stare at him. 
> 
> _“Fucking Spin the Bottle.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter is coming a day early cause I'll have a friend in town tomorrow and I'm super excited about it! 
> 
> Also this chapter is a little longer, and a little heavier in places than I think this fic has been up until now... but if you can't tell from the chapter summary there's lots of fun stuff too. ;) I included some chapter warnings in the end notes if you need them! 
> 
> AJAX I COULDN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU ILY SO MUCH BB HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Levi is having a dream about getting another ‘C’ on his Shakespeare paper. He’d done so well on the rewrite Erwin helped him with, he’d fallen asleep trying to get his second paper of the semester to sound as good without asking for help. He’s just missed the deadline for rewrites and he’s starting to panic because his professor decided to move the final to next week only they haven't read _The Winter's Tale_ or _Antony and Cleopatra_ yet when the dream changes. 

Levi can hear someone groaning, gasping in pain. 

And all at once, he’s bathed in blood. Levi is used to being covered in blood. He’s used to tight, sticky fists, and someone else’s insides drying on his face, but this is different. 

The blood has never belonged to someone he cares about. 

Farlan isn’t in the car anymore. Levi knows he was just here, he was just sitting in the back counting the cash with Isabel, he was _right there_ and now he’s gone and Levi can’t find him. 

Someone moans again and when Levi turns his head, he sees Isabel, head on the hood of the car and knees tangled behind the dashboard and her hair is redder than it usually is and it’s covered in broken glass and Levi smells smoke and blood and the airbag is in his way--

The sound finally wakes Levi up, pulls him from his dream with a gasp that hurts going in. 

He’d fallen asleep with his bedroom door open-- he found he could still get a wifi signal if he sat on his bed in front of the open door. That’s the only reason he can hear Erwin. 

It’s a high pitched, pained gasp that clears the sleep from Levi’s head and makes him sit straight up, laptop sliding from his lap and then the bed with a crash he can’t be bothered to worry about. His bare feet hit the cold floor and he throws himself across the common room to Erwin’s door because _someone is hurting him something is wrong something is Erwin something is wrong--_

He throws open Erwin’s door, half expecting to find someone hovering over him, holding him down, _hurting him_ \-- and he sees only Erwin, alone, bathed in the moonlight spilling in from his window. The sheets are twisted low around his waist, his face is contorted in pain, and he’s writhing on the bed like his skin is on fire. 

“Erwin, hey, hey, Erwin, it’s a nightmare, wake up--” Levi is taking two short steps to the side of the bed before he can stop himself. “Erwin-- hey--”

Erwin wakes with a huge gasp, starts to sit up in bed, but instead of his eyes clearing and the pain leaving his face, he curls onto his side, eyes squeezed shut, and hugs what’s left of his right arm with his left hand. 

“Woah, hey--” Levi mumbles. “You--

“Fuck.” 

“Oh, shit.” He’d expected whatever Erwin was feeling to disappear with the dream. It only seems to be getting worse. “What’s wrong?”

“Hand--hand hurts,” Erwin grits out. 

Levi looks at the way Erwin is laying on his wrist and starts to grab his arm. “Don’t lay on it like that, you’ll--

“Fuck, not--” Erwin takes a breath. “Other hand.” 

Levi draws up short and almost says _very_ dimly, _Erwin, you don’t have another hand_ \-- but Erwin groans again and puts his face in his pillow and Levi just stares at him with his brain so blank it’s almost shameful. He lifts his hand, thinks distantly that he could rub Erwin’s shoulder because that’s something people do when someone is hurting right? 

But then Erwin breaks into his thoughts. “Top left drawer-- there’s pills. Please,” he adds tightly. Levi lurches away, finds the pills and almost throws the bottle at the bed. At the last minute he collects himself, and races into the kitchen for a bottle of water. Erwin takes the single pill Levi hands him, and gulps the water and then Levi watches him curl up on the bed for what feels like an eternity. After what can only be a few minutes, Levi does sit on the bed, and after one or two false starts, lays his hand between Erwin’s shoulder blades.

His own heart rate doesn’t slow until Erwin takes a breath and consciously releases his body into his mattress. 

“Thanks.” His voice is hoarse, tired. 

“Sure,” Levi says blankly. 

“Sorry. Did I freak you out?” 

Levi shakes his head and then realizes Erwin’s head is still turned away from Levi, toward the wall. 

“It’s okay. What, what happened?” 

Erwin adjusts on the bed a little, and wipes his hand over his face. “S’called phantom limb pain. It’s like… it’s like your brain forgets you don’t have a hand anymore. Or. Something.” Erwin swallows. “Been awhile since that happened. Sorry I woke you up.” 

“It’s okay,” Levi tells him. “I was having a nightmare too. So.” 

“What was yours about?” 

“Car accident,” Levi replies without considering the consequences. “You?”

“Boat accident,” Erwin laughs weakly. 

Erwin takes a big careful breath. 

Levi realizes he’s still got his hand on Erwin’s back and he pulls it away, heart suddenly sprinting. “All good now?” 

“Yeah,” Erwin says sleepily. “They gave me good pills.” Levi is still holding them in his free hand. He looks down at the orange container and realizes he’s holding a bottle of Oxycodone. He almost counts the remaining pills out of habit, almost calculates just how much the bottle would go for, in the right hands. “Can you turn my alarm off? I’m not going to class in the morning.” 

“Sure,” Levi mutters. He sets the pills down next to the water bottle, turns Erwin’s alarm clock off, and shuts the door behind him. 

He finds his laptop on the floor. One of the hinges is cracked and Levi _can’t_ think about it. He carefully sets the laptop on his dresser without checking to see if it still turns on; better to find out in the morning. At the last minute he turns his own alarm off too. He hasn’t missed a single class all semester. 

Maybe he’s earned a lie in. 

*

His laptop, miraculously, still works in the morning. When he turns it on, the monitor flashes in a way that is entirely upsetting, but then it resolves and _seems_ to be working okay. 

It’s past noon by the time Erwin stumbles, heavy lidded, into the common room. He’s shirtless, wearing nothing but the boxers he slept in with his hair standing on end and thick stubble on his chin, and he draws up short when he sees Levi.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” 

Levi shrugs. “Decided to play hooky.” 

Erwin winces. “I freaked you out, didn’t I.” 

Levi could lie. “Yeah. A little. I mean, mostly we were just up kinda late, so.” 

“I’m sorry,” Erwin sighs, hurling himself on the couch and drawing the red throw he keeps there over his chest. “Probably shoulda warned you about that shit, but it’s been so long since it happened, I guess I kinda hoped it wouldn’t be an issue.” 

Levi nods. He has been researching phantom limb pain. He understands what happened now. 

“Thanks for your help,” Erwin tells him tiredly, voice muffled from the way he’s laying his stubble covered cheek on the arm of the sofa. 

“How do you feel now?” 

“Like I took a bunch of oxycodone last night,” Erwin drawls. “Hey, what happened to your laptop?”

“Oh,” Levi hisses. “Uh. I sorta. Dropped it last night. You know, when I heard you.” 

“Shit.” Erwin winces. “Is it okay?”

“Still works,” Levi reassures him. 

“Cool. You mind if I turn on the TV?” 

“Go for it.” 

Erwin dozes and watches Law and Order reruns while Levi works on his paper. He stays curled up on the couch for most of the day, even when Levi moves around to shower and get food and once or twice, slip outside to smoke a cigarette. 

When he comes back in from his most recent cigarette, Hanji is sitting in his chair with his laptop in their lap. 

“Can I help you?” Levi demands as they lift the bulky machine to eye level and turn it over. Erwin watches sleepily from the couch, apparently content that, for once, his arm is not the machinery being examined. 

“We’re having brownies in the rec room at eight,” Hanji informs him absently. They open the laptop and Levi feels his eyebrow twitch. Instead, he looks at Erwin. 

Erwin snorts. “You left the door open when you left so Hanji came to talk to me,” he says, voice bordering on mock cheerful. “Your laptop distracted them.” 

Levi walks to the end of the couch and taps Erwin’s feet to get him to make room. Erwin curls up a little tighter, but the second Levi sits down, Erwin throws his legs over Levi’s lap and Levi just stares at him. Once, that would have _really_ annoyed him. It should annoy him now, but it doesn’t. He still pinches Erwin’s calf until Erwin jumps and kicks his foot to dislodge Levi’s hand. Levi starts to pinch him again when Hanji’s voice pulls him back to himself. 

“If this is just the hinge, I can fix it,” Hanji announces. 

Levi looks at Erwin. Erwin shrugs. He’s not sure he trusts Hanji with _tools._ “Um. Well, I think some kind of connection came loose cause it’s sorta blinking now--”

Hanji takes the laptop out of sleep mode and hums as it whirls up. “Well, that I can’t help with. You should take it to the IT desk before it gets worse.”

“We have an IT desk?” Levi murmurs, looking at Erwin. 

“Yeah. It’s free for students cause the IT kids are like, practicing,” Hanji explains. They push their glasses higher on their nose. 

Levi frowns. The last thing he needs is some idiot student fucking up his machine even more than it already is. “Um. Thanks.” 

Hanji stands and points at Levi’s nose. “ _Brownies. Rec room. Eight!”_

Then they whirl and glide out and Levi is left staring in utter bemusement at the door. 

“We’re supposed to meet up with Meeks at seven thirty,” Erwin mumbles. 

“That’s tonight?” 

“We’ve rescheduled on her three times already. She’ll kill us if we bail again.”

“Are you even feeling up to it?” Levi demands. 

Erwin squeezes his eyes shut and then swings his feet to the floor. “Yeah, I can handle it.” 

And that is how Levi finds himself in a mirrored gym room with Erwin, Mike, Jean, Eren, Annie, and Sasha, while Mikasa leads them through stretches. Levi has an uneasy feeling pricking the back of his neck. Mikasa keeps looking at him and there’s a strange, dead look in her eye that he swears he recognizes but can’t quite place. 

She signed up for a medium sized room in the gym that they have all to themselves-- she’d also requested three heavy bags, and came equipped with sparring pads. It all feels very lux to Levi, who had fucked with a single tattered heavy bag at the clubhouse and that was about it. He certainly never had _gloves_ and _pads._

Mikasa is breaking them up into groups and having them spar while she calls out combos. Levi doesn’t know the combos really, but he picks them up as he watches. Mike and Erwin are first. Levi watches in interest, wondering how Erwin can possibly spar with just one arm. It turns out, pretty fucking well. Levi understands instantly, from the way his feet move and the way he jabs with his left hand that Erwin was a boxer before the accident. Mike doesn’t seem to hold much back, but the two are still pretty evenly matched. Levi’s not entirely sure if this was a real fight that Mike would win; Erwin can hit _hard._ Annie and Sasha go next; Mikasa has them execute a series of judo throws and BJJ chokes that seem designed to protect them from bigger, stronger attackers. Then Eren and Jean actually come to real blows and Mike has to separate them. Finally Mikasa points to Levi and says, “Come on.” 

Levi glances at Erwin and frowns. He’d assumed Mikasa would have him spar with Eren, since they were as close to the same size as they were going to get in the group. 

Instead, she squares up. “Can you fight?”

“Yes,” Levi replies without hesitation. He’s never seen Mikasa fight, but it’s clear she knows her shit. She’s light on her feet, agile, and just from the way she’s standing, Levi knows she’d be formidable in a real fight. 

She says flatly, “Block me.” 

Levi assumes his standard stance. Erwin opens his mouth and says, “You should--”

Whatever it is Erwin is about to tell him is completely obliterated from his mind because Mikasa _moves_ and she’s not sparring. She is coming for him. And he can tell by the way her weight shifts that she is _not_ going to hold back.

Levi steps to the side, sees shock flash on her face because she’d been moving _very_ fast, but she corrects, comes for him again, and Levi can’t dodge this one, so he pushes her punch so it floats by his ear. 

Christ. 

She’s quite possibly the fastest person Levi’s ever stood against. She’s almost keeping up with him. She throws another punch (Levi turns his head) and then a fucking _kick_ (Levi tosses her off balance when he steps to the side, catches her ankle, and hurls it sideways) and now his heart is pounding in his ears so fast all he can hear is it and the air Mikasa’s fists make when they whistle by his head. 

She’s _strong_ too-- the mirror behind Levi’s head takes a heavy hit when Levi feints (a test; she fails) and it cracks under her glove. 

And then Levi gets mad. Because Mikasa is trying to hurt him. And what the fuck is that about? She’s making his heart race, making him have to really _focus_ to dodge, and--

“What the fuck are you doing?” Levi hisses the words and they come out a little staggered, a little broken. Mikasa’s only response is a grunt when she throws her next punch. She’s getting angier, swinging more wildly, getting _faster,_ and Levi’s starting to get a little worried because if she lands one of those punches it’s entirely possible Levi’s going down _hard._

All he can hear is his own breathing (steady, controlled), the way every hit she throws _just_ misses him, how close every punch comes to breaking his fucking nose, and _really, what the fuck, Mikasa--_

If she wants to play, Levi can fucking play. 

He lets her land a punch on his shoulder so he can jab her, three times, lightning quick, in the ribs. She comes away from him with a grunt that turns into a gasp, makes real space, and he watches fury spark from her eyes. 

He bounces twice on his feet, tosses his hair out of his eyes, a reflexive taunt he _really_ should have contained because encouraging this in any way is a _very_ bad idea. Mikasa _growls_ when she comes for him again, and Levi’s anger is spiking without his consent so when she throws a punch this time, he steps by her and lays the backhand of his glove across the back of her head in a quick, teasing smack. 

“Too slow.” 

She’s out of her league, even if she is good enough to thoroughly decimate pretty much every person Levi’s ever stood against. But Levi’s never stood against anyone who can even come close to laying a real hand on him. 

Mikasa whirls, hair flying out behind her, and hisses, “ _Bitch.”_

She flings her weight at him again and Levi twirls past before he shoves her into the mirror. The crack spiders. Erwin mutters to Mike, “Should we…”

“Sounds like a good way to lose the only hand you’ve got left,” Mike mumbles back. 

Levi wipes his nose with his glove, mock casual. The way his consciousness fills the room tells him this isn’t casual at all-- he can hear everything now, _see_ everything in hyper focus, is aware of the way Jean keeps scratching the back of his head and Sasha is clinging to Annie’s shoulder. He has to be aware of those things. No one here is holding a fucking switchblade, but years of brawling with some of the most underhanded thugs to ever throw on a leather vest makes a man overly cautious. Focusing only on the person you’re fighting in that scenario is a good way to end up with a knife in the back or a bullet to the back of the head.

Mikasa yells, launches herself off the mirror. 

This has gone on long enough. 

Levi sees an opening all at once and he takes it. It’s the only real punch he throws, and he almost forgets to pull it at the last second. He’s wearing gloves and he’s not used to that, so it feels different when he drives his hand once into the soft, vulnerable skin protecting her liver. 

Mikasa’s whole body freezes. The blood drains out of her face. And then she drops _._

Levi’s teeth squeal together against the sudden onslaught of sound (everyone in the room suddenly yelling all at once), but it’s not enough to drown out the fury in his voice when he says, “What the _fuck,_ Mikasa?”

She’s curled on the ground, face white and hands to her side, and then Levi has to take a step back because Eren is in front of him, lurching forward and it is only Mike and Jean yanking on his shirt all of a sudden that keeps him from barrelling headlong into Levi. Everyone is talking at once, yelling at each other, and at Levi, and at Mikasa, and then Erwin yells, “Alright,” at the top of his lungs and the room finally falls quiet again. 

Annie and Sasha both kneel down at Mikasa’s side and help her onto her knees, shooting Levi dirty looks as they reach for her. 

Mikasa lifts her head, catches Levi’s eye and says, “Where the fuck did you learn to fight, prison?” 

Levi looks at Erwin before he can stop himself. Erwin very pointedly does not say a goddamn word. 

“What’s your problem?” Levi demands. “You were trying to fuck me up, you’re lucky I didn’t hurt you.” 

“Hey, don’t threaten her!” Eren shouts. 

“I’m _not,”_ Levi drawls. “When someone’s throwing fucking fists at my head I can’t guarantee I’m not gonna throw one back. It’s sort of this unconscious urge I have to _not die.”_

Mikasa staggers to her feet and she looks like she‘s about to launch herself at Levi’s head again. Levi tears his gloves off, hurls them at Mikasa’s feet and curls his fists. “You still wanna fucking go? Come on the, we can go. You don’t know who the fuck you’re dealing with.” 

Erwin says very softly, “Levi.” 

Levi’s jaw slides. Mikasa glares at him, bares her teeth. 

Levi drops his hands. “Fuck this, fuck you, I’m out.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Erwin jumps in Levi’s path and puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Let’s talk about this.”

“She’s trying to kill me,” Levi mumbles, crossing his arms and turning to face Mikasa. 

Mikasa explodes all at once, voice utterly _livid_ and says, “You slept with Eren!” 

The whole room goes quiet. Levi looks at Eren; Eren’s brows are practically touching his hairline. 

Levi says, “Yo, what the fuck.” 

“Mikasa,” Eren says slowly. 

“Fuck whoever you want, but keep your goddamn dick outta my _brother.”_

No one says another word. Mikasa is breathing hard and she yanks her shoulder out of Sahsa’s hands. 

Levi says, “Well, that’s a fucking first.”

Erwin says, “Um.” Levi squeezes his eyes shut. They haven’t talked about what happened with Eren once since last weekend. They’d both apparently decided to pretend it never happened. 

Eren frowns and says, “Why does everyone always assume I’m the bottom?”

Mike laughs, loud, bright, sudden, and then swallows it when Mikasa glares at him. “Sorry, Meeks.” 

But it’s Annie who actually speaks. She looks Mikasa in the eye, meets one dead-eyed stare with another, and says, “Isn’t Eren an adult?”

“Yeah, but--” Mikasa says. 

Eren says, “Yeah!” 

“Are you suggesting he didn’t want to sleep with Levi?” 

Mikasa’s face gets dark. “Well. No.” 

“I mean we all saw you two on the couch,” Jean inserts. Mikasa jerks her head and Jean shrinks into the wall. “I mean I’m just saying!” 

Annie says, “So we’ve determined that Eren is an adult and consented to sleep with another human. I fail to see why you’re trying to shove your fist down Levi’s throat.” 

“Annie,” Mikasa says through gritted teeth. “This is some bullshit sisterhood you’ve got going on here.” 

Annie shrugs. 

Mikasa keeps glaring. 

Levi finally says, “How’s your side?” 

Mikasa rubs at it and mutters, “You hit like Eren.” 

Levi and Eren both say, “Hey, fuck you!”

“Well, I for one,” Mike announces, “Am just tickled pink that we could all share this experience. I’m so tickled in fact, I think I’m going to have to tell all the Sigma Kaps about exactly how Eren’s big sister tried to beat up Eren’s drunken booty call. Excuse me while I call literally everyone I know.” 

There is one quiet moment while Mike’s words sink in. Then Jean starts laughing hysterically, Eren starts screaming at Mikasa, and Levi and Erwin both chase Mike out of the room. 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Erwin calls. “Mike, fuck, stop!” 

Mike grinds to a halt and turns to look back at them, grinning. 

Levi says, “Don’t you fucking dare.” 

Mike rolls his eyes. “Relax, I’m not calling anybody.” 

“She’s lost her goddamn mind,” Erwin tells Mike. 

Levi narrows his eyes and has to resist pointing out that Erwin was just as pissed a few days ago. Levi’s not sure what it is about Eren but apparently he’s off fucking limits. 

“That was a _nasty_ hit,” Mike tells Levi a little sharply. 

Levi shrugs one shoulder. “She was trying to murder me.” 

“Okay, but really where did you learn to fight like that?” Mike asks excitedly. “I couldn’t even see you moving half the time, you were just a big fucking blur.” 

“Um. My uncle taught me some stuff,” Levi says evasively. 

“Can he teach me?” Mike demands. 

Levi shakes his head. That would be a _very_ bad idea. “He’s kind of old now. So.” 

“Fine,” Mike says. He thumps Levi on the chest and considering how agitated Levi is at the moment, he has to struggle not to reflexively break Mike’s fingers. “You can teach me.” 

Levi rolls his eyes. “And what are you gonna do for me then, Zacharias?” 

Mike lifts his brows, studies Levi very closely, and then says, “I’m sure we can work something out.” 

Mike glances at Erwin at the last second, and Levi almost misses it because he looks at Erwin too, and Erwin looks back at Levi, brows raised. Mike’s voice had been just a little suggestive. Levi had thought he was imagining it but the look on Erwin’s face confirms something is just a little off…

“See you tonight!” Mike says brightly, eyes locked on Erwin’s face and a strange quirk in his lips. 

“Tonight,” Levi groans. “Do you fuckers party every weekend? 

Erwin says slowly, watching Mike leave, “Pretty much. Was he--?”

“I need a shower and a nap,” Levi announces. “You fucks are gonna get me arrested.” 

“Mike’s right, you know,” Erwin tells him when they are half way back to the dorm, crossing by the lake. 

“Hmm?” 

“You’re the fastest man I’ve ever seen,” Erwin tells him. “I mean ever. Like you could probably fight if you wanted to. Make a living out of it.” 

Levi shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah,” he says. “I know.” 

Erwin turns and looks at him. “I’m sorry.” 

Levi knows he doesn’t know why he’s apologizing; he just saw the look on Levi’s face or heard a sour note in Levi’s voice--

“Let’s just say I’ve had my share of fighting,” Levi says carefully. “And I’m ready to try something new.” 

“Medicine,” Erwin says kindly. 

Levi looks over his shoulder, sees a strange, fond expression on Erwin’s face, and says, “I… Listen, don’t laugh.” 

“I wouldn’t laugh at you.” 

“I’m gonna study sports medicine,” he says. “I want to work with boxers and mixed martial artists.” 

“Why would I laugh at that?” Erwin says. “That’s a great idea, Levi.” 

Levi shrugs one shoulder. “I dunno. It’s… it’s a little less practical than fucking family doctor, I guess.” And because Erwin already knows, he adds, “And to be honest, I don’t think _they_ would appreciate that I want to be around fighters. You know.” 

“Well,” Erwin says reasonably, “At least then you won’t have to worry about your bedside manner.” 

Levi laughs. 

Erwin lowers his voice and says gruffly, “You’ve got a fucking ear infection, kid, tell your idiot mom to put these shittin’ drops in your ears.” 

Levi shoves him on the shoulder. “Asshole.” 

Erwin shoves him back. They walk back to the dorms and Levi forgets to be angry at Mikasa. The cracked gym mirror and her furious flashing eyes all seem, suddenly, to be a little less important. 

*

Levi is tired. Erwin's nightmare and Mikasa’s failed beating have left him lethargic, fully ready to call it a night and it’s only ten o’clock. But he's not going to get that luxury because when he sinks into the worn couch in Mike's bedroom (he snuck in to avoid the dancing freshmen girls who all seem to know by now that he and Eren hooked up and have declared Levi their Very Favorite Gay™), Mike appears in a whirl of expensive aftershave and expectations and says “Stay there, we're playing a game.” 

Levi watches him leave suspiciously and considers hiding. 

Ymir and Historia show up next, then Annie, Eren, Jean, and Erwin. Sasha wanders in on her own and says, “Whatcha doing?” to Annie who explains that Mike herded them all in here. Mikasa is suspiciously absent

Erwin sits on the couch next to Levi and shoves a cup of jungle juice in his hand. 

Levi smirks at him. His cheeks are pink and he keeps making his myoelectric arm flex. 

Mike finally comes back with Hanji, of all people, and then announces, “We’re playing Never Have I Ever.”

Ymir looks at Historia and says, “Excellent.” 

Erwin takes a big swig of his jungle juice. 

Everyone takes a seat on Mike's floor; Erwin and Levi put their backs to the sofa. 

“What is this now?” Levi asks. He's hardly familiar with fucking frat boy drinking games. 

“Easy,” Mike says. “When it's your turn you say something you've never done before. Anyone who's done that thing has to drink.” He holds up the handle of gin he brought with him and adds, “And I have backups. I'll start. Never have I ever fucked in the lake.” 

No one moves; Levi's not sure he understands the game until Erwin curses and swigs from his cup. 

Ymir says, “Ew.”

“It wasn't my fault!” Erwin protests. “And you're an asshole,” he tells Mike. 

“How is it not your fault?” Hanji demands, voice amused but also sharp, like a doctor asking how an unlikely injury occurred. 

“It was her idea?” Erwin tries. Ymir snorts. “I was drunk,” he tries again. Sasha lifts her brows and looks away. “Alright, fuck all you too,” he sulks. He doesn’t look at Levi at all. 

“Eren next,” Mike declares pointing at Eren who is sitting to his right. 

“Um,” Eren thinks. “Never have I ever been arrested.” 

Levi’s stomach drops. He’s about to think up a reason to leave when Mike, Historia, and Ymir all drink. So he drinks too. 

“You?” Ymir demands, looking down at Historia. “Why the fuck did you get arrested?” 

“Protest,” Historia says off-handedly. 

“Oh, fuck, me too,” Ymir grins. 

They both look at Mike. Mike rolls his eyes to the ceiling and says, “Public urination.” 

Ymir says, “Well, that fucking figures,” and then the whole circle looks at Levi. 

“The rules say I have to drink if I’ve done the thing, right?” 

“Right,” half the circle replies. 

“But I don’t have to tell you jack shit about the thing.” 

“No,” Erwin interjects loudly. “No, you don’t!” 

“But--” Mike starts. 

Levi smiles smugly and says, “Kiss my ass.” 

“Fine!” Ymir says brightly. “My turn. Never have I ever had sex with a man.” 

Levi makes a foul gesture and drinks. So does Sasha, Eren, Annie, and--

“Yo, what the _fuck,”_ Jean drawls when Mike takes a swallow of his drink. The whole group is staring at him, and Levi is maybe looking at Mike a little more closely than he probably should. 

“Hey, according to Levi, I don’t have to tell you shit,” Mike announces. 

“Oh, I can,” Erwin says with the most mischievous grin Levi thinks he’s ever seen him wear. “I know this story.” 

“Just once?” Ymir demands.

Mike rolls his eyes and relents. “Three times, one guy. And that’s all you’re getting out of me, I don’t kiss and tell. You keep your mouth shut, Smith.” 

Erwin snorts. 

It is Historia’s turn. “Never have I ever had a threesome.” 

Levi is surprised- Mike, Ymir, Annie, fucking _Sasha, and_ Erwin all drink. 

“Fuck, seriously?” Levi mutters to Erwin. 

Erwin blushes and says a little evasively, “Lake girl was adventurous.” For some reason, Levi doesn’t entirely believe him. 

Ymir smirks at Sasha and then makes a suggestive sort of face that has Historia blushing. 

Now it is Levi’s turn. Levi thinks for maybe longer than he should. They start groaning at him, telling him to move the game along when he finally says, “Never have I ever seen the ocean.” 

All of them stare at him and then drink. Levi frowns. He hadn’t thought _all_ of them would drink. Maybe he’s better at this game than he thought he was. 

Erwin says, “Never have I ever egged the dean’s house.” 

This proclamation is met with furrowed brows until Mike drinks. Then they demand the story. 

It goes like that for a while. Mike and Erwin seem determined to get each other completely wasted, with pointed lines designed perfectly for the other. Eventually Hanji proclaims “Never have I ever had sex,” to which there is an enormous uproar. 

When Historia doesn’t drink, Ymir stares at her. 

“What? I haven’t,” she says defensively. 

Ymir says, “Babe. I was there.” 

“Oh, that wasn’t--” Historia begins, but now Ymir is wearing an expression that is equal parts amusement and pointed annoyance. “But we--”

“Seriously?” Ymir demands. 

Levi and Erwin exchange glances. 

“Okay, but I mean, we _didn’t,”_ Historia is saying. “I mean, I’m still--”

“I swear to god if you say you’re a virgin I’m emailing your GSEX professors.” 

Historia’s face falls. “But.” 

“Hey,” Sasha proclaims. “She gets to decide if she’s a virgin or not.” 

“Not if her metric is ‘dick in vajay!’” Ymir proclaims. “Fuck am I, chopped liver?”

“By that metric, I’m a virgin,” Levi proclaims. They all turn and look at him. He has maybe had a little more to drink than he should. 

“Wait, you’ve _never_ been with a woman?” Eren asks. “How do you know you wouldn’t like it?”

Levi furrows his brows and throws out his hands. Some of his drink sloshes onto the floor.

Eren winces. “Sorry.” He shrugs. “I mean. Girls are nice too is all.” 

“That’s good for you. And _Mike_ apparently,” Levi adds, turning his head. “But I’m good.” 

“In my defense,” Mike announces. “He was very pretty.” 

“Oh, please,” Erwin mutters. “If that was the only reason you’d be jumping Levi’s bones.” 

Levi turns his head very slowly while the compliment twisted up in Erwin’s word percolates through his brain. He only realizes that the entire circle of people has gone very quiet when Erwin blushes scarlet and swigs his drink, pointedly looking everywhere but at Levi. Levi’s stomach turns over and he has to drink too. 

Hanji doesn’t seem to have noticed anything at all and says, “We have a very interesting range of sexual habits represented in this circle. How many people has each of you slept with and when did you lose your virginity?”

Annie and Sasha immediately protest. Ymir starts counting. Levi wonders why he and Erwin thought it was a good idea to invite Hanji at all.

Mike says, “Actually, yeah I want to hear this.” 

Levi does not. Levi doesn’t want to play this game at all. 

They decide to anyway. Mike declares the person who lost their virginity first has to take a double shot of gin he’s poured and whoever has had sex with the most partners gets to chose someone else to take a shot. 

Levi wonders if he should lie, but then Mike catches him off guard. “Levi. You go first, how old were you?” 

Levi winces. “Um.”

“Come on,” Ymir drawls. “Don’t be a little bitch.” 

Levi groans,” Fine, I was-- uh-- okay, technically thirteen. But like, almost fourteen, like a few months from fourteen.”

Mike whistles. “Well, I lose.” 

“Why, how old were you?” Levi demands. 

“Nineteen!” Mike proclaims _proudly._

They go around the circle. No one really comes close to him. The closest person is Ymir, who was apparently sixteen. The average age is eighteen. Excluding Hanji, Erwin was the oldest. 

Levi gaps at him when he says casually, “Uh, my twenty first birthday.” 

“Liar,” Levi says a little too quickly and a little too loudly. “Girls are always crawling all over you, you’re a fucking babe, there’s no way you were _twenty one.”_

The circle has gone quiet again, but Levi is not quite sure why. When he glances around, Mike is staring at him. When he meets Mike’s eye, Mike and Ymir suddenly look at each other. 

“I was a gentleman,” Erwin protests, oblivious to the way everyone is looking at him. “I… I wanted it to be special.” 

“That’s precious,” Levi declares flatly. “Was it?” 

Erwin giggles into his jungle juice. “Nope. Ended up in bed with a girl I met at the bar and I have no idea what her name was.” 

Levi has to take the double shot of gin. 

They go around the circle in reverse order after that, with Erwin starting the admission, and Levi going last. 

“Uh… I think… seventeen,” Erwin says, sounding almost defeated. 

Ymir makes a face, “Well, you’ve been busy, haven’t you?”

“Erwin is our resident whore,” Mike agrees casually. 

“It’s not you?” Levi demands. 

Mike holds up both hands. “Ten, bitch!”

“Well, I guess since we’re _not including Historia,”_ Ymir says with a glare, “Mike and I are tied.” 

Eren says four and Levi feels a little guilty since he's one of them. Historia says one with a shy smile and Ymir kisses her in a way that is not at all suitable for mixed company. When they finally get back to Levi, he shrugs. 

“What do you mean--” Annie finishes her sentence with a shrug.

“I dunno,” Levi announces. 

“How do you _not know?”_ Ymir demands. Then she mutters, “I carve that shit on my bed frame.”

Levi frowns. “I dunno, I lost track.” 

“Is it more than seventeen?” Mike demands, shooting Erwin a mock dirty look.

Levi smirks. “Oh, most definitely.” 

Mike points his cup at Levi and sloshes gin everywhere when he says, _“Whore!”_

“And for that, you can have a fucking shot, sweetheart,” Levi informs him. He blows Mike a kiss then and the whole circle laughs. 

Mike takes his shot. 

Hanji says, “Well, now what should we play?” 

Mike jolts to his feet. “ _I know.”_

They all stare at him. 

_“Fucking Spin the Bottle.”_

Levi scoffs. “What are we, ten?” 

“You played spin the bottle when you were ten?” Sasha asks smugly. “No wonder you lost your virginity at thirteen.”

“Nope, that’s it, spin the bottle!” Mike sings. He stumbles away to grab an empty beer bottle from a table in the hallway and jolts back to the floor. No one seems particularly bothered by his new game. Levi drinks his gin and decides what the fuck?

“Okay, okay, rules are, anyone goes, you spin again if it lands on you, and first kiss is lips, second there’s gotta be some tongue action, and third you get seven minutes heaven, baby.” He rubs his hands together then looks at the blank stares everyone is giving him. “Heaven is my closet,” he says throwing his hand up. 

“Ew,” Ymir mutters crinkling her nose. “That sounds like a good place to catch something.” 

Mike spins his bottle. Everyone laughs and cheers when he kisses Annie on the lips. Then Annie spins and Ymir whoops when she kisses Sasha. Sasha kisses Eren, Eren kisses Mike, and then--

“Pucker up, buttercup,” Mike announces. Erwin leans away from Levi when Levi leans forward onto his hands so he can reach Mike across the circle. 

Levi spins. 

It lands on Erwin and Levi finds it just a little curious that instead of the racuas bellows and laughs from before, the circle suddenly seems to _snicker._

Erwin’s cheeks are pink from his gin. “Um.” 

Levi’s stomach does a strange little flutter and he’s suddenly very uncertain why he agreed to play this stupid game. 

They get it over with, quickly, with no talking, and then Erwin clears his throat before he spins. 

Ymir says, “Oh shit,” under her breath when it lands on Levi. 

Levi waves his hand. “I mean, we just-- so you should just spin it again.” 

“Yeah, okay--” Erwin says very quickly. 

Mike interrupts him with a huge, accusatory point. “Nuh uh, no respins, you gotta do it, and there’s gotta be _tongue.”_

Levi’s face feels hot. He clears his throat. Erwin isn’t looking at him. 

“Don’t make it weird,” Eren complains. 

Jean elbows him in the chest. 

Erwin says, “Uh. I mean,” very softly, and Levi turns his head so quickly he makes himself dizzy. He keeps his eyes squeezed closed, tilts his head just enough, parts his lips _just enough_ \--

Erwin’s mouth is soft. 

Levi thinks that might be the worst thing he’s ever thought, but then his brain supplies, _He tastes good._ Before Levi can chase this new fact and examine it further, Erwin is leaning away from him, a sour twist to his lips, and Levi feels something turn over in his own chest. 

He crosses his arm and looks away before he remembers he has to spin the bottle again. 

It lands on Mike. Levi looks at him. His hair is messy and brushed back from his forehead and he looks at Levi with a good natured sort of amusement. When Levi leans across the circle, Mike puts both hands on his cheeks and kisses him _for real._ It’s not the shy, awkward brushing of tongues that Levi and Erwin just trudged through. He’s a good kisser, confident, and even though it’s short, it’s enough to leave Levi’s heart racing a little even while he chuckles and starts to push Mike away. Mike bites his lip for just a second, and Levi calls him an asshole. 

He feels a little lighter, a little less like this game is the absolute worst since Mike-- and everyone else in the circle-- is just laughing, but then Levi catches Erwin’s expression. He looks… Levi swallows and tries not to think _disgusted_ but the word still pops up in his head. And now Erwin’s glaring at Mike. 

Levi sits back down, frowning, and Mike spins the bottle.

Erwin is acting strange. He won’t look at Levi, won’t stop leaning away like Levi is a fire and Erwin’s skin is too hot. The kiss bounces around the circle, a few getting a little more heated much to the group’s amusement, and then Historia leans across the circle and gives Erwin a sweet, chaste little kiss on the lips that makes Ymir pout. 

Erwin’s bottle lands on Levi again and he says sharply, “Fuck, _seriously?”_

Levi glares at him. “I mean, fuck you too.” 

“No-- that’s not-- whatever, this game is stupid,” Erwin sulks. 

Levi has to agree. 

Mike is almost _giddy_ when he says, “Into the closet, you two.” 

“Um, no, I’m not doing that,” Levi tells him. 

“ _You’re_ not doing it?” Erwin adds. “At least you’re gay.” 

“I don’t fuck with straight dudes,” Levi snaps. “And you’re not even my type,” he adds, just for good measure. 

“What, gorgeous?” Eren mutters. When they all look at him, he says, “Did I say that out loud?”

“Closet!” Mike interrupts. He puts one hand on Levi’s shoulder and the other on Erwin’s and tries to pull them both up. 

They both bitch the whole way, but little by little, Levi allows himself to be steered into the closet. 

It’s got slats, so it’s not totally dark when Mike shuts the door. 

Levi looks up at Erwin and frowns. “This is stupid.” 

“Yeah,” Erwin agrees. “Stupid. Really stupid.” 

“Yeah,” Levi replies. “So we’re not gonna--”

“Oh, no. I mean. We have to live together so.”

“Yeah, let’s not make it weird.” 

“I mean. Yeah,” Erwin answers. “I mean, it’s not like. You know, it’d be different if it was Mike, or--Jean or something, but you’re not even straight.” 

Levi narrows his eyes. “What does that mean? And also didn’t we just determine Mike is _not_ straight?” 

“No--I mean, he had, with that one guy, but that was just a one time thing-- anyway, I just mean, it’d be different if we were like--”

“What, do you think you’re gonna catch the gay?” Levi demands, crossing his arms over his chest. “It doesn’t work like that.” 

“No, I know, I just meant--”

“That I’m gonna try to get you to _switch sides?”_ he presses testily. 

Erwin sighs in frustration. “ _No,_ I just meant--”

“You meant _what?”_

“Nothing!” Erwin says loudly. “Sorry, Whatever. Let’s just.” 

“Fine.” 

“Fine.” 

They stare at each other. Levi can smell the gin on Erwin’s breath, and his ridiculous shampoo. Levi hates how much he loves that shampoo. 

Levi shifts. The closet is small. He can barely stand here without touching Erwin. When he moves and his arm bumps Erwin’s, he turns his head, finds Erwin staring at him. 

He looks away. 

He looks back. 

Erwin is still staring. 

He can’t quite place the look on Erwin’s face. The way he’s staring at Levi is such a strange mix of emotions-- Levi counts confusion and guilt and concern before the expressions blur and Levi realizes he’s the one staring now. 

Erwin breaks the silence. “Levi.” 

“Uh huh,” Levi mutters. 

Erwin swallows. 

And then his eyes fall to Levi’s lips. 

Levi’s chest locks up like he’s just stepped into a cold shower. His head empties. His heart is _hammering_ all at once and he’s a fucking _fool,_ it hits him hard and strong and he realizes how stupid, how hopeless he has become that Erwin just glancing at him like that makes Levi feel like the sky is falling.

Erwin turns his shoulders. Takes a tiny stepforward. 

“Time’s up!”

Mike throws the doors open and Levi’s heart plummets into his guts. Erwin springs back from him like he’s been burned and then blinks innocently against the bright light. 

Mike says, “Did you…” He gives Levi a salacious grin and raises his brows. 

Levi scoffs. “Rules are we gotta go in the closet. You didn’t say we had to do anything once we were there.” 

“But,” Mike starts. 

“He’s right!” Hanji declares. “You said seven minutes in heaven, and you defined heaven as your closet. But you didn’t specify what activity needs to take place in said heaven.” 

Levi pats Mike on the shoulder smugly and marches back to his seat, mostly so he can hide the way his knees are suddenly shaking. 

The game disbands not long after that. They all break up, wander from the room. Erwin sprints away and leaves Levi sitting on Mike’s couch. Levi sighs in relief when he’s all alone again. He downs the rest of his jungle juice, lays his head back against the sofa, and closes his eyes. 

When he opens them again, he is well and truly wasted. He’s comfortable on Mike’s couch and he takes that as a good sign. After what happened with Eren last weekend he decides it’s probably _not_ a good idea to go find Someone to make the hangover he’s going to have in the morning worth it. 

Of course, he is in Mike’s room. And Mike isn’t so hard on the eyes, all blonde and fucking enormous. He’s almost as good-looking as Erwin-- or he’s not because no one really comes close to Erwin but he _reminds_ Levi of Erwin and maybe that--

That would be a very bad idea, he reasons to himself. And also not at all fair to Mike. And Mike is forward enough that if Levi started laying down the moves and Mike wasn’t into it, he’d probably just laugh and never let Levi live it down and that is _not_ something Levi needs to deal with. He might even call Levi _pledge_ and make him do fucking pushups again. 

Levi stretches out on Mike’s couch and closes his eyes again. He can be good tonight. It’s just one night. And maybe tomorrow, he’ll go down to Roxie’s or the seedy place he found on Sixth and work out some of his _feelings_ about goddamn Erwin Smith. 

And really what the fuck was he playing at in the closet? 

Levi puffs his hair out of his eyes and rolls onto his side, facing the door. 

He blames Never Have I Ever. Hearing all the ridiculous, _adventurous_ things his best friend and his frat brothers have done just made him curious, Levi decides. Even Jean and Eren had sucked up whatever tension they _constantly_ create with each other and shared a full on tongue kiss with no complaints when the bottle finished spinning. Erwin was the only one who’d acted like it was the end of the world. It makes sense that he just got a little bolder when no one else was looking. And Levi was just _convenient._

Almost on cue, the door bangs open. 

“Levi!” 

Levi looks up and finds Erwin staring at him. He’s holding a red cup in his right hand and his entire right arm in his left hand and Levi lifts both his brows and says, “What the fuck have you been doing?” 

Erwin giggles. “Wait, look.” He adjusts his grip on the arm, harness trailing, and drinks from the cup. Levi promptly falls over laughing because he’s not sure he’s ever seen anything so ridiculous. Erwin starts laughing too and the cup falls to the floor. 

“Oh, shit.” He stares down at the mess he’s made and then drops his arm on Mike’s desk. “It died,” he explains when he sees Levi looking. “Forgot to plug it in last night. I keep forgetting to do that but I mean who the fuck has to _charge_ their _arms.”_ He falls heavily onto the couch next to Levi and proclaims with utmost confidence, “I’m drunk enough to kiss you now.” 

A very drunk, very unwise, very opportunistic part of Levi almost launches himself at Erwin’s drink-pink face. 

Instead he rolls his eyes and says, “Oh, are you now?”

“Yup. Come on, let’s go, let’s do this.” 

Levi is feeling self indulgent and loose. He’s feeling a little amused, a little less standoffish than usual. 

He usually gets like this when he drinks. 

He puts one knee on either side of Erwin’s hips and straightens Erwin’s crooked collar when he says, “That’s a very bad idea.” 

Erwin looks up at him (and Levi likes being a little taller for once) and puts his hand on Levi’s hip. 

His hand is enormous and strong. It’s not fair. 

“Mike says we should,” Erwin tells him. 

“Mike is an idiot,” Levi informs him. He drops his hands to Erwin’s chest anyway, just to feel how solid he is. Erwin is smiling sleepily at him, not a care in the world, and no more self consciousness. 

“You kissed Eren,” Erwin says with a pout. “And Mike.”

Levi flicks him on the cheek. “Mike was a game, and Eren is a grade A bisexual, sugar. Fair game. But I don’t fuck with straight men,” he repeats. 

Erwin shifts. “How come?”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Because unlike a certain Miss Fritz, I have no interest in being someone’s token bucket list queer.” 

“What about Mike?” Erwin says accusingly. 

“What _about_ Mike?” 

“I saw the way you were looking at him! And the way you _kissed_ him!” 

Levi shrugs. “At least with Mike, I wouldn’t be a token. Plus,” he adds against his better judgement, “Mike’s enormous and that’s hot.” 

Erwin rolls his eyes in something like exasperation and says, “You’re nobody’s _token.”_ And then he mutters under his breath, “And he’s not _that_ big. He’s only three inches taller than me.”

Levi’s belly flutters and he has to work to keep his voice light when he says, “Right. And I’m not starting now.” He ignores the second part of Erwin’s statement entirely. 

Erwin pouts. Levi almost touches his lips with his thumb. He has _such_ pretty lips. It’s _really_ not fair. 

“You wanna know why it’s a bad idea?” Levi asks.

Erwin leans his head back against the sofa. He’s drunker than Levi has ever seen him, but he’s still clear eyed and that’s impressive. He nods. “Tell me.” 

“Well,” Levi says silkily. “You’re drunk.” 

“Yeah,” Erwin sighs. 

“So. You might like it.” 

Erwin furrows his brows with a little laugh, so Levi goes on. “I’m a _very_ good kisser, see, and you’re drunk enough that things are gonna start getting swirly. So maybe you like it. Maybe you forget you’re not into dudes for a little while because a warm body is a warm body and you’re just drunk enough that it stops mattering.” 

Erwin tightens his hand on Levi’s waist. 

Levi, against every urge of self preservation he has, lowers his voice and says, “Maybe I suck your dick.” He doesn’t do that often. But for Erwin? 

Erwin's pupils dilate like Levi has just shined a light in his eyes. 

“Maybe I let you fuck me.” 

Erwin swallows so loud Levi hears it, and then shifts so Levi has to tighten his arms around Erwin's neck to keep from losing his balance. He's being foolish, self indulgent, flirting like this but he's never been good at controlling his sexual impulses when he's been drinking and like it or not all his sexual impulses have been pointing at Erwin for a while now. 

“Maybe we enjoy ourselves.” 

“So.” Erwin's voice is husky and he has to stop talking to lick his lips. “So what's the problem.” 

“The problem is eventually we sober up. And maybe you don't feel right about what happened. Maybe you think I should have known better, or you should have. Maybe you hate me.” 

“I'd never hate you,” Erwin insists. Levi is shocked when his arm curls higher around Levi's back and he pulls Levi into a hug. 

It stops the words in his mouth, this casual display of affection. Levi can't remember the last time anyone _hugged_ him. It was probably Isabel. 

“You could,” Levi insists. He's easy to hate. Erwin probably would if he knew the whole story, if he knew who Levi is and what he is capable of. 

Erwin looks up at him and says earnestly, “Never.” 

Levi stares and before he can reply, before he can make his head work again, Erwin puts his head on Levi's chest and sighs. 

“Let's go home.” 

_Home._ The word shocks him because it feels right.God, is that really what he thinks of his dorm? Or maybe…

Maybe it's Erwin. 

The thought stops him cold. 

But Erwin just leans sleepily against him. And Levi realizes he probably won’t remember any of this. That they’ve both been drinking, they can play some of this off. 

He puts his hand against the back of Erwin’s neck, scratches his fingers through the short hair there and gets a whiff of that shampoo again. 

Mike stomps into the room and Levi jerks, but Erwin barely flinches. 

“I’m going to sleep, bitches,” Mike announces. “Go be weird somewhere else.”

“Fuck you, Zacharias,” Erwin slurs. 

“Not tonight, baby,” Mike taunts. He falls face first into his bed, muttering something Levi can’t hear. 

Levi gets Erwin on his feet. He carries his arm for him and keeps him from stumbling too much on the way back to the dorm. 

They still get stopped by campus police halfway there.

The campus police force looks and acts just like the city police and Levi is sober all at once, heart tight and painful in his chest. 

Levi quickens his step as they walk by, tries to rush Erwin by without being too obvious, but just as they walk past, Levi hears, “Excuse me, boys!” 

Levi’s hands start to sweat. He turns, trying to look casual, and Erwin swaggers around beside him. “Yes, sir?”

“Where are you boys headed?” 

Levi lets his eyes get wide. “Our dorm, sir. We’re in Rose, so it’s right there.” He points. 

The officer walks up to them. 

“You boys been drinking tonight?” 

“No, sir,” Levi says without hesitation. 

Erwin says, “We weren’t doing anything, why does it matter?” 

“I saw you stumble,” the officer tells Erwin without flinching. 

Erwin laughs. “Bullshit.” 

Levi turns his head and feels his heart rate double. “Uh, we’re just right here, sir, so we can--”

“I’m gonna need to see some ID.” 

Erwin blinks. “Why?” 

Levi hisses, “Erwin.” He takes out his ID. 

“He doesn’t need to see our IDs because we weren’t doing anything,” Erwin says belligerently. “We’re just walking back to our dorm, what’s your problem, man?” 

“Sir, I’m gonna need you to sit right there,” the officer says, voice sharp, authoritative. 

Erwin says, “What? _Why?”_

“Sit down, sir.” 

“Officer, there really isn’t any need--” Levi begins.

“ _Sit down, sir.”_

Levi takes a step back, hands in the air. The officer has his fucking hand on his taser. 

Erwin says, “What the _fuck.”_

Levi pushes him down, hard, and hisses, “ _Stay there.”_ Erwin looks up at him, all wide eyed and suddenly realizing that this situation is more serious than he knows.

Levi turns around very slowly and says loudly, “Sorry, sir. I’m just taking him back to the dorm.” 

The officer eyes him suspiciously, and says, “I’m still gonna need you to sit down.” 

“Of course, sir. Do you still want my ID?” Levi holds it out. 

The officer extends his hand and Levi has to step forward to put it in his hand. “Sorry about that,” Levi says conspiratorially. “He’s having some trouble lately.” 

“Trouble?” 

Levi nods as earnestly as he can. “Yes, sir.” He jerks Erwin’s arm and the officer looks down at it. “Since the accident.” 

The officer’s brows furrow a little, and he glances down at Levi’s ID. “He’s been drinking,” the officer asserts. 

“Yes, sir,” Levi says. “But he’s of legal age, and I was just making sure he gets back to the dorm okay. We don’t want any trouble.” 

The officer looks up. Erwin has his head in his hand. “I need to see your ID, son.” 

Erwin looks up, looks like he might argue, but then he sees Levi’s face and he reaches into his back pocket. 

The officer examines his ID and then hands it back to Levi. “Get him home,” he says firmly. “You boys stay out of trouble.” 

“Yes, sir,” Levi says smoothly. He pockets Erwin’s ID, helps Erwin to his feet, and they silently head back to the dorm. When they get a few steps away from the officer, Erwin opens his mouth. 

Levi hisses, “Not another goddamn word.” 

Erwin actually listens to him. He doesn’t break the silence until they get into their room. “Jesus, Levi, what the fuck was that?” he slurs in disgust. “I’ve never heard you suck up to someone like that.” 

Levi is shaking. “Erwin,” he says, voice so calm and furious Erwin immediately turns his head and looks. “You almost got me arrested.” 

Erwin scoffs. “He wouldn’t have arrested us.” 

“ _Yes,_ he would have.”

“Please,” Erwin waves his hand. “My dad would have tied them up in so much litigation--” 

Levi explodes. “You fucking _idiot! I’m a goddamn felon, if I get arrested for underaged drinking I go to prison.”_

Erwin blinks at him. “They wouldn’t put you in jail for that-- you’re a felon?” he adds sharply. 

“ _Yes,_ they would have, it’s a violation of my goddamn parol, if I break _any_ laws I lose _everything,_ I lose my scholarship, my fucking _freedom,_ Jesus _fucking Christ,_ just because you had to mouth off to a fucking _police officer,_ I don’t have any chances left to take, Erwin!” 

Erwin shakes his head like he can’t make Levi’s words fit there. “You’re a felon?” 

“ _Yes,”_ Levi sighs. “What, did you think they locked me up for a fucking traffic violation?”

“I…. I guess I just didn’t really think-- I mean you’re really smart, so--”

Levi makes a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “God, what fucking fantasy world do you live in?”

“What?” 

“You think everyone who’s ever been locked up is a big dumb thug, is that it? You think _smart people_ can’t be fucked over by the system?” 

Erwin rolls his eyes. “ _The system.”_

“ _Fuck you,_ you have no _idea_ what the real world is like.” 

Levi watches Erwin snap. Maybe it’s because he’s been drinking. Maybe Levi just said a very wrong thing. Erwin yanks his prosthetic off the counter were Levi has laid it and points it at Levi’s face. 

His voice is shaking when he says, “ _Fuck. You, Levi.”_

Levi rolls his eyes. “You wouldn’t even _have_ that arm if it wasn’t for your _daddy._ How much did that thing cost? Fucking _tens of thousands,_ right? State of the art, top of the line!” Levi insists. “If you were me, you wouldn’t even have a _prosthesis_ much less a bionic one.” 

“If I were you, I wouldn’t be a fucking _criminal,”_ Erwin flings back. “Plenty of people have a shit childhood and don’t join _gangs.”_

“Shit-- shit childhood? You have _no idea--_ try _orphan,”_ Levi hisses. “Try bastard and whoreson.” 

Erwin scowls and mutters, “ _Whoreson.”_

“My mother was a fucking prostitute, Erwin,” Levi says flatly. “It wasn’t an _expression.”_

Erwin’s eyes get big. “That _still_ doesn’t--”

“God, you’ve got this _perfect_ life,” Levi says coldly. “With your daddy and your houses and your _money._ That accident would have _killed_ half the kids I grew up with and it barely even phased you.” 

Erwin stops dead, face flashing through shock and rage and hurt and Levi is too angry to feel bad about it. Not until Erwin says in bitter disbelief, “Barely phased me.” 

He turns on his heel and disappears into his bedroom. When he comes back out he’s holding a square leather case with a zipper. Levi watches him unzip it and then Erwin hurls a pill bottle at his head. 

“Here you go, Levi, have my perfect fucking life.” He flings another bottle. Levi catches it, and then Erwin throws a third, and a fourth. “There you go! See, see how much the _accident phased me.”_

Levi’s head hurts. He’s had too much to drink, and he’d had _such_ a good night. 

He peers down at the bottles in his hand. Zoloft. Xanax. The two on the floor are Flexeril and something Levi doesn’t recognize. Levi reads the last bottle in silence, and Erwin says brightly, “Wait, I forgot one.” He marches back into his room and comes back out holding a fifth bottle. He slams it down on the counter. “Have to keep that one _separate._ After what happened over the summer. Can’t have it just lying around, too _tempting.”_

It’s the oxy. Levi says quietly. “What happened this summer?”

“I took too much,” Erwin mutters. Levi looks at him sharply, heart plummeting into his stomach and twisting so tightly he thinks he’s going to be sick. Erwin adds hastily, “Not on purpose. It just hurt.”

Levi feels his mouth twist. “And they gave you more?” 

The ways their lives are so different amazes him. If he’d ODed on fucking _oxycodone_ he’d never see another pill as long as he lived.

“You didn’t know me,” Erwin answers. “So maybe you don’t fucking see the way everyone treats me now. How no one lets me _carry_ anything anymore, and Mike is always saying, _how ya doing, man_ , and--” He looks at Levi coldly. “Let’s trade. You can have all my _daddy's money_ and his houses and boats and businesses, but we’re gonna chop off your fucking arm first, would you do it?” 

Levi doesn’t answer. 

“Thought not.” 

Levi sets the pill bottles on the counter. “Erwin, you shouldn’t be drinking when you’re taking these,” he says carefully. Erwin scowls. 

Levi thinks of how he drinks every weekend, and sleeps in late, or all day when he doesn’t have class and feels like a fool. 

“I’m serious,” he says quietly. “This is some hard shit, you need to be careful.” 

“Just because my world is different than yours doesn’t make it any less real,” Erwin tells him. “And you don’t have a fucking monopoly on misery.”

“I know,” Levi tells him quietly. “I was out of line, okay, I couldn’t-- I’m sorry.”

Erwin takes a deep breath. His eyes look red, full. He scrubs a hand over his face. “That stuff you said about your mom--” he says finally. 

Levi shifts. “Yeah.” 

“That’s…” 

Levi shrugs. “Yeah.” 

Erwin breathes out and shakes his head. “They’d really… just for a few drinks?” 

“Yes, Erwin,” Levi says tiredly. “The tiniest fuck up and it’s _over_ for me.” 

Erwin’s brows knit together and he says in utter disbelief. “But you’re only nineteen.” 

Levi swallows. “They got me on robbery, okay? Armed robbery. But Erwin. There’s a lot of shit they _didn’t_ get me on and if they go digging, they’re gonna fucking find it. The _only_ reason I’m not behind bars right now is… is cause I’m small,” Levi admits. “And I was sixteen when I was arrested and there was this-- this car accident.” He clears his throat and barrels on before Erwin can ask him about it. “My lawyer played up all that shit, and called me a child, and-- I’m all grown up now. I’m lucky I got a second chance. There won’t be any thirds.”

Erwin is quiet, thinking. When he lifts his head, he’s wearing a twisted smile. “We’re a fucking pair, aren’t we?” 

Levi laughs once, humorless, and says, “Yeah, I guess we are.” 

“I don’t think I can sleep now,” Erwin mutters. He starts tossing his pill bottles back in the little bag. 

Levi is exhausted. He doesn’t feel drunk anymore, just sick, but he still says, “Me neither.” 

He gets two bottles of water out of the fridge and gives one to Erwin. They sit on the couch, turn on the TV. Erwin flips to _Cops._

Levi plays the conversation over in his head and wonders why he told Erwin all he did. And why he apologized. And why seeing Erwin’s pills made his heart hurt. 

He doesn’t come up with any valid answers to any of those questions. All he knows is that Erwin officially knows more about him than anybody. Except maybe Kenny. Or Zeke. 

It scares him. 

It scares him a lot. 

*

“Levi.”

Levi’s head hurts. He cracks an eye and finds the common room full of light. He’s leaning on Erwin and he sits up quickly, startled by the contact. Erwin cracks his neck. The TV is still playing quietly. 

“Fuck, my head,” Levi groans, putting his face in his hands and his elbows on his knees. 

“Yeah,” Erwin grumbles. “Fuck, how much did we drink?” 

“Too much,” Levi answers. He squints at Erwin and has to look away. He hadn’t been drunk enough to gain the luxury of forgetting the way he and Erwin had yelled at each other, or worse, the way he’d--

Levi swallows, remembering the feel of Erwin’s big hand on his hip, and the soft hair at the back of his neck. The way they’d touched each other--

“Shower,” Levi says sharply. He escapes into the bathroom just for the chance to be alone. 

He showers with the light off, and sits under the stream for a long time. His brain replays the party on obsessive loop. The way Erwin had looked at him in the closet. The way his lips had felt even though Levi was trying not to pay any attention to that. The way Erwin had _held_ him and mumbled, _Let’s go home._

He can’t clear his head long enough to decide what to do about it. The fight had been stupid. He’d said too much, expected too much. Why would Erwin be afraid of the police, after all. 

But the _party._

_You should talk to him._

He actually laughs at the thought the moment it occurs to him. As if there’s anything to talk about. He knows what’s going on here, and he’d already told Erwin he wouldn’t be anyone’s _This one time in college._ Self respect wasn’t something Levi had much of, but he had enough to refuse that at least. 

When he comes out of the shower, Erwin is standing in Levi’s bedroom. 

“What are you doing?”

Erwin turns around, holding Levi’s phone in his hand. 

“I heard it ringing,” he explains. “You’re uncle.” He holds out the phone. 

Levi doesn’t want to take it. But he has to. He knows he does. 

“Hello?”

“Kid.” 

Levi fiddles with the drawstring on his gym shorts and says, “Yeah. What’s up, why are you calling?” He tries to keep his voice casual. But Kenny never calls. 

“Uh. Listen. Levi.” 

Levi feels like he’s been punched in the chest. He’s not sure he can ever remember Kenny actually saying his name. 

“Well, I guess I should just-- Isabel’s dead, kid.” 

It is a long time before Levi speaks. “When.” 

“This morning. Real early. Thought you should know.” 

Levi clears his throat and says gruffly, “Uh. F-funeral?” 

“Nah, kid, no one to go. But. I can claim her ashes. For you. If you want me to.”

“Okay.”

“Sorry, kid. I know you knew it was gonna happen but. Uh.” 

“Yeah. Knew. It. So.” 

“So.” 

“Bye.” 

Kenny is quiet for a long time. Then he says, “Bye, Levi.” 

Levi closes his phone and drops it on the bed. And then he goes to sit in his closet. 

He forgets that Erwin is standing there until Erwin silently sits beside him, head thrown back against the door frame. 

Levi stares at a spot between his knees and picks at his nails. He can hear sirens in his head, hear himself screaming at a dead body in a red car, feel the way his fist bounces off the man’s face, feel two police officers tearing him away, telling him _calm down, son, hey, it’s gonna be alright_ before they’d realized who he was. 

“Who,” Erwin says finally.

The officers sit him down on the side of the road. The EMTs check the man in the red car. And Farlan. Levi watches them try to stabilize Isabel. Levi has her blood on his hands and Farlan’s on his shirt.

Erwin has asked him a question. Levi says, “Isabel.” He can’t make his tongue work, can’t make his brain process thoughts. He doesn’t want to talk. He wants Erwin to go away, and yet when Erwin speaks, it’s like a light in the dark, something for him to latch onto. 

“What happened?” 

The officer’s voice is quiet. _We got a problem here._ Levi watches one of them reach into the back seat where Isabel and Farlan had _just been_ and pull out Isabel’s leather jacket. They’d taken them off for the robbery, hadn’t put them back on yet. Her jacket is bigger than it should be but still smaller than Levi’s, than Farlan’s. _What’s your name, boy?_ The officer’s show each other the Titan patches. Isabel has one on her sleeve that says _Nobody’s Old Lady_ and another that says _Fight Like a Girl._

“Uh.” 

Erwin is patient. 

“Car accident,” Levi says finally. “Three years ago.” 

Erwin doesn’t look at him, but Levi knows he is listening and will listen as long as Levi lets him. As long as Levi needs him to.

His voice cracks when he says, “I was driving.” Erwin breathes out. “She, um. She’s been in a coma. So. Or. Brain dead. So you know, we. I knew it was gonna.” He swallows. “She was a ward of the state. They wanted to. Unplug her. But it got tied up in some litigation about the Titans and her biological parents.” 

Erwin puts his hand on the back of Levi’s neck. 

“That’s how they caught us,” he admits finally. “We’d just robbed this convenience store and Isabel and Farlan were in the back counting the cash. They weren’t even following us. But this. This _asshole_ pulled out in front of me-- and they. He died at the scene and she-- and I just _walked away_ with a fucking _headache_ and a busted lip.”

“It sounds like it wasn’t your fault, Levi.” 

“It wasn’t.” He licks his lips. 

They put him in handcuffs. They load Isabel into an ambulance and won’t let him go with her. They cover Farlan with a sheet.

“I read this book after the accident,” Erwin tells him. Erwin’s voice snaps Levi back to the closet, to the warm, comforting weight on the back of his neck that he can’t bare to shrug away. “‘Excess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury for the living and the dead know it not.’” 

Levi looks around, startled. He’d been so convinced Erwin was about to tell him Isabel is _in a better place,_ or _it hurts cause you’re human,_ or some other inane platitude that means absolutely nothing. 

Levi feels his lips twist bitterly and he says, “I’m the only one who cares.” 

“It sounds like she’s been gone a long time,” Erwin says gently. 

He squeezes the back of Levi’s neck. 

Levi puts his head in his hands so he won’t have to see Erwin staring at him. But he doesn’t push him away. He should. He keeps telling himself he should. Especially when his shoulders start to shake and he realizes his hands are wet where they touch his eyelids. 

Erwin scoots a little closer to him. Levi lets him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for: mentions of depression, character death (Isabel), car accidents, blood, asshole cops, and a /sorta/ suicide mention. Kinda. Really I'm only including this cause Erwin and Levi's conversation about Erwin's mental health probably needs to be tagged? But like idk there's probably other stuff in this chapter worth mentioning... maybe. Seriously please let me know if I missed something you think I should tag. I'll be sure to add tags for it if it pops up in future chapters. <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi slams the door behind him and says, “What the fuck are you playing at?”
> 
> “Levi,” Zeke says mildly. “It’s so good to see you, it’s been ages.” 
> 
> “Fuck you.” 
> 
> “I had heard you were back in the city. You can imagine my disappointment to hear that you didn’t think to come visit your family.” 
> 
> Levi says very softly, “Fuck you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, a little late on the posting this week! I blame Kylux and May the Fourth . :D 
> 
> ANYWAY WELCOME TO THIS CHAPTER WHERE SOME SHIT STARTS TO GO DOWN KINDA. Honestly just HAVE MY RIDICULOUS BULLSHIT 
> 
> (Also-- this chapter contains a trigger warning for non-con-- see the end notes for a fuller explanation of the scene.)

“Hello, Levi, coffee?” Petra waves a hand in front of Levi’s face. 

“Hmm?” He turns his head and finds her watching him in exasperation. 

“I said do you want to get coffee sometime,” she laughs. “You’re a thousand miles away today.” 

“Yeah, sure, coffee,” he answers. He’d been thinking about Erwin. He’d offered to drive Levi to Kenny’s in a few weeks to pick up Isabel’s ashes; he’s getting his car from his dad’s at Thanksgiving, he’d said, and can take Levi wherever he wants. Levi’s not sure he wants Erwin seeing where Kenny lives. 

“How about tomorrow night?” 

“Sure. Sounds good.” 

“There’s this great place on Madison called Redeye. You wanna meet there at seven?” 

“Yeah, that sounds great, Petra.” 

Levi peers down at his notes. He needs Petra to help him understand Monday’s lecture. He _thinks_ he has it but he’s not sure, and she’s a good tutor.

“Great,” Petra says warmly. “I can’t wait.” 

“Sure,” Levi mutters, still distracted. “Can’t wait.” 

When Levi gets back to the dorm, he finds Erwin stretched out on the couch reading _The Iliad._

“You don’t have that memorized by now?” Levi asks. 

Erwin shrugs, takes a bite of his apple. “You should read it,” Erwin tells him. 

Levi makes a face. 

“Come on, you’d like it. Do you know anything about Achilles?” 

“Badass with a shitty ankle?” 

Erwin chuckles. “The heel thing didn’t really come til later. Achilles was this incredible warrior, the greatest warrior the Greeks had. The pinnacle of Greek fighting prowess. He was so fast no one could even come close to him. Only,” Erwin pauses and smirks. “He was in love.” 

Levi rolls his eyes. “Sounds fascinating.” 

“Don’t you want to know about his lover?” 

Levi shrugs. “I’m sure something terrible happens to her.” 

“ _Him.”_

Levi blinks. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. His name was Patroclus, and he was… they use this word that means like, beloved, but it’s more than that. He was everything to Achilles.”

“What happened?” Levi asks in spite of himself. 

Erwin frowns. “Agamemnon pissed him off and he refused to fight until Agamemnon, like, apologized, admitted he’d fucked up. Only Agamemnon was a piece of shit so of course, he was like fuck that, we’ll fight without Achilles. And then the Trojans attacked and all the Greeks were dying and Patroclus couldn’t stand it, so they came up with this plan.” 

“Does this involve a horse?”

Erwin chuckles. “No. Well. Sorta similar concept. See, they decided to dress Patroclus up in Achilles’ armor. Then Achilles would maintain his honor, but the Trojans would be so terrified to see Achilles on the battlefield, they’d all run from the sight of him.” Erwin takes another bite of his apple. “It worked. And Patroclus, he wasn’t a great fighter, but he even managed to kill Sarpedon, who was like, one of the famous heros.”

Levi takes the book out of Erwin’s hand. He’s never read anything Greek, and his knowledge of Greek mythology doesn’t extend far past what has percolated into pop culture. 

“And?” he says absently when Erwin doesn’t keep talking. 

Erwin smirks at him, and Levi realizes he’s invested without meaning to be. 

“Hector killed Patroclus. And then he stole Achilles’ armor.” 

Levi frowns. 

“And Achilles was so devastated, he hunted Hector down like an animal. And Hector was this… he was the best hero the Trojans had, and he was, by all accounts, a good guy, but he killed Patroclus and Achilles was coming for him. When he saw Achilles coming he ran, but Achilles caught up to him, and Hector, being the honorable warrior he was, he said, listen, if I kill you, I’ll make sure the Greeks get your body, so you do the same for me.”

When Levi just blinks, enthralled, Erwin adds, “Oh, the Greeks had like, really meticulous funeral rites that had to be carried out if you wanted to pass on to the after life.

“So, Achilles says-- you’ll love this-- he says, ‘There can be no covenants between sheep and wolves, nor between you and me.’” 

Levi’s lips quirk. “Fuck, that’s metal.” 

Erwin nods and takes the last bite of his apple. “And of course, Hector doesn’t stand a chance. And Achilles-- this is kinda fucked up, actually-- Achilles takes his body and drags it around behind his chariot and parades it for days on end back and forth around Patroclus’ tomb, which is like, the most disrespectful thing you can do. He was just so heartbroken over losing Patroclus, nothing else mattered to him anymore.” 

“So then what?”

Erwin tilts his head. “Achilles died. The Gods sort of turned on him after he defiled Hector’s body, so Apollo blessed this arrow and Paris shot him.”

“Aw, that’s bullshit,” Levi complains. “Just a stray arrow?” 

“Well, it wasn’t a stray arrow,” Erwin corrects. “But Achilles had requested that when he died, they mix his ashes with Patroclus’ so they could be together always.”

“What the fuck, that’s so gay and tragic.”

“They got to be together,” Erwin says, spreading his hands. “All the classics are like that,” he adds. “Tragic and fucked up. You know, there was this prophecy that Achilles would die after Hector-- that if he fought in the war, he’d die young but a hero, but if he didn’t, he’d die old and in obscurity, which was like, a fate worse than death to the Greeks. So he avoided killing Hector for years. Except if he had killed Hector when he first saw him, Patroclus wouldn’t have died, and Achilles wouldn’t have defiled Hector’s body and pissed off the gods and lost their favor.”

“That’s frustrating,” Levi tells him. 

“Very. Greek prophecy is this big exercise in irony. If people would just stop telling each other about the prophecies everyone would be a lot happier and less dead.” 

Levi frowns at Erwin’s book. It’s a tattered paperback, and when Levi flips it open, he finds the pages covered in notes and highlighter. 

He says, “Which one was Apollo again?”

Erwin smiles at him. “Popular culture has him as the sun god, but that’s not really accurate. Originally he and Artemis-- his badass twin sister-- weren’t associated with the sun and the moon at all. He’s the god of truth and prophecy, healing, music, _plague--”_

“Plague?” Levi interrupts. 

“Thought you didn’t like _this Greek bullshit,”_ Erwin says to him smugly. 

And Levi blushes. He feels heat crawling up his neck and his face and it takes him a minute to realize it’s because he’d been about to say, _But you like it._

Erwin is smiling at him, his smug expression slowly falling into something fond and amused and Levi doesn’t quite know how or when this happened. Two months ago he would have locked himself in his room. Two months ago he never would have asked Erwin about gods or myths at all. 

“Maybe it’s not so bad,” he mutters. 

He holds out Erwin’s book and Erwin says, “Keep it.” 

Levi tries not feel like he’s been given something precious. He tries not to feel like he’s not worthy of it. 

*

The number of pledges who have swum the lake keeps growing. Eren climbs out, cold and dripping, and Levi is glad he got to go first, when it was still warm out. They’d done it early tonight and have to break up quickly when the campus police nearly catch them. Erwin and Levi head back to their dorm to get dressed. Erwin had informed Levi that every party this month would be a costume party-- October festivities were popular with the Sigma Kaps. The first theme is, Levi was chagrined to find out, _Grease._

He pulls an old leather jacket from the bottom of his drawer and stares at it. He hasn’t looked at it in a while; when he pulls it out, the only photo he has of Isabel, Farlan, and him floats to the floor. Levi stares at it for a moment before he sets it on his dresser. 

The jacket is worn, but sturdy. There are dark spots where patches used to be. Levi runs his fingers over the place on the front where the standard _T_ had been, and then turns it over. The back had been unique. Two huge angel wings. Only Levi got to wear angel wings. He still remembers the way people had looked at him when they’d seen him, barely over five feet tall and _he_ was the one wearing Zeke’s wings. Fear was a heady drug. 

“Hey, Levi, do you have--” 

Levi crumbles up the jacket guiltily when Erwin throws open his door. He is wearing a white T-shirt and tight jeans that make Levi’s heart race.

“Sorry,” Erwin says when he sees the look on Levi’s face. “Are you--”

“Fine. What do you need?” 

“Do you have any hair wax? The stuff I use isn’t stiff enough.” 

Levi blinks. “Erwin have you ever seen me use hair wax.”

“Well, no,” Erwin mutters. 

“No, I don’t have _hair wax.”_

_“Fine,”_ Erwin groans. “I’ll call Mike.” 

He closes the door, and Levi looks down at his jacket again. His scratched, scuffed jacket. His colors. His armor. 

Relegated to a halloween costume. 

Levi puts it on anyway and inhales. Old leather, cigarettes, sweat. Fuck, it smells like the clubhouse; Levi had forgotten. Fits like a glove. Like stepping back through time. 

He feels like something has loosened in his chest. He feels like himself.

He comes out of his bedroom and sees Erwin in the bathroom, combing his hair into place. 

“Did you find--”

“Hanji had gel,” Erwin says brightly. He steps out of the bathroom, pauses to throw a leather jacket of his own on (cheaper, something he ordered on Amazon so it’s a little stiff and a little shiny) and then throws out his arms. “How do I look?”

Levi swallows. 

He looks like a goddamn dream. The jeans are sinful. The t-shirt is too tight and the jacket makes Levi think of dangerous men who smelled like whiskey and motor oil. And he’s combed his hair into a perfect greaser coif. There’s even one curl falling loose across his forehead. 

“Great,” Levi says gruffly. 

“You too,” Erwin says brightly. “That jacket is tight, where did you get that?” 

Levi clears his throat, about to change the subject, but then Erwin says softly, “Oh.” 

Levi scuffs his leather boot against the floor. 

“Looks good on you.”

“Thanks.” _Feels good,_ he does not say. 

“What are you gonna do to your hair?”

“My hair is fine,” Levi says, rolling his eyes. 

“No, it’s a costume party,” Erwin insists. “Come here.” 

He drags Levi into the bathroom. Levi puts his back on the sink and crosses his arms as he stares up at Erwin. “You can’t get my hair to do that,” he says. 

“Sure, I can,” Erwin replies brightly. “Hold still.” 

He crowds into Levi’s space and Levi can smell his skin. Can feel the heat coming off his chest. 

He puts his fingers in Levi’s hair and Levi can’t breathe. And he can’t make himself escape. “Would you squeeze that gel bottle for me?” Erwin says absently, holding out his hand. He’s holding the bottle in his prosthesis, and Levi takes it from him, squeezes a dollop into his hand. 

He works the gel into Levi’s hair, and Levi is gripping the sink so hard he’s afraid he’s going to break it. He’s clenching his jaw, holding himself so tightly--

Erwin says, “There. Perfect,” and then looks down.

Levi looks up. Erwin smiles at him, one of his fingers still trying to coax Levi’s bone straight hair into a curl at the front. 

Levi’s chest hurts. 

The dorm room door bangs open and Levi jumps. Erwin just takes a step back, like he hadn’t just been staring into Levi’s _soul,_ like he hadn’t had his hand in Levi’s hair, like Levi hadn’t been struggling to keep breathing. 

“You two look _hot,”_ Mike drawls with a fake feminine accent that makes Levi throw him the finger. He leans against the door of the bathroom and says, “Are we doing each other’s hair?”

“Eat me, Zacharias,” Erwin tells him. 

“Buy me a drink first.” 

*

The Sigma Kap house seems even more full than usual. Levi sees _a lot_ of men he doesn’t know, and he sees a few looking at him. Erwin gets swarmed by about five girls in poodle skirts almost instantly, and it puts a sour taste in Levi’s mouth. But Erwin shakes them all off and tells Levi to come play beer pong with him. They run the table for a while, until Mikasa and Annie show up. Mikasa seems a little less chilly every time Levi sees her, but he can tell she still wants to take his head off. It doesn’t help that not long after they arrive, a _very_ drunk Eren shows up and throws his arms around Levi’s neck. 

Erwin scowls when he thinks Levi isn’t looking and Levi decides to make an exit. He leaves Eren and Erwin and the girls, and moves to the dance floor. 

Someone taps him on the shoulder. When he turns around, he finds a thin, lanky man regarding him. “You’re Levi, aren’t you?” 

Levi looks around. “Uh. Yeah?”

“Wanna dance?” 

Levi blinks. He agrees. After a few minutes, another man taps him on the shoulder. 

And Levi realizes his reputation has finally caught up to him. He leaves the dance floor and goes to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. Erwin is there, talking to a very pretty girl in leather pants so tight Levi wonders if she’s sewn in; he doesn’t even notice Levi is there. 

Levi smokes his cigarette and can’t tear his eyes off of them. 

When he is done, he storms back inside, not at all sure why he’s so angry, and gets grabbed by Mike when he passes by the kitchen. 

“What?”

“Come on, _pledge,”_ Mike says brightly. “You’re all doing keg stands.” 

Levi almost protests, but then he realizes that’s hardly the worst thing Mike could ask him to do. He stumbles out of the kitchen a minute later having set the record to beat for the night and wanders back into the dance room. 

The second he walks into the room, he finds someone. Someone is big, and a little tubby for Levi’s liking, but he has golden blonde hair. Someone will do. 

Levi lets Someone push him into a dark corner, pin him there, and tries not to think of Erwin. How many Someones has Levi found for just this reason? Too many, really. This is stupid. He’s being stupid, and to top it off, he’s way out of Someone’s league. Levi’s had his share of men and tonight’s Someone is scraping the bottom of the barrel. 

Then Erwin comes in. Levi sees him over Someone’s shoulder, sees him see Levi, and sees his face get cold and blank. This was a bad idea. 

“Alright, chill,” he mutters, pushing Someone away from him. 

Someone doesn’t budge. He’s kissing the side of Levi’s mouth and Levi scowls. 

“Get the fuck off me.” 

Someone takes a step closer. 

And Levi is enraged, all at once. He shoves Someone hard on the chest and Someone stumbles. "I said get the fuck off me, asshole!” 

Someone’s acne speckled face twists in anger. “But you--”

Levi jerks against the wall. Erwin is there. He twists his hand in Someone’s shirt and shoves him into the wall so hard the wall shakes. 

Levi blinks. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Levi says, nonplussed. “He just--”

“Yeah,” Erwin says with a glare. He’s bigger than Someone and Someone is looking between him and Levi with an expression that is equal parts annoyed, confused, and just a little scared. “He told you to stop.”

“I was just--”

“He _told you to stop.”_

Someone rolls his eyes. “Come on, I know who he is, he’s not--” 

Whatever he’d been about to say is drowned out when Erwin pulls him off the wall and shoves him toward the kitchen. Someone stumbles, and before he can get back up again, Erwin is pulling him by the shirt, throwing him again. He winds up at Mike’s feet. 

Mike says, “What’s going on?” 

Erwin’s voice is so calm, Levi knows he is livid. “Code Red.” 

Mike looks down at Someone with a truly terrifying smile on his face and says, “Oh, really? Who--”

“Levi.” 

Mike furrows his brows. “Levi?”

“Yeah,” Levi mutters in conf usion. “Um.” 

“What happened?”

“It’s fine,” Levi answers, “I can take care of myself.” 

“Fuck this party,” Someone says loudly. He starts to try to get up again, but Mike shoves him back down. 

“What happened?” Mike says again. 

“Asshole doesn’t know what ‘stop’ means,” Levi mutters. “It’s fine, I’ve dealt with bitches like him before--”

“You told him to stop. Stop what?”

“Kissing me.” 

“And he didn’t.”

“No. But it’s _fine--”_

Mike turns on his heel and bellows, “Code Red!” at the top of his lungs and Levi says, “ _What the fuck is a ‘Code Red,’”_ but before he can even finish speaking, _everyone_ is turning around to look at them. 

Levi feels like he’s walked into a lion’s den holding a cut of meat. 

The call is echoed all over the house. They turn the music off. The kitchen floods with Sigma Kaps and a few of the Alpha Rho girls. Mikasa appears at Levi’s side and dumps her beer on Someone’s head. 

And then Someone is dragged to his feet by about ten frat boys and the entire house floods outside. 

Levi watches in complete shock as the entire party follows the little cluster of men across the lot to the lake. It’s not a short walk; people are shouting, booing, throwing their drinks. 

They dump Someone in the lake and Levi turns and looks at Erwin and Mike with his mouth hanging open.

Mike says, “There’s always some idiot who doesn’t know how things work here.” 

“How things _work?”_ Levi demands. 

Mike shrugs. “Why do you think all the girls are always at our parties?” he says a little defensively. “We don’t put up with that bullshit.” 

Mike leaves them alone then, and walks across the lot to the lake. Someone keeps trying to climb out and the fucking _mob_ keeps pushing him back in. 

“That doesn’t… seem a little excessive?” Levi mutters. 

Erwin doesn’t say anything and when Levi looks up, his jaw is tight and his lips are white. 

“Erwi--”

“Do you just let anyone with a pulse stick his tongue down your throat?” 

Levi actually takes a step back. “What the fuck did you just say to me?” 

“Levi, _look_ at that fucking neckbeard, why the fuck--”

“Why do you _care?”_ Levi demands. 

“I--” 

Erwin looks at him, blinks. Swallows. “I just think.” 

“What? What the fuck do you think, Erwin? Jesus, I’m so tired of your _bullshit._ I _don’t get it._ Why is me hooking up with a few guys any different than Mike with his sorority girls, or fucking _you_ with a different chick _every night.”_

Erwin’s jaw slides. His eyes are big and _so fucking blue_ in the moonlight, it makes Levi’s stomach ache. 

“It’s like you don’t give a fuck I’m queer as long as you don’t have to see it and honestly, it’s _really_ fucked up.”

“That’s not it, Levi,” Erwin says sharply. “That’s not it at all.” 

“Than what is it? You don’t lose your shit every time _any one_ of your other friends gets laid, so why am I special?” 

Erwin blinks. He eyes fall to Levi’s feet and he just mumbles, “I don’t know.” 

“Figure it out,” Levi answers. “Cause it’s some fucking _bullshit_.”

“Maybe,” Erwin says softly. “Maybe I just feel like you should…” 

“What?”

“You sort of attract losers,” Erwin says in a rush. “Maybe I just think you shouldn’t waste your time with those assholes.” 

Levi groans. “I’m not trying to _marry_ them, you idiot.” 

Erwin swallows. “Hey. Levi?”

“What?”

“I… I think…”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Erwin says all at once. “Are you really okay? That guy didn’t--”

“What, _hurt me?”_ Levi laughs coldly. “I’m fine. He’s lucky I didn’t break his ribs.” 

“Okay. Good.” 

The mob is finally breaking up and making its way back inside. Erwin says quietly, “Wanna play some more beer pong?”

Levi considers. And when he says ‘yes,’ he knows it’s not because beer pong sounds all that entertaining. It’s because if Erwin is playing beer pong with him, he can’t be upstairs banging the blonde chick. And Levi is just drunk enough that he can’t convince himself that it’s none of his business. He’s just drunk enough that where Erwin is concerned, he’s willing to be, once again, a little self indulgent. 

* 

Levi wakes up in Mike’s bed and has one very concerned, confused moment during which he looks around the room far more frantically than he’d like to admit. But then he sees Erwin sprawled on the sofa (still wearing his arm) and Mike stretched the wrong away across the bed so that when Levi jerks awake, he kicks him in the face. 

Mike groans. “What the _fuck.”_

Levi puts his face back in the pillow and utters a single groan of his own. The keg stand had been a bad idea. 

Levi says, “Fuck you and your keg stands, Zacharias.” 

“I let you sleep in my bed.” 

Erwin snorts from the sofa. “More like you couldn’t get him out of your bed.” 

Levi doesn’t remember anything after beer pong with Erwin. They’d won for the tenth time it seemed, only the last match had been against Mikasa and Annie again and the whole fucking frat had been watching and when Levi sunk that last cup there had been a deafening surge of noise and Erwin had hugged Levi, one armed around the middle and kissed him on the cheek, and then--

Nothing. 

“Oh, that’s right,” Mike groans. “You punched me in the fucking head when I tried to get you to move, dick.”

“Did not,” Levi mumbles without moving. 

Erwin laughs again. “Did.”

Levi comes up on his elbow and looks down at Mike, sprawled across the bottom of the bed and says, “Maybe I wanted to cuddle.” 

Mike rolls over and says, “And risk the wrath of your guardian angel?” 

Levi looks at him with his brows raised. Mike jerks his head toward Erwin adjusting himself on the couch, and says, “No thanks. You’re cute, but you’re not _that_ cute.” 

“Yeah, but I fuck like a god,” Levi counters. He rolls over in Mike’s bed and doesn’t budge. “So it’s your loss.” 

Mike snorts. 

Erwin pretends he doesn’t hear them. 

The bed wiggles when Mike crawls up from the foot of it and puts his head on a pillow. He keeps his distance from Levi and Levi rolls over more so there’s space-- it’s a big bed, he’s a small dude, and he’s _not_ fucking moving. 

“Shit, Levi,” Mike groans. “I’m serious, you put a fucking knot on my head, look.” 

Levi doesn’t roll over but he does absently flex his right hand. His knuckles feel tight and bruised, and he says, “Sorry.” 

“I’m gonna make you pay for that when my head stops throbbing.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Levi realizes he’s not wearing his jacket. He cracks one eye and looks at the sofa, expecting it to be flung over the arm, and when he doesn’t see it, he sits straight up, panic making his heart skip. 

“Where’s my jacket?”

“What?” Mike groans. He pulls a pillow over his head. 

“My fucking jacket, where is it?” 

Erwin sits up too, looks around, and then says, “I’ve got it Levi.” He adjusts himself and pulls the jacket out from under him. “It’s a good pillow,” he says gently. 

Levi falls back against the bed with a sigh of relief. 

Mike says, “What the fuck, is that thing woven from _gold?”_

Levi says, “Might as well be. It’s the most expensive thing I own.” 

In more ways than one. 

Levi lays there in silence for maybe another full minute before he gets up. He’s awake now and he might as well get out of _Mike’s bed._

He takes his jacket from Erwin and tugs it on before he checks the pockets. 

He’s got a missed call from Kenny. And a text message. 

_Went to get your girl. Someone named Z picked up already. Sorry kid._

Levi’s going to be sick. He slips his phone back into his pocket and when Erwin sees his face he says quietly, “Levi. What’s wrong?”

Levi shakes his head. “I gotta go.” 

Mike tries to call him back, yells that the pledges have to clean up after the party. Erwin tells him to shut up. It’s still early. Levi rushes through the house and sees people in leather jackets and poodle skirts passed out on every soft surface. A few of them pointedly ignore him as he passes. 

The morning is brisk and overcast. Levi is halfway to the dorm when Erwin, breathless, catches back up to him. “Hey, what’s wrong, what’s going on?” 

“That _bastard,”_ Levi hisses. The words feel like coals in his throat, too hot and scraping him raw on the way out. 

“Who--”

Levi almost says his name. Almost. “The Beast.”

Erwin draws up short. “What now?”

“He took her ashes.” 

“Wait, _the--”_ Erwin lowers his voice. “You know who he is?” Levi gives Erwin a look. Erwin releases a shaky breath and says, “Shit, Levi.” 

“I told you I know shit.”

Zeke has Isabel’s ashes. 

Levi calls him from the jail cell, after the accident. He calls a burner cell, one he knows the cops can’t find, and when Zeke answers, Levi says, _There was an accident. Some asshole-- Farlan’s dead. Is- Isabel is hurt real bad and I’m-- the cops--_

And Zeke says, _And the money?_

Erwin says sharply, “Breathe, Levi,” and Levi realizes his teeth are squealing and Erwin can probably hear it. He very carefully unlocks his jaw and takes a deep breath. 

“I gotta go.” 

Erwin grabs him by the shoulder. “Go _where?”_

Levi shakes him away. “I gotta get her back.” 

“You can’t go after them,” Erwin hisses. “You’re… you’re not supposed to go into Titan territory, right?”

“He _can’t have her.”_

“Levi…”

“I’ll be fine. He can’t touch me.” 

“I’ve read about that guy, Levi,” Erwin hisses. Levi raises his brows. “You can’t. You can’t go.” 

“You’ve read about him, huh?” Levi drawls. “I _know him,_ Erwin. He’s doing this to _fuck_ with me, he doesn’t give a _fuck_ about Isabel, he just wants to talk to me.”

“So you’re just gonna walk in there and _let him?”_

“Yeah,” Levi tells him. “He can talk all he wants. I’m out.” 

“Levi--”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll see you later.” 

Erwin follows Levi back to the dorm, trying to talk him out of going the whole way. Levi stomps in and grabs his skateboard. At the last second, he remembers to take his jacket off. He instead pulls on a thick, oversized black hoodie. 

“I’ll be back,” he tells Erwin confidently. 

And then he goes. 

*

It’s maybe eleven, when he gets there. The place is empty, for now, but Levi knows Zeke will be here. There’s two men smoking outside when Levi walks up. He doesn’t recognize either of them. One of them looks him up and down and then chuckles. “Can I help you, kid?” 

Levi looks him in the eye and says, “Nah. I’m here to see Zeke.” 

The two men blink at him. The one who had spoken says, “Zeke don’t just talk to nobody.” 

“He’ll talk to me.”

“Who the fuck are you then?” the second one says. They’re both still laughing at him. 

“Tell him Levi’s here.” 

The second one drops his cigarette and says “Oh, shit.” 

The first one looks at him inquisitively. “Who--”

“He’s in the office,” the second one says. 

Levi goes inside. 

The clubhouse smells like spilled liquor and cigarettes. It’s messier than it was when Levi was last here, but he supposes that shouldn’t surprise him. He was the only one pushing to keep it clean. 

Peick and Reiner are playing pool. A few goons are playing cards at the bar. No one looks at him at first. He takes a breath. Nothing has changed really, except Reiner is a little wider and Peick’s hair is a little longer. Levi leaves his skateboard by the door.

When he takes a step into the room, Peick’s eyes jump to him immediately. “Who--”

And then she just stares. And then so does Reiner. And all the guys at the bar. Levi recognizes all of them, knows all of them by name. He stands in utter silence, and when no greeting comes, when the whole room doesn’t shout _Levi!_ and pour him a drink and hand him a joint he feels like a fool. Of course they won’t greet him. He’s a traitor. A _deserter._

He lowers his head and crosses to the hallway; no one stops him. 

He almost knocks on Zeke’s door. He would have, once. But not anymore, he decides. He isn’t Zeke’s angel anymore. He twists the knob and throws the door open. 

Zeke’s office is just as fucking ritzy as it always was. It’s the only place in the clubhouse with hardwood floors instead of concrete or dingy carpet, and it’s full of books and rich leather furniture. It smells like expensive cigars and Zeke’s after shave. 

He barely lifts his head. Just turns, just a little. 

Levi hates him. 

He’s wearing his fine blonde hair in a ponytail and his beard is thick and full and his glasses are rounder than they were the last time Levi saw him, and he’s wearing one of his light colored suits, and everything about him is the picture of unassuming. Quiet. Harmless. 

Levi slams the door behind him and says, “What the fuck are you playing at?”

“Levi,” Zeke says mildly. “It’s so good to see you, it’s been ages.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“I had heard you were back in the city. You can imagine my disappointment to hear that you didn’t think to come visit your family.” 

Levi says very softly, “Fuck you.” 

“Please, sit down.” 

“No. You know why I’m here. Give her back.” 

“We were all, of course, heartbroken to hear of Isabel’s passing. She was a credit to us all.”

Levi doesn’t say anything. His hands are shaking. _And the money?_

“Sit down, Levi.” 

It is subtle, the way his voice changes. Someone who didn’t know him might not notice. But Levi notices. Once that tone would have sent him to his knees. Once he would have given his life not to hear it. 

Levi yanks his collar down. “You don’t hold my fucking leash anymore, Zeke. Give her back.” 

“You’re going to the university, aren’t you?” Zeke says with a small smile, like a kindly father asking his child to relay information he knows it’s proud of. “How wonderful for you.” 

Levi stares. 

Zeke stands from his desk and turns to the shelf where he keeps his bourbon. 

“What are you studying, Levi? Where do you think you can fit in that world?”

Levi swallows. “Pre-med,” he says softly. 

Zeke chuckles. “Oh, I see. You think you’ll be a doctor? How _ambitious_ of you.” 

The snide sarcasm, the condescension, cuts Levi to his core, because it’s exactly how the voice in his head sounds. 

“Is it some karmic balancing of the scales you’re after? Think you can make up for who you are?”

“You don’t know who I am,” Levi answers. “You don’t know me.” 

“Of course I do, Levi,” Zeke says gently. “Didn’t I give you a home? A family? A _purpose?”_

“My family _died_ in that fucking crash,” Levi insists. “And the only thing you had to say was _where’s the money._ You’re full of shit.” 

Zeke pours two glasses of bourbon and holds one out. Levi stares at it, and doesn’t move. 

“I imagine this bottle costs what a semester of your tuition does,” he says congenially. “I suggest you take it.” 

Levi lifts his chin. “Underaged drinking is a violation of my _parol_.” 

Zeke’s lips curl once, twitch into an expression so furious, Levi has to remind himself that it doesn’t matter, that what Zeke thinks doesn’t matter at all and never will again. 

“Cute,” he says gently. He sets the glass on the edge of his desk where Levi can reach it and says, “Tell me about your classes.”

Levi picks up the glass of whiskey and hurls it at the bookcase. Zeke only squeezes his eyes shut, once, when the glass shatters and tinkles to the ground. 

“I don’t have _anything_ to say to you. Give her back before I tear this whole fucking clubhouse down looking.”

“Don’t threaten me, Levi.” 

“Don’t make me, Zeke,” Levi hisses through clenched teeth. 

“It’s a shame. I had so hoped we could speak like adults. Like gentlemen.” Zeke bends down and opens a drawer. He comes up holding a little cardboard box and sets it gently on the table. 

For one brief instant, Levi is repulsed by it. _That’s not her._

But it is. He picks the box up carefully. Zeke reaches into his pocket and when he pulls his hand out, he’s holding a necklace with a ring on the chain. He steps out from the desk calmly, and Levi has to resist the urge to jerk away from him. He sets the necklace on the box. 

“There now. No need for all this…aggression,” Zeke tells him with a smile. “If I’d known you intended to collect her remains, I never would have retrieved them myself. I just wanted to be sure she was with family.” 

Levi wants to spit in his face. 

Instead, he turns to go when Zeke sits back down in his big leather chair. 

“Oh, Levi.” 

Levi halts without hesitation and almost curses when he realizes what he’s done. He turns his head. 

Zeke is holding a small stack of bills held together with a rubber band. He throws them at Levi’s feet. “You’ve got a hole in your shoes.” 

Levi stares down at the money. “You know,” Zeke says very kindly, “If you ever find yourself a little _short on cash,_ we can use you in the Underground.” 

“I don’t do that anymore,” Levi tells him. 

“You don’t have to wear our colors to stand for me, Levi,” Zeke says reasonably. “You know that.” 

Levi puts his foot on the bills and grinds them into the floor. 

Zeke says, “Think about it,” as Levi yanks the door open. 

He stomps out of the clubhouse without looking at anyone, only pausing long enough to grab his board, Isabel’s ashes tucked carefully under his arm, and her necklace curled in his fist. 

*

Erwin finds him at the lake.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” Levi mutters. 

Erwin chuckles. “Mike saw you from the balcony and texted me.” 

“Oh.” 

“You got her.” 

“Yeah.” 

“How. How was it?”

Levi finally tears his eyes off the blue water and turns his head. “You ever walk into a room full of people you used to know and realize three years is kind of a long fucking time?” 

“Not really,” Erwin tells him. 

Levi shakes his head. “You know how. You now how the Sigma Kaps are with you? Like, you walk into the fucking room and it’s like the goddamn sun shines out your ass.” 

“Well, I dunno--”

“That’s what it was like,” Levi interrupts. “Fucking _respect._ And now... _”_

Erwin says very quietly, “Fear looks like respect sometimes. But it’s not.” 

Levi looks out at the lake. 

“You scared of me, Erwin?” 

“No,” Erwin says without hesitation. “No, you make me feel safe.” 

He feels like he’s swallowed one of Erwin’s tennis balls. He can’t make his throat work, can’t make his fucking lips work and he suddenly hates Erwin Smith with every fiber of what’s left of his soul because he makes Levi feel like maybe Levi’s not playing at this, like maybe he’s not just waiting for the other shoe to drop, or waiting for the right moment to fuck it all up. Erwin makes him feel like he _could_ be a doctor or a physical therapist or… 

“Why?” he half squeaks. Why would Erwin possibly feel like that? He’s seen Levi so angry he could wring Erwin’s neck, and he’s seen Levi about to tear Dominick’s fucking throat out and he has to be lying to say it doesn’t terrify him because it had terrified _everyone_ else. 

Erwin smiles at the grass. “Cause I know you, Levi.” 

Levi stares at him, brows wrinkled. 

“How’d you end up with the Titans anyway?” 

It’s a lifeline. Levi knows it is, knows this question, however, personal, however prying, is better than having to find an answer to the idea that _Erwin_ knows him. Better than having to think that it might be true. 

“After my mom died, I lived with my uncle for a while,” Levi says softly. “But he was kind of a piece of shit back then and I wound up in foster care.” He stares at the lake. Erwin doesn’t press him. “That was a shit show,” Levi says, unwilling to go into the details. “So I ended up on the street. That’s where. That’s where they found me. They gave me a place to live and. And a purpose,” he whispers, hating Zeke’s words on his lips. 

“I would have given my life for him,” Levi admits. “I thought… he gave me everything.” 

“He.” 

“Him.” 

“Oh.” 

“But I. Called him. After the _fucking_ accident. And all he wanted to know about was the money. He didn’t care about Isabel or Farlan… they were expendable.” 

Zeke bails him out after the accident. 

Levi feels a twisted smile on his lips. “I wasn’t though.” 

He storms into the clubhouse, eyes puffy from crying, and throws his patches at Zeke’s feet. _I’m done._

“You weren’t?”

_Levi. I’d like you to reconsider this. Farlan and Isabel’s loss is of course, regrettable, but I think you know where you belong._

“He didn’t want to lose me,” Levi says. “I was fucking _profitable.”_

_Fuck you and fuck the Titans. I’m done._

“Profitable how?” Erwin says suspiciously. 

_Be reasonable, Levi. We’re your family._

Levi pulls at the collar of his shirt. _My family is dead. I’m done._

_What a pity._ Zeke holds up his hand, twitches his fingers. There is moment where no one moves. Not out of loyalty to Levi. But fear. 

“If I told you that, I’d have to kill you,” Levi tells him. He is only half joking.

Levi bears his teeth. _Come on, you cowards._ Five of them hold him down. Zeke himself carves the Titan crest from Levi’s flesh, his knee wedged between Levi’s ribs. The cops pick him up the next day, half delirious from greif blood loss. His bail has been rescinded. 

“Can you give me a hint?” Erwin says, voice careful. Levi turns his head and looks at him, recalls what he’d said. 

“Fuck, Erwin, it wasn’t a sex thing, Jesus.” 

Erwin’s shoulders curl. “Sorry. I just.”

“I was a… an enforcer,” Levi says. That seems safe enough. “I could make shit happen.” 

“That makes sense,” Erwin says. 

Levi chuckles. 

“How did you meet Isabel?” Erwin asks. 

Levi looks down at the box by his side. “She was like me. And Farlan too. Just. Kids, living under bridges. We looked out for each other. And when I got caught up in the Titans, they came too.” 

“What are you gonna do with that?” Erwin asks, pointing to the box.

Levi sighs. “I’ve been trying to work up the guts to dump it in the lake. I dunno, she’d like it here I guess, and I’ve got nowhere else better…”

“Levi,” Erwin says carefully. “Would you like to come to my house for Thanksgiving break?”

Levi blinks. “What?”

“I live on the water. There’s this really quiet little beach about a half a mile from my house. And it’s really private and there’s a willow tree. I live on this channel that connects to the ocean. I landed the sailboat there, sometimes, just for some quiet. You can…”

Levi looks down at the box. 

He’d never seen the ocean before. Isabel had seen it once, when she was little, and she’d told Levi they would go back someday together and--

“Yes. I… Thank you. Erwin.” 

Erwin smiles at him. 

And since Levi has just told Erwin more than he’s ever told anybody else, he says quietly, “The water doesn’t… scare you?” 

Erwin’s lips curl up on one side. He shrugs. “I really love sailing. I’ll be honest. I haven’t been able to get myself out on a boat again. Since. But, I want to. I miss it. It’s. Being out on the water like that, and if you go far enough it’s just you and whoever is with you. Just. Totally alone.” 

Levi swallows. 

“It’s peaceful. Even when the water’s rough, it’s still just…” Erwin sighs. “This was a freak accident,” he tells Levi motioning to his right arm. “We’d been out all day and we were coming back in and this family was stuck on the channel marker.” 

“Channel marker?” 

“When you’re in the creek that connects to the ocean, the water can be really shallow and dangerous in places, so they have markers to let you know where to go. The little boats my dad and I sail aren’t really an issue cause the hulls are so shallow. But anyway, the markers are big cement blocks with buoys attached, or these little wooden towers.” 

Levi leans back against the grass, watching Erwin’s face. Levi can’t quite read his expression, but then Levi has no idea what it’s like to lose a _fucking arm_ doing something he loved, something he was supposed to be good at. 

“There was this family and they-- they live across the creek from my dad-- and they’d just gotten this boat but they weren’t the best sailors. They capsized and got their rigging all tangled up on the marker. So I jumped out to help.” He swallows. “Dad had our boat pull up next to thiers and I climb up on the daggerboard of their boat, to like, give direction.” 

“What’s a daggerboard?” 

“It’s a big fin in the middle of the hull. When a small boat like this capsizes, you climb up on the daggerboard, and lean out to pull the boat back over. But it can be hard to do if you’re not big enough. So it was just this mom and her kids, and they were kinda floating in their life jackets and couldn’t get the boat righted and it drifted into the marker and got stuck.

“So.” Erwin takes a big breath. “So I climb up and I start telling them how to get everything untangled. And they’re doing it, you know, derigging, getting the sail and mast unhooked from the hull, and it starts to go over finally and.” 

“Erwin, you don’t have to--”

“This fucking big ass motorboat goes by. I mean, it’s not their fault, they weren’t doing anything wrong, but the wake threw our boats together and I got stuck--” Erwin wets his lips. “ _Slammed_ between them.” 

Levi swallows, thinks of his own car accident and knows the far away, glazed look in Erwin’s eye, knows he’s reliving every second he can remember. 

“Hey.” 

Erwin looks at him, blinks. His eyes clear, just a little. 

“Did I really punch Mike in the head last night?” 

Erwin barks a laugh. “Yeah. You got him pretty good. He was trying to move you and you kept telling him to fuck off or you’d call a _code red_ on his ass.” 

Levi snorts. “What?”

“I mean, he also slapped you on the ass when you wouldn’t move so he would have deserved it, honestly. The pledges are all pissed at you for bailing this morning,” Erwin adds, teasing. 

“Oh, no, whatever will I do,” Levi drawls. 

He leans back in the grass. Erwin starts telling him about Hephaestus catching Aphrodite and Ares banging and time slips away from them. Levi doesn’t realize how late it is, how long they’ve been here until it starts to get dark. Then he looks around and groans when his stomach grumbles. 

“Fuck, you wanna get some food?” Erwin agrees and they are in line at the dining hall when Levi’s phone rings. 

“Hey, are you here? I can’t find you.” 

Levi’s stomach drops. “Shit.” 

“What?” Erwin says curiously. Levi looks at him and says into the phone, “I’m just running a few minutes late. I’ll be there soon.” 

“Okay, awesome!” Petra says brightly. “I’ll get us a table.” 

Levi hangs up the phone. “I gotta go. I totally forgot I’m supposed to meet Petra for coffee.” 

“Coffee?” Erwin says sharply. “You’re meeting Petra for coffee?” 

“Yeah, she’s gonna help me with some physics shit. I gotta go, I’m sorry!” 

Levi takes off across the lawn and sprints back to their dorm so he can collect his backpack and put Isabel’s ashes safely on his dresser. 

It takes him almost a half hour from the time Petra called him to reach the coffee shop even though he ran almost the whole way. He takes a few minutes outside when he arrives to catch his breath and finds her as soon as he walks in. She’s sitting at a little round table and she’s wearing _makeup._ Levi blinks. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Petra wearing more than chapstick. But here she is with red lipstick and brown eyeliner that makes her bright eyes look enormous. And she’s curled her hair. 

Levi raises his brows; he’d never realized just how pretty Petra is. 

She stands up with a big smile when she sees him. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Levi tells her. “It’s um. Been a fucking day.” 

“That’s okay,” Petra says cheerfully. “I didn’t know what to order you,” she adds apologetically. 

“Tea,” Levi tells her. “I actually fucking hate coffee.” 

“Sure!” She starts to get up, but Levi stops her. “It’s cool, I can get my own.” 

Petra frowns at him when he walks up to the counter and orders a mug of plain black tea. 

When he sits back down, he says, “You look great. Going somewhere after this?”

Petra blinks at him and then she blushes. “Uh. No. Nowhere else to go tonight.” 

“Oh. You should come to the Sigma Kap house. There’s always something going on there. We had a pretty big party last night so I dunno what they’re gonna do tonight, but…”

“Oh.” Petra smiles. “O-okay.” 

“Yeah. Anyway,” Levi reaches for his bag. “So that shit we were going over Monday, I think I’ve got it, but--” Petra frowns again. Her cheeks get pink. 

“Is something wrong?” 

“No,” she says too quickly. “I just thought--”

“Levi?” 

Levi looks up. He stares at the man standing at the table for a long moment before the face connects with any solid memories. Then Levi says, “Oh, _shit.”_

“Oh my god.” 

Levi stands, lets the man hug him and kiss him on the cheek. The last time Levi saw him he was dressed in drag, doing a show at Roxie’s. They’d fought. Broken up. Or as close as Levi could come to a break up in those days. 

“I didn’t know you were back in town,” he says brightly. 

Levi shrugs. “I’m going to the university. So.” 

“ _Really?_ But you--”

“Yeah, I don’t do that anymore,” Levi says hastily, glancing at Petra. She has a polite sort of expression on her face but there is a strange tightness to her eyes that Levi doesn’t understand. 

“Hm. And who’s this?” 

“Shit, sorry, this is Petra. She’s helping me with some class shit. Petra, Damian,” Levi waves and falls back into his chair. Damian is looking older. He’s even got some gray in his beard now. “You still hang out at Roxie’s?” Levi asks. 

Damian smirks at him and ruffles his hair. Levi had always hated when he did that. “Nope,” he says fondly. He holds up his left hand. “I’m a kept man now, see?” 

“Shit,” Levi drawls. “Congratulations.”

“Yeah,” Damian smirks. “Met him right after you left.” 

Levi rolls his eyes and laughs. “Good. How old is he?”

Damian snorts. “He was not sixteen,” he agrees. 

Levi smiles at him. He’d always liked Damian; Damian had liked him a lot more which was, of course, the problem. “That’s great. I’m really happy for you.” 

“Yeah, you too,” Damian says fondly. “With your _classes.”_ He twiddles his fingers. “Good seeing you.” 

“Yeah.” Levi waves him off. 

When he looks back at Petra she is staring at him with that same strange expression on her face. 

“He seems nice. How do you know him?”

“We used to date, kinda. So about this lecture--”

“You dated?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I didn’t.” Petra clears her throat. “I didn’t realize you were bi.” 

Levi furrows his brows at her. “I’m not.” 

“You’re. Not.” 

“No,” Levi says and the word is almost a question. “I’m--”

And then he thinks of where he is, at what time, of Petra’s makeup and hair and her pretty blouse and Levi says _very_ carefully, “You know I’m gay… right?” 

“No,” Petra says, voice higher pitched than usual. “I did not know that.” 

“Shit.” 

Petra clears her throat. 

Levi says, “ _Shit.”_

Petra stands up. “I’m gonna go die now.” 

“Wait, Petra-- wait--” Levi actually has to chase her outside. “Don’t-- I mean we can still have coffee.” 

“That’s okay,” she tells him, voice a little tight. “I’m _really_ not in the mood.” 

“But--”

“Don’t worry,” she groans, rolling her eyes. “I’ll still help you with _physics.”_

“No!” Levi says sharply. “It’s not that. You look really pretty, okay? Don’t go home.” 

Petra frowns at him. 

“Come on,” Levi tells her. “Let’s finish our drinks and then go party with the Sigma Kaps, yeah?”

“I dunno…”

“Come on,” Levi drawls. “You’ll like them, and,” he adds, “They are all cute and pretty much all single.”

“See, I don’t need you to do that,” Petra says sharply. “I don’t need you to try to hook me with up with someone, mkay, I can _find guys,_ alright, _guys love me, straight ones,_ they _love me,”_ she insists. 

Levi can’t stop the smirk on his lips. “Yeah, I’m sure they do.”

“If I agree to go with you,” Petra says slowly, “Do you promise not to tell _anyone_ about this?” 

“My lips are sealed.” 

“Fine,” Petra groans, rolling her eyes. “Fine.” 

* Petra is having fun. Levi introduced her to Mikasa and Annie and Sasha and now they are all dancing together. It makes Levi’s chest feel a little looser. 

“Who’s the redhead?” Mike demands, appearing in the doorway Levi is haunting. 

“Petra,” Levi answers. “You’ve seen her around, she helps me with physics.” 

“Word.” Mike pushes forward into the room without another word and Erwin drawls, “That seems promising.” 

Levi shakes his head. “I made a fucking ass of myself.” 

“Really?” 

“She thought we were on a _date.”_

Erwin laughs. “Yeah, I was wondering when you were gonna figure that out.” 

Levi smacks his shoulder. “You fucking _knew?_ And you didn’t _warn me?”_

Erwin shrugs. 

_“Asshole.”_

Erwin clears his throat. “I think she got over it.” 

Levi turns his head and finds Petra-- _tiny, adorable little Petra_ \-- climbing Mike like a fucking tree. “Mother fucker.” Before he can think on _that_ further, Eren runs into him. When he sees it’s Levi he grins like a lunatic. 

Levi looks at Erwin. Eren has a forty duct taped to each hand. 

“Levi, _help,”_ he drawls, holding out one of his hands. 

“I’m not taking those off you,” Levi protests. “You got yourself into that mess.” 

“No, Jean did,” Eren scoffs. “He thinks he can _beat me._ Here, drink some of this.”

“Isn’t that cheating?” Levi asks, looking at Erwin. 

“Uh, normally, yes,” Erwin says. “However, considering I would really just _love_ to watch Jean lose this bet, I’m gonna allow it.” 

Levi shrugs and lets Eren dump a third of one of the beers down his throat. Then he wipes his chin and says, “What happens if Jean loses?” 

“He’s gotta _streak the lawn!”_ Eren bellows, trying to point again with his hand. “And jokes on him cause I’d do it if he dared me.”

Levi snorts. Erwin says, “Jean’s a shy boy.” 

Eren upends one of the bottles and totters off and Levi says, “You think those two are ever gonna figure out they’d get along a lot better if they just fucked already?” 

Erwin snorts. “Nope. Jean thinks he’s gotta shot with Mikasa, he’s not gonna get his head out of his ass long enough to realize he’d rather bone her brother.” 

“He _does not_ have a shot with Mikasa.”

“No, absolutely not.”

Levi’s chest feels warm. He’s not drunk, or even close really, but he still feels… nice. It takes him a moment to figure out why. 

He knows everyone in the room by name. They all know him. Mikasa and Annie and Sasha dancing. Armin and Hanji talking about hypothetical perpetual motion machines, half drunk in the corner. Jean screaming at Eren that he’s cheating and Eren has to drink the beer by himself. Mike comes up for air long enough to echo Erwin and say, “I’ll allow it,” which makes Jean livid and Eren cackle like a school boy. 

And Erwin.

And. Well. He’s Erwin. 

For the first time, Levi actually thinks that maybe joining a fucking fraternity wasn’t such a crazy idea after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! 
> 
> Levi kisses a stranger, but decides he doesn't want to continue the encounter. The stranger continues to kiss Levi against his will until Levi reacts physically-- at which point Erwin intervenes and, after implying that Levi's reputation makes him incapable of withdrawing his consent, that fucker gets what's coming to him, and really don't we all wish irl frats had this policy, cause I know I do.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come _on,_ Levi!” Erwin groans. “We’re all doing it, it’s _fine.”_
> 
> “ _Togas are stupid.”_
> 
> “It’s _fine_ because we’re all gonna be _stupid_ together. Look, I’m wearing one!”
> 
> Levi scowls and cracks the door. Erwin is wearing one. Levi narrows his eyes. Of course Erwin looks good in a goddamn toga. He’s got a trim waist, broad shoulders, he’s practically the Greek ideal. 
> 
> Levi feels like a fucking idiot. 
> 
> Erwin wrenches the door out of his hand and Levi almost covers his own eyes, as if that would stop him from being seen. Instead, he groans, _very_ loudly and tilts his head back to the ceiling. 
> 
> Erwin doesn’t say anything. 
> 
> “I _told you,”_ Levi gripes, taking Erwin’s silence as confirmation. “I look fucking ridiculous.” He finally lowers his head and looks at Erwin. 
> 
> Erwin is staring at him. When he sees Levi looking, he starts a little, throat bobbing, and says, “No, you look-- uh. You look _incredi_ \-- good. You look. Really good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which some SHIT GOES DOWN. 
> 
> Y'all. This chapter is dedicated to Ajax who screamed so enthusiastically through the entire 'Greek' sequence and also helped me plan it to a T that I was just one big ball of happy for about three full weeks. 
> 
> I LOVE THIS CHAPTER AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU I'm SORRY FOR the extra week between updates but ummmmmm 
> 
> Wedding. In three weeks. Sooooo
> 
> <3<3<3

“Your professors all seem quite pleased with your work.” 

Levi stares at Pixis’s cat poster. 

“According to them, you are coping nicely with the course load. However,” he adds, voice getting a little sterner, “They say you are fairly atrocious at any group assignments, prefering to do most of the work on your own and berating your classmates with vulgarities if they don’t live up to your exact expectations.” 

Levi rolls his eyes. “So I’m supposed to get a shit grade cause some pansy can’t handle a little constructive criticism?”

Pixis’s mustache twitches once before he schools his face into an appropriately somber expression. “And I quote, ‘You ignorant fucking tit, you’re gonna burn the whole goddamn building down if you don’t pour that more slowly, can’t you fucking read, it says right there, do I need to write it in block print for you, what the fuck, what the fuck, you fucking fuckhead.’” 

Levi sniffs. “Is the science building still there?”

“Yes.” 

“Then I did something right.” Pixis’s mustache twitches again. “It’s not my fault the dumbass couldn’t follow simple direction,” Levi says, leaning forward in his chair and pinching his middle finger and thumb together in a mostly meaningless intensifying gesture. “I kept us from being _on fire.”_ Levi sits back again and crosses his arms. “And he didn’t fuck up again for the rest of the class, so really, what’s the problem here?” 

Pixis finally snorts and his whole mustache shakes. “Fine. But do try not to terrify your classmates moving forward, yes?”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“Your professors have also brought another matter to my attention.” 

Levi shifts in his chair.

“They say your papers border on brilliant as far as the ideas put forth, but your writing is. Well. Hardly up the standards of a university student.” 

Levi looks into his lap. 

“In fact, the words your English teacher used were ‘barely elementary.’” Pixis stares at him, waiting for him to respond, and then says, “I’m going to insist you meet regularly with a tutor in our writing center. I have a list of students I think will be able to handle your particular breed of… shall we call it _humor?_ And I’d like you to meet with one of them immediately.” 

“Erwin can do it,” Levi says without thinking. When Pixis raises his brows, Levi blushes and says, “Er. Let me ask him if he minds.” 

“Erwin.” 

“Yeah, he’s a really good writer,” Levi insists. “And he.” Levi pauses, swallows, plows on. “Well, he’s good at making shit make sense. And he doesn’t treat me like a moron just cause I don’t know the difference between a dangler parti-whatever-the-fuck and a split infina-shit.” 

“Dangling participle and split infinitive.” 

Levi narrows his eyes and points to his right hand. “See the point is right here.” He waves his left hand over the arm of his chair. “And you’re over here. And I’m gonna need you to get back here,” he finishes, waving his right hand and wiggling his fingers. “Where the things that matter are.” 

“Fair enough. If Erwin agrees to tutor you regularly, I don’t see why that shouldn’t be sufficient.” 

Levi nods. 

“However, if your writing doesn’t improve substantially, I’m going to have to insist we resort to the writing center’s resources. And we may also require you to take a remedial writing course next semester.” 

“Yeah, fine,” Levi sighs. 

“Very well, that’s all for today. Have a pleasant weekend.” 

“Thanks.” 

Erwin calls him when he’s in the hallway. 

“Jean bailed on us.” 

“Okay.” 

Erwin groans. “ _So,_ we need you to come stand in.”

“Stand in doing what?” Levi mutters suspiciously. 

“Doubles!” Erwin says brightly. “There’s a racket in my bedroom you can use.” 

“When are you gonna stop begging me to play tennis?” Levi snipes. “I don’t play tennis, Erwin.” 

“Come on, it’s fine! You can be on my team and I’m better than Mike and Eren even with one arm.” He raises his voice on the last bit and Levi knows he’s taunting Eren and Mike. 

“I’ve gotta, like, work on this paper.” 

“All work and no play makes Levi an enormous grouch.” 

Levi snorts into the phone receiver. 

“Please? Come on, I need you.” 

And does Levi really have a choice after that?

He stands in front of Erwin on the court, squinting into the sun and trying not to roll his eyes. Erwin spends about five minutes explaining the rules and telling Levi how to swing his racket before he sticks Levi in front of the net and says, “Mostly just let it come to me and we’ll be fine.” 

Levi grumbles in response. 

Mike is serving. He yells, “Zero, zero, love, love,” and then bounces the ball once on the court. 

Levi mutters, “What the _fuck.”_

Mike serves hard and fast and Levi watches Erwin jolt sideways and then pause. “Out.” 

Mike gets his tennis ball back. Erwin returns the next serve; Mike hits it back. Levi ducks his head so Erwin can return again, and then Eren spikes it over the net. Erwin flings himself to catch the ball, misses, and goes sprinting past while Mike looks at Eren and says, “ _Nice.”_

“Fifteen, love!” 

Mike serves. Erwin returns. Mike hits it back, nice and gentle, and Levi steps out of the way again so Erwin can hit it back. He’s not totally sure what he’s doing here, or why, until Mike’s next return comes _flying_ at him. He puts the racket in front of his chest reflexively, the ball bounces off, and hits Eren square in the face. 

“What the _fuck,_ Levi?” Eren moans, massaging his nose. 

“I didn’t do that on purpose!” 

It’s open season after that. 

Levi learns some things very quickly. 

One: Mike, Eren, and Erwin are some of the most competitive people he has ever met in his life. 

Two: He does not know how to play tennis, and Mike is _very, very,_ good; he keeps aiming the ball directly at Levi’s head. 

Three: Levi is still the fastest person he knows. And he’s a fast learner. When the score is thirty-thirty, Erwin yells to Levi, “Follow through with that back hand, and keep both hands on the racket.” 

“But you--”

“I don’t _have_ both hands, Levi.” 

“Fuck, right. Fine.” 

Levi’s returns go wide more often than Erwin’s land out of bounds, and Mike and Eren take the first two rounds. 

Erwin groans. “No, look, you have to bring your racket from the bottom up, see? Swing from the hip. You want to hit the ball with an upward motion, so it spins down, get it?” 

Levi blinks. “This is a stupid game and love-love is a stupid way to score.” 

“Hold on!” Erwin yells. It’s Eren’s serve. Eren bounces the ball impatiently, and Erwin comes to stand behind Levi. “Face forward.” Levi sighs and looks over the net. “Okay, look. Bend your knees.” 

“Erwin.” 

_“Levi.”_

Levi groans and does as he’s told. 

“Good, you wanna stay like that while you’re waiting, so you can be ready to move. Now when you go to swing, you swing from the hip, keep the the face of your racket facing forward, don’t point it down, or up, and swing across your body.” 

He puts his hand on Levi’s hip and Levi freezes. Erwin is standing behind him. Very close to him. 

Erwin reaches for Levi’s wrist with his prosthetic. Levi doesn’t even realize he’s altered his posture until he feels the distinctive touch of Erwin’s right hand squeezing his wrist. “Like this.” 

He guides Levi’s swing. “See?”

Levi nods. His mouth suddenly feels very dry. 

When he glances across the net, Mike and Eren are having some kind of silent conversation; Mike puts both his hands up and turns away as if to say _I’m not touching that_ and Eren just shakes his head. Levi frowns, about to ask them what they're planning, when Erwin’s instruction intrudes on his thoughts.

Levi let’s Erwin demonstrate a few more times, and then tells Levi to swing on his own. Levi does, brain feeling fuzzy at the contact, at the ridiculousness of the situation, at the idea that Erwin _looming_ behind him like that could be so…. _Fuck._

The next ball Levi hits is the worst one yet; it crashes into the net, Eren and Mike take the point, and when Levi looks back at Erwin, he’s frowning. But he doesn’t say anything. 

When the ball finally comes to him again, Levi feels ready. He knows Erwin is watching him. He knows they’re about to lose their third round. He swings the racket, exactly how Erwin showed him, and it connects with the racket with an incredibly satisfying _whump._ It skims the net, but makes it over, and then drops like a stone so that when Eren launches for it, it passes under his racket, bounces once-- Mike lunges too--

“ _Fuck, yeah!”_ Erwin bellows. “Like that, fuck, do that again, nice job, Levi, I _knew_ you’d be good at this.”

Levi blinks and hopes Erwin has no idea how warm his chest feels. 

They win the round. Eren and Mike are _very_ grumpy about it. 

Then it is Levi’s turn to serve. Erwin takes a few minutes to demonstrate; he does it backwards, throwing the ball with his right hand and serving with his left, but Levi gets the picture. They give him a few practice serves to warm up, and Erwin looks at him appreciatively when most of them land within bounds. 

Levi decides he likes serving. There is something immensely satisfying about the way he has to twist his body, to throw all his weight behind the racket so the ball is a blur that Eren has to hurl himself across the court to catch in time. They win that round too, and Mike starts looking more annoyed than Levi has ever seen him. When he and Eren look down the court now, their faces are set, determined, and the serves and returns are a lot less _forgiving_ than they’d been before. The games start to take a little longer. Levi breaks a sweat and feels good doing it. 

He’s… well, he’s sort of in his element, and it surprises him to realize it. Erwin is a good partner, one Levi has no trouble reading after a few rounds so they move almost silently around each other and don’t manage to trip over one another like Eren or Mike do every so often. And the pace is exactly what Levi likes-- he’d always been more of a sprinter than a distance guy. This walks the perfect line-- he needs endurance because they _play_ for far longer than he expects to, especially when the rounds start tying and they go back and forth for minutes on end trying to rack up a two point lead. But his speed is the real ideal; he never actually misses the ball, he just hits it wrong. 

By the last game, the other three men are dripping sweat and looking exhausted but determined. Levi bounces on his feet, confident. He’s got this now. 

They win. 

Mike and Eren are too busy collapsing in a heap on the court to curse too loudly. Erwin is gasping and he wipes his hand across his forehead before he claps Levi on the shoulder. 

“ _How_ have you never played tennis before?” he mutters breathlessly. “You’re made for it.”

“Where the fuck am I gonna play tennis, Erwin, this shit is so bougie.” 

“You’ll keep playing with me, right?” Levi scowls reflexively even though he’d had a good time. “Come on! You can’t make me go back to _Jean,”_ Erwin groans. He squeezes Levi’s shoulder. “We make such a good team.”

“Maybe,” Levi relents. “ _Maybe.”_

“Yes, you’re the best,” Erwin tells him cheerfully. “Come on, let’s go rub it in Mike’s face. He lost so he’s gotta go as Aphrodite instead of Zeus tonight.” 

Levi snorts. “If you’d told me that was on the table, I would have tried harder.” 

Erwin looks at him a little strangely. “What, that wasn’t you trying?” 

Levi shrugs. 

“God, you’re so athletic,” Erwin tells him. “Took me about a year to figure out what you nailed in about forty minutes of actually playing.” 

Levi rubs his hand over the short hairs on the back of his neck. “Thanks?”

Erwin reaches out to rub his shoulder again, a little roughly, cheerfully. And then his hand slides to the base of Levi’s neck. Squeezes. 

When his hand falls to his side, Levi feels a little lighter and a little emptier. 

Erwin trots across the court to cheerfully be a very sore winner. Levi tries not to feel like he shouldn't be smiling. 

*

“Come _on!”_ Erwin says. Levi can see his shadow at the base of the door. 

“I look _ridiculous, why_ did I let you talk me into this?”

“Come _on,_ Levi!” Erwin groans. “We’re all doing it, it’s _fine.”_

“ _Togas are stupid.”_

“It’s _fine_ because we’re all gonna be _stupid_ together. Look, I’m wearing one!”

Levi scowls and cracks the door. Erwin is wearing one. Levi narrows his eyes. Of course Erwin looks good in a goddamn toga. He’s got a trim waist, broad shoulders, he’s practically the Greek ideal. 

Levi feels like a fucking idiot. 

Erwin wrenches the door out of his hand and Levi almost covers his own eyes, as if that would stop him from being seen. Instead, he groans, _very_ loudly and tilts his head back to the ceiling. 

Erwin doesn’t say anything. 

“I _told you,”_ Levi gripes, taking Erwin’s silence as confirmation. “I look fucking ridiculous.” He finally lowers his head and looks at Erwin. 

Erwin is staring at him. When he sees Levi looking, he starts a little, throat bobbing, and says, “No, you look-- uh. You look _incredi_ \-- good. You look. Really good.” 

Levi narrows his eyes and finally goes to look in Erwin’s mirror. 

Erwin had bought the costume. Levi had fully intended to drape himself in a bedsheet and call it a night, but then Erwin had shown up yesterday holding a stack of Amazon packages and started dropping items in Levi’s hands. Levi had protested, but there wasn’t much he could do as Erwin had already _bought_ the damn thing. 

The Sigma Kaps were having a Greek party. 

It was, Levi had come to understand, much like a standard toga party, except the Sigma Kaps apparently took their Greek mythology _very_ seriously. Or else Erwin did and just forced it on everyone else. 

Levi was supposed to be Hermes. When Levi had narrowed his eyes and asked Erwin _why_ it was so goddamn important that he be Hermes, Erwin had grinned and said, “Well. Hermes was the _fastest_ of all the Greek gods.” 

Levi had nodded. That was intriguing enough. 

“He was also an incorrigible conman and the god of thieves.”

Levi had tried to hide the _huge_ burst of black amusement that flared in his chest, but Erwin had just smirked at him and Levi realized that that was exactly Erwin’s intention. 

Now he is regretting ever agreeing to this. 

The toga is more like a white skirt slung around his waist with gold trim. A single drape of fabric stretches from his hip over the opposite shoulder-- Levi isn’t sure if Erwin had purposely bought a costume that would cover Levi’s scar, but at this point, he honestly wouldn’t put it past him. Levi would have worn a shirt if it hadn’t. There is a series of leather straps slung about the waist, with little pouches, brown leather sandals with fucking _gold wings_ on them, and a goddamn winged helmet to match. A winged staff lay on the bed. 

Levi frowns and tugs at the fabric. He supposes it isn’t… _terrible._ But the fucking wings are a bit much. 

Erwin looks at Levi over his shoulder. 

“Fine,” Levi mutters. “But I hope you didn’t spend much on this because the first time I trip on these motherfucking wings I’m tearing them off and shoving them up your ass.” 

Erwin just looks away, an almost guilty expression on his face. Levi tries not to groan. He’d already guessed by the quality of the stitching and the fact that this shit was _real leather_ that Erwin had spent way too fucking much. 

“Here, tie this for me,” Erwin asks. 

He’s holding a bunch of fake grapes with his prosthesis. His toga is the same cut as Levi’s and in Levi’s opinion it looks _much_ better on him. Erwin’s taller, so the skirt bit sits higher on his thighs. The way the fabric drapes accents how huge his chest is, frames one side of it in a way that is _really not fucking fair._

He’s also wearing a wreath of grape leaves on his head, and has about three bags of unboxed wine stuck in a sack slung over his shoulder. 

“You want me to tie grapes to your hand.”

“Yeah, so I don’t lose them.” 

“Do you plan on using that hand at all tonight?” 

Erwin shrugs. Levi relents and rubber bands the grapes to the base of Erwin’s middle finger. 

Then he sighs. “Let’s get this over with.” 

*

Erwin had assigned most of his friends a deity, but not all of them have been as enabling as Levi had. 

When they walk through the door, Erwin sees Mikasa and says loudly, “You were supposed to be Eris!”

Mikasa looks at him flatly. “You told me and Eren to be Ares and Eris. I’m Ares.” 

“No, you were--what?”

As if on cue, Eren walks by holding a golden apple with gold eyeliner around his bright green eyes and Erwin just gapes. 

“What?” he says when he sees Erwin looking. 

“You-- you know what, whatever. Actually, that kind of tracks.” 

Ymir and Historia are Hades and Persephone. Ymir is wearing the same style of toga Levi and Erwin are, only in black, and her whole goddamn tit is out. One of the pledges walks by staring at her and she just glares at him until he runs away. Historia at least looks incredibly pretty. 

Armin, Mike, Sasha, Annie, and _Petra_ all come down from Mike’s room at the same time. Armin had apparently enjoyed his time in drag because he’s dressed as Athena and the girls have spared no detail. He’s wearing a woman’s toga, his hair is twisted in feminine curls at the back of his head, and piled under a helmet, and his makeup is frankly masterful. Levi suspects Petra’s involvement since it hadn’t been nearly that good last time and Petra was the single difference in the make-up team. 

Sasha is holding a bow and Annie has snakes in her hair. Levi can’t remember who they’re supposed to be. Petra was coming as Hera since she and Mike have been kind of a _thing_ for the past two weeks or so and Mike was _supposed_ to come as Zeus. 

But now, Mike is wearing a fucking shell bikini, a very long, very terrible curly wig, and bright red lipstick and Levi falls over laughing almost the second he sees him, as does the rest of the frat. Mike gives them all the finger and flips his hair. 

“Don’t lie, you _all_ wanna fuck me,” he announces. 

Petra bounces over to Levi and Erwin and says, “Oh my _god,_ you two look _amazing.”_ Levi shifts. “I know you,” she says to Levi. “You’re Hermes. But who are you supposed to be?” she asks, turning to Erwin. 

Erwin grins. “Dionysus.” 

“Mmm, remind me who he was again?” 

Mike appears at Petra’s side, claps his hand on Erwin’s shoulder and yells, “ _God of wine!”_

Erwin obligingly pulls out one of his wine bags. “ _God of wine!”_

He holds up the bag and then frowns. It takes Levi a second to realize he’d intended to pull the little spout so Mike could take a drink, but he can’t really do that with his prosthesis. Mike instead pulls it for himself, and crouches a little. He ruins his awful lipstick with wine and then bounds away, screaming at a pledge to stop staring at his tits as he passes. 

Petra giggles and flits after him, giving Levi a little wave. 

“Well, that worked out,” Erwin comments. He starts to put his wine bag back, but then Eren is standing in front of him proclaiming, “ _God of wine,”_ and Erwin laughs, holding up his bag. Levi pulls the little nozzle this time and suddenly there is a little line of people, all demanding sustenance from the _God of wine!_ and Levi is fairly certain his face is going to crack if he keeps having to pretend not to laugh. He takes a drink. Erwin takes a drink. Pretty soon, the party is roaring and Erwin is so shitfaced he keeps yelling, _God of wine!_ at random people he has deemed aren’t having enough fun and then forcing them to bend so he can pour wine in their mouths. Levi has to stand close by to pull the little nozzle and every few party goers, Erwin turns and makes Levi take a drink of his own. 

When Hanji comes in, Erwin gapes at them. Levi’s not sure he understands. They are wearing a toga, have two rubber snakes flung over their shoulders, and are wearing white contact lenses. They approach Erwin, grinning and Erwin stares at them blearily for a long time before he says, “Fucking Tiresias.” 

Hanji grins and bows a little. Erwin says, “ _You’re a goddamn genius, Hanji, I love you, have some wine.”_

Hanji glances at Levi. 

Levi has maybe had more wine than is advisable, because now, _he_ yells, “ _God of wine!”_ and Hanji shrugs before taking a drink. They eye Erwin’s bag when they’re done and say, “You’re gonna run out soon.” 

“Nah, Mike bought me like six more boxes,” Erwin asserts. Then he looks down at Levi. “Can you believe I wanted to be Hephaestus? This is so much better.” 

Hanji winces, frowns, and Levi says, “Hephaestus was the blacksmith, right?” 

“Right!” Erwin bellows. 

Hanji clears their throat. Levi doesn’t understand. He wracks his brain, remembers Hephaestus was married to Aphrodite, and Erwin had said they got married because…

Oh. Because Hephaestus was a cripple who was so ugly no one wanted him so Zeus married Aphrodite off to him before the other gods could start a war over her beauty. 

Levi frowns. 

Mike appears, and demands more wine. His wig is crooked. 

And--

“Fuck, dude, fix your bikini, goddamn,” Levi complains. Mike’s bikini bottoms maybe don’t fit the way they should. Of course (and Levi did _not_ notice on purpose) how could they really? There just isn’t _room._

Mike snickers and adjusts himself very unsubtly. “ _You_ made me be Aphrodite,” he says, pointing at Erwin. “ _I_ wanted to be Zeus.” He turns and looks at Hanji. “Who are you?”

“Tiresias,” Hanji tells them smugly. 

“Tiresias…” Mike muses. “Oh, shit, that’s the blind prophet guy who lived for seven years as a woman, right?”

“Right!”

“ _Nice.”_

“We need more wine,” Erwin complains, holding up his last mostly empty bag.

“And you wanted to be the boring old _blacksmith,”_ Mike says. “I told you this would be better.”

“Yeah, you were right.” Erwin throws his arm around Mike’s shoulder and looks down at Levi. “We got Levi wrong.” 

“What? He’s a perfect Hermes.” 

Erwin shakes his head and says loudly, “ _No,_ we should have made him Eros, look at him, he’s a perfect Eros.” 

Mike bites back a smile, looks at the floor. “Uh. Eros, huh?”

“Yes,” Erwin insists. He turns toward Mike, points at Levi with his right hand, grapes swinging dangerously. “Look at him, he’s Eros.” 

“Yeah. Okay, buddy,” Mike says soothingly, patting Erwin on the chest. 

Levi furrows his brows. “Which one was Eros?” 

Erwin doesn’t notice. He’s looking at his empty wine bags. 

Mike glances at Hanji, who very obviously turns and just walks away, and then he says, “Yeah, I’m not touching that one. Look it up.” 

“But who--”

Someone starts screaming _God of Wine_ from the kitchen and Erwin pushes off Mike and races over. Levi follows, chuckling, and stands on a chair so he can help Erwin with the wine bag that someone promptly shoves in his hand. 

A man Levi’s never seen before dressed in a sloppy bedsheet toga yells, “Who are you, his fucking wine fairy?” 

And Levi whacks the man with his staff and says, “I’m _Hermes, bitch.”_

“ _He’s Hermes, bitch!”_ Erwin adds, turning vauguly in the direction of the man who’s now holding his head and groaning. 

Mike yells, “Who _the fuck_ just called Levi--”

Levi hits Mike with his staff too. “I’m wearing _wings,_ you idiot.” 

Mike frowns. “Oh. Cause I will fuck someone up, okay, I will _fuck someone up.”_

Levi points. “I hit him with my fairy stick.”

Jean (who has been telling everyone he’s Hercules) shouts, “Is that what you call it?”

Levi promptly bends, snatches Eren’s golden apple out of his hand, and wings it at Jean’s head. 

Jean yelps and when he sees what hit him, he yells, “Eren, _what the fuck?”_

“ _I didn’t do that!”_ Eren screams back. 

Erwin interrupts to say, “Hercules doesn’t get the golden apple, Athena and Hera and Aphrodite have to fight over it, where’s Armin and Petra?” 

Mike picks up the apple and says, “ _Obviously,_ it’s mine.” 

Petra and Armin appear as if on cue, and Petra says, “ _Excuse me,_ do you _know_ how long I spent on Athena’s make-up?”

“Neither one of you has my legs,” Mike proclaims. 

Levi is dizzy with wine, with the fact that Erwin doesn’t seem at all interested in finding some sorority girl to cuddle up with, with _Mike_ in all his ridiculousness, when Connie barges into the kitchen and grabs Mike by the shoulder. The party rages on around them, but Levi sees the look on Connie’s face and it clears his head a little. He’s focusing, listening, when Connie says frantically to Mike, “There’s a bunch of Titans outside.”

Levi says sharply, “What?” 

Erwin hears Levi’s voice and says, “What’s wrong?”

“They’re spray painting the statue of King Fritz,” Connie says anxiously. 

People are listening now. Armin says, “I can call the poli--”

“ _No,”_ Levi says far too sharply. The kitchen starts to get quiet. Everyone is looking at him. He hops off his chair. “I’ll take care of it.” 

“You’ll what?” Mike laughs. “Don’t be stupid.” 

“It’s fine,” Levi insists. “I got it. You _stay here,”_ he adds. “And _no cops.”_

Erwin grabs Levi by the toga. “Don’t.”

“I got it,” Levi hisses under his breath. “Just keep them all inside.” 

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice is anxious, suddenly far more sober. Levi feels more sober too. 

“I’m just gonna ask them to leave,” Levi says reasonably. He lowers his voice even further, leans in so he’s whispering in Erwin’s ear (and _fuck_ but that shampoo is going to end Levi’s life) and says, “You know they won’t fuck with me. I got it.” 

Levi steps outside and the air is cold. His body tightens against the chill; he’s wearing practically nothing, after all. 

A handful of partygoers are lounging on the lawn and the front porch, drinking beer in red cups and pointing anxiously across the lawn at the small group of Titans spray painting the statue. One of them pushes over the trash can near the statue and kicks the trash that tumbles out. 

“Hey, get inside!” Levi growls at the kids on the porch. They all look at him blankly for a minute. “ _Go.”_

Something on Levi’s face must do the trick because everyone starts shuffling inside, looking over their shoulders as they go. 

Levi stomps across the lawn and when he’s close enough, he bellows, “ _Hey!”_

The Titans have spread out a bit by now. They’d thrown the trash across the lawn and moved on from King Fritz to the little wooden bridge that crosses the lake at its narrowest point. They shove on the railings, jump up and down to hear the old bridge creek, spray paint everything in sight.

The Titans all turn and look at him. They’re all wearing pretty much the same thing-- jeans, leather jackets with all their patches, and plastic masks. They take one look at him, one of them says, _“Levi?”_ and then they all double over laughing. 

“What the shit are you _wearing?”_

“It’s Halloween, dumb dick,” Levi snaps. It’s Dom again. Fucking of _course_ it is. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” 

Dom shrugs his shoulders and turns to saunter onto the bridge. He starts spray painting one of the railings. “We’re just having a little fun.” 

“Find some other fun,” Levi tells him. He seems to be saying that to Dom a lot these days. 

“You could join us,” Dom says brightly. Levi doesn’t come any closer. “Time was, you’d give your right nut to fuck with these university yuppies.” 

“Times change,” Levi mutters. His stomach is turning a little, and it’s not from the alcohol. 

“You really think you can fit in here, Levi?” Dom demands. He straightens up and points at Levi with his paint can. “Thought you were supposed to be the _smart_ one.”

“I told them not to call the cops,” Levi says flatly. “But if you shitheads keep trashing the campus, someone is gonna catch you.” 

Dom bounds off the bridge far too swiftly and gets much closer to Levi than is wise. If Levi reaches out he could grab him. “You turning _narc_ on us, Levi?” Dom says dangerously. “You wanna threaten us with fucking _pigs?”_

“You’ve been inhaling too much of that paint,” Levi says loudly. “I can’t stop a house full of rich idiots from call the campus PD.”

Dom snorts through his mask. “You’re something else, Ackerman. What would Farlan say if he could see you now?” 

“Shut up.” Levi bristles immediately. 

“You know, Farlan and Isabel, they knew what _loyalty_ meant. They were _proud_ of their colors.” 

“They’re _dead,_ Dominick. They went through my _goddamn windshield_ and _he_ didn’t even _blink.”_

Dom lifts his head. “Soldiers die.” 

“You’re not soldiers!” Levi tells him. “You’re _pawns._ He’s _using_ you, and I’m _tired_ of being a shield for a man who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on _fire._ ” 

Dom yanks off his mask and drops it on the ground. “Don’t talk about him that way,” he says dangerously. 

“I’ll talk about him however the fuck I want!” Levi tells him. “He doesn’t own me anymore. I’m done being his fucking dancing monkey and you should be too.” 

Dom leans away, laughs coldly. “Please, Levi. I know you. We’re your _family.”_

“You’re not.” 

Dom’s eyes flick over Levi’s shoulder. “You think they are? You think they’d even _look_ at you if they knew what you are?” 

“You don’t know me,” Levi hisses. “Don’t act like you do.” 

“I don’t know you? Please, Levi. We’re the only ones that _do._ You’re a soldier. You’re the goddamn Angel of Death.” He looks over Levi’s shoulder again, and then grins when his eyes land on Levi’s face. He says, much more loudly than before. “You’re a Titan. You can cut the ink out of your skin, and you can throw your colors out, but you’ll _never_ wash us away.” He stops, grins. Throws out his hands. “We’re in your blood, baby.”

Levi opens his mouth to respond, to say something scathing, to tell Dom to fucking _go_ , but then his heart skips a beat. Dom had looked over his shoulder and raised his voice. Dom had--

Levi spins around. 

Erwin watches him, hand covering his forehead and looking guilty. Mike stands beside him. And Eren. And Mikasa. And Annie. And Jean. 

A little group of some of the most fit, most intimidating members of Sigma Kap, stalking out here to back him up. To chase away the _thugs_ tearing up their campus. 

Dom starts to laugh. 

Mike opens his mouth to say something but then he sees Erwin and his face changes. “You knew about this?” 

Eren and Mikasa are totally white faced. They look like they want to tear Levi’s throat out. 

Jean and Annie just look disgusted. 

Erwin says, “It’s none of our business, Mike.” 

“ _Bullshit,_ it’s none of our business!” Mike says loudly. “We deserve to know if we’ve got a goddamn _gang member_ in our frat, how could you not tell us about this?” 

Levi says softly, “I’m not.” 

Dom interrupts. “Don’t kid yourself, Ackerman. You’ll _always_ be one of us. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you can get back to doing shit that actually _matters.”_

“You’re a Titan, Levi,” Eren growls. Levi actually feels a chill go up his spine. Mikasa and Eren together… Eren isn’t nearly as good as her, but Eren has _crazy eyes_ and he’s _determined,_ he’s _burning,_ he’s-- Levi wouldn’t want either of them as enemies. 

“Get the fuck off our campus.” Levi yells, whirling back to Dom. All his fear, all his anger, all his hatred snaps and it arches straight for Dom like a lightning strike. Levi wants to _kill_ him. 

Dom snorts and Levi starts stomping onto the bridge. The rest of the Titans fall in around him, mock threatening, but they’d never lay a hand on Levi. “ _Our_ campus is it?”

“Yeah. motherfucker,” Levi tells him. “This is _my fucking terf_ now, you got it? And unlike _him_ I don’t need an army to protect what’s mine. I am a goddamn army. _Go home.”_

“You know what I think,” Dom says cheerfully. He steps forward, taps Levi once on the chest with his finger. “I think you’re all talk. I think your little friends are watching and you don’t want them to see _the real y--”_

Levi grabs Dom by his jacket, yanks him around, and slams him into the rickety wooden railing. The bridge creaks. Levi looms over Dom, pulls him down enough that Levi can bend down to hiss in his face, “You were saying, bitch?” 

“Get off me,” Dom hisses. He jerks, but he’s white faced. The other Titans are moving nervously, trying to look intimidating. 

“I’m tired of your bullshit, Dominick,” Levi says. He shakes his fists, bashes Dom’s back into the railing again. “I’m _tired_ of playing nice with you. You talk a big fucking game but you and I both know you don’t want to see _the real me.”_

Dom yells, “You’re not one of them! You’ll never _be_ one of them!”

Levi shakes him again, just for good measure, slams him one more time into the railing. “But I’m still not one of y--”

There is a sound like huge branches cracking, like a rumble of thunder, and the railing Levi and Dom are leaning on cracks, splinters, and falls into the water all at once. The bridge itself is sturdy, but it’s a well known fact among the students that the railings are old and need to be repaired. They’d probably been fine, but the Titans had been shaking them, kicking them earlier--

Levi gasps, pulls Dom back toward him, but Dom is bigger, longer, and Levi had been supporting his full weight. Dom wheels his arms, face suddenly open with shock, and tumbles backwards. Levi lets him go, balances for one split second on the tips of his toes, arms wheeling, and then tumbles in after him. 

The water is _cold_ and it’s deep here. Levi opens his mouth, kicks his feet, and starts to choke. He sinks like a stone, can’t remember how he floated across with Erwin weeks ago. 

He feels someone grab him, climb all over him, _cling_ to him and realizes Dom can’t swim either, realizes he’s hanging onto Levi in terror, pushing Levi deeper in his efforts to break the surface again. 

Levi fights, kicks him in the stomach, tries to thrash away. 

And then he is alone. Untouched. Sinking deeper. The water above him is a little lighter; the spotlights that light the pathway around the lake, he thinks dimly. He kicks his feet and nothing happens. 

He can’t breathe. 

Something-- an arm-- strong and thick and warm curls around his chest and Levi grabs it, fists his hands in the fabric around a chest, almost scrambles up the body holding him until it starts to kick. His hands brush something familiar across the chest-- a harness--

Before that thought can finish forming, his head breaks the surface and he’s choking on water and air. The strong arm holding him thrusts upward and Levi feels hands on his shoulders, grabbing his clothes. He lifts his arms and he’s pulled out of the water to land back on the bridge, gasping like a hooked fish. 

Someone says, “Dom, Dom went down, where’s Dom?” frantically and Levi hears Erwin’s voice, sharp, authoritative, a little distant. 

“Where did he go down?” 

“There, right there!” There is a splash. 

Levi rolls onto his back, still struggling to breathe, and sees Titans and Sigma Kaps alike all clustered on the bridge. A few of them are looking down at him, a few more are staring into the water. Levi sits up, coughing up water, and Mike slaps him on the back. 

“Erwin--” he starts to say, not knowing what he intends to ask. 

There is another splash and everyone clusters at the side of the bridge again. A few seconds later, Dom is pulled, limp like a dead rat, onto the bridge. And Erwin is helped up a split second later. 

Mike lurches away from Levi’s side toward Dom. 

One of the Titans says frantically, “Help him!” 

Levi watches Mike and Erwin both roll Dom onto his back. Mike uses both hands to push on his chest, once twice--

Dom’s eyes pop open almost instantly and he sits up and vomits water onto the bridge. 

Levi falls back against the wood. 

“Fuck you… Ackerman,” he gasps. 

Levi is equally breathless. “Why can’t you all… just leave me alone.” 

“I’ve got my orders,” Dom says. 

“Of course you do,” Levi groans. 

Erwin appears, hovering over him, expression black. 

“You’re not worth it,” Dom says. 

Levi almost doesn’t hear him because his ears are ringing and he realizes something. Something far worse than knowing that all of Sigma Kap will know what he is. Far worse than the feeling of lake water filling his lungs. Far worse than the knowledge that Dom had almost died in that fucking lake. 

Erwin is still wearing his arm. 

Levi says, “Oh. No. Erwin.” 

Erwin follows his gaze, drops his eyes to his own arm, and the look on his face gets impossibly darker. 

There are sirens in the distance. 

“Dom, we gotta go,” one of the Titans says anxiously.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Dom agrees, struggling to his feet. Mike actually steadies him and he looks between Mike and Erwin with a strange expression on his face. “I uh. Thanks. So.” 

“Get off our campus,” Mike says very seriously. 

“Yeah, alright,” Dom mutters. “Come on.” He jerks his head and the Titans start trotting away, _very_ quickly. 

One of them lingers. He doesn’t take off his mask so his voice is a little muffled when he says, “Hey, Levi.” 

“What.”

“Sorry about Izzy.” 

Levi turns his head a little slowly. 

The Titan corrects. “Isabel.” 

Levi nods his head, just once. The Titan takes off after Dom. 

Erwin says, “We gotta get off this bridge.” 

“Back to the house,” Mike calls suddenly, and everyone moves all at once. Levi jumps to his feet, still a little dizzy with the memory of lake water closing over his head. 

Mike puts his hand on Levi’s chest. “Not you.” 

Erwin says sharply, “Mike--”

“Bi-laws are clear, Erwin,” Mike says, voice cold, and firm. “We have a zero tolerance policy for fights involving uninitiated members.” 

Levi’s chest feels tight. Cold.

Erwins says, “That _wasn’t a fight--”_ He looks over Mike’s shoulder, looks for support from any of the others, but they all just stare. 

Levi squeezes his eyes closed. 

“Rules are rules,” Mike says quietly. “Levi’s out.” 

“Mike!”

“Come on.” 

“Mike!” 

Mike ignores Erwin. They leave Erwin and Levi standing on the bridge. The sirens inch closer. 

Erwin says, “Come on, we gotta go.” 

Levi feels cold, numb, as Erwin leads him away from the bridge. And it has very little to do with his dip in the lake. 

He’s shivering by the time Erwin unlocks the door to their room. His prostehtic arm hangs limp and useless at his side and Levi feels sick looking at it. Erwin hasn’t said anything, and Levi is suddenly dreading the sound of his voice. 

When they step into the dorm, Erwin disappears into his room to change.

Levi stands there, shivering, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

When Erwin finally comes out of his bedroom, wearing dry shorts and a towel over his shoulders, he looks up and blinks at Levi. “What are you doing?” he says, voice… _kind. Warm._

Levi swallows and there is a lump in his throat. Why is Erwin being so nice to him? After what just happened…

Erwin curses and comes forward, he drapes his towel around Levi’s shoulders. It smells like him. “You’re freezing,” he says gently. “Are you okay? Do we need to go the ER?”

Levi shakes his head. 

“Are you sure? You almost drowned.” 

Levi says quietly, “Erwin, your arm.” 

Erwin’s shoulders sag. “I forgot,” he admits softly. “I just. Saw you two fall in, and…” 

Levi doesn’t know what to say. 

“I wish I’d remembered to take the hand off,” Erwin admits with a little self deprecating chuckle. When Levi just blinks at him, he reaches down and twists his prosthetic hand. It comes free with a little pop. “It’s one of the most expensive components,” Erwin admits. “That and the elbow.” 

Levi still doesn’t know what to say. ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t good enough. And he can’t possibly _pay_ to replace it…

He swallows again. 

Erwin rubs his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he says gently. “You’re alright, that’s what’s important.” 

“I… thank you,” Levi says, realizing he hasn’t said it yet. “You. The lake. I.” 

“Don’t,” Erwin says with a chuckle. “If it wasn’t me, it woulda been Mike. I mean I should have let him, I just pan…” he trails off. “Panicked.” 

Then he says, “We’ll get you back in. That wasn’t a fight, Mike knows it, he’s just--”

“It’s alright, Erwin,” Levi groans. “They don’t want me around and I don’t-- I mean I understand.”

“ _I_ want you around,” Erwin says, lifting his chin. “They can’t kick you out just because you _used_ to run with a rough crowd. And you _weren’t fighting.”_

Levi looks down. Dom is right. Of course he is. Why Levi is even _trying_ to do this…

“Hey,” Erwin says. Levi looks up. “It’s alright, Levi. It’s fine. It’s gonna be fine, okay?”

Levi swallows and nods. Erwin is lying of course. Trying to make Levi feel better. Levi doesn’t know why he even bothers. 

“Go take a shower,” Erwin says gently. “Warm up.” 

“You…”

“I’ll go next,” Erwin tells him. 

Levi nods. He takes a shower and he thinks. He thinks about the Titans. He thinks about Erwin. He thinks about the Sigma Kaps and he thinks about myoelectric arms and he thinks about scholarship stipends. 

When he gets out of the shower, he’s got a headache from all the wine. 

He waits until Erwin is showering, and then he gets dressed, grabs his skateboard, and leaves. 

*

The clubhouse is packed. Of course it is. 

Everyone is drunk or stoned or some other kind of fucked up. When he appears outside the door, someone says, “ _Holy_ shit _.”_

And then he is being greeted by people he hasn’t seen in years. People who had trusted him. Who liked him. Who _respected_ him.

He goes inside, and sees some of the same faces he saw when he came here for Isabel. Reiner and Bertolt. Peick. They all glare, look at him suspiciously. But still others seem happy to see him. Surprised. But happy. They think he’s back. 

Dom is sitting in a corner. He looks shaken. His hair is still damp. When he looks up, he makes eye contact with Levi and smiles just a little. Nods his head. 

Levi throws open the door to Zeke’s office and then shuts it behind him. 

“I can leave whenever I want,” he says. 

Zeke considers him in mild-mannered silence. 

“I say when I come and go. If I want out, I’m out, no questions asked.”

Zeke tilt his head. 

“No tattoos,” Levi says. “I’m not coming back. This is temporary.” 

Zeke’s lips turn down at the edges. 

“Fight by fight,” Levi says. “When I say.” 

He sticks out his hand. “Deal?” 

Zeke stares at his hand. Then he smiles and without standing up, he takes Levi’s hand in his. “Deal.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8D?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s late. Levi steps quietly into the dorm with his hood up and his hands tucked into his pockets. He moves lightly when he comes into the dark common room, careful not to disturb Erwin who must be asleep by now. 
> 
> He clicks the door shut, and sidesteps into the kitchenette to get a drink of water. 
> 
> “Where do you go?”
> 
> Levi jumps, splashes water on the ground. When he turns around, he finds Erwin, sitting in the dark on the couch. He’s wearing a long sleeve shirt and one of the sleeves is pinned closed. 
> 
> “Why are you sitting in the dark?” Levi demands. “What are you doing up, anyway, it’s like four in the morning.” 
> 
> “Where do you go, Levi?” Erwin says quietly. It’s been two weeks since Erwin pulled Levi out of the lake. A week since Levi’s first fight. 
> 
> Levi already has enough to make Erwin understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The Underground has grown. It’s packed full of a strange assortment of men and woman; there’s a huge number of Titans in their leather and ripped jeans, beside an even bigger number of obnoxiously rich trust fund assholes. They crowd around a ring in the middle of the room-- an empty warehouse, really. The ring is just an array of cinderblocks, cemented into place so they don’t collapse if someone is thrown into them. Which happens quite a bit. 

Levi is wearing his patchless leather jacket and black jeans. It’s been a while since he’s done this, and his heart is racing with… excitement. His pulse flutters in his throat, and his body is eager for action, for blood. 

He’s got good odds. He always does. No matter how many times he won, Zeke controlled the system. Zeke kept his odds high, played up his size. They had thrown Levi in the ring against men three times his size-- against four men at once even-- and even people who had seen him fight before always rolled their eyes and expected him to crumble like a dry leaf. 

He never did. 

Reiner says, “You ready?” 

Levi nods. The sound of the bloodthirsty crowd is intoxicating. Levi strips off his jacket and his shirt, his shoes and jeans. 

“We got a special show for you tonight, ladies and gents!” a seedy Titan with greasy hair is spitting into a crackling microphone. 

Levi hops over the cinderblock wall, wearing only a pair of gym shorts. 

“Back from the dead, our very own _Angel of Death.”_

A shiver crawls across Levi’s skin. 

It’s been three years. Most of the people here now don’t know him. But a few do. They shove to the front of the room. Some cheer. More just _gasp_ and stare and Levi _bathes_ in it. His blood pumps. He is a rabid dog about to be let off a chain. He’d tried so hard to never come back to this; he should have known the promise of blood would always draw him back in.

“And tonight, he’s taking on our _reigning champion,_ the--”

Levi misses the guy’s name because the crowd suddenly screams when he jumps into the ring. He’s thinner than Levi expects, but he’s solid muscle. He grins at Levi, wild, intimidating. Levi cracks his neck. 

Someone rings a bell. 

Champion charges at him all at once. He wants to make this quick, Levi gathers. Levi sidesteps and lets Champion catch himself on the cinder blocks. He whirls, holding his hands up, but not before Levi jabs him twice in the side. The crowd screams. Champion faces him a little more wearily now. Levi can take him out easy. 

So he does. 

He darts in fast, and when Champion counters, Levi feints. He coaxes Champion into throwing a punch and when he’s fully extended, Levi ducks around his fist and does exactly what he did to Mikasa, a lifetime ago, in a dream that doesn’t matter anymore. He doesn’t pull his punch though. Champion drops. Levi catches Champion’s face with his knee, feels his nose break, and knows he’s not conscious to feel it. He still follows him down, punches him in the face, again, again, _again_ \--

The announcer pulls him away, rings the bell, and Levi feels blood on his hands. He feels blood surging under his skin. He looks at the man half dead on the concrete and feels like he’s the one who died. He should have known he’d be back here. He should have known from the start this is the only place he really belongs. 

*

He fights three more times. He wins. He skips class the next day. What’s the point?

*

Erwin is around the dorm far more often than usual. He refuses to go back to Sigma Kap until they let Levi back in. Levi can’t convince Erwin that he doesn’t care, that he doesn’t _want_ to go back, that he knows where he belongs and it’s not in a _frat_. 

So he avoids Erwin. He stays out late. He fucks middle aged men in dirty bathroom stalls. 

He fights. 

He wins. 

*

It’s late. Levi steps quietly into the dorm with his hood up and his hands tucked into his pockets. He moves lightly when he comes into the dark common room, careful not to disturb Erwin who must be asleep by now. 

He clicks the door shut, and sidesteps into the kitchenette to get a drink of water. 

“Where do you go?”

Levi jumps, splashes water on the ground. When he turns around, he finds Erwin, sitting in the dark on the couch. He’s wearing a long sleeve shirt and one of the sleeves is pinned closed. 

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” Levi demands. “What are you doing up, anyway, it’s like four in the morning.” 

“Where do you go, Levi?” Erwin says quietly. It’s been two weeks since Erwin pulled Levi out of the lake. A week since Levi’s first fight. 

Levi already has enough to make Erwin understand. 

“Don’t worry about it. Don’t you have some Sigma Kap bullshit to deal with?”

“Don’t do that,” Erwin says quietly. Levi has never heard him sound like this. Like he’s exhausted and scared and-- “Don’t blow me off.” 

“Look, mind your own business,” Levi mutters. He hates the way his voice sounds, the familiar coldness, the gruff street drawl that he’d been slowly filtering away. 

“Mind--” Erwin stands up, tone outraged. “What do you--” He stops, seems unsure of what he’s going to say, and Levi makes the mistake of meeting Erwin’s eyes. 

It’s dark in the room, but it’s light enough. Erwin’s face changes. 

Levi looks down.

“Have you been… Levi, have you been fighting?” 

Levi swallows and lifts his chin. He’d been tired by the last fight tonight. Had gotten a little sloppy. He’s got a black eye and a split lip. 

At least he tells himself he got sloppy. He tells himself he didn’t see the punch coming, that he couldn’t have avoided it. 

That’s what he tells himself.

Erwin’s face makes Levi’s stomach hurt. He’s. Scared. God, why is he so scared? What is he so afraid of?

Levi pulls his hands from his pockets and holds a fistful of bills, huge stacks of them rubber banded together. He sets them on the counter, and Erwin just stares. Levi quietly walks into his room, takes the rest of the stacks out from under his mattress, and returns to place them on the counter. 

Erwin’s blue eyes are enormous. “Where did you get all this?”

Levi lifts his chin again. “Won it.”

“Doing _what?”_

Levi shrugs a shoulder. “Just some stuff.” 

“ _Levi.”_

“‘S for your arm, okay? I pay my fucking debts, Smith.”

“ _Don’t you dare do that,_ don’t you _dare_ act like I _needed_ you to do this.” 

“‘S fine, Erwin,” Levi drawls, kicking off from the wall he’d been leaning on. 

“You’re gonna get yourself killed,” Erwin says. He sounds a little awed. Disbelieving. “Or _arrested,_ Levi, _what are you thinking?”_

“Told you, I pay my debts--”

“You don’t owe me _anything--”_

“Your arm got fucked ‘cause of me!” Levi shouts, turning. “I gotta handle that, okay, I gotta--”

“I can buy a new arm!” Erwin yells back. “I can’t-- you can’t-- you could _die.”_

“I won’t _die,”_ Levi drawls, rolling his eyes. 

“How can you be like this? After everything, how can you act like you don’t even _care--”_

Levi sniffs. 

“After everything you’ve worked for?” 

Levi looks away. “Mind your own business,” he says again. 

Erwin laughs. “Mind. Levi.” 

He doesn’t go on. 

Levi turns his head to look and Erwin is just staring at him. The look in his eyes makes Levi want to be sick. It’s so _hopeful_ and _scared_ and Levi can’t look at him anymore. He lowers his head, starts to turn toward his room.

Erwin grabs him by the shoulder. “Wait.” He sighs. “Just wait.” 

Levi frowns at the linoleum. Erwin crosses to the freezer and pulls something out. And then he is standing in front of Levi, pressing an ice gel pack wrapped in paper towels to Levi’s lips. Levi takes it reflexively, and Erwin gasps. 

Before Levi can pull away, Erwin takes Levi’s hand in his and studies the torn skin on Levi’s knuckles. Levi feels Erwin’s hand shake. 

“Please. Please don’t do this.” 

“I know what I’m doing,” Levi says quietly, relenting. “I know, okay? They can’t beat me. I make _thousands_ of dollars a night doing this, okay? And I can leave whenever I want.” 

Erwin shakes his head. He doesn’t let go of Levi’s hand. 

“You know that’s not true. They’ve been trying to suck you back in for months. You really think they’ll let you go now that they have you?” 

Levi is silent. He’s thought about this before. “If I want to go, he can’t stop me.” 

Erwin shakes his head. “I can’t-- I can’t… do this.” 

Levi frowns, lifts his head. “Do what?”

“I can’t _worry_ about you like this,” Erwin hisses. “Please stop this. My fucking arm isn’t important. It’s plastic and metal and fucking carbon fiber. I’ll get a new one. Maybe it takes a little while, but I’ll get a new one.” He shakes his head. “But you said yourself you don’t get a third chance.” 

Levi’s jaw slides. “Maybe I don’t need a third chance,” he says. “Come on, Erwin. Me? A fucking _doctor?_ Be serious.” 

“ _Yes,”_ Erwin hisses. “You. You can do it, I _know_ you can. Don’t let them convince you all you are is a fucking _thug_ and a _criminal.”_

Levi leans back against the wall, suddenly so tired he can’t think straight. “Aren’t I?” 

“No,” Erwin insists. “You’re.” 

He stops, looks at Levi and swallows. And Levi knows he hasn’t been able to think of a lie quickly enough, that he knows he’s just bullshitting. 

“Thanks,” Levi says quietly. “You’re nicer to me than I deserve.” 

He turns to go, and Erwin catches him again. “You _deserve_ a future.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you really knew me,” Levi replies. He’s too tired to mince words, to pretend like he’s something he’s not. He’s just too damn tired. 

“I do know you.” Erwin’s voice is vehement. “Levi, I know you.” 

Levi smiles. “You’re a good man, Erwin.” 

“So are you.” 

It makes Levi laugh. He is not a good man. He has never been a good man and he will never be a good man. 

Erwin’s hand on Levi’s bicep tightens. “Please listen to me.”

“I’m tired, Erwin,” Levi admits. “I just want to go to sleep.”

“No,” Erwin says sharply. “No, I have to tell you something.” 

Levi sighs, lays his head against the wall. “What?”

Erwin swallows. “I have to tell you-- you deserve to know how I… how I feel about you.” 

It sounds like each word is a struggle, like Erwin has no idea what he’s going to say until he says it and that’s very unlike him. 

Levi shakes his head. “You know, I think Pixis put us in this room for a reason.” 

Erwin’s face falters. Levi has derailed his train of thought. 

“What?”

“He knew you’d be like this. That you’d try to _save_ me.”

“Levi.”

Levi pats Erwin on the shoulder and pulls himself out of Erwin’s grip. “I’m not worth your time, Erwin. But really. Thanks for trying.” 

He turns to go. 

Erwin blurts his next sentence so quickly, it takes Levi a long time to make sense of the jumble of words. And even after he’s parsed each word out, they still don’t work together. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Levi turns his head. He can’t hear his own thoughts over the beating of his heart. 

Erwin looks at him, chin high and defiant, hand lifted like he was still holding Levi’s shoulder. 

Levi laughs once, coldly, and says, “No, you’re not.”

Erwin’s eyes narrow. “Don’t tell me how I feel.” 

Levi shakes his head. His head is ringing and he can’t-- it’s too late for this, he’s too tired, he’s too-- “You don’t.” 

Erwin takes a long, steady breath and says, “Yes. I do.” 

Levi shakes his head some more, can’t seem to stop shaking it, “You don’t-- you have no reason to--”

“I have plenty of reasons,” Erwin replies. “And. All of them and none of them are good enough.” 

“ _Stop it.”_

Erwin draws back at the sudden rage in Levi’s voice, and Levi drops the icepack on the ground. 

“Just _stop it,_ alright? Haven’t we established I’m pretty fucking easy? You don’t have to _lie to me_ to get into my pants, Jesus fucking Christ, Erwin, what’s _wrong with you?”_

He _loves--_ Levi can’t even finish the thought. It’s too ridiculous. As if _anyone_ has ever--

Erwin’s shocked face softens and he says, “Is that really so hard for you to believe?”

“Don’t,” Levi tells him, jaw tight, _throat_ tight. “Don’t-- I can handle other people-- but not you, okay, I can’t handle you lying…” Levi trails off, trying to wet his dry mouth. “Of all the _fucked up shit--”_

Erwin sweeps forward, and Levi takes a step back, puts his back to the wall and hates himself for being cornered. But Erwin doesn’t trap him. He stands close. Close enough that Levi can smell him, could touch him, could--

“I hate pineapples on pizza.” 

Levi blinks. “What?”

“Pineapple on pizza? I fucking hate it. It’s _stupid.”_

“But you--”

“But I order it because you like the leftovers.” 

Levi swallows. 

“ _Everything_ I do, I think of you.” 

Levi starts shaking his head again. 

“I wipe the fucking floor the second I get out the shower because you asked me to.” Levi blinks. Erwin _had_ started doing that for the past month or so… “And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve overslept for my eight AM because we were up watching fucking _Cops_ all night.” 

Levi did like to watch _Cops._ It was fucking stupid. He liked to curse at the TV and bitch about how much the officers sucked. 

“I don’t do anything now without thinking of you first,” Erwin says earnestly. “Levi.” 

Hearing Erwin says his name like that, in the close quiet space, makes Levi’s stomach flutter. Erwin is looking at him. 

“But you. You’re.” Erwin _likes women._

Erwin shrugs. “Not as straight as I thought I was,” he mutters with a twisted little smile, reading Levi’s mind _again,_ and how did he _always_ do that, how did he make it feel so normal?

Levi grinds his teeth together. “I don’t know what to say,” he says quietly. He doesn’t. How is he supposed to respond to this? Erwin is wrong, of course. He has to be. He’s going to wake up in the morning and feel like a fool, or he’s going to--

Levi swallows and the sound is audible.

Erwin’s going to kiss him and realize it’s all wrong, it’s all a mistake, he can’t _love Levi,_ nobody _loves Levi._

Erwin might kiss him. Erwin might--

Erwin studies his face in total silence. And Levi watches all his nervousness, all his apprehension fall away, replaced with sheer… devastation. 

It doesn’t make sense. 

Erwin smiles at him sadly. “You don’t feel the same way. Do you?”

“I.” 

“It’s okay,” Erwin says quietly. “I just.” He shakes his head and breathes out hard. Then he says, “I just need you to know. I care about you. Please don’t go back there.” 

Levi nods. He hadn't been thinking about the Titans at all. That seemed unimportant now. Erwin had said… Erwin said he…

Levi’s voice is very small when he says, “How. How do you know?” 

“What?” Erwin asks, a half bitter chuckle making the word sound soft. 

“What does it… feel like?”

Erwin takes a big breath again. Then he shakes his head. “I dunno. It. It sort of hurts to look at you.” 

Levi feels like he’s been punched. 

“Except it hurts more not to.”

He stares at Levi. Levi stares back. 

Erwin smiles at him and the expression tears Levi’s chest apart. 

_Erwin loves--_

“I should go to bed,” Erwin says quietly. 

“Wait!”

He turns his head, looks at Levi and… and _fuck_ Erwin just _hopes,_ doesn't he? Levi doesn’t understand how he can do that after everything he’s been through. After his arm and… it doesn’t make sense. 

“I…”

Levi shakes his head again. He can’t speak. He can’t. 

He licks his lips. Erwin’s eyes fall to his mouth and it’s _so obvious,_ normally it would have made Levi feel powerful, feel _desired,_ feel _predatory_ and _in control_ but now it just makes him panic. 

Levi’s own breath is like thunder in his ears. 

Erwin frowns to himself, just a little, and takes a step forward. He’s close. He’s so close, he’s been this close before, but Levi had forced himself not to think on it too much, had washed away the way his body responded and--

Erwin bends. 

He tilts his head down and Levi feels like he’s been running. 

Erwin doesn’t kiss him. It takes Levi a long time to realize what he’s doing. That he’s waiting. That he’s going to let Levi decide, that he’s _Erwin_ and he’d never take something not freely offered.

Except Levi can’t make his body work. He’s staring up at Erwin like Erwin is the most terrifying person Levi has ever seen, and of course he is, and there’s no way Erwin can’t feel how fast, how frightened Levi’s breath is against Erwin’s lips and he can’t move, he can’t, it’s _impossible--_

Erwin swallows and Levi hears it. He pulls back. He’s going to leave. He’s--

Levi moves. Levi finally makes his fucking hands work and he twists his fingers in Erwin’s shirt, pulls him down again, because he has to know, just this once, he has to feel what it would be like if they could-- 

Of course, Erwin will realize. This will make him see that he was wrong, that what he feels isn’t-- couldn’t _possibly be--_

Levi feels like a rod and Erwin is a lightning strike. Erwin pushes his whole body to Levi’s chest the instant Levi’s hands in his shirt offer the permission he was looking for. He slides his hand over the back of Levi’s head, brings it to rest at Levi’s neck and nestles there, too big and too warm, when Levi lifts his chin, tilts his head up so Erwin can reach him. 

And _his lips--_

 _A kiss._ Levi can’t think. How can this-- how-- _Erwin._

Levi squeezes his eyes shut, tries to take in everything, how hot Erwin’s body is and how strong, how soft his lips are, how eagerly their skin meets. He tries to soak it all up and waits for Erwin to frown, to step back, to admit he’d made a mistake--

Erwin makes a strange, groaning little sound deep in his throat, and this is it, this the moment he--

“Oh, _God.”_

He speaks the words against Levi’s skin, and then he opens his mouth so Levi can feel his tongue. 

Levi throws his arms around Erwin’s neck and can’t bring himself to continue with the mantra in his head, the one warning him not to hope, or wish, or dream, the one telling him this is all a mistake-- he can’t hear it anymore. Erwin’s tongue is in his mouth. He’s pushing his whole body against Levi’s and Levi feels like he’s floating, flying, dying, drowning--

He’s holding Erwin so tightly it must hurt, but Erwin doesn’t complain. Levi never wants to let him go. He’ll wake up when they pull apart, it’ll be _over--_

Erwin breaks away from him, and brushes Levi’s hair out of his eyes and Levi thinks his heart might break.

“Do you believe me now?” Erwin asks huskily. 

Levi nods. It’s all he can manage. He doesn’t wake up. 

He’s not dreaming. 

“Please, please don’t go back, please, you have to stay with me, Levi, you’re the only reason this semester hasn’t been a _nightmare--”_

“I won’t,” Levi insists, though he barely knows what he’s agreeing to. 

Erwin tilts his forehead against Levi’s. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Levi’s voice is higher than it usually is when he says, “You’d be fine, you’d be.” 

Erwin shakes his head. “Don’t argue with me for once.” 

“Okay.” 

Erwin kisses him again. 

Levi wonders if he hit his head too hard in that last fight. It’s the only explanation. Really, it is. 

Levi thinks of every man who’s ever pinned him to a dark club wall and wonders how he could have possibly thought any of that was ever _good._ Erwin doesn’t hold him down. Erwin just holds him. 

_Fuck,_ he’s good, he tastes good, and he smells good, and he kisses like nothing Levi has ever felt. Levi bites his lip. Erwin mumbles a wordless encouragement and nibbles back. 

He hits exactly the wrong spot and Levi jerks away from him without meaning too, hand flying up to cover his split lip. 

Erwin brows knit together. “Shit, I’m sorry.” 

“‘S kay,” he insists, and he leans in for another kiss. Erwin steps back and pulls them apart. Levi frowns. 

Erwin bends for the ice pack. He replaces the paper towels, knows Levi won’t use the ones that had fallen on the floor, and presses the ice to Levi’s face again. “Just hold it there for a few seconds,” he says gently. 

Levi nods, dazed beyond words, and does as he’s told. Erwin doesn’t move away from him. He stands _so close_ and starts… he starts _playing_ with Levi’s hair and Levi actually _lets him,_ likes it even. Levi just looks up at him. 

And then he pulls his hand out of Levi’s hair, takes Levi’s free hand in his, and kisses Levi’s bruised knuckles, one by one. 

Levi lets his head fall back against the wall. “You.” 

“What?”

“You’re not supposed to want me,” Levi says finally, making his voice work. “Erwin, what are you doing?”

“Not supposed to…” Erwin furrows his brows. “Why not?” 

“You’re better than that,” Levi admits. “You’re better than me.”

Erwin’s face flashes with anger, and he knocks the ice pack aside when he kisses Levi for a third time. “Don’t be stupid,” he hisses when he pulls away. 

“You are,” Levi answers, voice small again. “You’re kind and you’re smart and you’re so beautiful and I’m just… I’m just _Levi._ I’m a whore’s kid and felon and I’m-- Erwin, _I hurt people.”_

“You’d never hurt me,” Erwin says. 

Levi sighs and it’s a tight, small, frightened sound, unlike any noise he’s ever made before. Erwin doesn’t understand. How could he? 

Levi can’t tell him. 

Erwin’s hand keeps moving from Levi’s hair to his shoulder to his waist. His cheek. Levi feels his breath shaking in his chest and he’s trying so hard to stop the strange swooping pain in his lungs, to swallow past the lump in his throat. He’d always thrown his body around the same way he threw a punch. Had always known exactly where to press to get a response, to get the response he wanted. He can’t do that now. He can’t bring himself to move off this wall. He puts the ice on his lips and he just… he just stares, afraid to move, afraid he’ll startle Erwin away. Afraid he’ll give _himself_ away. Erwin had said he loved Levi, but he can’t possibly know-- it can’t possibly compare to what Levi feels for him. Levi would tear the world apart for Erwin. He’d tear apart any personwho got in his way. 

But Erwin can’t know that. He can’t know the lengths Levi wouldn’t hesitate to cross for him. He’s worried about a few fights, some well earned but very illegal cash. What would he think if he knew what Levi would really do, if Erwin ever needed it of him?

Erwin’s hand cups his cheek again, thumb rubbing at his cheek bone. No one has ever, _ever_ touched him like that. Levi doesn’t understand the point of it, but it also feels _so good._

Erwin sighs all of a sudden, and the sound is immensely frustrated. Levi thinks he’s finally done the right wrong thing, that Erwin will leave now, but instead, he puts his forehead against Levi’s again and says, “It’s not fucking _fair.”_

“What?” 

“I can’t touch you how I want to,” Erwin says, voice small. Even though their faces are very close together, Levi still sees his lips twist. “I don’t have enough hands.” 

Levi decides to tell the truth for once. “I. Can’t believe you want to touch me at all.” 

Erwin makes a sound Levi has never heard him make before. It’s a sound Levi has made at least once a day every day for most of his life. But he’s never heard it from Erwin before. 

“Tch.” 

Levi smirks. Just a little. 

“Just ask me all the ways I’ve thought about touching you,” Erwin tells him, voice low and… intimate in a way Levi has never heard before. It brings a chill along his back, makes his stomach flutter, makes him breathe out slow and shaky like a scared little virgin. 

A lot of people have whispered sex in Levi’s ears but he never thought he’d hear it from Erwin. 

He puts his ice pack down. He opens his mouth to say ‘Tell me,’ but that’s not what comes out. 

“Show me.” 

Erwin’s fingers brush one more time at the hair at Levi’s temple. 

And when he kisses Levi, the ways it is familiar and the ways it is not at all the same make Levi feel like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. He’s had men kiss him like this before, like they can’t wait to get their hands on him, but Erwin hadn’t until now. Before he’d been so…. Gentle wasn’t the right word, but it wasn’t like this, it wasn’t anything like this. 

And then of course, because it’s Erwin, it’s so much more than anything Levi has ever felt. He can’t think straight, he feels drunk and reckless and--

 _Shit_ but Erwin really knows what he’s doing. He grinds his hips into Levi’s like he can’t get enough of him, he kisses him too hard, hard enough that it hurts, that it’s pulling little sounds from Levi’s chest that he can’t control. Erwin’s hand tightens in his hair, pulls his head back more so Erwin can reach, and then he slides his hand down Levi’s back, down his hip, cups Lev’s ass and _squeezes_ and--

This is not at all how Levi had thought this would go, in the weak morning hours when he’d let his daydreams run away with him. In all those visions Erwin had been shy and unsure. Levi had had to show him. 

Erwin doesn’t need anyone to _show him_ anything. 

He hooks his hand in Levi’s hoodie and pulls. Levi helps without thinking about it, shimmies out of his hoodie and his t-shirt and drops it on the floor at their feet. 

He kisses Levi’s neck, his shoulder, his--

Levi jumps and hisses when Erwin presses his lips, _painfully_ gentle, to the square scar on his collarbone. The skin is still sensitive and thin there. Levi feels like Erwin can feel the inside of his chest. Levi buries his hands in Erwin’s hair and tries to catch his breath, head thrown back against the wall. 

He feels Erwin’s warm fingers dip into the waistband of his jeans, feels him slide his hand to the button and undo it, and Levi smiles because that’s awfully brave of him, even if he does kiss like a fucking… shit, Levi doesn’t even have a word for it. Erwin kisses better than anybody Levi has ever been with. It’s the most incredible thing Levi has ever felt and he--

He looks down very sharply, white shock flaring behind his eyes because Erwin has just dropped to his knees. He’s pulling at Levi’s jeans rather carefully, having a little trouble trying to do it one handed and Levi is too shocked to help him. 

“What are you…” 

He trails off when Erwin presses a kiss to his hip bone.

Levi’s throat works and he can’t make words come out. 

Erwin gets his jeans down around his knees and then they fall the rest of the way to the floor and Levi’s fight shorts had gotten tangled up in the denim so he’s only wearing his embarrassingly ragged boxer briefs. 

Erwin kisses him right where the waistband of his underwear sits, right where the little trail of hair on Levi’s belly disappears into the thick soft fuzz of dark hair on his pelvis. He pulls Levi’s underwear down when he does it. 

And he. _Watches._ He watches Levi’s face, meets his fucking eyes and Levi _can’t think straight._ He doesn’t want to consider what Erwin intends to do. That’s an impossibility he hadn’t even thought about in his ridiculous daydreams. 

Erwin’s eyes fall from Levi’s face and Levi has never felt so exposed in his life. He’s fully hard, getting _impossibly_ harder at the way Erwin is looking at him. Erwin takes a little breath he probably doesn’t want Levi to see, a nervous sort of breath, and Levi’s brain seems to flip back on. 

“Wait, Erwin, fuck, shit, don’t--what are you doing, you don’t have to--”

Erwin sits back on his heels and looks up. 

“I’ve been fighting, I’m sweaty and gross,” Levi says quickly. “You don’t wanna--”

Erwin laughs in the back of his throat, thoroughly amused, and mutters, “Of course you’d say that.” 

“I just mean--”

Erwin sits up on his heels, locks eyes with Levi, and rolls his lips, _disgustingly_ gentle, over the head of Levi’s cock. 

He barely even touches Levi, really. Just puts his lips there and very carefully tastes at Levi with the tip of his tongue.

Levi does four things all at once: he covers his mouth with one hand, punches the wall with the other, throws his head back hard enough that it hurts, and curses. 

Erwin pulls back, brows furrowed. Licks his lips. And then he leans back in and Levi is going to lose his fucking mind with how good it is. He thinks drowning in the lake would be less overwhelming. 

Erwin goes slow, careful. He doesn’t try to swallow Levi all the way, doesn’t make himself gag on Levi’s cock. He just keeps _tasting_ him with curious little swirls of his tongue and the worst part, the _filthiest_ fucking part is he watches Levi’s face while he does it. He doesn’t close his eyes, or look down, or-- he just _holds Levi’s gaze_ like he’s been sucking dick for years and Levi hears himself babbling. 

“You’ve done this before, you fucking liar, you, _Jesus fucking Christ, my god, Erwin, what the fuck.”_

He hears Erwin laugh at him. He pulls away just long enough to whisper against Levi’s skin. “Have not. This is the only cock I’ve ever wanted in my mouth.” 

Levi shakes like a fucking leaf in the wind. He’s not even sure it’s all that good, but it’s _Erwin_ and no one has sucked Levi’s dick in _years_ on top of that, but mainly it’s just that it’s _Erwin._

He pulls Levi into his mouth again, tries to take a little more, a little deeper, and when he finally takes his hand off Levi’s hip and wraps it around the base of Levi’s cock, Levi’s shoulders sag and he hears himself whimper in _shameful_ relief. 

“I may have looked up... Ah… some tips,” Erwin tells him. 

Levi starts laughing because how the fuck else is he supposed to respond to that? That Erwin spent his free time looking up _advice_ on how to _suck dick._ That shouldn’t be nearly as hot as it is. 

“You need to stop,” Levi half laughs, half gasps. “I’m not-- I mean, I’m gonna--”

Erwin pulls back again and now _that’s_ a relief because the heat in Levi’s gut had hit fast and sudden and it’s still building. “Isn’t that kind of the point?”

He licks a filthy stripe against Levi’s skin and Levi starts stuttering. “You don’t-- you don’t wanna--You-- you-- _fuck--”_

“Stop telling me what I want, Levi.” 

He wraps his lips around the head of Levi’s cock again, presses his tongue against exactly the right place, and Levi has to hold his breath to keep from yelling when he comes. 

It was too fast, too much too quickly, because it’s over sooner than Levi wants and really Erwin has only been down there for a few minutes. Levi would be embarrassed if he wasn’t watching Erwin pull back and lick his fucking lips again. He stands smoothly, spreads his hand across Levi’s belly and Levi melts into the sturdy, possessive touch, shoulders shaking and gasping for air like he’d been sprinting.

There is twisted laughter in Erwin’s voice when he puts his lips against Levi’s ear and says, “That was fun.” 

Levi’s still not sure he’s ever going to be able to breath properly again. He just _came_ in _Erwin’s_ mouth. In Erwin’s _mouth._ How is he supposed to keep living when he knows that just happened?

“Are you alright?” Erwin is teasing him. 

Levi says, “You just.” 

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Erwin says, voice a little husky, and a little giddy, and a little amused. “I hardly ever come from head. Only if it’s really good.” 

Levi laughs once and Erwin adds hastily, “Not that I mean-- It’s not like I’ve _practiced,_ so I'm not trying to say I'm…”

Levi finally feels like he’s got enough air to speak, and he says, “I can’t remember the last time someone…” He adds, because some part of this needs to feel _normal,_ “So don’t think you’re fucking God’s gift to dick sucking, alright.” 

Erwin nips at Levi’s ear. He’s starting to feel comfortable, Levi realizes. Playful. The first time they’d kissed, Erwin’s nervous desperate energy had nearly sent Levi into cardiac arrest. Now _Erwin_ is calling the fucking shots and he’s good at it and he’s comfortable and there’s no part of him wondering why _Levi_ wants him, no part of him thinking that he doesn’t _deserve this._

“But you always have guys,” Erwin tells him, ignoring Levi’s surely goading entirely.

Levi scoffs. “They don’t usually take the time to suck my cock first, Erwin,” Levi says flatly. Eren had tried. Levi hadn’t let him. 

Erwin pulls back and looks at Levi’s face. Frowns. He draws his hand from Levi’s belly to Levi’s temple again, pushes the hair out of his eyes. “None of them deserve you.” 

The lump is back in Levi’s throat again. He doesn’t like this, he doesn’t like the way Erwin is… _complimenting_ him, making him feel important, like more than a warm fucking body. That’s all sex ever was and ever had been for Levi and here was Erwin acting like it _mattered_ and usually Levi _hated_ that, except Erwin isn’t like Eren had been, all delicate and sweet. Or if he is, Levi just. He just likes it more. He wants Erwin more than anything he’s ever, _ever_ wanted. 

He doesn’t know how to say that, so he just meets Erwin’s eyes and says flatly, “Bed?”

Erwin gives him another twisted little smirk. It’s an expression that says he knows Levi is having trouble with this. It’s an expression that says Levi’s one word proposition should have failed, but because Erwin _knows Levi_ he knows what it really means. 

He grabs Levi’s hand and tugs Levi toward his bedroom door. Levi almost trips on his jeans and has to take a second to unlace his sneakers and kick the tumble of clothes clinging to his ankles away. 

Erwin laughs at him. 

He seems… lighter. Sunnier than Levi has ever seen him. Levi stares at him and Erwin says, “What?” 

“You just,” Levi swallows. “You look so... happy.” 

Erwin actually rolls his eyes. “Levi. I have never had a secret like you before.” 

Levi furrows his brows. 

“I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you and I’ve been walking around for _weeks_ with honestly no ideawhat to do about it. That’s after I figured out I was _jealous_ of all those idiotsyou fuck around with and honestly that took a lot fucking longer than it should have,” he admits. He smiles. Levi’s going to die right here in the fucking common room, in front of the goddamn _door._ “I don’t like having secrets,” he says. “And especially not from you.”

“You were… jealous?” Levi whispers. 

Erwin snorts. “Fuck, it was so weird, every time I saw you with one of those assholes I just wanted to…” Erwin drops Levi’s hand and stares. Then he says quietly, “I. I wanted to be sure. Before I told you.”

Levi wets his lips. His heart is beating so hard it hurts, but he has to say it. “You. You’re sure?” 

“ _God,_ yes, Levi,” Erwin says fiercely. “I’ve never been more sure of anything the way I’m sure about you.” 

Levi stares. He’s stuck just on the threshold of Erwin’s room, knowing that if he steps inside he’ll have to close the door, and if he closes the door, they’ll be all alone--

They already are alone but it stills feels different to lock themselves in Erwin’s room.

Levi likes Erwin’s room. It’s not bare like Levi’s. Erwin has pictures of his friends, and posters. He always leaves the blinds open, so slats of moonlight stripe his bed. His backpack is flung into his chair, and his arm is thrown beside it, looking limp and useless. 

Erwin says, “Are you?”

Levi stares at a spot on Erwin’s chest. 

_Yes._

_Always._

_Erwin._

Without lifting his eyes to Erwin’s face, he nods once. Barely tucks his chin. 

He’s sure.

Erwin hooks his hand in the bottom of his shirt and lifts straight up, pulls it off over his head and drops it on the floor. Levi finally lifts his eyes to Erwin’s face at the movement, and he watches Erwin’s eyes track from Levi’s face down his body, watches his face change, become darker, more heated. 

Levi steps inside and closes the door.

He’s sure.

The bedroom feels closed off all at once and Levi is actually glad. It feels a world away from the Underground, from the clubhouse and the lake-- even from the common room behind him. Erwin runs his hand over the back of his head and the whole thing takes on an air of unreality that Levi sinks into and breathes in. 

Erwin’s expression is finally familiar. He’s seen other men look at him like _that_ before and it steadys him. 

Levi lifts his chin, flips his hair out of his eyes and spends a beat looking at the moonlight on Erwin’s skin and the shape of his shoulders and his arm and the slope of his waist. 

He helps Erwin with the sweatpants he’s wearing even though Erwin can take them off himself. Really, Levi just offers encouragement, and then steps back far enough that he can _finally_ see Erwin’s hips, the tops of his strong, muscled thighs, and--

Levi shouldn’t be surprised. Really, he shouldn’t. He’s paid enough attention to Erwin in gym shorts or sweatpants to know that the guy is fucking hung but he hadn’t expected his fucking _cock_ to be as pretty and well formed as the rest of him.

Erwin is grinning at him when he finally lifts his eyes again. He takes one step into Levi’s space, kisses Levi _gently_ again, his hand fisted in the hair at the back of Levi’s head. 

Levi has no idea how he keeps doing that. He’s never rough, not the way Levi likes (or thought he liked), but he’s _firm,_ keeps putting Levi into exactly the position he wants him in and usually Levi makes men _fight_ for that sort of control but with Erwin he just keeps… falling into place. Like Erwin’s little nudges press Levi’s body into the places it wants to be only Levi didn’t know until Erwin told him to move. 

It is very easy to get lost in this. Levi forgets to offer any direction of his own. He just follows Erwin’s lead and by the time he realizes what he’s been doing, they’re sitting on the bed, Erwin with his back against the wall and his long legs stretched out, and Levi kneeling over his lap, both hands in Erwin’s hair and completely unwilling to break this kiss. They’d managed to crawl back on the bed like this, without falling apart. It’s not until Levi tries to pull Erwin over that Erwin pulls back. 

“Still a little hard for me to… be on top,” Erwin says huskily. 

Levi tilts back to center and then lays his fingertips against the top of Erwin’s right shoulder. When he starts to let his fingers trace lower, Erwin winces and says, “Don’t.” 

“Hurts?” Levi asks. Erwin turns his head away from Levi and away from his arm. 

“No. Just.” He clenches his jaw once, and then releases. 

Levi pulls his hand away, and then adjusts, curls his fingers under Erwin’s arm and urges him to lift it up. When he does, Levi leans forward and plants a single kiss in the center of Erwin’s bicep. 

Levi doesn’t know why he does it. It’s sentimental and silly. But when he pulls back, Erwin is staring at him, eyes _so wide._ Levi loves every part of him. He can’t say that. He _can’t._ But it’s true. The broken pieces are still _Erwin_ and Levi loves those too. 

He goes back to kissing again and he can’t quite believe how much they are doing that. Surely Erwin is going to get bored with him-- he can’t believe he’s not bored himself. But Erwin is doing nothing but holding him and kissing him, and occasionally lifting his hips and bringing his cock dangerously close to Levi’s.

“Condom?” Levi says _finally_ when Erwin makes no move to grab one.

Erwin looks at him and frowns. “You wanna…”

“ _Fuck?”_ Levi says a little incredulously. What does he think they’re doing here?

Erwin’s cheeks get _very_ red. “You. You want me to…”

Something in his voice makes Levi frown. “You don’t wanna fuck me?”

“What? _No,_ I mean-- it’s not that I don’t want to,” he says hastily. “I just. You know. I sorta read that. You know. A lot of men don’t really like to… they just do it to make their partners happy and I just… we can do. Other things?” 

His voice raises at the end like it’s a question and Levi sits back on his heels a little, brows furrowed. 

“I’m happy like this,” Erwin whispers, tilting his chin up to reach Levi for another kiss. 

It takes him longer than it should to muddle through Erwin’s reply and realize that it’s not that Erwin doesn’t want to screw. He’s worried Levi only wants to for his sake. 

Levi has done a lot of things he wasn’t thrilled about for someone else’s sake. The fact that Erwin even _cares--_

“I like it,” Levi tells him. 

Erwin lifts his eyes a little shyly. “You.” 

Levi rolls his eyes, lifts his hips, and sits in Erwin’s lap, grinds his ass over Erwin’s cock. Erwin lets his head fall back against the wall and moans a little. Levi adjusts his knees underneath him so he can rock a little, and says, “Yes. I like it.” 

Maybe not as often as he did it. Maybe not for all the people he did it for. 

But for Erwin? 

“What the fuck did you google anyway?” Levi asks him. 

Erwin is getting a little breathless from the way Levi is grinding against him. “Uh. I sorta went a little crazy,” Erwin admits. “My google history looks like a very concerning twelve year old girl got ahold of it.” 

Levi snorts. “What?” 

“‘How to tell a boy you like him,’ ‘how to give good head,’ ‘how to know if a boy likes you’... honestly it’s really ridiculous, please never speak of this again.” 

Levi can’t help it. He puts his head on Erwin’s shoulder and giggles so hard his whole body shakes. Erwin laughs too. 

The laughs dies in his throat when Erwin’s hand moves from where he’s toying with the hair at the nape of Levi’s neck. He draws his fingers down Levi’s spine, slow and sensual, pausing at the rise of each vertebra. 

Levi groans a little and arches back into the touch, instantly breathless. His head swims and the full reality of the situation hits him between the shoulders. This is _Erwin._ This is happening and it’s _Erwin._ Levi doesn’t know what he’s been waiting for. 

He makes a guess and throws himself sideways, yanks Erwin’s nightstand drawer open. Erwin makes a little sound of protest, and then lays his hand on Levi’s knee. Levi lifts his head at the same time that his leg twitches so hard he almost kicks Erwin in the stomach. 

“Don’t do that.” 

“Are you _ticklish?”_

“ _Don’t_ do that,” Levi says again, turning back to the drawer. He pushes things around for a minute. There’s Erwin’s little bag of pills, and a journal and pen, and a phone charger and--

Levi sits back up holding a bottle and a strip of condoms in his hand and just looks at Erwin. 

“What?” 

“What the fuck are _these?”_

Erwin snatches the condoms out of Levi’s hand, a blush in his cheeks, and says, “I’m allergic to latex and regular ones don’t fit.” 

Levi snorts and looks down at the bottle and then brandishes it in Erwin’s face. “Fine, what the fuck is _this_ then? Haven’t you ever heard of Astroglide?”

Erwin narrows his eyes. “Have you ever had sex with a woman?” 

“No.” 

“Well, some of them are kinda picky about what goes in or around their… bits.” 

“Bits.”

“Yeah, _bits,_ fuck you. _That,”_ he says, pointing to the bottle. “Is fragrance free, flavor free, hypoallergenic, _organic--_ it’s basically fancy coconut oil.” Levi lifts both his brows and Erwin says very smugly, “I’m considerate.” 

Levi blinks down at the bottle and then looks back at Erwin. “It’s lube, what’s it matter?” 

Erwin shrugs. 

Levi curiously squeezes some of the lube into the palm of his hand and tests it-- it’s a little thicker than he expects, but it’s oily instead of sticky. Levi likes it. 

Erwin is staring at him, heat in his cheeks and heat in his blue eye and Levi does what he always does; he handles himself. He’s going to need a little more _preparation_ than usual too, all things considered. 

He’s never really bothered to enjoy this. Sex is enjoyable; foreplay is just a necessary requirement. He’s skipped it enough to know it probably isn’t wise to try that with Erwin, but he still doesn’t intend to make any kind of show of it. Plus, he is used to the feel of his own fingers; he doesn't think much of it. 

Erwin’s eyes get big and round, and then he breathes out, bites his lip, pupils so huge, Levi can only see a thin, thin ring of blue iris. 

Levi slows down a little, already knuckle deep with two fingers and has the most overwhelming urge to kiss Erwin again and the even stranger urge to change position so Erwin can watch. 

These feelings are unfamiliar enough, that Levi instead snaps, “Put that on, what are you waiting for.” 

Erwin puts on his fancy fucking designer horse condom, and then says, “Can I touch you like that?” 

Levi narrows his eyes. He’s had enough idiots try to make this enjoyable and fail that he typically only does it himself. He doesn’t like fingers as much as he likes a good firm fuck. But Erwin…

The thought of Erwin touching him at all makes him fucking dizzy and the idea of him touching Levi _like this_ makes Levi feel like his skin is too hot, like his body isn’t safe anymore because it wants things he’s never wanted, _needs_ them and--

Levi nods silently and pulls his hand away.

Erwin holds out his hand. “Could you…” 

It takes Levi one dizzy moment to realize Erwin needs him to pour the lube. He feels like his brain is full of sand, like each thought has to filter through the base of an hourglass before it can get to him. He doesn’t feel like himself, doesn’t feel in control like he usually is, tries to recall the cold thoughtfulness he always clings to during sex or a fight and can’t find it. 

He can hear Erwin breathing when he reaches around Levi’s waist and touches him. 

He’s gentle, _fuck_ why is always so gentle? and Levi’s eyes flutter closed without his consent and his breathing goes ragged. How did this happen? A few seconds ago he was ribbing Erwin for his choice of condom and lube and now--

Levi groans through his teeth, feeling the blunt tip of Erwin’s middle finger pushing at him. His skin is burning. He buries both his hands in Erwin’s hair and doesn’t remember how filthy one of them is until it’s too late. He holds his breath when Erwin presses that finger deeper and realizes that Erwin’s hands are so much bigger than Levi’s and he can--

Levi swallows and can’t stand to look at Erwin’s face when he says, “Do, you can--uh--” He can’t seem to make his brain work. “Two. You don’t… haveta be so careful,” he huffs out finally. 

Erwin’s breathing is short and shallow too. Levi barely notices. He’s struggling to keep quiet. He doesn’t usually have to try so hard. 

He gives up when Erwin follows his direction, presses his first two fingers _deep_ and Levi curls into Erwin’s chest without letting go of his hair. 

“Oh, _fuck.”_

He wants this to be over, he wants Erwin to fuck him, or else he wants Erwin to make Levi lay on his chest, ass in the air and he can fucking do this _all night_ \--

Erwin curls forward, nudges at Levi with his chin to get Levi to lift his face so Erwin can kiss him again and he bites Levi’s lip so Levi can’t jerk away from him when he curls his fingers. 

Levi is a mess. Erwin is adding another finger and Levi’s turning into a gasping, blubbering fucking idiot and he watches Erwin _smile_ the first time he makes Levi really moan, shoulders shaking and head spinning. And before Levi can catch his breath, Erwin crooks his fingers, so Levi gasps, “ _There,”_ and throws his head back, hips pressing down on Erwin’s hand harder than he means too. 

Erwin says, “Like this?” and does _something_ and Levi is--

“ _Oh, fuck,_ fuck, Erwin, that’s-- _fuck._ ” 

His cock is so hard it hurts and he almost blurts out a plea, begs Erwin to touch him before he realizes Erwin can’t. He could use his mouth, but not--

“Stop, stop, enough--” he gasps, falling against Erwin’s chest. 

Erwin says, “Are you sure?” and he sounds a little disappointed. He still pulls his hand away. 

“Asshole,” Levi hisses, although he’s not sure why. Some part of him is patently furious that Erwin was able to make _this_ enjoyable. 

Erwin says, “I like all the sounds you make.”

Levi glares. The sounds Levi makes during sex are fake half the time and the fact that Erwin can just so casually take him apart-- well, honestly it fucking figures but Levi doesn’t have to be happy about it. 

He’s feeling perhaps a little vindictive when he takes Erwin’s cock in his fist. Erwin has had pretty much _no_ attention here, and he does something that shouldn’t surprise Levi, but it does: he lays his head back against the wall and lets out a low, deliberate, encouraging sort of moan that slithers under Levi’s skin and makes his blood boil. 

But because Levi is terrible at foreplay and bored by it and entirely unused to it, he rises up on his knees, lines Erwin up, and sinks down very slowly. 

Being that his goal was to make Erwin crumble, he did not thoroughly consider the consequences of his actions. 

Erwin mumbles something, some _fuck yes,_ some little groan of appreciation that turns into a gasp, and it’s drowned out by the desperate whine that falls from Levi’s lips. 

He’s sitting up tall, balancing a little precariously, and there is one moment when he thinks Erwin _won’t fit_ past the head, that that’s all Levi can take, and then he slides a little lower and Erwin says “ _Levi.”_

Levi can’t catch his breath. Erwin is _too much_ , he’s too hot, and too thick, he fills Levi up in a way Levi has never felt before and they’re not even moving yet, really, and already Erwin is hitting _all_ the right places. 

It feels like a long time before he’s fully sitting in Erwin’s lap again. By the time he is, they are both breathless and pressed together, forehead to forehead and Erwin has his disgusting hand in Levi’s hair and Levi doesn’t even care. 

Erwin says all in a ragged rush, “ _Fuck,_ you feel so good.” 

Levi can’t really talk. He’s fairly certain he’s _choking_ on Erwin’s ridiculous dick but then Erwin says, “Are you okay?” 

Levi doesn’t-- he _can’t--_ answer.

“Levi, talk to me, are you alright?” Erwin says a little more firmly, more urgently.

Levi has to nod and mumble, “Yes, yes, yes.” 

“Good,” Erwin grunts back at him. He sounds like he just ran a marathon, all whispery close in the moonlight. He lifts his hips a little, makes Levi fight for his balance and the motion makes Levi’s whole body to clench to stay on top and they both moan. Fuck, Levi lets out a sound that might be a sob. Erwin is going to completely ruin him for all other dick. 

He’s already ruined him for other men. 

“Don’t _move,_ you bastard,” Levi chokes when he can make his throat work again. 

Erwin laughs, and breathes, “I’m trying to _help.”_

“I don’t need your help.” 

To demonstrate, he shifts on his knees, rolls his hips, and Erwin groans, “ _Oh, fuck_ , fuck, _fuck,_ keep doing that.” 

Levi does. He’s fairly certain his brain doesn’t work anymore but he somehow manages to make his body move like it always does. 

Erwin is not quiet. “Oh, god, _Levi,_ you, _my god, yes.”_

Levi has his hands on Erwin’s shoulders, uses them for balance, and hisses, very softly, “Fucking hell.” He tries to speed up his rhythm a little, tries to make everything a little harder, a little rougher, because the way Erwin keeps saying his name is lodging in his throat and the way _he_ keeps saying _Erwin’s,_ like it’s… like it’s something sacred… it embarasses him and scares him and he’s afraid Erwin will hear it, hear how he is different from everyone Levi has ever fucked before.

Erwin laughs again. “Fuck. Jesus, Levi.”

Levi swallows. That’s Erwin saying his name like that. 

That’s Erwin _laughing_ happy, breathless disbelief. Levi stares at Erwin’s chest and thinks, _Erwin. Erwin. Erwin._

_I’m in love with you._

Levi isn’t in love. Those words don’t mean enough. They don’t describe the way Levi aches. They don’t encompass the way he can’t get close enough to Erwin, the way he can’t hold him tightly enough. 

Levi has never been good with words. Of course they would fail him now.

Erwin puts his hand on Levi’s chin and whispers, “Hey. Look at me.” 

Levi does. It never occurs to him to refuse. 

He wishes he hadn’t.

Once he meets Erwin’s eyes, he can’t look away. He is left with nothing but how beautiful Erwin is. How deep and clear and stunning his eyes are and how golden his hair is, all messy and falling across his forehead. How beautiful his fucking body is, missing arm and all. Even his scars are lovely. Erwin got them trying to help somebody, being the effortlessly good person he always is. He catches Levi’s gaze and holds it and the lump in Levi’s throat has nothing to do with how fucking _amazing_ Erwin feels. 

It has everything to do with the look on Erwin’s face. And before Levi can tell himself that he doesn’t know what that expression means, Erwin breathes, “God, you’re incredible.” 

Levi keeps up his rhythm, manages to keep shifting his hips and his knees and just… just stares. 

“I love you so much.” 

Levi wants to stop now. He wants to stop now because there is no telling himself that Erwin doesn’t believe every word he speaks. Levi can see it on his face and nobody has ever looked at Levi so sweetly, so softly. 

Erwin’s eyes roll and he moans a little. 

“You feel so good, fuck, you’re so perfect, _Levi,_ fuck, I love you.” 

Levi feels strange. 

Erwin’s brows knit together and he takes his hand out of Levi’s hair, cups Levi’s face. And when he drags his thumb across Levi’s cheekbone, it feels wet. 

He sounds… amused and admonishing in a kind, gentle sort of way, when he says softly, “Levi.” 

Levi sniffs and realizes with a horrible lurch that his face is wet. He hisses, “ _Shut up,”_ and drags his wrist across his eyes. 

Erwin pulls him forward. Levi goes still and Erwin licks his cheek and then kisses the spot he licked and then he kisses Levi’s eyelids one at a time and Levi feels himself smiling even though his shoulders are shaking. 

Erwin says, “I wanna try something. Lay back.” 

Levi lets Erwin direct him back, his arm tight around Levi’s shoulders. He positions his forearm under Levi’s neck so when Levi turns his head, his nose brushes the crook of Erwin’s elbow. His full weight rests across Levi’s chest and Levi can’t remember the last time he actually faced someone during sex, but this is… he wants to see. This is nice.

Erwin dips his head and kisses Levi’s cheek again and cants his hips and Levi grabs at the sheets like they’ll ground him somehow. This is _not nice._ This is--

Erwin huffs gently in Levi’s ear and Levi wants to scream. His throat is locked up, heart pounding, and it takes him a second to realize it’s because he’s handed Erwin all control. He stretches his sore legs out and _relaxes_ and Erwin just--

 _“Fucking_ shit, Erwin, _jesus--”_ He finds the angle Levi was missing, and a hard, fast rhythm that still somehow manages to be… sensual, creepingly filthy. Levi can’t take it, he’s going to break all apart and he remembers hearing the girls Erwin brought back to his room sometimes, remembers the way they’d _screamed_ and he fully understands now. He claps his hand over his mouth because the fact that Erwin can make him yell like this is embarrassing, and he _is_ yelling. He’s making himself hoarse and he can’t stop. 

Erwin’s arm jerks and he manages to curl his hand up enough to yank Levi’s hand away from his lips.

“Don’t do that, let me hear you, let me--”

Levi squeezes his eyes shut and makes a sound so filthy, so loud, so depraved, he is sure the entire floor can hear him.

“Say my name again--”

“What--”

“I love your _voice,_ I love the way you say my name, say it--”

Levi doesn’t want to now. It feels like a secret he shouldn’t whisper, except when he finally does, Erwin tightens his arm, lifts Levi up off the bed a little and moans in his ear. 

Levi’s back goes limp and he lets Erwin hold him. He lets his knees fall to the sides, feels so _exposed_ with how wide he has to spread his legs just so Erwin can fit between them and he’s… he’s okay with it. He likes it even. 

Erwin keeps kissing his neck, _moaning_ his name, and Levi’s brain goes sort of quiet, calm. He can feel all of Erwin, and he feels _so good._ Not just the _incredible_ cock that he absolutely knows how to use, or the kisses he’s biting and sucking into Levi’s neck, but his heart in his chest, and the sweat on his skin, and his arm tightening under Levi’s shoulders for balance. 

Levi’s cheeks are wet again and he covers his eyes with his palm. He feels like he’s being pulled in three different directions. There is the Levi that is very much enjoying getting fucked, that is _really_ experiencing what is at least top three fucks of his life time period, even though Levi’s favorite position is bent over the bed with his partner standing behind him and not _goddamn missionary._ There is the Levi that fully expects Erwin to come and then kick him out of his room and that Levi is very confused because normally that’s what he wants, only if Erwin does that, Levi knows it will kill him. And there is the Levi that actually believes every word Erwin says and can’t _understand._

“Hey,” Erwin whispers, dragging Levi out of his own head. His eyes refocus and he finds Erwin looking down at him. He realizes he’s gone quiet, that he’s yelling soundlessly at the ceiling. “Levi. Are you sure you’re okay?” He stills. Just... holds Levi.

Levi nods. “Please don’t stop.” 

“Really?” Erwin says, some of his confidence coming back. 

Levi nods again. “So… you’re so good.” 

“Tell me,” Erwin teases. 

Levi laughs. “Bastard.” 

Erwin rolls his hips again. 

Levi decides the first Levi is the easiest to listen to, and he wraps his legs around Erwin’s back and lifts his hips. Erwin sinks deeper and they both moan and curse. 

“God, yes.” Levi hadn’t intended to speak the words, but once they’re out, they drag a slew of others with them. Erwin’s name. Over and over again, and all the dirty words he knows, and _sounds_ he has never made, or never allowed himself to make during sex before. 

Erwin’s hips get a little faster. He moans a little louder, fucks a little harder and then he goes very quiet for a beat before his voice in Levi’s ear is _loud_ and desperate and it takes Levi a moment to realize Erwin came yelling Levi’s name. 

His hips slow and he tightens his arm, pulls Levi closer before hissing, “ _Motherfucker.”_

Levi’s chest hurts from the way he’s been breathing. 

Erwin laughs. “God, you’re _so_ sexy, it doesn’t _make sense.”_

Levi’s heart rate slows a little. He doesn’t want this to be over. 

Erwin says, “Can you hold the condom?” 

It takes Levi a minute to understand what he’s asking, but when he does, he shifts, manages to twist and get his hand down to hold the condom in place while Erwin gets his arm out from under Levi, and pulls out. 

It makes Levi whimper. 

But before he can feel disappointed, Erwin grins at him. Levi tries to catch his breath, but then Erwin is shimmying down the bed and Levi lifts his head to watch him, _relief_ flooding in his stomach. He wants to come so badly he can hardly stand it. 

Erwin sucks his fingers into his mouth and then looks at Levi.

Levi’s whole body curls up off the bed and he _screams_ when Erwin fucks him with three fingers, finds Levi’s prostate almost _expertly_ and tortures him with strong, firm strokes and Levi’s going to come, all at once, Erwin took him there so _quickly,_ and his fingers are so thick and strong and _wet--_

Erwin pulls out and when he pushes back in he’s using all four fingers. 

“ _God, god, f-fuck--”_ Levi is losing track of the words coming out of his mouth. After the way Erwin had held him, after they way they’d _fucked,_ this is _too much,_ he’s overwhelmed, he’s--

_“Oh my god.”_

He hears Erwin laugh at him. 

“ _You bastard.”_

“You like it.” 

“ _Fuck, I love it, I love it, I love--”_

Erwin hums. “Can I make you come like this?” 

“ _Yes.”_

“Are you close?” 

_“Fuck you.”_

Erwin slows his criminally perfect strokes just a little, and Levi gasps, “Don’t stop, _don’t, please don’t, please, Erwin, please--”_

“Oh, fuck,” Erwin breathes. “Jesus, Levi, I didn’t think you’d beg so good.” 

Levi almost kicks him in the face. He instead growls in frustration, body arching up off the bed again, and Erwin says, “Oh, yes, keep doing that, you’re _so sexy,_ you’re so _perfect,_ Levi--”

Levi covers his face with his hands and starts to come, _loudly._ In the split second before it happens, Erwin’s lips close around his cock again and Levi feels like his going to pull a muscle with the way he’s straining on the bed, with the way he’s _yelling_ Erwin’s name. It doesn’t end. He just _keeps coming_ and time seems to bend so that he’s not entirely certain he doesn’t black out a little. Just a little. 

He falls back against the mattress, more exhausted than he has ever been, whole body _buzzing._

That was. 

That was different. 

Erwin takes the condom off and throws it away. Levi is still coming down by the time Erwin crawls into the bed beside him and pulls him close. He nestles his nose under Levi’s ear so Levi can feel his breath on his neck and he just… holds him. 

“Erwin?”

“Yeah?”

“I. I think I.” 

He doesn’t go on. Erwin doesn’t make him.

After a time, Levi’s thoughts return to him and he jerks his head. “Did you say I ‘beg good?’”

Erwin blushes. “Sorry. I sorta. Like that.” 

Levi looks at him. Levi’s never begged for anything in his life. But for Erwin…

For Erwin, he’d do anything.

* 

The sun is rising, the light outside lifting to a dull, surreal gray, when Erwin says, “I don’t want to be one of your Someones.”

“Hmm?” Levi mumbles. He’d been on the cusp of sleep. He can’t remember ever being so comfortable in his life; he’s not even thinking about Erwin’s lube-and-ass covered hand in his hair and on his _cheek._ “What do you mean?” He can’t remember ever telling Erwin about Someone but he must have.

“I mean,” Erwin sighs, voice careful. “I don’t want this to be a one time thing. Or. Or some kind of arrangement.” 

Levi doesn’t say anything. Erwin will keep talking, will make himself clear. 

“I don’t want to see other people,” Erwin says quietly. “And I don’t want you to either.” 

Levi furrows his brow and rolls onto his elbow so he can look at Erwin. 

His face is open, earnest. He’s not lying, or joking, or toying with Levi somehow. 

“Erwin. Are you. Are asking me to… go… steady with you?”

Erwin snorts. “Seeing as how this is not nineteen fifty five, I wouldn’t put it that way. But yes. That’s what I’m asking you.” 

Levi stares at him. 

And then he says, very quietly, “Okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE Y'ALL LIKE EXCESSIVE SMUT CAUSE THIS FIC IS ABOUT TO HAVE A LOT OF IT.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin have done this before. Shared a booth alone, shared a meal. But Erwin seems more high strung than usual, a little too focused on the other tables. 
> 
> Levi sighs. “They can’t tell.” 
> 
> “What?” 
> 
> “They can’t tell, Erwin.”
> 
> Erwin stares at him and Levi stares back. Erwin deflates in his seat and looks down at his hand on the table when he says, “I… maybe didn’t think this through.” 
> 
> Levi’s chest _squeezes--_
> 
> “Like, think this far ahead,” Erwin explains, looking up. “I was so caught up in getting you, I didn’t really think about having you.” 
> 
> Levi’s chest constricts again, for an entirely different reason. He straightens his silverware roll so it is perfectly aligned on the table and says, deadpan, “You have me.” 
> 
> When he chances to look up, Erwin’s expression is softer, more private. “I don’t… I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you.” 
> 
> Levi looks up too quickly, gives himself away. He knows the question in his eyes is too obvious. _Aren’t you?_ and _Why wouldn’t you be?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS! 
> 
> I GOT MARRIED!!!!!!! 
> 
> We now return to our regular posting schedule. You know, now that my brain isn't completely consumed by napkin folding techniques and seating charts.

There is an incessant pounding in Levi’s head. It’s not until Erwin grumbles beside him that Levi realizes someone is knocking at the door. 

Then Erwin sits up _very_ quickly and says, “Fuck.” 

Levi jolts out of his bed without saying anything and Erwin starts pulling on clothes while Levi runs into to the common area on the tips of his toes so he won’t make any noise. His clothes are still on the floor by the door, and the melted ice pack is there too. It’s almost two in the afternoon. 

Levi hurls his clothes in his room, tugs on his gym shorts and tries to remember if Erwin gave him any hickies. 

He’s standing in his bedroom when Erwin looks around for him, makes sure he is covered and there is nothing incriminating nearby, and then opens the door. 

Mike barges in. “Since when do you lock your door?” 

Erwin glances at Levi who pads out of his room trying to look innocent. In truth, Levi locks the door every night before he goes to bed, and whenever they leave the apartment, but he usually unlocks it first thing. He’s glad he remembered to click it closed last night or this meeting would be _very_ different. 

Erwin shrugs. He’s been giving Mike the cold shoulder for the last two weeks. Mike doesn’t seem to care because he looks at Levi and says, “Good, you’re both here.” 

Levi looks at Erwin. Erwin frowns back at him behind Mike’s back. 

“I’ve been texting you both all day, have you been _sleeping?”_

“Up late,” Levi mutters. 

Mike looks at him and then winces. “Fuck, who hit you?” 

Levi shrugs. “Fell.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Fell,” Levi repeats. He falls into his chair, legs flung over the arm. “What do you want?”

“We held a vote this morning,” Mike says a little suspiciously, still looking at Levi. 

Erwin frowns. “A vote.” 

“To change the bi-laws.” 

Erwin looks at Levi and Levi hates the little bubble of hope in his chest. 

“First,” Mike says brightly, “I had to reread the rules about fighting. And specifically, they say we have a zero tolerance policy for brothers who _instigate_ fights, but I think we can all agree, Levi didn’t instigate shit.” 

“It wasn’t a fight,” Erwin insists. “So it shouldn’t _matter.”_

“ _But,”_ Mike continues. “That’s not the main problem. The main issue is the rule against brothers who have ever had any affiliation with any, quote: fraternities, organizations, or clubs which regularly engage in activities unbecoming of a member of Sigma Kappa Sigma.” Levi and Erwin just stare. “Basically, there’s a rule against gangs.” 

Levi sits back in his chair, feeling his heart fall into his stomach a little. 

“So we held a vote,” Mike says. “And we changed it.” 

Erwin looks around. 

Levi peeks his head over the back of the chair. 

“As long as you aren’t _still a member,”_ he says sternly. “You aren’t, right?” Levi shakes his head. “Than there is nothing that disqualifies you from pledging and being initiated as a member of Sigma Kappa Sigma.” 

Erwin actually pumps his elbow and says, “ _Yes.”_

Levi just blinks. 

Mike says, “I’m sorry. I was an asshole. But the vote was basically unanimous and we want you to come back.” 

Erwin says, “Basically?” 

Mike shifts uncomfortably. “Eren is maybe. Upset. You know how he lives with his brother?” Erwin nods. Levi hadn’t known that. “Apparently it’s cause his parents got killed in a fucking drive by. They think it was a gang thing but they never caught the guys who did it.” 

Levi sits up. “Shit, really?” 

Erwin winces. 

Mike spreads his hands. “He hates Titans. I think that’s why he tried to start that fight the day you two moved in. Mikasa too.” 

Levi shifts in his chair. He almost asks who Eren’s parents were, but he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to know if he was involved. Guns weren’t his style. But he’d been in a few cars. Had maybe seen a few things. 

Mike pauses and looks around the room suddenly. “You two are being weird.” 

“No, we're not,” Erwin says instantly. 

“Yeah, you are, what’s going on?” 

Levi rolls his eyes and announces, “I’m taking a shower.” It’s easier to leave the room than pretend what had happened last night just… hadn’t. Levi can’t quite look at Erwin straight on anyway. Everytime he does, his stomach flutters and his chest clenches and there is a low, warm heat in his belly that threatens to migrate to his fucking dick. It’s all very confusing and it’s safer not to look. 

He leaves Erwin and Mike to their devices, but just before he shuts the bathroom door behind him, Mike says, “So you’ll come back?” 

Levi groans, “I _guess.”_

And then he slams the door. He turns the water on hotter than usual and sits on the shower floor, breathing in the steam.

He feels better than he has in weeks. Even the tidbit about Eren doesn’t really seem to penetrate (although when he thinks of it, something uncomfortable prickles in the back of his head that he doesn’t want to examine too closely.) It’s hard to feel concerned about Eren when he has Erwin. 

He has Erwin. 

He puts his head in his hands, closes his eyes and tries to relive the night before moment by moment and finds it is all a blur of jumbled images and sounds. Erwin’s laugh. His hand on Levi’s belly and in Levi’s hair. Erwin on his knees, and with his fingers in Levi’s body, and biting Levi’s lip. 

The bathroom door opens. 

“He left,” Erwin says over the pounding of the shower. 

“Did you tell him?” Levi asks, keeping his voice neutral. Part of him hopes. Another part of him knows better.

Before Erwin answers, he pulls back the shower curtain and looks down. “What are you doing?” he laughs. Levi shrugs. Without asking permission, Erwin drops his shorts and steps in behind Levi, sinks down and wraps his legs around Levi’s body and puts his chin on Levi’s shoulder and it’s so _easy_ with Erwin. Levi _hates_ sharing showers and he doesn’t think twice about Erwin being here, never even begins to tell him to go. 

“No, I didn’t tell him,” Erwin admits. “I’m…”

“You don’t have to,” Levi tells him. “You don’t have to tell anybody.”

“I don’t want it to be a secret,” Erwin says softly. “I just…”

“Some people will look at you differently,” Levi says. “But I don’t think your friends will. They’re. They’re all good people.” 

“I know,” Erwin says. He still sighs, nervous, conflicted. Maybe a little ashamed, although Levi’s not sure of what. If it’s the way he feels about Levi, or if it’s fear of what others will think of how he feels about Levi.

Levi leans his back on Erwin’s shoulder. “I don’t give a fuck either way,” he says. He tries to make it sound like he means it. He does. Mostly.

Erwin swallows-- Levi can feel Erwin’s chest against his back-- and pulls Levi tight. It’s a firm, determined sort of embrace, one Levi finds reassuring even through all his doubts and anxiety about Erwin’s doubts and anxiety. 

He forces himself instead to just enjoy the way Erwin’s skin feels. 

It works. His hands unclench. His stomach flutters for a much more enjoyable reason. 

He tilts his head back under the water then, lets it run down the back of his neck and smooth his hair, and an image pops into his head. “Hey, who’s Eros?” he asks, turning to peer up at Erwin.

“Eros?” Erwin frowns and then blinks when water runs into his eyes. “He’s the Greek god of sexual desire and beauty. The romans called him Cupid. Where’d you hear about him?” 

Levi is smirking and he can’t help it. 

Erwin furrows his brows and says, “What?” 

“You, uh. You called me Eros.” 

Erwin’s face goes white. “What?” 

“At the Greek party. You said I should have dressed as Eros.” 

Erwin covers his face with his hand. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” 

“Tell me how you really feel, Erwin,” Levi teases. 

“Shut up, you know I did,” Erwin says. “And I meant it,” he adds. Levi stares at a spot on the shower wall and Erwin mutters. “All of it.” 

They stay like that until Levi’s fingers get pruny. Then he stands up and reaches for his cheap shampoo and Erwin says, “Can I use that?” 

“What, are you out?” Levi mutters absently, pouring some of the shampoo into his hand. 

“No,” Erwin says. And then he blushes a little when says, “It just smells _really_ good.” 

Levi lifts his head. “You’re stuff smells way better than this.” 

Erwin gives him a crooked grin. “Trade?” 

Levi shrugs, wipes his shampoo off in Erwin’s hand and then uses the push nozzle on Erwin’s to get some more. Erwin is crazy if he thinks Levi’s shampoo smells better than his. 

*

After the shower, they go to lunch. Levi feels like he’s floating. He can’t look at Erwin without his stomach turning over. _I’m in love with you._

He feels like he’s known Erwin his whole life, like Erwin knows him better than anyone else, or better than anyone ever has-- 

He feels like he can _trust_ Erwin. Like… Like he’s safe. 

What _the fuck_ is that about?

They are standing in the elevator when he realizes, ensconced in a comfortable silence with Erwin’s hand on the small of Levi’s back. Protective. Possessive. It crashes over him in a huge wave, makes his hands shake. What has Erwin given him? What was Levi thinking, to let him get so close? What will happen when he takes it away? 

Levi has been… he has _felt_ for Erwin for what feels like a lifetime, though really it can only have been a couple months. The time between _this_ and the first two weeks or so when every conversation with Erwin had felt one sided, had been Erwin trying to coax Levi out into the open where he could see him. 

Levi doesn’t like this feeling. He doesn’t like knowing how much he needs Erwin. He doesn’t like it when someone else is holding the knife, and knowing how easy it would be for Erwin to stick it in and _twist._

Levi hasn’t moved. The elevator opens and Erwin’s hand falls from his waist. There are people waiting to get on. 

Levi has a strange lump in his throat when they step out of the elevator. When he looks at Erwin, there is an odd expression on his face. Shuttered and withdrawn when moments earlier he’d been looking at Levi like Levi hung the sun and the moon and every single star just for him. Levi’s eyes flick to his own feet and then back to Erwin’s face as they walk. Erwin bites his lip. 

“Reiss?” Levi asks, naming the general dining hall where they usually eat. 

Erwin frowns. Then he says, “Can we go to the Cafe?” 

It’s Levi’s turn to frown. ‘The Cafe’ as it has been dubbed by the students, is a smaller building, full of plush chairs and little tables, that is always full, but quiet, and serves food a step above what is available in the cafeteria. It’s on campus, and probably included in Erwin’s meal plan, but Levi had exhausted his supply of second tier dining swipes about a month ago. He’d only been given a few and Erwin and Co. seemed to _always_ want to hit up the restaurants on campus rather than the cafeteria. 

“I don’t have swipes for the Cafe,” Levi confesses finally. He could use cash, but he doesn’t have much of that either. At least not much that he wants to spend on food.

Erwin stares at him like he’s stupid. “I’ll swipe you.” 

“You don’t have to--”

“Levi. There is no feasible situation in which I am going to use all my swipes by the end of the semester. Dad insisted on me getting the biggest meal plan since I’m usually training and working out a bunch. It’s _fine._ You can use it or they can expire at the end of the semester.” 

Levi still hesitates. Erwin rolls his eyes and huffs and puts his hand on Levi’s back again, leans into Levi in a fond, absent minded display. Bumps their shoulders together. Levi almost smiles but then Erwin seems to realize what he’s done, because his expression shutters again. He looks around. 

“Fine,” Levi says, but his voice goes up a little at the end. Erwin is being _strange._

They walk to the Cafe. Miraculously, they don’t have to wait for a table and they’re seated at a little booth against the wall in the center of the restaurant. Booths run around the edge of the room, pushed up against tall windows, and the center of the room is dedicated to the casually comfortable armchairs that students like to use to post up and study all day. It’s a Saturday, so the amount of late afternoon studiers isn’t as large as it could be. 

A server comes to take their drink order (coffee and a glass of water for Erwin, tea for Levi) and leaves them with the little one page menus. 

Levi and Erwin have done this before. Shared a booth alone, shared a meal. But Erwin seems more high strung than usual, a little too focused on the other tables. 

Levi sighs. “They can’t tell.” 

“What?” 

“They can’t tell, Erwin.”

Erwin stares at him and Levi stares back. Erwin deflates in his seat and looks down at his hand on the table when he says, “I… maybe didn’t think this through.” 

Levi’s chest _squeezes--_

“Like, think this far ahead,” Erwin explains, looking up. “I was so caught up in getting you, I didn’t really think about having you.” 

Levi’s chest constricts again, for an entirely different reason. He straightens his silverware roll so it is perfectly aligned on the table and says, deadpan, “You have me.” 

When he chances to look up, Erwin’s expression is softer, more private. “I don’t… I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you.” 

Levi looks up too quickly, gives himself away. He knows the question in his eyes is too obvious. _Aren’t you?_ and _Why wouldn’t you be?_

Erwin’s lips twitch once in an expression Levi doesn’t understand, and then he reaches across the table in an uncharacteristically clumsy tumble and takes Levi’s hand. He threads their fingers together, looking into Levi’s eyes and somehow Levi feels even more exposed than he did last night. He’d just wanted to assuage Erwin’s fears a bit; he hadn’t expected Erwin to _hold his hand_ in _public._

Levi swallows and does the opposite of what his impulses tell him to do: he squeezes Erwin’s fingers in his, and thinks about the way Erwin’s hand is so much bigger than Levi’s, thinks about his strong fingers and what he can do with them, thinks about how warm Erwin’s skin is and how cold Levi always is except when Erwin is touching him. 

Erwin reads his mind and says quietly, “Your hands are so cold.” 

Levi shrugs his shoulders, about to apologize, when Erwin adjusts his grip and looks at the darkening bruises on Levi’s knuckles. He runs his thumb over them gently, and then he does exactly what he did last night. He pulls Levi’s hand up, leans in, and kisses it. 

Chills erupt along Levi’s arms, his chest, the back of his neck. Erwin holds his gaze while he does it. 

“You boys ready to order?” 

Erwin drops his hand. Levi tucks his into his lap, then straightens his menu beside his silverware roll, then hides his hand again, all in one quick motion. Erwin’s cheeks are red. They order, and when Levi looks around, he sees a person with an undercut and pierced cheeks and combat boots give him a pointed smile. Levi looks away. When he glances back, they are looking at Erwin. Then they smile to themselves and bury their head in their book again. 

When Levi looks back at Erwin, he finds Erwin staring at him with a look that is equal parts triumphant pride and uncertainty. Levi sets his hand on the table again, deliberate, and ignores the quiver in his belly when he does. If Erwin can hold his hand in public, Levi should be able to let him. But he’s careful not to reach for it. To simply present the option.

Erwin takes his hand.

“Did you always know you liked men?” Erwin asks.

“Yeah.”

“Did. What was it like when your friends found out? Your uncle?”

Levi frowns and sips his tea. Erwin lets go of Levi's hand to add cream and sugar to his coffee. 

“It wasn't like that,” Levi says. “I didn't… Kenny was gone. I was already a Titan by the time I hit puberty, basically...” 

Erwin's eyes get wide. “What?” 

Levi shrugs. “I was… twelve? Yeah.”

Erwin just stares at him and sips his drink. Their voices are pitched low so no one hears what Levi is telling him. 

Levi sighs and rolls his eyes. 

“I just… didn’t realize you were so young,” Erwin says softly. 

“A lot of us were,” Levi says. “It’s. Fuck, I shouldn’t tell you this,” he mutters. He shouldn’t tell Erwin anything. But this is harmless enough info. “We--” He pauses and swallows. “They. Sorta. Target kids. Homeless kids, poor kids. People who live in the neighborhoods where they work.” 

“That’s awful.” 

“That’s _smart,”_ Levi says. “If you want to build a fucking illegal empire, get ‘em early. Give ‘em a place to call home.” Levi ticks the points off on his fingers. “And once you’ve got ‘em, show ‘em something they can’t unsee.” 

Erwin sits back. “Like. Like what?”

Levi just smiles grimly. Erwin swallows. 

“When you’re that young and you see… something go down. They convince you if anyone ever finds out, you’re going down too. That you saw what happened. You’re a fucking _accomplice_ even if they just… shoved you in a car and made you watch. Pretty soon your only friends and family are the ones wearing a patch. And they’ve got just as much dirt on you as you do on them. You’re in. You don’t get out.” 

“You did.” 

Levi sniffs and sips his tea. “Yeah.” 

“Why?” 

Levi looks up. 

“What makes you different?” Erwin asks. “Why’d they let you go?” 

Levi gives Erwin another grim smile and says, “I figured out none of them could stop me.” Levi has never told this to anyone before. He doesn’t realize how much it has been weighing on him until he’s finally speaking. “I was in it, Erwin. Deep. Real fucking deep. The only reason they haven’t sent someone to try to kill me is cause they know I won’t turn rat.” 

Erwin is doing a good job of not letting it show on his face how horrified he is. But Levi can still tell. “But you’re. Levi, you’re _nineteen.”_

Levi shrugs. “I was good at it.” 

Erwin sits back against the chair heavily. 

Why is Levi telling him this? Does he _want_ to scare Erwin away? 

“The fighting…” Erwin begins. 

“That’s how it started,” Levi says. “But pretty soon, the Beast realized he could use a kid with my skill set, my build. When you’re in a room full of two hundred pound bodyguards, no one’s worried about the skinny fuck kid in the corner in a dingy leather jacket. I kept him safe. I was…” Levi looks down into his tea. Zeke had said this once, after a meeting with a local drug lord had gone south and Levi had had to take care of four meth addled meatheads before he could get to Zeke and the boss. Once the lackies were down for the count, and Levi had his hands on their boss, Zeke had looked around at the unconscious men on the floor, at Levi holding a man twice his size to the ground and said-- “I was the gun he brought to every knife fight.” _My Angel of Death._

The rumors spread. Levi hadn’t killed anyone. He’d just hurt five people real bad. That had been the first time he’d done something really alarming like that, the first time he’d gone in with Zeke outnumbered and seemingly outgunned, and they’d come out of it without a single scratch between the two of them. The rumors didn’t spread _fast._ Nobody-- especially not a drug kingpin-- wanted to admit their four best flunkies got decimated by a teenager barely over five feet tall. But there had been the few handful of people who’d seen Zeke and Levi go in, and watched Zeke and Levi come out. And there had been Zeke’s people too, who were real strategic with their rumor mongering. 

Pretty soon after that, just the threat of Levi was enough to get Zeke what he wanted. Hell, he didn’t even have to take Levi to every meeting. Sometimes he took Pieck, before she’d transitioned. Or Bertolt before he’d hit his fucking growth spurt. Any thin, dark haired teenager at Zeke’s back became a threat because Levi was new enough to the scene that most people outside the Titans didn’t recognize him on sight. 

He must be staring into space because Erwin puts his hand on Levi’s again, draws him back. “You’re more than that.” 

Levi shrugs one shoulder. “I wanna be.” 

Erwin squeezes his hand. Levi takes a big breath, shaking off the shadows he’d thrust himself into. “Anyway. What I meant to say was… I never, like, _came out._ I just. People paid attention to me. And the ones I paid attention back to were men.” He shrugs. “It’s just how I was. Am. You know,” Levi says suddenly, “Queer kids end up homeless a lot. If the Ti-- if _they_ had treated us like shit for it, they’d lose half their, you know, fucking demographic and shit. Narrow the pool. I had to smash a few faces, but usually they weren’t… one of us.” 

Erwin nods thoughtfully. Levi drinks more of his tea and then a slow smile starts to spread over Erwin’s face. 

“What?”

“You’ve just. Never talked this much in one go before. At least not about yourself.” 

Levi’s shoulders fall. Erwin’s right. He’s probably being stupid but-- “All my friends. If you could call ‘em that. They were all… after I left, it’s like.” He swallows and then he meets Erwin’s eyes. “No one knows this shit.” 

“Your uncle,” Erwin begins quietly. 

“ _No,”_ Levi says with a bitter laugh. “Fuck, Kenny and I don’t _talk,_ Erwin. He only knows what he needs to to understand my case and the charges against me.” Levi sniffs then, shrugs. “It never bothered me, really. But. You kinda. Asked. So. I dunno, I figure it’s safe for you to know that much at least.” 

“Safe?” Erwin says, a little sharply. 

Levi smirks at him. “Yeah. I didn’t tell you nothing an observant beat cop don’t know.” 

Erwin looks at him, a thoughtful twist to his lips. 

“What?” Levi asks. 

“Hmm?”

“You want to ask me something. What?” 

“What was your first boyfriend like?” 

Levi’s lips twitch. Shock. Amusement. That’s not what he’d expected Erwin to say. Not after everything he’d just said. He’d seen the shadows in Erwin’s eyes and he’d almost expected… expected him to ask Levi about the people he’d hurt. How he’d hurt them. If any of them hadn’t gotten back up again. It feels like a natural question, given what Levi’s just revealed. 

But Erwin just smiles at him, sunny, cheerful, and Levi says, “I dunno that I’d call him that.” 

“Boyfriend?” 

Levi shrugs. “I haven’t really had many of those. Or. Any.” 

“ _Okay,”_ Erwin drawls. “Your first fuck toy then.” 

Levi snorts into his cup and nearly spits out the tea he’d been drinking. “Ass.” 

Erwin just laughs at him. 

“He was a Titan,” Levi says. “He was older than me. Like seventeen? I dunno, Erwin, he was just some guy.” 

“ _Just some guy.”_

“ _Yeah,_ just some guy. He had a motorcycle,” Levi adds, as if that explains it. 

Erwin rolls his eyes. 

“Okay!” 

Levi turns his head as the cheery server bustles up with their food. “Philly cheesesteak,” she says, dropping Levi’s sandwich in front of him. “And chicken caprese salad for you,” she says brightly, giving Erwin a very green and red bowl packed full of chicken and mozzarella. “More coffee? Tea?” 

“Sure,” they both agree. 

She leaves to get them more of their respective beverages and Levi’s stomach rumbles. 

“I could get a motorcycle,” Erwin says casually just as Levi bites into his sandwich. 

He immediately thinks of Erwin in leather with his hair slicked back, straddling a goddamn bike and nearly chokes on his food. 

Erwin just smiles and takes the last sip from his coffee mug. 

*

The second Levi walks in the front door of the Sigma Kappa Sigma house, he is nearly knocked over by the sound of the greeting. It’s a _big_ party, almost as big as the Greek party Halloween night and that was the most people Levi had ever seen crammed into the house at once. Everyone insists on taking a shot with him or keeps trying to refill his beer and he can’t pinpoint exactly when this happened, when people… started… _liking_ him. 

“Erwin,” he mutters at one point when he and Erwin walk into a hallway and five people yell, _Levi!_ “Do I have friends?”

Erwin laughs. “I think you have several.” 

Levi shakes his head. He’d always thought of them as Erwin’s friends. 

When he finally sees Eren, the room is already going fuzzy. He’s been here less than an hour and Erwin is driving him crazy. Never mind that Levi _smells_ like Erwin, that every time he moves he catches a whiff of Erwin’s beauty products, Erwin keeps _touching_ him in secret. Brushing Levi’s hand with his. Touching him on the lower back. Once when Levi had his back to a wall and was watching Gunther do a keg stand, Erwin sidled up to him and fucking _pinched_ his ass. When Levi jumped and looked around at him in shock, he found Erwin with very red cheeks and a fuzzy look in his eyes. He’d blushed and looked away the second he knew someone was watching him; he was always careful that no one saw. But he made it obvious: if they were alone, he’d be all over Levi.

Eren meets Levi’s eyes and glares at him for a long time. Levi doesn’t move or smile or speak. After a few beats, Eren stalks forward. Levi thinks he’s going to call Levi a name, or try to hit him, but he just holds his hand out. 

Levi looks down at it. 

Eren says, “You’re not one of them, right?” 

Levi shakes his head. Then he glances at Erwin and says, “Never again.” 

Eren shakes his hand. 

It feels like coming home and that thought terrifies Levi. It’s better than walking into the clubhouse ever was because his welcome in the clubhouse was always dependant upon how he’d done in the last fight, or how much cash he’d gotten during his last robbery. 

Sigma Kap just… liked to be around him. 

He ends up the living room. They have an actual fucking DJ and the guy brought extra lights and a goddamn smoke machine to supplement with the mini disco ball and strobe lights the Sigma Kaps already keep in here. Levi never dances without a purpose-- usually he’s just going through the motions before he drags a Someone into a dark corner. But when he steps into the room, Ymir and Historia grab him by the hand and he’s just shitfaced enough that he actually does it. 

He’s dripping sweat when Erwin hooks one of Levi’s belt loops and and pulls him away. 

Ymir and Historia are occupied with each other; they don’t notice. 

Erwin yanks Levi into the darkest corner of the room and pushes him lightly against the wall, smirking down at him and Levi has to stop himself from climbing all over him. He tries to remind himself that they can’t be seen here, that Erwin has only just barely admitted he’s attracted to Levi and-- Levi should be patient with him, should give him time, shouldn’t push him--

Erwin’s hand slips around Levi’s waist, grabs his ass, and Levi leans up on his tiptoes for a kiss, the rational, logical voice in his head telling him to slow down getting fuzzy and distant. Erwin bends and at the last second Levi remembers why he hasn’t kissed Erwin all night, why they’ve only shared secret touches in secret places. 

Levi _hates_ it, but he still says, “Are you sure? Someone might see.” 

Erwin says, “Let them.” He’s drunk. Levi knows it, he _knows_ sober Erwin wouldn’t-- but then--

He pulls Levi’s hair again so Levi has to look up at him. Levi feels his eyelids flutter and every responsible thought he’s ever had trickles away down the back of his neck. “ _Fuck,_ I really love it when you do that.” 

Erwin mumbles something Levi doesn’t catch and kisses him _hard._ It’s dark. The music is loud. The lights are pulsing. Levi sees no need to be discreet. Everyone is drunk at this point anyway; no one is paying any attention to them. 

He kisses Erwin back, almost, but not quite, ashamed at how quickly he goes from interest to outright fucking need. He grinds against Erwin’s thigh, groans a little at the pressure, and Erwin adjusts himself, shoves his knee between Levi’s legs so Levi can rub against him. 

Levi gets a little carried away. He almost gets himself off before he remembers he’d have to deal with a wet spot in his jeans and that he’s not fucking _fourteen._

Erwin pushes Levi against the wall way better than Someone ever did. 

Levi breaks away to suck in some air and says, “You think Mike will care if we fuck in his bed?” 

“Yes,” Erwin chuckles. 

Levi moans in disappointment and it turns into a gasp when Erwin bites his neck hard enough that Levi knows he’s left a mark. They’re both too drunk to think better of it. 

“Do that again.”

The lights flip on. Levi gasps when Erwin bites him again; his eyes are closed and he doesn’t notice the lights. It’s not until the music turns off and Mike’s voice comes on over the DJ’s microphone that Erwin lifts his head and looks around. 

“Attention!” 

Mike is standing on the back of the sofa. Everyone looks at him. Then he points to Erwin and Levi and Levi feels his stomach drop when everyone turns their heads. Erwin doesn’t have time (or the reaction speed, in his current state of intoxication) to jump away. 

“ _I win!”_ Mike crows triumphantly. 

Erwin’s face turns _bright red,_ and Levi can tell he is utterly mortifed before the whole goddamn room starts cheering and catcalling. 

Someone says, “ _Fuck,_ I missed it by two weeks,” and Mike says cheerfully, “You fuckers owe me _so much.”_

Erwin puts his forehead against the wall. 

Something pulses behind Levi’s eyes and he is suddenly _furious._ He shimmies out from behind Erwin, takes two steps forward (everyone in his way _moves)_ and points when he barks, “You’re a fucking _dick.”_

“Sorry, Levi,” Mike says brightly. “I can’t hear you over all the money I just made.” Mike hands the mic back to the DJ and hops off the sofa. He says brightly, “Carry on!” and the music picks back up again. He moves toward Levi and Levi grinds his jaw when he stalks a little closer.

“Ever occur to you maybe he’s not ready for a room full of drunk idiots to see him _like that?”_ Levi demands. Erwin has his back to the wall now and his face in his hand.

“You two were like full on fucking in the corner,” Mike complains. 

“Half the room was too drunk to notice and the other half was too far away to see who we are,” Levi hisses. “You’re a _dick._ I should kick your fucking ass. _”_

Mike frowns. “Like you could--” Levi lifts his brows. Mike blinks once and instead pushes past Levi, and saunters over to Erwin. 

“Hey, buddy.” 

“Hi, Mike.” 

“You okay.” 

“You’re an asshole.” 

“Look, the pool was getting really big, I couldn’t afford to lose.” 

“What _pool.”_

“The ‘how long before you and Levi stop dancing in circles and fucking throw yourselves at each other’ pool.” He pauses and then says with dawning understanding, “ _That’s_ why you were acting so weird this morning.” 

Erwin says weakly, “Does everyone know?”

“That you two are crazy about each other?” Mike laughs. “Yeah. Everybody knows. I mean,” he looks at Levi. “You try to murder anyone who looks at Erwin sideways and the way you _threw yourself_ into the lake after he fell in…” Mike whistles and shakes his head. “We all kinda figured before then, but.” Mike shrugs. “I’m just glad we can all _stop pretending_ not to notice, it was _exhausting.”_

Erwin is biting his lip. But before Mike can say more, Ymir shows up with a drunk Historia tucked under her arm. 

“Is this like a thing now, or are you gonna pretend you don’t remember anything tomorrow morning?” 

Erwin looks at Levi. Levi… waits. Erwin reaches out with his hand and Levi looks at his face very carefully before he takes it. 

Erwin nods resolutely and says, “It’s a thing.” His voice isn’t nearly as firm as the expression on his face, but Levi can’t really fault him. 

Ymir says, “That’s _adorable,”_ and Historia slurs, “We’ll have to get him the T-shirt.” 

Levi blinks. “She has been hanging out with you way too much,” he informs Ymir.

“I know, isn’t it great?” Ymir says with a grin. 

Mike turns to Ymir and says, “There's a t-shirt? Where's mine?” 

Ymir sniffs and says, “What do you care? Aren't you done with your little bi-curious phase?” 

Mike puts his hand on his chest in dramatic mock affront and says, “It is _not_ a _phase.”_

While the two of them bicker, Levi stands on his tiptoes and whispers into Erwin's ear. “I know how we can get back at Mike.” 

Erwin looks down at him. Levi flicks his eyes toward the ceiling and Erwin grins, the strange wobbly expression in his eyes clearing. They slip away very quietly while Ymir and Mike are distracted. When Historia catches them leaving, Erwin puts his finger to his lips. She grins and doesn't rat them out. 

Levi practically sprints up the stairs, pulling Erwin behind him by the shirt. Mike’s room is on the third floor, so they pass a lot of people on the stairs and in the hallway. When they reach the third floor, Levi tugs Erwin into a heated kiss, inexplicably unable to wait, and he is tangentially aware of Eren and Jean standing on the landing, both jerking around to look with their mouths hanging open when Erwin and Levi shoot past. 

They tumble into Mike’s room and slam the door behind them, tugging at each other’s clothes, panting with the way they ran here, or perhaps just each other. 

Levi is too drunk to be anything but buoyantly pleased with the entire situation. Maybe tomorrow he will linger on how strange it all still is, how new-- or perhaps how _familiar_ it seems when it shouldn’t. But for now, he just wants--

“Fuck me.” 

“I plan to.” 

Levi bites Erwin’s bottom lip, pulls back enough to lead Erwin toward the bed like this, and only lets go when he feels the mattress hit the backs of his legs. He struggles out of his shirt, tries to drop his pants at the same time, and when he turns around to climb up on the bed and kick his pants and shoes away, Erwin stops him with a hand in his hair. 

Levi thinks of Erwin holding him down, pressing his face into the mattress, _pounding_ into him, and goes completely boneless, embarrassingly pliant. Erwin hums a pleased little sound that raises chills along Levi’s back and pushes just a little, enough that Levi knows exactly what he wants. He bends at the waist, breathing so hard his chest hurts. Erwin takes a step forward, puts his hips flush with Levi’s so Levi can feels the muscled tops of Erwin’s thighs against his ass and, when Erwin leans forward, the full, heavy length of his dick against Levi’s back. 

Levi presses back against him, a low pitched, desperate little sound caught in his throat. It’s fucking stupid how much Erwin turns him on. It’s fucking _stupid._ Levi has never _needed_ to be touched so badly before, he’s never felt his skin light up at every brush of skin like electricity sparking or ripples spreading in a lake. Erwin’s fingers nudge his hip and Levi feels it in his thighs, in his abs, in his cheeks. He suddenly feels like he can’t take anymore, that this light little touch in all he can stand.

Erwin licks the back of his neck. 

Levi’s going to die right here on Mike’s bed. That’s the only explanation, the only outcome for how mind numbingly turned on he is. Erwin hits buttons Levi didn’t even know he _had._

He’s still shivering like an idiot when Erwin grabs Levi’s wrist and guides his hand back to his own ass. His voice is sinfully low and amused and only the _tiniest_ bit slurred when he whispers, “Spread yourself for me.” 

And there is that pesky chill again, making Levi’s skin crawl in the _best_ possible way. He realizes Erwin didn’t actually whisper at all, it just felt like he did. And _fuck_ but those words in _that voice_. 

Levi does what Erwin tells him to, expects to feel Erwin’s fingers inside him and the thought twists his stomach into eager knots, which is truly something considering how much he usually hates letting people touch him like that. 

Erwin does not use his fingers. He uses his tongue. 

Levi jerks against the bed like he’s been burned, opens his mouth to tell Erwin to _fuck off,_ not to do that, that’s _disgusting,_ that’s _awful,_ that’s--

But all that comes out is a desperate hiss. And then--

Levi swallows. 

He can feel it in his _knees,_ feels himself starting to shake and he moans between his teeth without meaning to. 

Erwin pulls away. “You got quiet.” 

Levi breathes out very slowly. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” 

“Do you want me to keep going?” 

Levi considers. He can hear his pulse in his ears. “I… do you… want to keep going?” he asks finally. 

Erwin chuckles. “Only if you want me to.” 

Levi is quiet, thinking. “Yes.” 

It’s strange, but still better than Levi expects it to be. It’s not until Erwin starts teasing him with fingers _and_ tongue that Levi’s eyes roll back in his head and he’s panting into Mike’s duvet again. 

He fucking _tortures_ Levi with one finger, brushes that _perfect_ spot in an awful tease until Levi is pushing his hips back, trying to fuck himself on Erwin’s fucking finger and tongue and--

“Oh, fuck you, you bastard,” he hisses when Erwin just pulls away. 

Erwin’s voice is _giddy_ when he says, “Ask me nicely, Levi.”

“ _Eat me.”_

Erwin laughs at him and bites him on the asscheek for his trouble. Levi jerks, curses. 

“Shit, Erwin, _come on.”_

“Louder.” 

“You _asshole.”_

The door to the bedroom jerks; Erwin locked it behind him. 

Mike’s voice sounds through the wall, a little muffled, but clear enough, and he yells, “I swear to _fuck_ if you two are fucking in my bed--”

Erwin choses that exact moment to slip a second finger in beside the first, to stop his torturous teasing and curl his fingers in the disconcertingly practiced way he did last night, and Levi has to bite his hand to keep from screaming again. 

_“Jesus christ, how do you know how to do that?”_ he hisses, trying to keep his voice steady and even. 

Erwin leans over him breathlessly and whispers, “I think Mike can hear us.” 

Levi’s stomach flutters, and he starts to push Erwin away. “Shit, we should--”

Erwin pushes back against him with his chest, holds him in place on the bed with his weight, and curls his fingers again and Levi is so shocked and surprised, he can’t stop the sound that spills from him lips. It’s _embarrassing,_ it’s _desperate,_ and _needy,_ and Mike _can hear him--_

Mike pounds on the door. “ _If your gonna fuck in my room at least let me watch,”_ he whines. 

Erwin huffs a laugh. “Would you let him see you like this?”

The numb pleasure percolating through Levi’s fuzzy brain breaks a little, enough for him to sound truly puzzled when he says, “What?”

“Say my name, Levi.” He crooks his fingers again, and Levi can’t help but do what he says. His voice cracks. 

“Fuck, yes, god, you moan so pretty, Levi, say my name again, you make it sound like a dirty word, say it--

“ _Erwin.”_

“Shit, baby, you’re so good for me--”

Erwin is not being quiet. It occurs to Levi that the walls are thin. That Erwin’s voice has _risen_ since Mike started rattling the door handle.

Something opens up in Levi’s head, something that he should have realized last night, but hadn’t. 

He says in appalled realization, “ _Motherfucker,_ you’re a _fucking freak.”_ Perfect, _golden_ Erwin, who’d been _so gentle_ and whispered _love_ in Levi’s ears and--

_Just ask me all the ways I’ve thought about touching you._

Levi recalls the way Erwin had just _watched_ Levi’s face with Levi’s cock in his mouth, or the way he kept _directing_ Levi with his hand in Levi’s hair and--

_Motherfucker._

Erwin’s hand slows a bit. There is drunk, breathless laughter in his voice and he says, “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t--”

Levi says loudly, “Fuck me then, you filthy fuck.” 

Erwin groans a little. Levi loves how he does that-- moans, all low and deliberate when Levi’s done something he likes. He feels the head of Erwin’s cock against his skin, and his eyes roll back in anticipation. 

At the last second, he jerks, and says, “Fuck, put on a condom.” 

Erwin hisses, curses. “Shit, yeah, sorry.” 

Mike yells, “ _Erwin, don’t you fucking dare.”_

Erwin laughs, pulls away from Levi to tug at his jeans down around his ankles and yells, “What, you’d rather we just go for it?” 

“ _Fuck you, get out of my room.”_

Erwin drops a little packet of lube on the bed and says, “Open that.” He tears at the condom with his teeth and Levi wonders why Erwin _commanding_ him to do shit makes him so fucking hard. He wants to throw the lube in Erwin’s face just to be contrary but he also _really_ wants Erwin’s cock inside him and he can’t really have it both ways. 

He shivers when Erwin pours the lube on his skin, and he moans _very_ loudly when Erwin starts to fuck him. He’s going to hate himself in the morning, hate that other people could hear him, so _fucking frantic_ for Erwin’s cock, but right now he’s too horny and drunk to care. 

Erwin fucking _pushes_ on his head, _presses_ him into the mattress, and Levi’s voice goes shamefully breathy and high. 

“ _Oh, fuck_ \--”

“Jesus _christ,_ you’re so hot.” 

“ _Fuck yes, fuck, fuck, Erwin, fuck--”_

“You feel so good, Levi.” 

Levi bunches the duvet in his hands, tries to catch his breath and can’t. He thinks about palming his own cock and resists. The same ungodly wave of pleasure he’d felt last night is building in his gut again, and it’s building _fast._ It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but it’s stronger with Erwin. Probably because he seems to know the _exact_ way to hit Levi’s fucking prostate with every push of his fingers or snap of his hips. 

Erwin takes his hand off the back of Levi’s neck and twists in his hair again, _pulls,_ so Levi’s chest lifts off the bed and his hips press into it, and Levi can’t control the embarrassing half sobs falling from his mouth. This is exactly what he likes, what he _craves,_ and Erwin is doing it better than _anyone_ ever has, and he keeps _talking._

“So fucking sexy, fuck, look at that tiny fucking ass, god, you just _take it.”_

Levi comes just as hard as he did last night, and just after it starts, Erwin’s dirty talk ceases for a beat, and he _pulls_ Levi’s hair and Levi can tell he’s coming too with the way his voice crests wordlessly. 

He lets go of Levi’s hair and Levi falls back against the bed. His knees are _shaking._

Erwin kisses his neck, his cheek, nibbles his ear, and pulls out. 

Mike screams, “ _Fuck you both.”_

And Erwin chuckles. “Fuck did he really stand out there and listen?” 

Levi rolls over and sinks to the floor. When he turns his head he winces at the mess he’s made. There is… a lot. 

“He said he wanted to watch,” Levi mutters. 

Erwin looks down at him, a glimmer in his eyes and says, “Would you let him?” 

Levi snorts. “Would you? He’s _your_ best friend.” 

Erwin shrugs and turns away, peering around the room. Levi watches him throw away the condom and the wrappers, and then he finds a towel to wipe at the wet spot on the duvet and the floor. 

Levi tries to stand up and he trips. 

“Maybe no more beer for you?” Erwin teases. 

Levi glares and leans on the bed, pulling his clothes back on. “That’s _not it.”_

Erwin stares at him for a beat and then _laughs._ Levi flips him off. 

They unlock the door and Levi can’t believe how smug Erwin looks. 

Mike glares. 

He was not the only one in the hallway. 

Eren and Jean, Ymir and Historia, and a handful of initiated brothers are all waiting for them and when they open the door they are greeted with a very rowdy, very sarcastic round of clapping and cheering. 

Erwin, the _smug bastard,_ fucking _bows._

Levi pushes him and winds up stumbling into the door frame and when Erwin reaches out to catch him, Levi realizes just how weak his knees are because he has to lean on Erwin to keep from falling over, and what the fuck is that about? 

Mike looks down at Levi, brows furrowed, and then his face clears and he looks at Erwin like he’s never quite seen him before. 

“Alright, break it up,” Erwin calls, apparently oblivious to the way Mike is looking at him. The little crowd in front of Mike’s room trickles away. Ymir gives Levi a _look_ and Levi makes a foul gesture. He still can’t let go of Erwin’s arm. 

“You guys suck,” Mike pouts, peering past Erwin’s broad shoulders to his desecrated bed. 

“That’s what you get for outing poor Erwin in front of the whole frat,” Historia informs him curtly. 

Erwin says, “What she said!”

Mike throws his head back and groans. “We all _knew.”_

“Still a dick move,” Ymir agrees.

Erwin looks down at Levi. “Beer pong?” 

Levi shakes his head. “I need a minute.” 

“What, why?” Erwin chuckles. 

Levi feels his face flush. “I uh. Don’t think I can walk down the stairs right now.” 

Erwin starts to laugh and tries to hide it. Mike just laughs. Historia _stares_ at Erwin, and Ymir says, “Holy shit, seriously?”

“I will bury all three of you,” Levi deadpans, “If you ever speak of this again.”

He’s just glad Jean and Eren wandered downstairs with the rest of the brothers. 

Mike snorts. “Just go sit on my couch, you idiots. You can sleep there if you can keep it your goddamn pants for the rest of the night.” 

Erwin slurs cheerfully, “No promises.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Uh, Dad. This is Levi."
> 
> Levi lifts his chin a little and tries not to look like he wants to murder Erwin's father-- he's been told he has that look about him when he meets new people.
> 
> Mr. Smith smiles benignly at him and says, "It's nice to--"
> 
> But then Erwin blurts. "He's--"
> 
> And stops.
> 
> Levi looks at Erwin, his heart suddenly inexplicably pounding in his chest. Mr. Smith looks at Erwin too and gives him a kindly, mildly bemused look while he waits for Erwin to keep talking.
> 
> Erwin swallows and says, "He's."
> 
> Levi says very carefully, "Erwin."
> 
> [...]
> 
> Erwin's eyes get hard. He looks at his father and lifts his chin a little, reminds Levi of a small child looking up at it's parent instead of a grown man.
> 
> "Dad, Levi is my boyfriend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh my god it has been a month since my last update wtf?! 
> 
> You guys, returning to center after wedding planning for a year and a half was just a little ROUGH. 
> 
> BUT I AM BACK NOW and I hope you enjoy this peek into Erwin's home life. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYS! <3<3<3

Levi would normally be comfortable at a table full of Sigma Kap brothers and the handful of Alpho Rho sisters who could stand them for more than a few minutes at a time. The usual group is here. Mike and Petra, Eren and Mikasa and Armin, Ymir and Historia, Annie, Sasha, Connie, Jean. They sit in the dining hall, eating pizza and cafeteria sushi. When Erwin isn't maneuvering his chopsticks, he puts his hand on Levi's knee. It amazes Levi that he finds the warm touch a comfort. 

Everything feels strange and new and familiar at the same time with Erwin. They hadn't changed where they went or how often or who they went with. Erwin just reaches out and touches him now. Smiles at him in a way Levi often caught him trying to hide before and Levi hadn't understood what it was. Kisses Levi on the temple or the cheek or the lips. Rubs at the short hair at the back of Levi's head. 

It is Erwin who initiates all the contact, always. But Levi doesn't shy away from it; he can accept it, and that unnerves him far more than Erwin's attentions ever could. 

Erwin's father is arriving in a few hours to take Erwin and Levi to Erwin's home. Every time Levi thinks about it, it makes him feel sick. 

He picks at the sushi Erwin had insisted on swiping for him (Erwin has a bigger meal plan than Levi does, and has plenty of extra credits for the so called 'premium' meals like the sushi and steak) and can't bring himself to eat anymore of it. Instead, he sips at his mug of tea. The table is busy laughing at something Mike said and Erwin leans over and says, "You haven't had a full meal in like three days." 

Levi looks around at him, narrowing his eyes. Why did Erwin always have to be so fucking observant? 

"You don't like it? Want something else?"

Levi shrugs. It's not the sushi. It's not particularly good but Levi had gone hungry enough as a kid that there are very few meals he can't stomach. 

Erwin chews his lip and furrows his brows, studying Levi very carefully. Levi looks away, a touch of heat in his cheeks, and Erwin says, "Oh," so softly it makes Levi look at him again. "You're worried about meeting my dad." 

"Am not," Levi says reflexively. As if to prove that he's not lying, he scoops a sushi roll onto his chopsticks, dunks it in the bright orange sauce that half the table is guzzling like an artificially colored drug, and shoves the food in his mouth. It makes his cheek puff out as he chews, and Erwin laughs at him. 

"You're not holding those right," he says, eyes flicking to Levi's chopsticks. "Like this." 

He holds up his hand, and clicks the ends of the disposable sticks together. 

Levi frowns, studies his hand, and then mimics him. It is easier this way. Levi shoves another piece of sushi in his mouth even though he's not done with the first and glares at Erwin defiantly. 

Erwin whispers back, "There's nothing for you to be worried about, Levi."

Levi keeps glaring. Erwin doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that Levi has never been to a real Thanksgiving dinner before. He'd had one, once, at one of his foster homes. But he'd been confined to his room until the foster family's real family had left and only then had he been allowed to gorge himself on left overs. They hadn't been stingy with the food; just their company. And after that there were potlucks at the clubhouse, or under-cooked instant potatoes and crunchy box stuffing while he'd been locked up, or a turkey sandwich with cranberry dressing with Kenny... Levi had no idea how real families functioned around holidays. 

And that's if he completely sidesteps the issue of his romantic involvement with Erwin. He knows Erwin hasn't told his father about Levi as anything more than his roommate. He's not worried about pretending to be just Erwin's roommate again; he won't be the one having to withdraw public affection. He's just... worried. 

It stuns him to realize he wants Erwin's family to think well of him, even if they only think he's Erwin's roommate. It hurts to know there's no way they possibly can. Erwin is smart and beautiful and polished and kind and Levi is Levi. He can't believe he ever agreed to go with Erwin; he wants to jab Erwin with his chopsticks for tricking Levi with the pretext of a peaceful place for Isabel to rest. And that pisses him off too-- how sentimental he's being. It's not as if Isabel will know or care where her ashes end up. 

"I'm not worried," he lies. 

*

Levi sits in his closet, head thrown back against the wall and rolling an old tennis ball between his palms. His bag is packed. It sits on the dresser, next to the box of ashes and Levi's new laptop. Erwin had refused to take a single cent of the money Levi had collected for him. Instead, he'd talked Levi into replacing his laptop and old flip phone, and buying new shoes, jeans, a hoodie. The rest of the money (and really, Levi had only used a fraction of it) was still hidden under his mattress. He'd gotten into an argument with Erwin about putting it in a bank; if he did that, he'd have to explain where it had come from, if anyone ever started poking around his finances. The burner phone that he used to communicate with Zeke was under the mattress too. It had had seventeen missed calls and twenty three unread texts before Levi finally turned it off and hid it.

Erwin knocks on the door and when Levi doesn't answer, Erwin just opens it. That pisses Levi off too; no one has ever been so blatant about trespassing in Levi's space before, and no one has ever been so goddamn perfect about knowing exactly when Levi needed him to.

He sits silently on the floor beside Levi. After they have sat in total silence for maybe ten minutes, Erwin lifts his hand and rubs Levi's neck. Levi is always tense there. He lets his head sink between his shoulder blades and Erwin takes his relaxation as a good sign, a sign that he can talk now.

“Why do you sit in your closet when you’re anxious?” he asks softly.

Levi turns his head, unable to hide the shock he feels at that.

He'd never really noticed before.

It had never hit him as a strange reaction. No one had ever asked him about it. It seems incredibly obvious now that Erwin has pointed it out and when Levi reaches for an explanation he finds one.

He's not totally sure he wants to share it, however.

But it is _Erwin_ asking...

"Um." He chuckles humorlessly. "I guess I never thought about it... When my mom was alive, we, uh. We only had one room."

Levi hears Erwin swallow.

"So I sorta hung out in the closet if she had... uh. You know. Guests."

Levi doesn't look at Erwin's face; he knows the horror he will find there, even though this was something he'd never thought twice about until this moment.

"That's awful," Erwin says quietly.

"Nah, it wasn't," Levi reassures him. "She built me a little fort in there. I thought it was fun. It's not like I really. You know. Knew why."

Erwin doesn't say anything.

Levi had liked his closet. He'd had a flashlight and cushions and toys and headphones he wasn't supposed to take off ( _that_ makes him grimace a little; it was another of those things he'd simply never thought about until now. He supposes he can see why Erwin's face is so white). It was probably why he'd always liked small spaces and he'd never been afraid of the dark.

Erwin swallows again, watching Levi from the corner of his eyes.

Levi feels... embarrassed. He doesn't like the pity in Erwin's expression. Levi's seen and done and been involved in some fucked up shit and living in a one bedroom apartment with his mom while she was hooking was hardly the worst of it. At least his mother had given two shits about him. If he really thinks about it, he believes his life would have been... better, if she hadn't died. Easier, in some way. He would have had a constant. A tether. A home.

Or maybe not. Maybe she'd been fucking terrible and he'd been too young to know or care. She did die in her fucking apartment and leave Levi to fend for himself for a few days until Kenny showed up looking for them. Maybe she hadn't thought she was actually going to die but she had to have _some_ indication that she wasn't fit to care for Levi while she'd been sick. Or maybe there had just been no one. No neighbor, no family, no friends--

Kenny's arrival had been pure coincidence. Good timing. Lucky chance. And what would have happened to Levi if Kenny hadn't come looking for Kuchel?

Levi shrugs. "If this shit's gonna freak you out, you shouldn't ask."

"What? I'm fine," Erwin protests.

Levi smirks at him. "Liar."

Erwin gives him a dry stare. "I can show you pictures of my arm right after the accident if you wanna trade."

Levi lifts his brows.

Erwin holds up his hand, spreading his thumb and forefinger. "I could see like _that_ much bone, it was gnarly."

Levi wrinkles his nose. He's seen enough blood and gore and broken bones to know he'd rather not look at it unless absolutely necessary. "Yeah, you can keep that to yourself." 

Erwin chuckles; it’s the sort of sound one only makes to fill space. There’s no humor in it, and maybe even a dash of bitterness. He falls silent again and scoots closer to Levi, puts his shoulder against Levi’s. 

Levi smiles. “We can’t both fit in here.” 

“I can’t fit in here at all,” Erwin points out. He’s got his legs thrown out past the door jam and he has to duck his head to keep from bumping it on the shelf Levi can fit rather comfortably under. 

“Move,” Levi tells him. 

“We don’t have to,” Erwin says easily. 

Levi rolls his eyes and pushes Erwin’s arm. “I’m fine, we can--” Erwin's cell phone buzzes. He jerks, actually does bump his head lightly on the shelf, and then manages to pull his phone out of his pocket.

"Dad's here," he says, and something in his voice makes Levi look at him. He'd sounded pleased, excited, but there was a certain... forced quality to the words that Levi only picks up on because he knows when Erwin is truly happy. Before he can ask Erwin what's wrong, Erwin is standing. "Be right back."

Levi pulls himself out of the closet and double checks his bags while Erwin goes to meet his father and bring him upstairs. When Levi comes out into the common room, with his backpack on his back, his new laptop bag slung over his shoulder, and Isabel's ashes in his hands, he sees Erwin has packed a full duffel. The case that holds his useless prosthesis, as well as two tennis rackets sit beside it.

Levi feels his eye twitch and he goes back into his room to shove an extra pair of ratty sweatpants into his bag in case Erwin has any clever ideas about making Levi play again. He comes back out just as Erwin is opening the door.

Mr. Smith is an unassuming man. He's blond like Erwin, but not as tall or as broad. Levi can see Erwin in his eyes, and a little in the shape of his face, though Erwin's jaw is more rugged.

Levi doesn't catch what they'd been talking about, because Erwin looks at Levi and Levi watches him lick his lips a little nervously.

"Uh, Dad. This is Levi."

Levi lifts his chin a little and tries not to look like he wants to murder Erwin's father-- he's been told he has that look about him when he meets new people.

Mr. Smith smiles benignly at him and says, "It's nice to--"

But then Erwin blurts. "He's--"

And stops.

Levi looks at Erwin, his heart suddenly inexplicably pounding in his chest. Mr. Smith looks at Erwin too and gives him a kindly, mildly bemused look while he waits for Erwin to keep talking.

Erwin swallows and says, "He's."

Levi says very carefully, "Erwin."

Erwin looks at him, meets his eyes, and Levi feels like a goddamn idiot. He'd been so twisted up in his own bullshit, he hadn't realized how anxious _Erwin_ had been all morning. His hair, usually so carefully arranged, is full of finger tracks, and he'd eaten _everyone's_ food at lunch. Erwin had two food settings when he was stressed-- he either ate _everything_ in site, or he ate nothing. Usually it was the later, but Levi had found him once with six apple cores sitting on the table and half an apple in his hand when he'd been studying for his first Norse mythology test.

Erwin's eyes get hard. He looks at his father and lifts his chin a little, reminds Levi of a small child looking up at it's parent instead of a grown man.

"Dad, Levi is my boyfriend."

The word hits Levi like a splash of cold water. He's not used to hearing it; it still makes him a little uncomfortable, and that was without the added stress of _all of this._

Mr. Smith's face remains bemused and benign for perhaps a beat longer than it should. Then he turns his head and looks at Levi. Levi doesn't know where to look, and his eyes dart shiftily around, trying to find something to latch onto. When he chances to glance at Mr. Smith again, his mouth is open a little, eyes shocked behind his little round glasses. He looks back at Erwin. "Er. Boy...friend."

Erwin swallows and nods.

Levi can't believe Erwin did this without warning him, can't believe he's agreed to spend four hours round trip and a week in a house with a man who's probably going to hate his guts...

Mr. Smith clears his throat and says, "Um. As in. Ro-romantic... partner?"

It takes all of Levi's willpower not to put his face in his hand. 

Erwin says, "Yes, Dad." There is a note of desperation in his voice that makes Levi want to hold him, sooth his hands over Erwin's shoulders and back, rub away the tension.

Mr. Smith huffs a big breath, blinking a little dimly at Erwin. Then he seems to shake himself, just a little, and he turns to Levi.

He smiles. He holds out his hand.

"It's very nice to meet you, Levi."

Levi sees Erwin's shoulders fall, sees him stop holding his breath. Levi shakes Mr. Smith's hand and says, "Uh. It's nice to meet you too. Sir."

Mr. Smith drops his eyes to Erwin's bag and says, "Is this all you're bringing?"

"Yeah, that's it," Erwin tells him. His voice is suffused with relief... but not really surprise. When Levi looks over at him, he's wearing a wide smile.

"Let's get going then," Mr. Smith says brightly. "I want to get back on the road before traffic hits. Levi, you sure your family won't be upset that we're stealing you for the week?"

Levi snorts. "Uh. My uncle seemed relieved, honestly."

"You live with your uncle?"

"Yeah," Levi says. He doesn't go on.

Mr. Smith helps Erwin with his things and they leave. Erwin’s bag and rackets and arm go in the trunk. Levi keeps his laptop with him, but puts his skateboard and backpack and the box in the back with Erwin's things. When Mr. Smith turns away, Erwin glances at Levi, and carefully puts the box in his bag so it won't tumble around. Levi almost smiles at him.

The second they are on the road, Mr. Smith glances at Levi in the rear-view mirror. "Erwin tells me you're on a premed track, Levi."

"Uh. Yeah," Levi says. He can tell he's expected to say more, but really what else is there to talk about? He adds, "I'm interested in sports medicine."

Erwin turns his head and beams at Levi from the front seat. Levi tries to relax a little. That hadn't felt so strange to say.

"Oh, really?" Mr. Smith says brightly. "Are you an athlete yourself?"

Levi frowns.

Erwin drawls, "Yes. He kicked Mike's ass at tennis the very first time he played."

"That was mostly you," Levi protests.

Erwin shrugs. "And you should see him with a soccer ball."

"Game of choice?" Mr. Smith asks.

Levi hesitates again. Erwin says easily, "MMA."

Levi blinks, chest feeling tight.

"Boxer?" Mr. Smith asks casually.

"Yeah," Levi says. It's a white lie-- he's never had any formal training, and what he'd learned from Kenny had been an amalgamation of so many different styles... but boxing had been a prominent foundation, he supposed.

Mr. Smith shakes his head a little wistfully and says, "Erwin was such a talented boxer."

He realizes what he's said immediately, because he looks at Erwin, who is frowning at a spot on the dash, and says, "Have you considered when you want to start training again? We should get you back in a gym soon."

Erwin shrugs. "I dunno," he mutters. The silence is heavy and tight. Mr. Smith's hands on the steering wheel are white.

Levi unbuckles his seat belt and readjusts himself carefully. Instead of sitting behind Mr. Smith, he slides into the opposite seat, puts his back on the door and his feet on the leather bench, and carefully wedges his hand between Erwin's seat and door. He is able to put his hand on Erwin's hip. Erwin adjusts, crosses his arm over his lap, and grabs Levi's fingers. They sit like that in silence for a while. Mr. Smith turns his head and glances at Erwin and Levi assumes they're not being nearly as secretive as he'd like, but he doesn't particularly care.

Mr. Smith asks Erwin about his classes. He asks Levi too, but Levi doesn't chat like Erwin does. Eventually, Levi pulls out Erwin's dogeared copy of _The Iliad_ and reads quietly while they talk. It's a two hour ride to Erwin's house, and Levi finds himself dozing while Erwin and his father sit in a silence far more comfortable than the one that made Levi grab Erwin's hand.

It is when Levi is lounging with his hood pulled up and the book open on his chest that he hears Mr. Smith say very quietly. "So. Boyfriend."

Erwin answers back, a little nervously, "Yeah."

Mr. Smith is silent for a time. Levi realizes he hasn't spoken in about an hour; they probably think he's asleep.

Mr. Smith asks, "Are you gay?"

Erwin says quickly, "No. I mean. I guess not. I like girls too."

"You really think it's wise to _date_ your roommate?" Levi feels a little bubble of relief in his chest. Mr. Smith is _teasing._

Erwin's voice is very quiet when he says, "I love him, Dad."

Mr. Smith inhales sharply. "Well." He pauses. Levi can hear him breathing. "That's something I haven't heard from you before."

Erwin doesn't say anything back.

"Seems a little rough around the edges," Mr. Smith says.

Erwin laughs and his voice is unmistakably fond when he says, "Yeah."

"Is this a secret? Or do you plan on telling the family?"

"I don't know," Erwin admits. "I wasn't even sure I was gonna tell you until I saw you."

Levi hears the slide of skin against fabric and he turns his head just enough to see that Mr. Smith has reached out and rubbed Erwin's shoulder.

"You know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah, I know," Erwin says quietly. "But it's still kinda... hard. You know. Just. Different."

"I'm glad you told me."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do your friends know?"

Erwin laughs. "They knew before we did. Mike started a fucking betting pool with the Sigma Kaps about when we'd... you know. Figure it out."

Mr. Smith chuckles.

He asks Erwin about Mike, and the conversation shifts. The rumble of the car is, for now, relaxing, and Levi really does doze off. 

He comes to when the car slows and when he sits up he sees more green than he can ever remembering seeing in one place. He’d grown up in the city, and the suburban dump Kenny lived in was more empty dirt than grass and trees. 

Now they are driving down a dense forest road; the street is freshly paved, but narrow enough that Levi wonders if another car would fit, should they encounter one. He sees driveways branching off into the woods, but the trees are too thick to see any actual homes. Mr. Smith turns down one such road, and Levi catches sight of a bright mouth of sunlight at the end of the tunnel of foliage. Erwin is looking down at his phone, oblivious. 

When they break the shadow of the trees, Levi’s stomach sinks. 

He sees one huge house at the end of the driveway, perfectly manicured green lawns rolling away to either side of them, and in the distance, behind the house, a glimmer of water. 

Levi knows there are bigger houses, but he’s never known anyone who lived in one. Erwin’s family home is four stories tall and raised up on a red brick foundation. Stairs lead up to the front door one story up, and the whole thing is encircled by two balconies of a dark, rich wood-- one on the second story and one on the third. Levi’s next impression is of windows-- lots of them, so the whole house almost seems to be made of glass and merely framed in dark wood and set up on bricks. 

He sits back against the leather of the car seat and doesn’t know what to think. 

Kenny lives in a double wide with three decaying cars and knee high yellow grass in the front yard. 

Erwin sits up suddenly and rolls his neck with a little groan. They drive up to the garage and the door opens without any other prompting. There is one other car in the garage-- a little two seater sports car. The third space is empty. It’s all alarmingly clean for a garage, which Levi of course appreciates, until he realizes Mr. Smith probably hires someone to keep things spic and span. Then he feels like he can’t _unsee_ the lack of oil stains on the concrete or the perfectly arranged tools on the shelves. There are two kayaks hanging from the ceiling. Two bicycles on stands. Everything in twos. 

Inside is just about what Levi expects, given what he’s seen so far. 

The decor has a soft, masculine feel; there are lots of neutrals and dark leather, mirrors in rich wood finishes, and the occasional bold, asymmetric abstract painting. The whole place feels very _brown_ but not in a monotone way-- the walls in the kitchen, for example, are a gentle coffee-and-cream color, with dark Walnut furniture and stainless steel appliances. The kitchen gives way to a living room with a light beige carpet, carmel walls, and stylishly worn brown leather furniture.

There are so many pictures of Erwin growing up, it makes Levi feel strange. He can track Erwin’s whole life through the walls of the house, and in so many pictures he’s with his dad, or who Levi assumes are his grandparents. 

He doesn’t see any photos of Erwin’s mother though. 

Not one. 

Mr. Smith intrudes on his thoughts: “Erwin, I set Levi up in the big guest room. Why don’t you show him where it is?” 

Erwin shrugs his shoulder casually since he’s holding his duffle bag in his hand. “He can just stay with me.” He starts to turn toward the stairs, but stops when Mr. Smith clears his throat pointedly. 

“The guest room, Erwin.” 

Erwin turns around and considers his father with narrowed eyes. “Why?” 

Mr. Smith’s eyes dart between the two of them and Levi shifts, suddenly _painfully_ embarrassed and he’s not totally sure why. 

Mr. Smith says very firmly, “I wouldn’t let a girl stay in your room so I don’t see why Levi should.” 

Erwin drops his bag. “I’ve never brought any _girls_ home,” he complains.

“Nonetheless.”

Erwin groans. “Dad, we _live_ together.” 

“In separate bedrooms.” 

“ _I’m twenty three.”_

“It’s fine, Erwin,” Levi mutters, staring at Mr. Smith’s feet. 

“I’m not going to continue this discussion, Erwin. Do as I say.” Mr. Smith turns away and busies himself with something in the kitchen. 

Erwin’s eyes flash and he huffs once before muttering, “Come on.” 

Levi follows Erwin up the stairs trying to will the heat out of his cheeks. “The _big_ guest room?” 

“We have like five,” Erwin replies flippantly. “Dad’s got the master suit on the first floor, but there’s one that’s almost as big on the second.”

Erwin doesn’t stop on the second floor however, he keeps climbing to the third. The top level is smaller than the other two, and the roof is slanted down in places. Erwin leads Levi down a short hallway and opens the door at the end of it. 

Levi comes through the door and just… stares. 

He’s in Erwin’s room, and Erwin’s room takes up almost the whole top floor of the house. The walls are covered in trophies and banners, pictures of Erwin with friends-- Mike, is featured in several-- or sports teams. He’s got awards for tennis, boxing, sailing, cross country, soccer, _lacrosse._ Shit, Levi even notices a fucking _crown_ propped against one trophy, and another sitting next to a picture of Erwin in a tux with a very pretty redheaded girl in a yellow dress. 

Levi turns and gapes at him. 

“What?” Erwin asks, dropping his bag. 

“You were the fucking _prom king?”_

“Homecoming too,” Erwin replies offhandedly. “Why?” 

Levi shakes his head and says a little too acidly, “You really are fucking perfect, aren’t you?” 

He’s staring at the pictures on Erwin’s wall and the silence goes on just a beat longer than it should. Levi knows Erwin is standing behind him, but he doesn’t want to turn around. 

“What’s wrong?” Erwin asks, putting his hand on Levi’s shoulder. 

Levi jerks a little at the contact and Erwin pulls his hand away. 

He’s quiet, patient, doesn’t touch Levi again, which is good because Levi needs to sort through his feelings and whenever Erwin touches him all he can think about is how much more he wants Erwin to do to him. 

Finally he says, “I didn’t go to high school.” 

“What?” Erwin says with a little disbelieving laugh. 

“I got my GED when I was locked up,” Levi says quietly. 

Erwin is quiet. Levi still hasn’t turned around. He’s still not sure how he feels, or even what he’s supposed to feel. Erwin’s house is huge and gorgeous and his father is _kind_ and he gives a fuck about Erwin-- he won’t even let Levi sleep in Erwin’s room. That’s gotta mean he cares, right? 

He takes a breath, thinking of the sprawling green lawns and the water in the distance and all those pictures and--

Erwin brings all his thoughts to a grinding halt when he slips his hand, slow and sensual, and then _rough_ all at once, into Levi’s hair and _pulls._ He steps close when he does it, puts his mouth right next to Levi’s ear and whispers, “Why do you think I wanted you to come with me?”

Levi lets himself lean against Erwin’s chest, all broad and warm and wonderfully solid and thinks of all the incredible things Erwin can do with that hand so it takes him a second to whisper back, “I dunno.” 

It’s a lie. He thinks Erwin invited him because he felt bad, because Levi had been upset about Isabel and needed a lifeline and Erwin had held one. 

Erwin’s hand goes slack and he shifts, pushes the hair off Levi’s forehead instead when he says, “It’s my life and I want you to see it.”

Levi tilts his head back. 

“It’s a good life,” he says softly. 

“Yeah,” Erwin agrees. “It’s not bad. Mostly.”

“I guess I’m just… Fuck, I guess I’m a little jealous.” 

Erwin’s arm moves to curl around Levi’s chest and his puts his chin on Levi’s shoulder. 

“We don’t get to pick how we come into this world,” he says finally. “But I think we get to choose how we keep living in it.” He pauses. Levi can feel Erwin’s breath against his ear. “I don’t know if I could come back from where you’ve been,” he finally says. “That’s worth more than a rich mom.” 

Levi disagrees. Erwin could come back from anything. Or he simply wouldn’t have found himself there in the first place. He’d been right that night they fought; a lot of people had shit childhoods and didn’t turn into felons and thugs.

But instead of saying that, he blinks and turns. “Mom? I thought your dad…” He trails off. 

Erwin has pulled away, an odd look on his face. The tiniest expression, almost like a wince, tells Levi Erwin hadn’t quite meant to say that. And Levi realizes there is something he’s never asked. 

“Where’s your mom?” 

Erwin’s mouth twists in the most bitter expression Levi has ever seen him wear and he crosses the room to sit on the edge of his enormous bed. 

“India, last we heard,” he mutters. “But that was like… right after the accident.” 

Levi furrows his brows. “What?” 

“My mom’s kind of… I mean she…” Erwin chews on his lip. “She… sorta. Left us.” 

“For India?” Levi asks slowly.

Erwin waves his hand. “That was just the latest. She travels a lot. Bounces around. Sends postcards to me… sometimes.”

And Levi stares. 

He doesn’t know what it’s like to have a dad like Erwin’s. 

But he can damn sure imagine what it must be like to have a mom like his. 

“When did she leave?” he comes to sit on the bed beside Erwin. It’s _soft_ and it smells like him. Erwin must use the same laundry detergent at school that his dad uses at home.

“I was nine,” Erwin answers. Levi winces. “She just… never came to pick me up from school one day. Dad’s a law professor, and he was working, so the school had to call him and… Anyway we got home and all her stuff was gone.” 

“That’s so fucked up,” Levi says, a little more vehemently than he means to. His mother had _died._ Sure, Kenny had left him, but Kenny was fucking Kenny. He’d had no real… obligation to Levi. 

But Levi had known kids with deadbeat parents before. He’d met them in foster care or on the street and to think that someone could do that to Erwin… that he’d been _nine years old._

“Yeah,” Erwin says with a little shrug. He falls back on the bed and rolls on his side, puts his head in his hand so he can watch Levi. “Really fucked my dad up. They didn’t even fight,” Erwin admits. 

Levi lays back too and turns his head so he can look at Erwin. 

“Her family too,” Erwin goes on. Levi listens. “You’ll meet them, they’re really great. She doesn’t talk to them anymore either. Maybe calls occasionally to make sure everyone’s still breathing,” he says bitterly. “She called me when I was in the hospital and that was the first time I’d heard her voice in _years.”_

Levi just blinks. 

Erwin sighs and lays down onto his back, elbow bent above his head. “What was your mom like?” 

The question makes Levi’s stomach lurch. “She was. Um.” 

Erwin waits. 

“Soft,” Levi says, squeezing his eyes shut to think. “Her voice and her hands and her hair. I don’t… I guess I don’t really remember much,” he says with a sigh, opening his eyes again. “I was like five when she died.” 

“How’d she die?” 

“Sick.” Levi shrugs against the bedspread. “What was… what was your mother like? Before she…” 

Erwin takes a big steadying breath. “Normal,” he says with a bitter chuckle. “Totally normal. Just. She was my mom. She took me to school and picked me up every day and tucked me in at night until one day she just… didn’t. We had no idea how unhappy she was. Still dunno why she would be. Dad fucking _worshipped_ her, and her family loved. Loves her too.” 

“You said she’s the rich one?” Levi asks curiously. Levi doesn’t know how much a law professor makes but this does seem a little extravagant for all that. 

“Her dad. He owns this company, it’s super boring, but all his kids are shareholders. When mom left she signed all her rights away so Pop gave it all to my dad. He’s pretty good at like… stock market bullshit too, so I guess it worked out.” 

Levi stares at Erwin’s face. It still surprises him a little that he’s allowed to do that now, and he finds himself doing it more and more often. Just… looking. Looking at the rich lake blue of his eyes. At the full dusting of gold across his sinfully sharp jaw and perfect square chin. At the pin straight line of his nose. At the way his hair falls across his forehead. 

He looks and forgets the anxiety in his gut that had built when he’d laid eyes on Erwin’s home. He looks and he can’t believe all the things Erwin has given to him already, and more, he can’t believe that Erwin is looking back, that he is willing to give Levi that too. 

A loud insistent voice in Levi’s head tells him that Erwin is too perfect, too golden, too pure for someone like Levi. But that voice gets quiet when Erwin looks at him like this because he recognizes himself in the expression Erwin wears. He’s not sure he will ever stop that voice in his head, but it gets quieter all the time. And then he’s just amazed to know-- to _know_ \--that the riot of emotion in his chest, the desperate pulsing ache that is only relieved by the brush of Erwin’s skin again his, the sheer blissfully sweet _pain_ of it all-- Erwin feels it too. 

Erwin’s lips lift, quirk in an amused little smile. Levi blushes when he realizes he’s been staring. But Erwin lets him. 

“I was thinking we could go out on the boat tomorrow,” Erwin says finally. Levi is paying too much attention to miss the apprehension in his voice even though Erwin is trying to hide it. “You know. For Isabel.” 

Levi frowns. “I thought you said we could walk there?”

“We can, but the boat will be faster. And I want to show you… It’s a little chilly but the weather should be good for it otherwise.” 

Levi bites the inside of his cheek. He’s never been on a boat before. 

“Erwin, I’ve never been on a boat before.” 

Erwin grins at him. “Don’t worry, you have to wear a life jacket. You’ll be fine.” 

Levi isn’t convinced, but before he can properly argue, Mr. Smith pokes his head in the open doorway. Erwin lifts his head; Levi sits up very quickly, feeling like he’s done something wrong just by sitting in Erwin’s room. He eyes Levi’s bag on the floor but before he can say anything, Erwin says innocently, “What’s up, Dad?” 

Mr. Smith blinks at them from behind his glasses and then says slowly, “Do you want chicken breast or pork loin for dinner tonight?” 

Erwin shrugs. “You care?” he asks Levi. Levi shakes his head. Erwin says, “Can you use that rosemary marinade on the pork?” 

Mr. Smith nods. “Sure.” Then he looks at Levi and says very pointedly, “Did Erwin give you a proper tour?” 

“Uh… not yet. Sir,” Levi mutters. 

Mr. Smith smiles gently. “You don’t have to ‘sir’ me, Levi.” 

“Sure. Thanks.” 

“Come on, I’ll show you where you can put your things.” 

And Levi has no choice but to grab his bag and follow. Mr. Smith takes Levi on a quick circuit of the whole house, and then has him depoist his bag in a room with a massive four poster bed in the middle. Levi doesn’t think he’s ever slept in anything bigger than a twin before so it’s a little daunting. 

It is even more daunting when he is laying in it. Dinner was just about the best thing Levi’s ever eaten; he’d felt so strange sitting at Erwin’s family table with his father, but after the first bite, he’d forgotten to be anxious and started shoveling food in his mouth so fast Erwin and Mr. Smith had both started laughing at him. But Mr. Smith made fresh rolls and roasted broccoli with lemon juice and potatoes au gratin and none of it was from a box or a bottle. Levi had had a few fancy restaurant meals with Zeke when he was in the thick of all his Titan bullshit, but this is different. Levi realizes with a bit of shock that excluding a few dinners with the one or two foster families who hadn’t been stingy with their food, this is the only meal Levi has ever had that wasn’t from a cafeteria or a restaurant, or frozen and pre-cooked first. 

He feels lethargic and sated when he sits in Erwin’s room after and plays video games, and by the time he returns to ‘his’ room he thinks he will sleep well. 

But the second he is alone, everything feels strange again. The bed is too big and too soft. The house is _so_ quiet. Levi can hear owls and insects and the wind through the trees instead of drunk frat boys or the soft murmur that always pervades the dorm floor. No sirens or honking. It’s _dark._ No light pollution filtering into the windows. 

Levi rolls over onto his back and stares at the ceiling for a long time. In the morning, he and Erwin will take Erwin’s sailboat out while Mr. Smith cooks for Thanksgiving supper. Erwin’s family will arrive. Levi will meet _everyone._

It’s a long time before he even feels sleepy, now that he is alone, and longer still before he starts to doze. 

He must doze though, because he comes too when someone pushes his bedroom door open. Levi lifts his head and watches Erwin stumble into the room. He’s about to scold Erwin, smirk at him, tell him they can wait a week for whatever it is Erwin has on his mind, until he sees the way Erwin is walking. He’s practically _lurching._ Levi waits for Erwin to tell him what’s wrong, but Erwin just falls onto the bed and climbs under the covers. When Levi scoots closer to him, he is shivering and covered in cold sweat. HIs hair is dripping with it.

Levi curls his arms around Erwin’s shoulders and waits for him to stop shaking. He turns his face into Levi’s chest, inhales at the collar of Levi’s t-shirt. 

Levi says quietly, “Nightmare?” 

Erwin swallows and just nods. 

“Are you hurting?” 

Erwin shakes his head. When he starts to whisper into the hollow of Levi’s neck, his voice sounds raw. “That’s why I wanted you to stay with me,” he admits. “I just didn’t want to tell him, he worries.” 

“You knew you’d have a nightmare?” Levi asks gently. 

“I should have taken a xanax,” Erwin complains. “I figured I’d have trouble sleeping since I haven’t been home in a while. It’s so _quiet_ here.” 

“Yeah, I noticed that.” 

Levi tucks his chin over Erwin’s head, and Erwin scoots closer. Levi feels Erwin’s shoulders loosen, feels his breathing slow. 

Levi considers telling him to leave now that he feels better, but he just can’t. He moves his hand to Erwin’s wet hair. 

“What did you dream about?” Levi asks. He almost doesn’t. But he doesn’t know what Erwin’s nightmares are like. He assumes they’re about the accident, but dreams are strange, twisting things. 

Erwin laughs bitterly. “You’ll think it’s stupid.” 

“ _That’s_ fucking stupid,” Levi tells him. 

Erwin takes a shaky breath. “I couldn’t tie my shoes.” 

“What?” 

“I’m in a fucking house full of shoes and I have to go outside and I need shoes and I can’t tie them. And none of them have velcro and if I go outside without them something-- something _bad_ will happen.” 

Levi is quiet, for a time. He has nothing soothing to say. Shoes aren’t the problem. Not really. “Are they always like that?”

“Sometimes it’s the accident, but not so much anymore,” Erwin says. “Now it’s shit like… like.” Erwin gulps. “Like when you fell in the lake. I had dreams right after that you… that I couldn’t-- my arm was too heavy and I forgot to take it off--”

“Hey.” Levi stops him, soothes his hand down Erwin’s back. His t-shirt is soaked. “You did save me.” Erwin nods and breathes. His breathing gets deep and even. Levi realizes he’s fallen asleep.

And now Levi can finally sleep. 

*

He comes awake all at once and sees Mr. Smith standing in the doorway, a strange look on his face. It’s bright in the room, probably late morning. Levi smells food cooking. 

He meets Mr. Smith’s eyes and Mr. Smith gives him a small, slightly reassuring smile, and says very softly, “I’ve got some breakfast for you two. When you’re ready.” 

Levi nods, clears his throat, and taps Erwin’s shoulder. They’re still wrapped around each other, Levi laying high on the pillows, and Erwin with his head on Levi’s chest. 

Levi feels horribly exposed, though they are both fully clothed. 

Erwin grumbles sleepily at Levi’s tap, until Levi shoves him. Then he sits straight up and says, “Huh?” 

Levi clears his throat and nods at Mr. Smith. 

“Shit. Morning, Dad,” he says groggily. 

Mr. Smith smirks at him. “Sleep well?” 

“Had a bad dream,” Erwin admits, sounding so young and innocent Levi can’t help but stare. 

Mr. Smith frowns. “I thought your dreams were getting better, Erwin?” he asks gently. 

“They are,” Erwin says. “Just.” He shrugs. 

Mr. Smith says again, “Breakfast is ready.” And then he leaves. 

Levi relaxes. Mr. Smith hadn’t seemed too upset that they’d slept together. But maybe that was because Erwin kept the door open and they’d kept their pajamas on. 

Breakfast is bacon and eggs with toast. While they eat, Mr. Smith moves around the kitchen. Levi watches him rub a raw turkey with spices. 

Erwin is finishing his eggs when he says, “Hey, Dad, Levi and I are gonna take the Scot out today.” 

His voice is too casual. Levi wonders why until Mr. Smith drops the fork he’d been using to stir the marinade and looks up like he’s been badly startled. “What?” 

“Levi’s never been out on a boat before,” Erwin explains, playing at obliviousness. “So we’re gonna go out for a few hours. We’ll be back before everyone gets here.” 

“Uh. I don’t… I’m not sure--”

Erwin drops his fork and pushes back from the table. “What?” he demands. His voice is combative-- more so than Levi thinks it should be. 

Mr. Smith withers instantly. “I’ll help you get her rigged--”

“Levi and I can handle it.” 

Mr. Smith swallows anxiously. Now _his_ voice is too casual. “Are you sure you don’t need help?”

“No,” Erwin says. “I can do it.” 

Mr. Smith nods but Levi can see how white his face is. 

Levi and Erwin leave to change out of their sleep clothes. 

“You sure about this?” Levi asks as soon as they’re out of earshot of Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith’s reaction had not been particularly soothing. 

Erwin nods. He’s anxious, thrumming with nervous energy. Levi is too, but he’s less sure why he’s so on edge. His last experience with deep water wasn’t great of course. But Erwin has more room to worry than Levi does. 

Levi dresses in his room-- jeans, a faded black thermal shirt, his new hoody, which is still fluffy and exceptionally warm-- and then he waits for Erwin. And waits. And waits. 

He watches nearly thirty minutes tick by before he finally pockets his cell phone, grabs Isabel’s ashes, and goes to find Erwin. Erwin would have to walk by Levi’s room to get downstairs, so Levi immediately angles upstairs. 

He’s not trying to be quiet, but of course, he is. The plush carpet cushions his footsteps, and he already moves more silently than most. 

Erwin is fully dressed in jeans and a thick cream colored sweater. He has his head in his hand. His shoulders are shaking.

He’s wearing a pair of blue canvas shoes that look like slip ons, but one of the leather laces has come undone. It doesn’t matter. The shoes don’t need laces. Erwin is utterly silent, not moving except for the ragged quiver down his back. 

Levi sniffs loudly and Erwin jerks. He scrapes his hand over his face a little guiltily. And then he just stares when Levi goes to his knees to tie the offending lace. 

It only takes a second. Levi stands and looks at Erwin with another unaffected sniff. Erwin’s eyes are red, tired. Too wide. The expression on his face, the way he’s looking at Levi, makes Levi’s chest ache in the incredibly intoxicating way only Erwin can make him feel. 

“Ready?” he asks quietly. 

Erwin looks down at his shoes and then up at Levi. He nods. 

He’s wearing a prosthesis. It’s white, like Erwin’s sweater, so Levi hadn’t noticed it at first. It’s mostly cosmetic, Levi thinks, though the hand is molded into a open sort of grip; he might be able to hold a soda can with it. 

Levi’s not sure why Erwin chose to wear it, but he’s not willing to ask. 

They hike across the field that is Erwin’s backyard, a big bag slung over Erwin’s shoulder, and Levi carrying a slim black life vest and Isabel’s box. There is a dock in Erwin’s back yard; the boat is lashed to the end of the pier. 

Erwin takes a deep breath and then flings the bag into the hull before hopping down after it. 

The boat isn’t very big-- maybe twenty feet long, Levi guesses. 

“You can put that there,” he says, pointing to a space toward the front of the boat. Levi stashes Isabel’s ashes carefully in the compartment. 

“Okay,” Erwin says. “That’s the bow,” he points. “And stern. When your sailing you don’t say left or right, you say port or starboard. That’s important.” 

Erwin walks him through everything. First, Levi helps him stand the mast up. There are ropes involved, and a lot of teamwork-- Levi just does as Erwin tells him. The bag, he learns, is full of ropes. 

“This,” Erwin says after the mast is up, “is called the boom.” He points to what looks like a shorter mast; it has the sails wrapped around it. “You have to be careful with this or it’ll wack you in the head. It swings back and forth to allow the sail to catch the wind. Once we’re out there, I’ll show you a few simple maneuvers-- the one you really want to watch out for is called tacking. When we tack, we turn into the wind, and the boom changes sides. It’ll swing across the cockpit, so you’ll duck under it.” 

Levi nods. Erwin is a good teacher, but Levi still feels just a little overwhelmed. 

Once the boom is locked in place, it runs perpendicular to the mast. Erwin does something with more rope, walks Levi through tying a few _very_ complicated knots, and when Levi pulls the rope, the sail unfurls and moves up the mast.

They run a rope along the boom, and Erwin explains, “This is the mainsheet-- when you sail you call the ropes sheet. So this is the mainsheet, and it’s attached to the mainsail--”

“The what?” 

“Main. Sail,” Erwin says clearly. “Only you say it ‘main-sul.’ So the mainsheet controls the mainsail. You’ll see. You pull it or let it out to control how the sail catches the wind and how fast the boat goes.” 

Levi nods a little dazedly. There is more to do. There are so many ropes _everywhere,_ and Erwin can’t tie the knots himself for the most part, so he has to walk Levi through it _very_ carefully. And they’re complicated so Levi keeps fucking them up. He can feel Erwin getting frustrated, but ultimately he is patient and Levi knows it is not that Erwin is upset with him-- it is the shoelaces all over again, and Erwin only wishes he could do it himself. 

Eventually they are ready. 

Erwin makes Levi put on the black life vest. It’s a little bulky over Levi’s hoodie; Erwin, for his part, wears only a thin strap around his shoulders. 

“What is that?” 

“Life jacket,” Erwin tells him. When Levi stares at him blankly, he says, “Oh. The one you’re wearing we bought for my cousin, Olivia. She’s not a great swimmer. This one I can set to inflate if I fall in the water, of I can pull a cord so it blows up. These are really only for stronger swimmers though, they’re not quite as safe as the kind you’re wearing.” 

Levi furrows his brow and nods. “But it’s…”

“It’s fine,” Erwin says, waving him off. “I’ve got it set for automatic deployment so it’ll inflate if I fall in. We shouldn’t be getting too wet though,” he says with a little chuckle. 

Levi stares at Erwin very carefully. He’s chewing his lip a lot, running his hand through his hair. 

“We don’t have to do this, you know,” Levi protests, voice low and level. Erwin is trying to prove something, to himself, to Levi, to his father-- either way, it’s stupid. Erwin doesn’t have anything to prove and he certainly won’t prove it by putting himself out on a boat before he’s ready. What’s more, they’re alone, and Levi can’t swim or sail. It’s not as if he can take over if Erwin panics. Of course, Levi has never really seen Erwin _panic_ except for that one little time that Levi almost _died._

“We won’t be gone long,” Erwin says with so much false bravado, even he winces. 

Levi stares at him. Erwin stares back, throat bobbing above the creamy collar of his sweater. 

“Ready?” he asks. The low, whispery quality to the question reminds Levi again of just how quiet it is out here. He can hear running water, and birdsong, and a little bit of wind. Nothing like the cacophony of the city, or the campus. 

“Ready,” Levi replies. 

Erwin nods once and sits down at the back of the boat. He takes the mainsheet in his hand, and then wedges the stiff, curved grip of his prosthetic hand over the tiller and Levi understands instantly why he chose to wear it. 

“You can untie us,” Erwin tells him. Levi unlashes the rope from the pier. “And push us away from the dock. Then come back and sit here.” He nods to a spot in the cockpit across from him, on the opposite side of the narrow space. Levi does as he’s told and they start to float away from the dock. Then Erwin pulls the mainsheet, tilts the tiller, and the sail fills. The boat starts to gain speed, but then there is a grinding sound, and it slows like a braking car. Erwin frowns, cleats the mainsail, and reaches out to haul on a another rope. The daggerboard (Erwin had pointed it out when they were rigging) raises a little, and the boat picks up speed again. Erwin cleats the rope he’d been holding, and goes back to the mainsheet. 

He’s focusing, but after a few seconds, Levi sees Erwin relax. It’s clear he knows what he’s doing, and even clearer that he’s good at it. Even with one hand, he makes all of this look simple, though Levi knows it’s not. Once, Erwin starts forward, about to fix something himself, and then looks at Levi. 

“Could you pull that rope right there? The jib sheet?” he motions with his chin and Levi follows his gaze. When Levi drags the rope through the cleat, the flapping jib gets tight and quiet, and they pick up more speed. “Oh, uncleat them, then pull them,” Erwin adds absently. “Keeps the ropes fresher longer.” 

When the boat tilts, Levi looks around in palpable alarm, leaning toward the middle and wondering if he’s going to have to leap onto Erwin’s side of the cockpit to balance it out, or climb away from the water or--

Erwin chuckles, and braces his feet against Levi’s seat, holding himself up against the high side of the cockpit. “Relax. It’s supposed to tilt, you’re fine. You can move over here if you’re worried about getting wet though.” 

Levi takes a big, deliberate breath and leans back into his seat. He feels off balance, and there is a slight mist brushing his cheeks. He turns his head finally, and then drops his hand into the cold water. It’s close enough that he doesn’t have to lean. They are going _very_ fast. 

“Okay?” Erwin calls. 

“Yeah,” Levi says. When he turns his head, Erwin catches his eye and then smiles. Levi realizes he is smiling too. 

The wind in his hair _is_ nice. So is the salty smell of the water. He doesn’t mind the mist on his face; his hoodie is warm enough. 

They have only been sailing for a few minutes when Erwin slows the boat. Levi looks around; they are sailing out of the creek behind Erwin’s house and toward the bay. The water has cut away the land on either side of them so the forest seems to butt right up against it; it looks like the water runs between two mini cliff faces. Rich dirt, trees, and rocks meet the water’s edge. And then, there is a tiny space no bigger than fifteen feet wide, wedged into a gap in the trees. Beachy sand tapers up toward the woods and meets another sheer miniature cliff face, perhaps five feet higher than the ground below it. An enormous weeping willow leans out over the empty sand. The little area looks closed off from the rest of the world, peaceful and solitary and quiet. Levi looks at it and feels his heart stick in his throat. 

With some very careful maneuvering, Erwin bumps the boat up against the land and commands Levi to lash it to a tree leaning precariously out over the water. They’re able to climb from the boat onto the ground, and then walk down to the beach, trekking through a tangle of brambles and thorns as they go. 

“If it was warmer, I’d put the boat up on the beach, but we’d have to push it back out to launch again and I don’t want to get wet,” Erwin explains as Levi helps him out of the boat. The water is still shallow enough where they left it that Erwin has to raise the rudder and pull the daggerboard all the way out. 

Levi holds Isabel’s box very close to his chest while they make their way down. The second his feet touch the sand, he lurches to a place under the willow tree and upends the box. The ashes fall in a fine gray mist. Some are whipped away by the breeze. More still just fall into a little pile at Levis feet. 

The second the box is empty, Levi feels as if an immense weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He spends one brief moment pretending he can hear her voice on the wind, her laughter, her defiant huff when Levi or Farlan tried to stand up to her-- 

He hears nothing of course. Nothing but the soft lap of water and a few seabirds. 

“That all?” Erwin asks gently when Levi turns back and looks at him. Levi drops the box. It’s just sturdy cardboard; it’ll break down just the same as the ashes will. 

“That’s all,” Levi says softly. 

“You don’t want to say anything?” 

Levi snorts. Erwin is teasing him. “No one to hear it.” 

“I’ll hear it.” 

Levi smirks at him. Wordlessly, he climbs out of the little grotto, and fights his way through the brambles and back to the boat. 

*

They leave the creek, and once the water opens up, they _fly._ Erwin can make the boat go _fast_ and once Levi gets used to the way it bounces over the waves, and the cold mist on his face, he loves it. When they are far from the mouth of the creek, and the land is only a thin strip on the horizon, Erwin slows the boat. He lets the sail flap uselessly in the wind, and pulls a small anchor out from under the bow. 

With the boat anchored and bobbing gently, he stands on the bow, flesh hand wrapped around the mast, and looks out over the water, away from the beach in the distance. Levi stands too, takes a minute to adjust to the way the boat rocks, and goes to join him. 

The bow is wet. When Levi steps up onto it, Erwin reaches out to steady him, though Levi hadn’t slipped. “Careful,” he says.

Levi rolls his eyes and shrugs Erwin’s hand away. 

“What do you think?” Erwin asks him. He sinks down and puts his back to the mast. 

Levi sniffs and shrugs. Erwin laughs. 

In some ways, the boat reminds Levi of riding a motorcycle-- the wind in his hair, the quick maneuvering, the smell of fresh air. 

“You’re really good at this,” Levi admits.

Erwin’s lips twist. “Yeah. It’s kinda hard to do alone now, though,” he complains. “The knots--”

“You’ve got me,” Levi says offhandedly. 

And then he pauses, turns his head away from Erwin just a bit. 

His heart is suddenly racing. How does Erwin always do that?

“You’ll always have me,” Levi mutters under his breath. He feels stupid for saying it. How can he possibly know--

Except he does. Meeting Erwin was like feeling something shift inside him, like a huge boulder balancing on the edge of a cliff had finally fallen and there was no budging it from the place where it had landed. 

Maybe things wouldn’t always be this easy. Maybe.

But the thing was, whenever Levi thought about Erwin, there was _always_ an always. He didn’t spend much time thinking about the future, but on the rare occasions that he did, Erwin had slid in like a shadow that had always been there, only Levi hadn’t noticed until now. There is no future Levi can see that doesn’t have him in it. 

Erwin reaches out and cards his hand through Levi’s hair. Levi can’t look at his face; his chest is already aching and his throat is tight and he can’t believe what he’s thinking so he does something he’s never done before. He buries his face in Erwin’s lap and just… breathes. Inhales the salty sweet nearly-clean-laundry smell of Erwin’s jeans and just…

Erwin says softly, “Promise.”

Levi nods his head without lifting it. 

Erwin says, “Okay.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come on, we’re not leaving until you pick something out.” 
> 
> Levi glares. “Fuck you, when did you get so bossy.” 
> 
> Erwin just lifts his brows and curls his lips. “Have you _met_ me?”
> 
> They make their way to the back of the store and Erwin pauses in front of a wall filled with leather and chains. He’s absently thumbing through an array of leather paddles hung from a metal hook, when Levi chances to look around a little. 
> 
> Erwin wanted him to pick something out…
> 
> His eyes fall on a satin blindfold and a little thrill that is not embarrassment bubbles through his stomach. 
> 
> Levi glances once at Erwin, finds he’s preoccupied perusing fucking _nipple clamps,_ and so he steps away, toward the hooks with the blindfolds. 
> 
> It’s cheap. Just a little piece of fabric and some elastic. 
> 
> With an annoyed sort of huff, Levi plucks it off the shelf and pushes it at Erwin, one arm still crossed over his chest and eyes locked on the ceiling. “ _Here.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LITTLE less than a week since the last update, but I wanted to get back on that Friday/Saturday post schedule. Plus this chapter and the last chapter honestly just fit together but it was getting to be a bit long sooo.... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> *A note*  
> This chapter contains some references to gang related violence. We've been toeing around a lot of that stuff up until now, but given the way Erwin and Levi have begun to confide in each other, there will be more of it to come. I've updated the Archive warnings to reflect graphic violence, and when needed, any chapters that contain descriptions of violence will have a trigger warning and description of said violence in the end notes. Honestly it's probably par for the course with the SNK fandom, and also I probably should have updated it forever ago, and back when Levi was fighting people but I just didn't realize I hadn't marked this for violence? My bad, y'all.

Something feels different. Levi knows, as they dock the boat and derig, that something had changed, that the salty mist had washed something away or else left something behind. Perhaps both. 

But Levi has never felt so light, so buoyant before. Erwin too seems like he is floating, but that at least is easier to explain-- he can still sail. Levi is proud of him. 

They walk side by side back to the house, shoulders touching. Erwin chatters about his family. Levi will meet Erwin’s maternal grandfather and grandmother, and he will meet Erwin’s aunt, an uncle, and a cousin.

When they walk into the house, Levi is bombarded with the smell of cooking food. His mouth starts to water instantly, recalling the meal Mr. Smith had served last night, and the way he’d been prepping the turkey this morning. 

“We’re back!” Erwin calls. 

Mr. Smith appears almost instantly, drying his hands on a beige dish towel. 

“How did it go?” He sounds like a recently anxious man newly relieved. 

“Good!” Erwin says brightly. “Levi helped me with all the hard stuff and once we were rigged, it was easy going. And Levi didn’t even get seasick,” he adds, giving Levi a cheeky smile. 

“Good, good,” Mr. Smith half sighs. “That’s good, Erwin. Everyone should start arriving any minute, so why don’t you boys go change and you can come help me get the dinner table set.” 

They’re both damp from the mist although it hasn’t soaked through Levi’s hoodie yet. 

As he’s changing into fresh jeans, he hears the front door open and Erwin goes streaking past and thundering down the stairs. Levi emerges a little more slowly. He’s wearing his new jeans and a gray sweater that was a bit too yuppie for his taste, but Erwin had insisted it looked good on him, so here he is. He flattens his hair down over his forehead in the mirror, and finally emerges, steeling himself to meet everyone. 

They’re all clustered in the doorway. When Levi appears at the top of the stairs, they all look up at him and he tries to make his face a little less murdery than it usually is. 

“This is Levi,” Erwin says brightly. “He’s my roommate.” 

Mr. Smith glances between Erwin and Levi; Levi gives Mr. Smith the tiniest shrug. 

There are four people here. The first person to shake Levi’s hand is Erwin’s grandfather, who tells Levi to call him ‘Pop.’ He’s a stout, solid old man with steel gray hair and dark brown eyes. He’s dressed well, but there is still something a little grizzled about him. His wife hugs Levi and kisses the air by his cheek-- she is Levi’s height exactly, with hair dyed a vivid, but decidedly stylish red. She is called Mimi. 

Then there is Erwin’s Aunt Bee and Uncle Matt. His aunt looks just like her mother-- naturally red hair, bright green eyes, short, busty, and dripping with stylish jewelry. Her husband is as tall as Erwin, with salt and pepper hair, and a silent, firm sort of set to his jaw. He just nods once to Levi and Levi nods back. 

“Where’s Olivia?” Erwin asks, looking around when the introductions have ceased. 

Mimi and Bee both wave their hands dismissively. “Doing something on her phone in the car,” Bee says. “Erwin, sweety, take this.” She shoves a heavy casserole dish at Erwin. They are all carrying food. 

Levi catches Erwin’s eye as he hefts the dish, balancing it on his left hand, and jerks his head toward the door, patting his pocket so Erwin knows he wants to smoke. Erwin nods, gives him a cheerful little smile, and helps his family carry everything into the kitchen. 

Levi slips out the front door and finds a spot on the porch where he won’t be in the line of sight of any of the windows. He leans against the railing, takes a moment to himself. Erwin’s family seems nice. There is still the cousin to meet. But Levi’s still not feeling as overwhelmed as he expected. The floaty assurance from the boat hasn’t left him. 

Levi hears footsteps on the stairs and when he turns his head, he spots a very red head bobbing up the steps. When she reaches the top of the stairs, she lifts her head from her cell phone and looks at Levi. Levi blinks. He’s not sure he’s ever seen so much black eyeliner on such a small person before. 

“Who are you?” she demands instantly. 

“Levi. I’m. Erwin’s roommate.” 

“Word.” She eyes him. She’s wearing heavy black boots, a black skirt with too much tulle hanging from it in shreds, black fishnets, a torn black t-shirt-- she likes black even more than Levi does. “Can I bum one of those?”

Levi shrugs and unthinkingly offers her a cigarette. 

“I’m Olivia. So you like, go to the university?” she demands. Her voice is level and just a little surly. Her tone reminds Levi just a little bit of Mikasa, but there’s something more affected here. 

“Yup.” 

“What’s your major?” She says this a little smugly, but Levi almost doesn’t notice; it’s the standard question college students ask one another when they meet.

“I’m on a premed track.” 

“Cool.” 

There is companionable silence as they puff on their cigarettes. After a time, Levi realizes he should probably say _something_ so he asks, “What about you?” 

Olivia blinks at him. “Uh, I’m gonna--” She pauses, takes a drag on her cigarette, and says, “English.”

Levi nods. “Cool.”

“How old are you?” 

Levi turns his head. Olivia had half blurted the question, but when Levi looks at her she just blinks at him. 

“Nineteen,” he mutters.

“Why are you roommates with Erwin then?” she asks curiously. 

“Skipped a year,” Levi answers. “And you know, he took a gap so.” 

They both turn when the front door opens. 

“Oh, there you are--” Erwin starts to say. He shuts the door behind him and says scoldingly, “Fuck, Levi, don’t give her cigarettes, her mother will murder all three of us.” 

Levi starts to scowl. “She--” The he pauses and looks at Olivia. “How old are _you?”_

“Uh. Six. Sixteen?” 

Levi rolls his eyes and plucks the cigarette out of her hands. He’d been smoking since he was a kid, but he at least knows most teenagers don’t and shouldn’t. 

Olivia pouts and Erwin holds out his arms; he’s still wearing the sailing prosthesis. “Hug.” 

Olivia groans but still gives Erwin a hug. 

“Whatcha guys doing?” 

“Talking,” Olivia says smugly. 

Levi glances at her; Erwin snorts. “Oh, really?”

“What?” Olivia demands. “Like I can’t talk to your friends?” 

“Like Levi doesn’t talk to _people,”_ Erwin teases. 

Levi flips him the bird.

“Well, he told me he’s your roommate and he’s a premed major,” she replies. “So we talked a little.” 

“Just my roommate?” Erwin asks Levi softly. 

“Figured that’s what you wanted,” Levi says without taking his elbows off the railing. 

Olivia’s liner rimmed eyes flip between the two of them suspiciously. 

Erwin says, “Levi’s my boyfriend _.”_

Olivia’s mouth drops open. Erwin laughs at her. When Levi gives him a questioning glance, he adds, “I told everyone else. I just figured I’d do it alone since you looked like you wanted to sink into the floor when I told Dad.” 

Levi opens his mouth to protest, but then reconsiders and says, “Thanks.” 

“You’re _gay?”_ Olivia blurts, looking at Erwin. 

“Um. I guess… Bi?” Erwin says. Levi smirks at him. He’s still not comfortable saying the word, but at least he’s trying. “Bi,” Erwin says a little more firmly. 

Olivia _beams._ “Oh my god.” 

“What?” Erwin complains. 

“I dunno,” Olivia answers. “I just. I dunno. That’s cool, I guess.” Then she pauses and asks a little _too_ casually, “What did Mom and Dad say?”

“Uh, Aunt Bee says you’re cute,” Erwin says looking at Levi, “And Uncle Matt just sort of… grunted.” 

“Was it like an annoyed grunt or a happy grunt or…?” Olivia presses. 

“More like an ‘I don’t give a fuck’ grunt,” Erwin says cheerfully. 

Olivia nods her head. “Cool.” 

*

Dinner is… not terrible. For one, the food is some of the best Levi has ever had. He eats so much and so quickly, Erwin kicks him under the table and tells him to slow down a little. But Mr. Smith really knows how to cook a turkey because this is _unreal._

For two, Levi likes Erwin’s family. His Uncle Matt doesn’t talk much at all, which is good because the women and Pop all chatter back and forth without much break for anyone else to jump in. Levi has made it through most of the meal and is adding some more gravy to his mashed potatoes when Erwin’s grandfather looks at him and says, “So Levi, what do you study?” 

The whole table gets quiet and Levi pauses with his fork halfway to his lips. 

“Premed.” He goes back to eating his food. They all chatter, giving him the standard reply-- _Oh a doctor, how ambitious, must be a lot of work, must be a smart kid--_ and Levi grunts, or lets Erwin answer for him. 

“Your parents must be very proud,” Mimi says. 

Erwin goes a little stiff. Levi could grunt again. Could avoid the obvious… But lying to Erwin’s family seems like a bad idea, seems strangely… short sighted. 

“I don’t have parents. I grew up in the system and I live with my uncle now.” 

“The sys--”

“Foster care,” Erwin says firmly. Levi appreciates his tone of voice. It’s matter-of-fact, non-judgemental, not laced with pity. And a little challenging too, as if daring his family to comment the wrong way. 

“Oh,” Mimi says. “Uh. What does your uncle do?” 

Levi rolls his shoulders forward a little and then remembers he shouldn’t do that when he’s eating anymore. No one here is going to try to steal his food. 

“He owns a pawn shop.” At least, that’s what the government thought Kenny did. Levi wasn't naive. He knew the business was little more than a front, though Kenny had never given him any reason to think so. Levi just knew Kenny. And if the law told Kenny to breathe, he’d wrap a plastic bag around his head out of spite. 

Erwin’s family exchanges looks. Levi looks back down into his food and tries to eat a little more slowly. 

“Well, he must be very proud,” Bee says finally. 

Levi shrugs. “I guess.” 

Erwin puts his fork down and rubs Levi’s thigh under the table. 

The conversation drifts away from Levi; Levi’s not surprised. He doubts Erwin’s family has the stomach to hear much more about Levi’s life at the goddamn dinner table. 

He glances at Erwin almost absently. Erwin hasn’t taken his hand from Levi’s thigh. Instead, he’s trying to lift his dinner roll with his molded prosthesis. He pokes it a few times, brows furrowed in concentration. The roll tumbles around on the plate and Erwin gets his fingers under it before it falls off again. He doesn’t know Levi’s watching him, and he starts biting his tongue. 

When the bread rolls off the plate and Erwin frowns, utterly crestfallen, Levi can’t help but laugh. Erwin turns and looks at him, an embarrassed blush in his cheeks and smiles. 

“You’re an idiot,” Levi tells him under his breath. He reaches over and wedges the bread into Erwin’s hand for him. 

Erwin grins at him and takes a bite, but without actual fingers to hold the bread in place, it falls out of his hand again and into his lap. 

Erwin just giggles. Levi picks up the bread and starts to wedge it in Erwin’s hand one last time (his flesh hand is now curled tightly around Levi’s hip, the weight and pressure an unbelievable comfort) and Erwin dips his head to take another bite before Levi can let it go. Levi crushes the bread against Erwin’s mouth, smirking and pushing him away, and then draws up short when he realizes the whole table is watching them. 

The bread falls into Erwin’s lap again and Erwin ducks his head, removes his hand from Levi’s waist and then drops the bread back on the table, cheeks pink. 

Levi curses at himself, wonders how he could be so stupid and childish in front of _people._

But Erwin’s family is just smirking at one another. And Erwin’s father is _smiling._

Levi’s stomach turns over and he looks back into his plate. 

Mr. Smith says, “Now how about that dessert?” 

*

They take Erwin’s car back to campus. 

The little two seater sports car in the garage is his. He usually kept it parked at his father’s during the school year, he said, since he rarely left campus and there were few places in the city you couldn’t walk to or take a bus to reach. But the idea of driving back to campus alone appealed to them both and Mr. Smith hadn’t argued when Erwin said he’d take his own car. 

Erwin has a brand new arm. He’d gone in yesterday to pick it up and it’s just a little different than the one he’d worn before. The hand is various shades of gray and the arm and and elbow are gray and white. 

Erwin seemed to relax a little, once he had it back on. When they’d been alone, he’d explained.

“They’re not as strong as other arms,” he’d said. “They’re not great for manual labor, stuff like that. But. I can tie my shoes. Or hold a book and turn the pages. Or open a can of soda without spilling it everywhere or--”

“I get it,” Levi had said softly. 

“I’m supposed to get different arms for different things. They want to make me one for working out. For like, weight lifting. But have you ever seen them? They have fucking _hooks_ on them, Levi. I don’t want a goddamn _hook_ for a hand.” 

Levi had snorted and climbed into Erwin’s lap to face him. “Well, you better figure it out because like fifty percent of how hot you are is located in this region,” he said, running his hands along Erwin’s shoulders. “And if you lose all this muscle mass, honestly, I mean, really what’s the point--”

Erwin pushed him away, laughing, and Levi grinned, pulled him by the shirt collar into a kiss. 

“Only fifty percent?” 

Levi had lifted his brows. He laid his thumb at a spot at the corner of Erwin’s right eye and said, “Twenty five.” Erwin smiled at him. Levi put his fingers in Erwin’s hair. “Five.” He dragged his finger down the sharp line of Erwin’s jaw, then to his lips. “Fifteen.” 

They kissed, and Erwin was a little breathless when he said, “That’s only eighty five.” 

Grinning, Levi stuck his hands between Erwin’s legs. 

That was, ultimately, a very bad idea, as Erwin told Levi that part of him had to be worth more than fifteen percent and then decided to show Levi exactly _why_ that was the case. He made a very compelling argument, one that soon had Levi practically begging Erwin to let him reassess. 

The memory warms Levi’s wind chilled skin (and maybe makes his jeans feel just a bit tighter than they should). They have the top of the convertible down, but it’s just a bit too cold for that, even with the heat on. Levi burrows into his hoodie and then eventually reaches into the little space behind the chairs where Erwin has shoved his brown leather jacket. Levi pulls it out, lays it across his chest, and is finally comfortable. 

* 

Levi wakes up when the car rolls to a stop. He’d fallen asleep with Erwin’s coat shoved up around his neck and his hand on Erwin’s leg. But when he looks around, he doesn’t find himself on campus. 

Erwin has parked in an almost empty lot. The building in front of them is long and low and flat and all the windows are dark. There is a sign above the front door-- the name _Pamela’s_ in neon red cursive print. 

Levi furrows his brow and peers around at Erwin. 

Erwin grins. “Come on.” 

Curiously and a little suspiciously, Levi climbs out of the car. It’s warmer without the wind in his face and he leaves Erwin’s coat behind. 

He follows Erwin inside, thinking this might be a restaurant of some sort and freezes the second he walks through the door. 

It is _not_ a restaurant. 

Impossibly, Levi blushes. 

There is a very bored looking woman with tattoos and huge gauged earlobes standing behind the counter chewing gum and reading a magazine. The place is empty except for her. When the bell above the door tinkles, she looks up at them and her eyes narrow suspiciously. 

“Hey guys. Gonna need to see your IDs.” 

Erwin obediently reaches for his wallet. 

Levi hisses, “ _Erwin.”_

“What?” Erwin says absently, looking over his shoulder. Then he laughs. “God, you’re bright red.”

“What are we _doing_ here?” Levi demands. The woman is staring at him now so he begrudgingly goes for his ID while she checks Erwin’s. 

“What do you think?” Erwin says brightly. 

The woman hands back both IDs and gives them one last look before she goes back to her magazine. “Lemme know if you need help finding anything,” she says, voice wavering between helpful and bored.

Levi says the first thing that pops into his head. “I don’t have _money_ for any of this… _stuff.”_

Erwin gives Levi a _look_ as if he is very stupid and drawls, “My treat, baby.” 

The woman behind the counter smirks at her magazine and Levi blushes again. “Fuck you, asshole.” 

“Since when are you so bashful?” Erwin demands. He puts his flesh hand on Levi’s shoulder and steers him into the guts of the store. 

“I don’t… _need_ any of this stuff,” Levi replies. 

“Most people don’t _need_ it, it’s just fun!” Erwin says brightly. “You’ve never been in one of these places before?” he says curiously, peering at a shelf as he speaks. 

Levi huffs. 

He… has not. 

He crosses his arms over his chest and watches Erwin poke a shelf full of butt plugs. And then a shelf full of lube. He’s staring at a wall full of enormous dildos when he looks at Levi and says sternly, “Pick something out.” 

“I’m not wasting my money on this bullshit,” Levi tells him, cheeks hot. 

Erwin rolls his eyes. “I told you I’ll pay for it.” 

“Erwin.” 

“Levi.” 

“Goddamn it.” 

Erwin _giggles_ at him and plucks something off a shelf. Levi doesn’t look too closely at what it is. “Stop being a grouch and pick something fun for us to use.”

Levi groans. 

“Come on, we’re not leaving until you pick something out.” 

Levi glares. “Fuck you, when did you get so bossy.” 

Erwin just lifts his brows and curls his lips. “Have you _met_ me?”

They make their way to the back of the store and Erwin pauses in front of a wall filled with leather and chains. He’s absently thumbing through an array of leather paddles hung from a metal hook, when Levi chances to look around a little. 

Erwin wanted him to pick something out…

His eyes fall on a satin blindfold and a little thrill that is not embarrassment bubbles through his stomach. 

Levi glances once at Erwin, finds he’s preoccupied perusing fucking _nipple clamps,_ and so he steps away, toward the hooks with the blindfolds. 

It’s cheap. Just a little piece of fabric and some elastic. 

With an annoyed sort of huff, Levi plucks it off the shelf and pushes it at Erwin, one arm still crossed over his chest and eyes locked on the ceiling. “ _Here.”_

Erwin takes the blindfold out of Levi’s hand and looks down at it. 

He makes a face. 

Levi’s stomach drops-- he didn’t realize there was a _wrong_ answer here, but apparently there was and now Erwin is looking at him like he’s stupid, and he is stupid, this is stupid, why the _fuck_ did Erwin--

Erwin huffs and puts the blindfold back. He lifts a thicker, softer leather number from the shelf and runs his fingers over it before he puts it in Levi’s hands. 

Levi swallows and looks down at it. It’s about five times more expensive than the little thing Levi picked up. It’s padded and it _feels_ good-- in a strange way it reminds Levi of his jacket, of the way it had felt against his skin. 

Erwin says quietly, “I like this one.” 

Levi chews on his lip and then nods. 

Erwin kisses him on the side of the head. Then he says slyly, “How do you feel about handcuffs?” 

Levi furrows his brow. He doesn’t like handcuffs. At least not traditionally. They remind him of getting shoved in the back of a police cruiser, of being manhandled into a courtroom, or a jail cell. 

Erwin says, “Shit. Sorry. That was stupid.” 

But Levi thinks some more. Thinks of Erwin and the blindfold and he instead says quietly, “What… um. What do you want them for?” 

Erwin gives Levi a look that very nearly makes Levi’s eyes roll back in his head just grazing the memories of all the other times Erwin has looked at him like that. 

“I was thinking we could cuff your hands to the bed and I could suck your cock until you cry.” 

The surge of fury and lust that rips through Levi’s chest is very strange and very overwhelming. He shoves Erwin on the arm. “I wouldn’t _cry.”_

Erwin pulls a face and his eyes flick to the ceiling as if in memory and he says, “ _Eh,”_

“ _Fuck you, that wasn’t-- I didn’t---”_ He huffs. “ _Just buy the damn handcuffs, Jesus Christ.”_

Erwin snorts. “Are you sure? We could get fabric ones, if the metal ones are too weird. I just figured they’d be easier for me to work one handed,” he adds with a little blush of his own. 

“‘S fine,” Levi mumbles. 

Erwin smiles cheerfully and plucks two sets of handcuffs and a set of ankle cuffs from the shelf.

Levi is blushing again. 

“You’re really a fucking deviant, do you know that?” 

“Don’t tell my friends,” Erwin comments. “They think I’m the sweet one.” 

“Bullshit they do,” Levi snorts. 

“Okay, last question,” Erwin says. His blush gets a little darker and Levi frowns. What would make _Erwin_ blush? Erwin clears his throat and points at the wall with all the leather paddles and crops and says, “How do you feel about those?” 

Levi bites his lip. 

He thinks of the times Erwin has slapped his ass during sex. And he thinks of other people who had done it before. He thinks of the nebulous, barely examined desire that flares in his gut every time it happens. 

He says, _very_ carefully, “You want to hit me.” 

Erwin swallows _loudly_ and says, “Shit, fuck-- I mean only if you want me--not like. This is fine, we can go.” 

Levi’s chest fizzes and bubbles because Erwin’s anxiety mimics Levi’s, only in the opposite direction. 

Erwin is into a lot of things Levi’s never thought of or had even known about. His kinks turn Levi on, but it is more the sheer fact that Erwin is kinky when he seems so _pure_ that gets under Levi’s skin-- Levi is game to try most things at least once but Erwin’s desires seem a lot more _particular_ than that. 

But Levi likes it when sex hurts. He’s never said it outloud. He’s never asked for it. But nails on the back of his neck. Teeth in his skin and hands in his hair. Strong arms twisting him into positions he can barely hold-- all the discomfort fizzes under his skin and coalesces into a wave of white sensation that beats back all the voices in his head. Hell, he used to find someone to fuck after every fight, just so he could feel fingers digging into all his new bruises. 

Erwin isn’t like that of course-- thoughtless. When Erwin bites him and pulls his hair and holds him down, he’s careful. Not gentle-- just… deliberate. Like he knows exactly what he’s doing. 

“Yeah,” Levi says. 

“What?”

“Yeah. I‘m. Uh. Good. That sounds. _Really_ good.”

Erwin studies Levi’s face. Levi stares somewhere around Erwin’s chest. “You sure?” Levi swallows and nods and Erwin says carefully, “Why don’t you pick one out?” 

“What’s it matter?” Levi groans immediately. He doesn’t want to be in charge of picking anything out. This shit costs _money._

Erwin smirks. “Sorta matters a lot. They all feel different.” 

Levi rolls his eyes. Pain is pain. What’s he care how it feels? 

“What do you think you’d like?” 

“I dunno, Erwin,” Levi groans. “Just pick what you want.”

“Fine,” Erwin says curtly. He walks over to the wall and immediately plucks three different items from the shelf. He drops the other boxes he’s got tucked under his right hand when he does and Levi glares at him as he helps him pick it all up. 

“What the fuck.” 

“If you don’t know, we’ll just have to try a few things,” Erwin says snidely. 

Levi just _glares._ “Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Erwin juggles his items and tries to reach for Levi’s but Levi jerks away. Erwin sniffs at him, and then takes _one more thing_ from one of the shelves before he turns and marches back to the register. 

“ _Erwin,”_ Levi hisses. He can’t be serious. Levi’s holding a box with a $200 sticker on it and it’s one of about _six_ things in his hands not to mention the shit Erwin’s holding. “ _Put some of this back.”_ Erwin keeps walking. “ _Your dad’s gonna kill you._ Shit, he’s gonna kill _me.”_

Erwin pauses and looks over his shoulder. “What? Why?”

“How much does all this shit _cost?”_

Erwin just blinks at Levi. “Why would dad care?”

“That you spent like five hundred dollars in a _sex store?”_

“He’s not reading my bank statements,” Erwin drawls as if this is very obvious. “And he wouldn’t care if he did. 

Erwin turns again and Levi is forced to follow him. 

Erwin dumps his products on the counter and Levi glares at Erwin as he does the same with the items he’s holding.

The girl behind the counter starts dutifully ringing everything up, completely unfazed even though Levi is blushing _fiercely._ Levi carries most of the bags to the car and can’t decide if he’s angry or incredibly turned on. Angry seems the safer option, so he glares out the window as Erwin pulls out of the parking lot. 

Erwin holds the wheel steady with his prosthesis and puts his hand on the back of Levi’s neck. 

Levi thinks of blindfolds and handcuffs and the warmth of Erwin’s where it rests and he shivers, just a little.

*

It feels strangely _right_ to be back in the dorm room. Levi and Erwin move their luggage inside, greeting Hanji on the way in. Levi is unpacking his things when Erwin wraps his arm around Levi’s waist and bites his ear and Levi can only pretend to be annoyed for so long. 

They’re home now. They don’t have to worry about Erwin’s father or his grandparents. Levi couldn’t care less if _Hanji_ or someone else from the floor hears them. 

When they’re through, (it’s a quick, desperate sort of encounter and Levi doesn’t even remember the paper bags full of sex toys until after) Levi lays sprawled on his back, Erwin a heavy weight on his hips. He swims through heady comfort as Erwin traces his tattoos and the dips of muscle in his chest with the very tips of his fingers. 

Levi knows the tattoos on his chest aren't any good. He'd gotten most of them when he'd very first gotten inked, by some idiot with a needle and a pen. They're blurred now, faded in spots. He's just glad he hadn't let anyone touch his arms. Only his wings had been created with any real skill. Levi had paid for those, and he'd paid _a lot._ Maybe one day, when he's a doctor, he can get the others removed, or covered up with something better. 

Still, some of them have value. He'd had an 'I&F' inked over his heart in juvvie. It's not good but he doesn't think he'll ever change it. 

He stills when he feels Erwin's fingers against the thin, thin skin of his scar. He turns his head and looks up. 

Erwin bites his lip and touches the edges of the scar before he says, "I just can't believe someone did this to you." 

Levi doesn't know what to say to that. 

"Like. How'd they even get close enough," Erwin adds with a wry, twisted smile. 

_Ah._

"I let him, Erwin." 

Erwin furrows his brows. "What?"

"I _let_ him. This. This life isn't like a uniform you can take on and off. You live it, or you don't. You can't walk away and keep the colors." 

Erwin chews his lip a little thoughtfully, so Levi presses on. "It's. It's like. Honor. You know? Or pride. Letting him take it back, it was the only way for me to get out without... being branded a coward. They would have taken it anyway. Or tried. You know, if I'd just left. If they ever found me they would have wanted to know, or see, and if I'd still had it, they would have taken it." 

Levi grimaces then, remembering one or two times when he'd watched his brothers find a kid who'd gotten inked and then hadn't had the stomach for it. When the Titans had gotten their hands on them...

"This way I kept my teeth," he adds without thinking.

Erwin furrows his brows and actually jerks a little. "What?"

Levi winces again. "Shit."

"What do you mean kept your _teeth?"_

Levi sighs heavy and tries to think of how he can put this in words Erwin will understand. He opens his mouth and tongues his left canine. "Teeth. You know how people say there's no honor among thieves?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well. That's not strictly true. Our rules are just... different. I maybe could have kept him from taking my ink, but then I'm a bitch, see? Can't deal with the consequences of my own actions. A fucking coward." 

"Yeah..." Erwin says slowly. 

"Well, if you're a Titan, and you fuck up, the worst thing he can do is take your teeth." 

Erwin just _stares,_ eyes too wide and skin going white. 

Levi turns his head on the bed a little and tongues his canines again, first one, then the other. "These ones. See, a Titan's nothing without his teeth. Get it?" 

Erwin blinks and then nods. 

"Sometimes, that was the only thing you could do, if you fucked up bad enough, and you didn't want him to take your ink. You let him take your teeth instead. Sorta. Prove to the others you were worth half a shit if you could handle it." Levi pauses and puts his hand behind his head. "Mostly though, it's just... shame. Yeah. Shame. Teeth don't grow back, so. You gotta wear that badge for the rest of your life."

"So. You didn't have to do that." 

"Nah," Levi says easily. He shifts then, so Erwin lifts himself off Levi's hips and Levi can sit up in the bed. "See, I didn't actually fuck up. I made a score and got away clean. Accident wasn't my fault. I wanted out. So, he just took my ink and turned me lose." 

Erwin chews his cheek. Levi knows he's a little disturbed by what Levi has told him, but he's curious too. He asks, "The wings mean something, don't they?"

Levi tilts his head back. "Yeah."

"How come you got to keep them?"

"Cause they're mine." 

Erwin looks at him, rich blue eyes warm, but undeniably calculating. In the end he must know that Levi doesn't want to talk about his wings yet. They are his. A source of pride, and he _is_ proud of how he got them. But he's not sure that he should be. 

He'll tell Erwin one day. He knows he will. But not today. 

Instead, Erwin changes the subject, just a little, and asks curiously, "Can't you just get fake teeth though?" 

Levi furrows his brows at him. "What?"

"You know. You said you gotta wear it forever, but can't you just get implants? Then no one could tell." 

Levi shakes his head like Erwin is very dim. "Who the fuck can afford dental work, Erwin."

Erwin frowns at him. "You don't go to the dentist?"

Levi scowls. "I mean, they made me go when I went to juvvie. I had like twelve cavities. And there's a free clinic that does cleanings twice a year near where Kenny lives, so. I did that. Anyway, I guess you _could_ get em fixed if you weren't inked anymore. If you tried to do that while you were still wearing the colors though..." Levi shakes his head. "You're gonna lose a lot more than just those implants is all I'm saying. I guess maybe if you like, redeemed yourself, boss might let you get em fixed. Maybe. But you'd havta really do something big, you know?”

“Like what?” Erwin asks. He puts his hands on a scar on Levi’s thigh then, a thin white line where Levi took a blade when he got jumped making a drug run for Zeke when he was fourteen. HIs jeans had stopped the brunt of it, but he still had this mark. 

The guys who’d jumped him had worse.

“Dunno,” Levi admits. “Would be hard though. No one trusts a bitch without his teeth. Hard to be more than… more than a foot soldier after that. You know, doing important shit.”

“What kind of important shit did you do?” Erwin says, leaning forward and kissing Levi’s thigh. Levi shivers.

And then he realizes what’s happening. 

The way Erwin is teasing him, touching him, coaxing information out of him. He’s keeping Levi talking. 

Levi bends forward a little and puts his fingers under Erwin’s chin, lifts Erwin’s face so he can look him in the eye when he says gently, “The kinda shit you don’t talk about with people you want to keep safe.” 

Erwin sits back on his heels. His eyes are just so blue. Levi can’t stand how much it hurts sometimes to look at him, knowing he’ll eventually have to look away.

“There are some things you can’t ask me,” Levi says. 

Erwin considers him seriously. “I’m sorry.”

“I. I guess…” Levi says slowly. “It’s not that there are things you can’t ask. Just. Sometimes I can’t answer.” 

Levi doesn’t want him to stop asking questions. Even when they’re hard and even when they hurt. It surprises him to realize but… But it’s lonely here. A Titan with no ink. Standing outside the world he’d lived in for so long… he feels like he’s alone in some distant country and he barely speaks the language. So as much as he can and still be safe, as much as he can and still love Levi-- Levi wants Erwin to know that. 

_It’s my life,_ he’d said when he showed Levi his bedroom. _And I want you to see it._

Levi understands now what he meant. 

“Okay,” Erwin says. He kisses Levi on the lips, and for a while, they just lay together. Erwin doesn’t press anymore.

Eventually, Erwin gets up. He wanders back in a few moments later with his laptop and sits on the bed, idly clicking while Levi wonders if he’ll ever be able to tell Erwin enough, enough that he doesn’t feel like he’s keeping secrets, enough that the guilt of it doesn’t make his chest itch, enough that he’ll know Erwin won’t hate him when he finally spills his guts.

After a few minutes, Erwin says, “There.” 

“Hmm?” 

“I made us appointments at student health.” 

Levi sits up and furrows his brows. “What?” 

Levi hasn’t been to a real doctor in years. There had been a handful of times when he was young. When his social worker reclaimed him from his third foster home after his teacher spotted bruises on his arms. When he’d gotten pneumonia in the fourth grade and his lung had collapsed before anyone thought to take a second look at him. When he’d broken his hand that same year punching the new social worker who took over after the ‘pneumonia’ incident and who never actually laid a hand on Levi but gave Levi the creeps every time he looked at him. And the last time, when he’d broken his collarbone falling off his skateboard.

He’d certainly never been by choice-- only if someone he couldn’t get away from _made_ him go. 

It is, now that Levi thinks about it, exceedingly strange that he wants to study medicine. 

“No.” 

“What?” Erwin says with a chuckle. 

“Why do you want me to go to student health?” Levi demands. “I’m _fine.”_

Erwin lifts his brows. “Levi.” 

“What?” Levi says stubbornly. 

“We should go to student health.” 

“ _Why?”_ Levi demands. 

Erwin rolls his eyes as if Levi is _very_ dim and fishes a foil wrapper out of Levi’s blankets. He throws it at Levi’s head and it flutters impotently into Levi’s lap. “Cause I don’t wanna use these anymore.” 

Levi looks down at the wrapper and then back at Erwin. He looks away. 

“ _Fine.”_

Erwin just snorts. 

They go to the frat house then, to spend a lazy afternoon lounging in Mike’s bedroom before classes pick back up tomorrow. 

The house looks neater and cleaner than it usually does on a Sunday afternoon. When Levi and Mike walk in, they spot Connie and Armin wiping the kitchen counters down with bleach. Connie glares at Levi as he walks by (probably because the last few times they’ve cleaned the house, Levi has screamed at all of them to do it right or leave) but quickly looks away when Levi meets his eyes. 

For once, the cheap curtains in the biggest room, the one they usually use for dancing, are thrown open, letting in the afternoon sun. The room almost looks classy without empty beer cups slung about and drunk coeds sagging on the worn leather couches. 

Mike lounges in a chair with a coffee cup from the student cafe. When Erwin walks in, Levi trailing behind him, Mike gives him a large cup. Levi stares in confusion when Mike then presses a smaller cup into Levi’s hands. He looks up at Mike, brows furrowed, and Mike says, “Black tea, right?” 

Levi blinks. When had he told Mike that? Why had Mike _remembered?_

“Thanks,” he mutters. 

“How was Chateau Smith?” Mike demands, flinging himself back down onto an empty seat. Erwin sits too and pulls Levi down after him. 

“Went sailing,” Erwin says proudly. 

“Shit, really? How was it?”

“Good,” Erwin says. “Little wierd. Needed Levi’s help rigging. But. Good.” 

“Fuck yeah, man, good for you,” Mike says seriously. “How was the _family?”_ he asks then, grinning at Levi. 

Levi shrugs one shoulder. “Cool.” 

Erwin snorts. He asks Mike about his holiday. Levi’s mind wanders, and he hears the front door open. 

“And _this,”_ Eren says cheerfully, “Is the Sigma Kappa Sigma house!” Eren sticks his head in the doorway. “Hey, guys!” 

“Hey,” Mike and Erwin say together. 

“Hey, come in,” Eren says to whoever he is with. “This is Mike, he’s the chapter president.” Mike stands and moves toward the door. Levi twists a little lazily so he can see who is stepping into the room. “And that’s Erwin, and his boyfriend, Levi--” Eren pauses. “I can say that right? Should I just say you’re roommates?” 

Erwin chuckles. “Yeah, you can say it.” 

He stands, hand outstretched. 

Levi doesn’t move. 

Levi feels cold. 

Every nerve in his body, every thought, every single solitary cell freezes. 

A handsome blond man with round glasses and an unassuming gray suit takes Erwin’s hand in his. 

_Don’t you fucking touch him._

“This is my brother--” Eren begins cheerfully. 

“Zeke Jaeger,” Zeke says, looking Erwin in the eye. Squeezing Erwin’s myoelectric hand in his.

“Nice to meet you,” Mike says with a smile. Erwin echoes him. 

Zeke’s eyes scan their faces, smiling. He looks down at Levi and holds out his hand, not showing the tiniest glimmer of recognition. Levi stares at him. 

Erwin clears his throat. 

Slowly, like trying to drag his hand through concrete, Levi lifts his arm. Shakes Zeke’s hand. 

“Nice to meet you.” 

He’d never thought-- it had never once crossed his mind--

Jaeger wasn’t a common name, surely, but neither was _Ackerman_ and Levi and Mikasa--

_His brother?_

That means--

_Eren is maybe. Upset. You know how he lives with his brother? Apparently it’s cause his parents got killed in a fucking drive by._

Levi is going to be sick.

_Come on, kid. Got a job from the boss. Gonna show you how things work around here._

It can't. It can't be. 

“Hey, you okay?” Erwin says quietly. He sinks back onto the couch and throws his arm around Levi’s shoulders. Zeke sees. 

Zeke _sees--_

Levi shrugs him off. “Fine.” Erwin’s expression folds a little, flashes with hurt, but he tucks his left hand under his right arm and doesn’t touch Levi again. 

“This is pretty much it,” Eren says, waving his hand. “It’s just bedrooms upstairs.” 

“Bedrooms?” Zeke says mildly. He looks down at Erwin and Levi and Mike. “Do you boys stay in the frat house?” 

“I do,” Mike says. “Erwin and Levi stay in the dorms though.”

“Roommates, you said?” Zeke says with a kind smile, looking at Eren. 

Eren snorts. “Yeah, it’s this whole thing.” He rolls his eyes. “Aren’t they adorable?” 

He’s looking at Levi when he says it, teasing him, waiting for him to reply. To come back with a _bite me, Jaeger,_ or a _I’ll show you adorable, Eren._

But Levi just stares. 

Zeke smiles perfunctorily and agrees, “You make a lovely couple.” 

He’s looking at Erwin again. 

_Don’t you fucking keep your fucking eyes off you piece of shit I’ll kill you I’ll kill you son of a bitch--_

“What’s next?” Zeke says, looking at Eren. 

“Ah, Mikasa wants to meet at the dining hall.” 

“Let’s be off then.” 

“Sure. See you guys later!”

“See ya,” Mike and Erwin say brightly. 

They leave. 

“You sure you’re alright?” Erwin says quietly. Even Mike is looking at Levi a little strangely. “You’re like… really pale.”

“Fine,” Levi says quietly. “I’m fine.” 

*

Levi is not fine. 

When they get back to the dorm, he shuts the door to his bedroom and fishes out the burner phone Zeke had given him. He turns it on and waits for it to finish buzzing with all the messages and calls he’s received. 

He opens the very last one, sent the day before Thanksgiving break had started. 

_I’m very disappointed in you, Levi._

And then nothing. No other messages. No calls. That’s it. 

Levi hides the phone in his night stand, where he can check it more easily, but he doesn’t receive any more messages from Zeke. Not that night. Nor the next. Nor the next. 

Still, Levi keeps the phone nearby. Just to check. Just to be sure. 

He’s not sure what would be worse. If Zeke texted him again…

Or if he didn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for references to tooth extraction. @_@


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They keep talking, begin going into _lurid_ detail about what a good lay Erwin is, and Levi realizes with a strange sour taste in his mouth that _most_ of them have slept with Erwin or at least fooled around. 
> 
> Levi is putting up with more of this conversation than he should have to when Annie opens the door, peers inside, and then calls, “Found him!” 
> 
> Levi stops wiping down the sinks and lifts his head. 
> 
> He hears Erwin out in the hall. “Babe, I’m getting coffee, do you want some--” 
> 
> He pokes his head into the room and draws up short, seeing all the girls now staring at the door. 
> 
> “Tea?” 
> 
> They all look at each other, clearly trying to figure out who _babe_ is, and Levi is content to _let_ them. 
> 
> Erwin glances around at the girls absently and then looks past them to Levi. 
> 
> His brows furrow. “What’s wrong?” 
> 
> The girls turn their heads and look at Levi now and Levi does something _very_ stupid. 
> 
> He says, “Raise your hand if you _haven’t_ seen Erwin Smith’s cock.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the last sentence of this story today. 
> 
> I have so many emotions. 
> 
> Please have my favorite smut scene so I don't have to think too hard about this story being OVER. ;_;
> 
> Also, see the end notes for content warnings!

The weekend after Thanksgiving break, the Alpha Rhos have a party. 

They hold it in conjunction with the Sigma Kaps and as such, Levi, Eren, Armin, and Connie are enlisted to help the girls set up for the event. The party is Saturday night, and the Sigma Kap pledges are ordered to report at _eight AM_ that morning. 

Erwin and Jean lead them over-- Mike sleeps in, the bastard. 

“Hi, girls,” Erwin says brightly when a little group of Alpho Rho girls answer the door. Annie is the only one Levi recognizes. 

“Hi, Erwin,” three of them chorus in a way that makes Levi glare _very_ suspiciously at Erwin’s back. 

They are all led inside and assigned various tasks. 

Levi barely hears Annie telling him what he has to clean-- he is too busy eavesdropping on the little group of women who are talking to Erwin. Erwin says something charming and one of them giggles and brushes his arm. 

“Levi,” Annie snaps, dull voice sharper than Levi has ever heard it. “You’re gonna crack a tooth.” 

“What?” Levi mutters, looking at her. He unclenches his jaw. Annie rolls her eyes and tells Levi to clean the bathroom on the third floor. Levi keeps glaring at Erwin’s back as he stalks up the stairs. 

The girls _laugh_ again. 

Unlike the Sigma Kaps who live in the equivalent of a very large family home, the Alpho Rho girls live in a building that is more like a dorm than anything else. There are _a lot_ of bathrooms and they all have stalls. Levi spends an hour and a half cleaning one before Annie comes and leads him to another. 

When he is done with that one, he goes in search of a third, and when he pushes open the door, he finds it occupied by several women. 

“Oh-- shit, sorry,” Levi starts. 

“Are you here to clean?” one of them askes blandly. “You can come in.” 

Levi pauses and peers into the room. This one has a mirrored sitting room that is separated from the stalls and sinks. The girls are all lounging around, curling their hair and touching up their makeup. 

Levi drags his bucket of cleaning supplies past all of them and starts cleaning out the bathroom stalls.

At first, he doesn’t pay them any attention. He cleans and he zones out and reviews English notes in his head. 

But as he works his way closer to the gaggle of girls, he hears one of them say, “I dunno, I heard he was seeing someone.” 

“ _Please,”_ comes the reply. “He’s always _seeing_ someone.” The tone of voice indicates the speaker doesn’t think much of this statement. 

“Well,” a pert voice replies. “I’ve been laying the groundwork all morning.” 

Levi pokes his head out of the bathroom stall. 

“What, like it’s hard?” a third voice scoffs. “Just get him drunk and ask him to show you his arm, he’s a sucker for blondes anyway.” 

Levi must have made some noise because all at once they all look at him. 

“Don’t you have a toilet to scrub?” the last girl who had spoken asks. 

Levi grinds his jaw, annoyance percolating into anger in his gut. 

“Wait, wait!” says the red head. “You’re a Sigma Kap,” she says brightly. “Do you know if Erwin is seeing anyone? I heard he might be.” 

Levi narrows his eyes. “He’s--”

And then he stops. Thinks. Sure, Erwin has told his friends and his family. But he hasn’t exactly announced it to the world. “You’ll have to ask him,” Levi says coldly. 

He goes back to cleaning and tries to tune the girls out until one of them says, “Best dick of my _life_ ,” and this time Levi snorts. They, thankfully, don’t hear him. “But also like… like really _tender,_ you know? Like he wasn’t just tying to--” The girl pulls a face, mimes jacking off, and then opens her hand. “ _Ugh,”_ she drawls. 

“God, I hate that,” one of them says. 

“Right?”

They keep talking, begin going into _lurid_ detail about what a good lay Erwin is, and Levi realizes with a strange sour taste in his mouth that _most_ of them have slept with Erwin or at least fooled around. 

Levi is putting up with more of this conversation than he should have to when Annie opens the door, peers inside, and then calls, “Found him!” 

Levi stops wiping down the sinks and lifts his head. 

He hears Erwin out in the hall. “Babe, I’m getting coffee, do you want some--” 

He pokes his head into the room and draws up short, seeing all the girls now staring at the door. 

“Tea?” 

They all look at each other, clearly trying to figure out who _babe_ is, and Levi is content to _let_ them. 

Erwin glances around at the girls absently and then looks past them to Levi. 

His brows furrow. “What’s wrong?” 

The girls turn their heads and look at Levi now and Levi does something _very_ stupid. 

He says, “Raise your hand if you _haven’t_ seen Erwin Smith’s cock.” 

Erwin’s cheeks get pink. All the girls look at Levi _furiously_ and one of them says, “Hey, _fuck you,_ asshole.” 

One girl raises her hand and then puts it down when all the others glare at her. 

Erwin peers around the room. “Shit.” Levi whirls back to his sink and Erwin says, “S’cuse me. Sorry. Just. Just a second.” 

Levi furiously scrubs the sink. 

“Levi.” 

“What.” 

“What’s wrong.” 

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I was just wondering how many people in this room you’ve fucked. I’m allowed to wonder that.” 

“I mean. You’re allowed to but you don’t usually, so you can see how I’m a little bit confused.” 

Levi chews on his lip. “Yeah, get me some tea,” he says quietly. 

Erwin stares at him. Then he says very slowly, “Okay. Are you sure you don’t wanna… talk.” 

“I’m fine.” He takes a deep breath, and glances up. “Really.” 

Erwin furrows his brows, and then leans down and kisses Levi’s temple. “Okay. You want like a cookie or a scone or something?” 

Levi can’t hold back the breath of laughter that escapes his lips. “No, you idiot.” 

“Kay,” Erwin says, voice mostly bright but still a little suspicious. He looks over at the girls who are _all_ staring at them. “You girls want anything from the cafe?” They mutely shake their heads. “See ya!” 

Erwin slips out of the bathroom and Levi wipes his sink and one of the girls says, “ _Oh, you poor thing.”_

Levi looks up sharply. “What?” 

A second one says, “Oh, he had to listen to us-- oh, _sweetie.”_

“I _asked you_ if he was seeing someone!” 

Levi blows his hair out of his eyes, entirely off balance. 

“I _heard_ he was dating one of the pledges!” one of the girls says sharply, standing up from her seat. The other four girls look at her. “I thought it was just a rumor,” she explains, sitting back down. “I mean it’s _Erwin.”_

“What did you say your name was?” 

Levi says a little suspiciously, “Levi.”

“Okay, spill,” says the redhead. “How’d _this--”_ She waves at Levi. “Happen?” 

“Uh.” 

“Oh my god, yes, tell us everything.” 

Levi furrows his brows. Finally he says, “He’s my roommate.” 

“Oh my god, _roommates?_ That’s _so romantic.”_

They pluck details from Levi’s lips like children plucking flower petals. They’re _ruthless._ No matter how pointedly he goes back to wiping his sink, they keep _talking_ to him and to each other, until Levi actually starts answering them. 

The bathroom has been clean for at least fifteen minutes when Erwin comes back with Levi’s tea. The room goes quiet when he opens the door and he sees Levi standing against the doorway, rag forgotten, and the five woman are all _grinning_ at him and he says a little carefully, “Are we all friends now?”

“Fuck you,” Levi says. Erwin picks his way into the room and Levi takes the tea from him. 

“You’re an asshole!” one of the girls says cheerfully. 

“Fuck, what did I do now?” Erwin demands. 

“Making him clean our bathrooms!” 

“He’s a pledge!” Erwin complains. 

Three of them _humphf_ at him and Erwin pulls Levi out of the bathroom by his wrist and crowds him against the wall once the door closes. 

“Okay, what the fuck was that all about.” 

Levi groans. “They were all talking about you,” he complains. “I got stupid.” 

“Talking about me how?” Erwin wheedles. 

Levi shoves him on the shoulder. “You know how, dick. _Oh, Erwin, best dick I’ve ever had Erwin so tender and sweet,_ ugh.” 

Erwin’s lips turn down and his brows rise. “Really?” he says peering toward the bathroom. 

Levi glares at him. 

“So what?” Erwin demands. “You’ve slept with a bunch of guys.” 

The words come very quickly and as soon as Levi speaks them he feels very foolish. “Yeah, _guys.”_

Erwin lifts his brows again. Levi’s brain says _oh,_ and he realizes with a surge of anxiety exactly why seeing Erwin flirting with those girls this morning and hearing them talk about him now was so frustrating. 

Levi is the only man Erwin’s ever been with, ever wanted. So what happens when the novelty wears off?

Erwin sighs, peers up and down the hallway, and then curls down so he can wrap Levi in a very warm hug. 

Levi almost pushes him off. But he’s starting to crave all the ways Erwin shows affection. He never liked being _touched_ this much, but with Erwin it’s just different. With Erwin, everything is different. 

Erwin doesn’t say anything. That’s better somehow. Levi knows Erwin _gets_ it, that he knows what Levi is thinking. But he doesn’t insult Levi by trying to talk him out of it. 

“Hey, you wanna bail?”

“What? I have to finish cleaning.” 

“Nah, it’s fine,” Erwin drawls. “You did the bathrooms and the rest of the guys were like, _so relieved_ they didn’t have to. Come on. Let’s get some lunch.” 

Levi agrees. 

They eat at the student cafeteria so Levi can ‘pay’ for his own food. He frowns when he swipes his student ID and his remaining balance flashes. He doesn't have a lot of food swipes left. It'll maybe be enough for the rest of the semester… if he's careful. 

Levi feels strange and off balance while they eat. He's starting to feel like dating Erwin is an emotional rollercoaster except it's not actually Erwin’s fault and Levi might just be going insane. 

“You're still pissed,” Erwin says when Levi is taking the last bite of his pizza. And now he actually sounds a little annoyed. Levi can't really blame him. Levi faulting Erwin for getting laid is a prime case of the pot calling the kettle black. 

“ _No,_ I'm not,” Levi says. Erwin frowns at him. “I'm not, Erwin, I'm _fine.”_

 _“Fine,_ ” Erwin mutters with a sarcastic scowl.

“I am,” Levi insists. And then because Erwin is still staring at him, he sinks into his chair a little and says quietly, “I feel like an asshole.”

Erwin snorts at him. “Why?”

Levi just glares. 

Erwin stares at him, a sticky honey bun held in his left hand. Then he says off handedly, “I think it's kinda hot you got all _jealous.”_

“ _Tch.”_

 _“_ Within reason!” Erwin says hastily. “It's not like I'm one to criticize, you know?” 

Levi can't help but smirk at the table. 

They dump their trash, and Erwin follows Levi out of the dining hall. They’re halfway to the lake when Levi finally says quietly, “I'm not used to giving a fuck. It's weird.” 

“Yeah,” Erwin agrees. “It is.” 

Levi breathes out. They are a pair, aren't they? Erwin's so goddamn _good_ at it, Levi forgets sometimes that he's not the only one who's never been in an actual relationship before. 

_Relationships_ and _boyfriends._

Sometimes it feels _so normal_ and sometimes it makes Levi's head hurt a lot and his chest hurt more. 

And then, coming back from Thanksgiving break feels like turning a corner. Levi had met Erwin's _family._ But finals start soon and then they'll be gone for winter break, and what will that be like? 

_That_ makes Levi's stomach hurt. Everytime the thought occurs to him, he tells himself it's only a month. But the idea of watching Erwin drive away from him, of waking up more than a room away every day for a whole month… Levi _dreads_ it. True, stomach churning dread that actually makes his palms sweat. 

Levi realizes Erwin has led them back to the dorm room. He's been quiet, lost in thought, and he tries to clear his head as Erwin unlocks the door. 

Erwin steps inside, waits for Levi to follow him in, and then crowds him back against the door all at once, all hot, wet lips, and grasping hand. Levi groans through his teeth, leaning back against the wall, and feels all his swirling thoughts tumble together all at once. 

“Erwin…” 

Erwin curls his arm around Levi's waist and _persuades_ Levi into Erwin's room. 

Levi feels like he should complain. Like Erwin shouldn't make a habit of distracting Levi with sex except Levi can't think of one good reason why the fuck he shouldn't.

There's a rhythm now. The way Erwin pulls at Levi's clothes, the way Levi helps Erwin out of his button up, and they fall into Erwin's bed in a breathless, shivering heap-- it's all familiar now. And Erwin doesn't even need to bother with the condoms anymore-- Levi had not appreciated having his blood drawn but the results were pleasant at least. 

Erwin pulls back, grabbing at the side of his bed, and Levi kicks off his shoes and jerks furiously at his pants. He kicks his feet to dislodge them and goes still when Erwin tugs one of the paper bags from the sex toy store into view. 

Levi’s heart flips over in his chest. Erwin hasn't mentioned any of those things all week. Levi had been oddly disappointed, but mostly relieved.

“Oh, now you want to use it. It's the middle of the _day.”_

“Better for me to see you,” Erwin teases. He reaches into the bag and pulls out the blindfold.

Levi actually shivers.

“I was doing some research,” Erwin says primly. 

“ _Research?”_

“Yes! If we're gonna use handcuffs I wanted to make sure I was doing it right.” 

Levi is about to say he wasn't aware there was a wrong way to use handcuffs when Erwin looms over him, the blindfold in his hand a delicious promise. His mouth clicks shut and he just stares. Erwin fixes the leather over Levi’s eyes, brushing soft fingers through Levi's hair as he does, and the world goes dark. 

Erwin moves away from him and Levi hears the handcuffs clink and there is one single moment of anxiety. It beats at his chest like a swell of wind that precedes a storm and he’s afraid to look at it too closely because he knows it will blossom into panic. 

Then Erwin puts his lips on Levi’s cheek, soft and warm and attentive, and Levi forgets what he was ever concerned about. He’s not the tiniest bit uncooperative when Erwin starts clicking the cuffs onto his wrists. 

“Be careful with those,” Erwin says sharply when Levi shifts a little and the cuffs tinkle against the headboard. “They’re supposed to be ‘police quality’ but I don’t buy that and even if they are, you’re strong enough to break the headboard I bet.” 

“Do you ever shut up?” 

Levi jumps when something small slaps the underside of his bicep, exposed by the way his hands are stretched above his head. 

“Ow-- what the _fuck?”_

“Be nice.” 

“What did you _do?”_

Erwin snickers and runs something that feels like leather over Levi’s chest. His touch is feather light and teasing and the sensation raises goosebumps along Levi’s skin-- even more so because he can’t actually see what it is or what Erwin’s doing. 

He is… embarrassingly silent when Erwin cuffs his ankles and _infuriatingly_ turned on by the whole thing. He usually lets Erwin take the lead but this is a step above. 

Erwin clicks the last cuff into place and then says, “Comfortable?” 

Levi frowns and flexes his wrists. 

He’s _tied up._ He can’t move much. He could… _maybe_ snap the chain if he really tried but he’s not actually sure. 

“Baby.” 

Levi wets his lips, the tilting of the world righting itself when Erwin speaks. “I’m good.” 

“Sure?” 

“Uh huh.”

Erwin shifts around and Levi hears him messing with something in the bag again. There is the unmistakable tinkle of a chain, which doesn’t make sense since Levi is already wearing all three sets of cuffs. 

He turns his head, trying to listen, and feels something _pinch_ his left nipple and it doesn’t really hurt but Levi _is not_ expecting it at all and he jerks and sucks in a breath and Erwin smooths his hand over Levi’s skin and makes a pleased little humming noise in the back of his throat that makes Levi want to kick him. 

“Too much?” 

“No,” Levi grits out, frustration and defiance coloring his voice so he almost sounds as pissed off as he feels. 

Although _why_ exactly he’s pissed off remains to be seen. 

Erwin is, of course, completely unfazed. He clips the other end of the little chain to Levi’s right nipple and Levi actually squirms when Erwin tugs on it. 

It doesn’t… it doesn’t hurt. Not really. There’s just. _Feeling_ where he’s not used to having any sensation for more than a few seconds at a time. A tongue or teeth or Erwin’s fingertips but not…

Shit, it’s unrelenting. Erwin tugs the little chain again and Levi arches up after it, actual panic flaring in his gut because it _almost_ hurts, but _not quite--_

“Good, baby?”

“ _Fuck_ you.” 

“Why is it you get meaner the more turned on you are?”

“I’m _not--”_ Whatever Levi had been planning on saying next disappears in an embarrassing mewling sound when Erwin curls his big warm fingers around the head of Levi's cock and squeezes. 

“You were saying?” 

Levi ignores him and lifts his hips, searching for friction Erwin doesn’t give him. After a few seconds, he groans and drops back to the bed. 

“ _Erwin.”_

“Yes?” 

Levi clenches his teeth then, unwilling to give in to the note of smugness in Erwin's voice. He will eventually. He always gives in to Erwin's whims and desires. How could he not?

He lays mostly silent, trying to catch his breath though he hasn't been doing anything that should leave him panting like this. 

Erwin shifts, spreads himself out over Levi's chest and kisses him deeply, weight heavy against Levi's body and hand twisted in Levi's hair. 

Levi melts beneath him except for the way he lifts his head to meet Erwin's lips. The kiss, the slow, sensual press of Erwin's incredibly solid body feels like a gift Levi isn't sure he deserves. The harness on Erwin's arm rubs Levi's shoulder, snags at one of the clamps on Levi's chest so Levi hisses and shivers when it moves. He breaks apart to breathe and Erwin puts his lips on Levi's jaw, his neck, his collarbone.

Levi _yells_ and his voice cracks when Erwin lays the tip of his tongue against the hypersensitive peak of Levi's right nipple. Levi throws his head back, arching up against Erwin's mouth and Erwin purrs, deep in his chest, “Oh, I _like_ these.” 

He pulls the chain. 

Levi's hands go tight and the cuffs clatter against the headboard. He's beyond words, beyond clear thought. It _does_ hurt _,_ fuck it hurts, but then Erwin lets go and the _relief_ that floods Levi's chest is quite possibly the best thing he's ever felt. It fuzzes his brain, confuses all his nerve endings so his whole body dreads and craves the next vicious shift of the chain _._

Erwin sits back and Levi tries to adjust himself a little on the mattress, winds up just squirming and he whimpers when the chain runs out of the dip between his ribs and tugs at him again. 

Erwin picks it up, his movements careful, but it still makes Levi gasp a little, expecting and craving and fearing a sharper tug. The mechanic whir of his prosthesis preambles the feel of carbon fiber fingers on Levi's chin. “Open.” 

It takes a second for Levi's brain to catch up with his body and by the time it does, Erwin has dropped the chain between Levi's teeth and shimmied down on the bed. 

He puts his mouth on Levi's cock; Levi throws back his head and the chain pulls, and hot pain flares across Levi's chest and he dips his chin again, gasping, choking, _moaning_ \-- 

He has to hold his head still or there's a whole series of events-- the chain pulls, his brain whites out, it releases, and he _melts_ in relief. It’s very hard to remember to hold still when Erwin is _doing that._

He's gotten better at it. He was never actually _bad_ at it, but he's been practicing a lot lately and Levi isn't sure he's ever been with someone who loves sucking cock quite as much as Erwin. 

Levi wishes he could see. He can just imagine Erwin looking at him, pulling back with wet lips and hollow cheeks, and then _sinking_ down on him, taking Levi as far back as he can. He's gotten better at that too-- Levi hadn't asked him to but he seemed to consider trying to get as much of Levi's cock as possible into his mouth all at once some kind of personal challenge.

Levi's hips lift off the mattress, shoulders shrugged and chin tucked against the persistent threat of the chain. 

Erwin giggles and grabs Levi's thigh and Levi realizes he's sent Erwin off balance, that he'd been leaning on his left arm for stability. 

He curls his arm under Levi's hips and pulls _,_ and Levi sucks in a horribly loud breath at the way Erwin just _manhandles_ Levi into his lap. The handcuffs pull taught. The clamps shift and Levi wonders if he'll be embarrassed later about the sounds he's making right now. But it's a pain he's thoroughly unused to. Getting hit in the face is a dull spike and then a slow, spreading ache. Having his fucking _tattoo_ peeled off his chest was sharp, burning stabs of agony that fell away the second the deed was done and then just _stung_ like nothing Levi had ever felt before. He can _handle_ that type of pain, the predictable kind, he can handle bursts and then the suffusing afterglow of discomfort, but this is _backwards._ It had started so mildly and now the air on his chest is torture never mind the thought obliterating tumble every time one of the clamps shifts even a little bit. 

It's starts to feel like a challenge. The longer he endures, the more incredible the peaks of pleasure. It's making him dizzy and desperate and needy and when Erwin's finger presses very gently, teasingly, behind Levi's balls, he crumbles. 

His voice is muddled by the chain in his teeth when he babbles, a confused jumble of pleading. “Oh, _yes,_ fuck, fuck, Erwin-- _ow,_ God damn-- God, _yes.”_

He teases at Levi with the tip of his finger and Levi drawls, _“Stop,_ fucking shit, I--"

Erwin pulls his hand away and says a little sharply, “You want me to stop?” 

“What? _No,_ fuck--"

“Sure?”

“Don't, don't, _fuck--"_

“Don't _what,_ Levi?”

Erwin is very still. Levi takes a shaking breath, recorders his thoughts, and finally mumbles, “Don't stop.” And then-- “ _Please,_ don't stop, Erwin, baby, _fuck,_ don't stop-- _”_

Erwin is pleased. Levi doesn't know how he knows since he _still can't fucking see_ but he hears Erwin make a little sound and he feels Erwin's fingers on his chest and then Erwin says, “ _Hang on._ I have an idea.” 

Erwin shifts off the bed and Levi lies very still, chest heaving. Little spikes of pain keep radiating from the clamps and he wants to curse the goddamn _air_ for its cruelty.

He tries to be angry. Tries to hiss that Erwin can shove his _ideas_ up his ass, but mostly he just wants Erwin back on the bed, nestled between his legs, close and solid and warm and _Levi's._

Levi hears the paper bag rustle again and then Erwin is back. He settles himself into the bed, being careful not to jostle Levi too much. He opens something, fiddles with it for a second. Levi can hear his prosthesis clicking and shifting. It's very quiet, but Levi is hyper turned to everything about Erwin. He realizes he's never acknowledged the sounds Erwin's arm makes before but he knows them intimately, recognizes them. 

Something presses at him, something slicked with lube and covered in soft silicone. Erwin had bought a plug hadn't he? Only Levi hadn't examined it too closely. He has no idea how wide it is, how long, what color it is...

He stretches around it and the sound that leaves his lips can only be described as thankful. But then the plug settles into place, thick but not _Erwin_ , not even close, and he is frustrated all over again. He huffs, squirms, squeezes down on the toy, searching for sensation. 

Erwin taps something on the bed.

Levi jerks so hard the chain falls out of his mouth when the toy starts to vibrate. Erwin taps the bed--the control-- again, and the intensity increases. 

Levi goes embarrassingly still, the chain on his chest making tangential shifts with every breath, and just… floats. 

Erwin puts his mouth on Levi's cock again; Levi can hear him jerking himself off, groaning a little, in the back of his throat. Levi wants to touch him, fuck, he wants Erwin to fuck his mouth and he _never_ wants that, but he can't make his tongue work enough to say it. 

He totters on the edge of orgasm for far longer than he thinks he should. But he keeps getting distracted-- Erwin's lips and the buzzing toy, and the _cruelty_ of the clamps, and now even the handcuffs are becoming uncomfortable. 

But Erwin is very…. persistent. 

He wrings every last tremor from Levi's body before he pulls away, swallows Levi so eagerly, and _moans_ when he feels Levi start to come. He even moves his hand up to cup and tug at Levi's balls, and Levi is swimming in sensation, is so exhausted by the end his whole body feels limp and used and weak. 

The toy keeps buzzing. Erwin straightens up a little, the slide of his hand on his cock getting faster, filthier. 

Levi lifts his head and opens his mouth, and that is all he can manage to relay his desire to Erwin. Erwin gets it though, because he shifts, inches up, knees on either side of Levi's chest, and starts to come before he can actually get his dick to Levi's lips. 

Levi doesn't care. Usually he would. Usually he'd be _furious_ at a man coming on his face and neck and chest but it's _Erwin_ and Levi doesn't have a single shred of emotion left in his body that's not sheer unbridled adoration. 

He keeps his mouth open, catches what he can, and hears Erwin curse when he licks his lips. That makes him smile a little, even as he falls back on the bed and groans. The toy and the clamps…

Erwin says, “Shit,” and grabs something from the bed. The toy, mercifully, stops buzzing.

Erwin is very quiet. Levi isn't. The clamps still hurt-- in fact it's worse now that he's come, now that he's coming down. 

Erwin doesn't move or say anything. Levi turns his head a little, takes shallow breaths. 

“Hey, Levi?” Erwin says, voice low and husky in a way that makes Levi's stomach flutter. “Can I take a picture of you?” 

Levi sucks in a breath. A _picture?_ “What?”

“Please? You look…”

“Okay,” he sighs, a little weakly. A little embarrassed. He doesn't care. He just wants the clamps off, he wants his hands back, he wants Erwin to hold him--

He hears Erwin's phone shutter. 

And then he feels Erwin's hand on his chest. 

“Can I take these off?”

“ _Yes.”_

Erwin chuckles. He pinches one of the clamps between his hand and pauses when Levi hisses. And then he squeezes it open. 

Levi yells. He rears up off the bed, chest burning and brain a big white haze and falls back gasping and shivering and _very confused_ by how much that had hurt and now how _good_ he feels. 

“Fuck,” Erwin curses. “I didn't think--" 

He is more careful with the second one, but still does it quickly, and Levi is too spent when it's over to even whimper his thanks when Erwin bends and soothes his warm wet mouth over Levi's very abused nipple.

Levi's breathing evens out. His body starts to feel like it's his again, like it doesn't exist solely for Erwin's amusement.

The cuffs come off. And the blindfold.

Erwin smiles at him, then stretches out beside him, whole body molded around Levi's.

After a while, he runs the tip of one finger over Levi's right nipple and goes still when Levi tenses and then sags into the sheets.

“Are you okay? Did they hurt?”

Levi snorts. “Yeah,” he drawls. “They fucking hurt.”

Erwin frowns. “We don't have to--"

“‘s good.” He rolls his eyes. “ _Really_ good.” It makes him shiver to recall it, recall the strange way _yes_ and _no_ got so twisted in his head.

Erwin grins and buries his face against Levi's shoulder. And Levi scoots closer, burrows under Erwin's arm so he can touch as much of Erwin as humanly possible. He’s never done that before and he realizes a second after it’s too late to think better of it. Erwin notices though. Because his arm squeezes around Levi and he puffs an overwhelmed, contented sign against Levi’s skin.

Levi is still for a while. He wants a cigarette, but not because he feels anxious. It’s the opposite really. He feels limp and shivery and more relaxed than he has felt in months. Maybe years. Maybe ever. 

“How’d you get into this stuff?” Levi asks finally. Erwin is just so _good_ at it. Levi’s had men try to talk dirty to him, a few who wanted to be called ‘daddy,’ which always made Levi roll his eyes, but which he was happy to supply them with if they required. But all of them felt bumbling and foolish compared to Erwin. And none of them-- not one-- had listened to Levi the way Erwin did. 

Levi had always liked it rough, but with Erwin it somehow feels like it’s all for him and not the other way around. Like Erwin gets off on Levi getting off. 

That’s not an experience Levi is used to. 

Erwin mumbles a wordless, ‘I don’t know.’ Then he says, “What do you mean?” 

Levi stops to think, not sure himself. “Have you always wanted to…” He huffs a laugh. “Tie people up and blindfold them?” 

“Kinda, yeah,” Erwin says. “I mean, at least a little? But then I had this girlfriend-- well, she wasn’t really a _girlfriend,_ just someone I hooked up with a few times-- she asked me to…” 

“What?” 

“She wanted me to choke her and slap her in bed.” 

Levi whistles. 

“Freaked me out kinda, when she asked. Specially the slapping part. But then we had a little bit too much to drink at a party, and we wound up in bed again, and things got kinda… heated… It fucked me up, honestly.” 

“Really?” Levi chuckles, turning on his side so he can see Erwin’s face. 

“Yeah,” Erwin says sharply. “Course it did. I…. _really_ fucking liked it and that felt fucked up, you know? Like, liked it more than I thought I would. I liked.” He pauses. Levi sees him wet his lips. “I liked hurting her.” 

Levi frowns. That is another thing that always strikes him about Erwin-- how comfortable he is with what he likes. After that night in Mike’s bedroom, Erwin hadn’t seemed the tiniest bit hesitant to tell Levi what turned him on. It wasn’t all at once-- it was in little spurts like this, after sex, or occasionally before or during. The only point of contention, really, had been Levi’s own wants. 

He hadn’t actually known what they were. Short of _Erwin,_ short of a strong body and a thick cock and a nebulous, undefined roughness, Levi still couldn’t begin to vocalize what he wanted. He wasn’t even sure he really had fantasies. Not concrete ones.

But now, here is Erwin confessing to the opposite, to being what? Afraid of himself? For himself? It’s uncharacteristic and Levi doesn’t quite understand until he thinks of how much he loves it when Erwin hurts him. And how much he feels like he shouldn’t. How afraid he is that Erwin will realize how fucked up he is and… and leave him.

“What changed?” Levi asks. 

Erwin smirks at him. “Therapy.” 

Levi furrows his brows. 

“After the accident, I went to a therapist,” Erwin explains. “It just kinda came up one day. Stuff does, sometimes. And she told me lots of people like that stuff and as long as you’re safe and aware and everything is consensual that I shouldn’t beat myself up about it.” 

“Huh,” Levi says, frowning. Pixis is the only counselor type Levi has ever talked to who doesn’t make Levi want to punch walls before the session is through. It might be because Pixis never seems to ask him anything important, but either way, the idea that Erwin benefited from his therapy in some way feels a little like a shock.

Erwin pulls him closer. “You’re the only one I’ve really… done this stuff with though,” he admits. “You know. _This_ stuff,” he says, pinching the blindfold that’s lying on the bed. “It’s one thing to hook up with someone and… I dunno, spank ‘em a little if they’re into that, but this feels different.” 

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, voice a little distant. He thinks of a long line of men who’d held him down and slapped his ass and called him ‘whore’ and then he says, “It is. You… are.” 

Erwin smiles at him. 

He’s got such a beautiful smile. 

“I…”

Levi stops speaking. Erwin’s smile just lifts a little, as if he knows what it is Levi can’t say. He leans forward and kisses the tip of Levi’s nose and then sits up. “Wanna take a shower with me?” 

Levi rises up after him, and feels his body tighten around the plug. He makes a face. “Can you get that?” he mutters, twisting a little to give Erwin access. 

Erwin looks at him, blue eyes twinkling and says, “No.” 

“What?”

“Leave it.” 

*

After the shower, Levi steps into his room to change for the party, trying and failing to ignore the toy Erwin had teased him into leaving in place. 

He shuts his door, and crosses reflexively to his nightstand. He checks the burner phone from Zeke. 

No new texts. No new calls. All is well.

*

Levi hates Erwin. He fucking hates him. He’s going to _kill_ him--

“Hello?” Ymir drawls, waving her hand in front of Levi’s face. “Earth to murder goblin.” 

“Fuck did you just call me?” 

“You’re making a face,” she says with a scowl. 

Levi consciously relaxes the muscles in his face. It’s very hard to do. 

“I _said,”_ Ymir drawls. “Eren and Jean are about to fucking wrestle or some gay ass shit out back and they want you to pick who wins.” 

“ _What?_ Why me?” Levi demands. And why _here?_ This is a _nice party,_ not at all like the keggers the Sigma Kaps always throw. Erwin actually made Levi wear a dress shirt.

Ymir shrugs. “I dunno, insert queer subtext here or some shit, those two are getting on my last goddamn nerve.” 

Levi starts to lean back on his heels and then jumps a little. 

Ymir narrows her eyes. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“Nothing,” Levi says too quickly. Ymir doesn’t believe him. “I gotta go,” he says. “Tell Eren and Jean whoever comes first loses.” 

Ymir laughs loudly. “Yeah, alright.” She stomps away and Levi continues in the straight line he’d been making for Erwin before Ymir had interrupted him. 

He is talking to a group of sorority girls and Levi draws up short when he reaches them. 

“Hey.” 

Erwin grins and says brightly, “There he is.” 

Four women turn and look at him and Levi feels his cheeks get hot. He can’t do this for much longer and he says through gritted teeth, “Erwin.” 

Erwin just _grins_ at him. 

Levi shifts legs, an awful shiver running up his back, heat in his gut, and a whine lodged in his throat that he _will not_ give in to.

He sees Erwin’s thumb twitch over his phone and the fucking _vibrating_ toy finally stops. Levi lets out a breath of intense relief and shoots Erwin the dirtiest look he can muster. “Can I _talk to you_ for a second?” he demands, ignoring the girls entirely. 

“Sure,” Erwin says brightly. “‘Scuse me, ladies.” 

Levi stalks to a little alcove behind the stairs where two coeds are kissing. It’s separated from the main party, mostly. Levi stares at them for about ten full seconds until one of them lifts their heads and then he says, “ _Move.”_

The girl’s face darkens. “Who the fuck--” 

The boy, however, is another pledge and he takes one look at Levi’s face before he says, “Yeah, okay,” and leads his girl away. 

Erwin follows Levi into the shadow of the stair a second later, only stepping back to make room so the couple can leave. 

The second they are alone, Levi, who had had no idea what he was going to do until this exact moment, reaches up and grabs Erwin by the fucking earlobe. 

Erwin’s eyes get wide, and he bends forward in shock. “ _Ow,_ what are you--”

 _“Have you lost your damn mind?”_ Levi hisses. 

Erwin grins at him despite the way he’s all twisted up. “What? You didn’t like it?” 

“That thing has _bluetooth?”_

“For two hundred bucks it fucking better,” Erwin snorts. 

“Two hun-- _Seriously?”_

Erwin shrugs one shoulder. Then he says sternly, “You’re hurting me.” 

Levi lets go. All at once. Without even thinking about it. He just…

He crosses his arms over his chest and frowns at the wall. “I was talking to Mike. He thought I was having a stroke.” 

Erwin says, “I know who you were talking to.” 

Levi turns to look at him, eyes flashing, and realizes Erwin had never put his phone away. His thumb flicks over the screen, and just like the first time, Levi’s knees almost buckle from the shock of it. 

This time at least, he has the wall to lean against. “Bastard.” Now that they’re alone though and Levi’s _not_ trying to keep a straight face while he’s talking to Mike and then Ymir and then four sorority girls, it’s actually… “ _Fuck.”_

Erwin puts his right shoulder against the wall, blocking Levi from the entrance into this little space. 

The plug had been… equal parts intoxicating and infuriating. The fact that he could feel it, that Erwin knew it was there, felt like a thrillingly illicit secret they shared. And Levi’s chest is _not_ helping. He can feels his nipples rubbing his shirt, hypersensitive and just a little sore, and every time he thinks of it, he feels a chill go up the back of his neck. 

But then Erwin had turned the goddamn plug _on_ and-- 

“Didn’t you say I was supposed to agree to this kinda shit?” Levi snaps to cover up the way his breath is getting shallow. 

Erwin frowns and flips off the device again. Levi’s not sure if he’s relieved or not. 

“You’re right,” he says almost mournfully. “I should have asked--”

He looks so hangdog all of a sudden, Levi takes pity on him. He laughs. “I’m fucking with you, babe, it’s fine.” 

They both freeze. 

Outside of a few slip ups _during_ sex, Levi has never called Erwin by anything other than his name. And occasionally ‘Bastard.’ 

Erwin smiles at him. Really smiles. Levi melts a little further into the wall. “I still should have asked,” he says primly. “I’m sorry.” 

Levi bites his lip. “So. Ask.” 

Erwin licks his lip. But instead of asking, he grabs Levi's hand and says, “Come on.”

They find a bathroom that's empty. It's one of the ones Levi cleaned today so it's spotless and it doesn't gross Levi out at all when Erwin pulls him into the very last stall and goes to his knees. 

Levi threads his hands gently through Erwin's hair, lets his head fall back against the stall door. 

Erwin teases him, circles his tongue around the head of Levi's cock without actually taking Levi into his mouth. He does it enough that Levi has to shove his fist in his mouth to keep from giving voice to the furious and frustrated groan locked in his chest, and to keep from pulling Erwin's hair.

“Turn it on, fuck, come on.”

He actually feels Erwin smile. 

The plug buzzes on, Erwin _finally_ starts to blow Levi in ernest, and Levi has to bite his lips closed to stay silent.

He feels strange when it's over, when he comes back to himself. 

Erwin turns off the plug, and then wraps Levi up in a hug, buries his face against Levi's neck and inhales. 

“I love you.” 

Levi can't believe-- “That was the best fucking blow job of my life.” 

Erwin barks a laugh. “Good to know, but I think I can do better.”

Levi can feel how hard Erwin is, with their bodies pressed together like this, and his stomach turns over when he says, “Let me do you.” 

He regrets it immediately. He's not had enough to drink for this. But he’d wanted to do it earlier, had been _desperate_ for it, so he can do it now.

Erwin pulls away sharply and looks down at Levi's face. “You sure?” he asks carefully. 

Levi nods. Looking into his eyes helps. Because he's _Erwin._ Levi can do this for Erwin, can't he?

Erwin studies Levi’s face very carefully, but there is color in his cheeks, and his breathing has gotten just a little shallow, and his eyes are _so blue,_ and his pupils are _so dark_ and wide and Levi’s heart is _pounding_ but it’s not left over from what they just did. 

Levi’s not sure Erwin looks entirely convinced and Levi realizes it’s actually strange that they’d slept together as many times as they have, and Levi has never once made any move to suck Erwin’s cock. 

Only today, when Levi had had his hands tied and his eyes covered and had sunk so far into himself he hadn’t really been thinking. He thinks maybe Erwin hadn’t been thinking either, because he hadn’t hesitated then like he was now. 

Erwin is still just _staring_ at Levi, so Levi reaches down and unbuttons his pants. He uses his grip on Erwin’s open fly to pull Erwin around so his back is to the stall door instead of Levi’s, and then he goes to his knees, just as Erwin had. 

He keeps his eyes closed. 

He hasn’t done this in years, he realizes. He’s slow and careful, maybe even a little delicate. Erwin’s tall enough that the positioning is a little awkward, but then Erwin groans softly and puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder. 

That’s good. Levi likes that, likes hearing. 

Erwin is mostly quiet, but Levi can hear him breathing _hard,_ hear him gulping air, and then, “ _Oh, fuck.”_

Levi’s jaw aches a little; Erwin’s _big_ and Levi’s out of practice. He uses his hand instead, so he doesn’t have to feel Erwin pressing at the back of his throat, and Erwin hisses, “ _Fuck, god,_ Levi--”

Levi’s eyes roll a little. He could get used to this, to feeling Erwin pulse against his tongue, to the warm weight of Erwin’s hand on his shoulder, to the strangled little gasps of air he’s taking. 

He sinks a little a deeper, opens his mouth a little wider. 

Erwin puts his hand in Levi’s hair and _pulls--_

And then next thing Levi knows his back is pressed to the toilet behind him, his heart is _pounding,_ and he doesn’t feel right, his mouth tastes sour, and Erwin is staring at him with his eyes too wide, and his hands held up in front of him like Levi is pointing a gun at him. 

Levi blinks. Swallows. 

“Levi.” 

“Don’t pull my fucking hair,” he hisses. 

Erwin goes down to his knees and leans forward but he pulls away when Levi flinches. 

“I’m sorry. Baby, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Levi says. It doesn’t feel okay. Levi feels like a goddamn idiot. 

Erwin looks away from him just long enough to tuck himself back in his pants and button his fly, and then he says, “Are you okay?” 

Levi grinds his teeth together, and then he nods. He is fine. He’s _fine,_ Erwin just-- “You startled me.” 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Erwin tells him. “What… um. Why-- why?” 

Levi shrugs. 

“We don’t have to do that, Levi. I don’t mind, it’s _fine_ if you don’t like to--”

“I _do,”_ Levi insists with a groan. Then he adds softly, “For you.” 

Erwin bites his lip. 

“Just don’t pull my hair, okay?”

“You usually like that,” Erwin says softly. He’s so confused. Levi hates it. 

“Not when-- I had this… this guy I used to-- he used to-- I just don’t like it, alright?” 

“Okay,” Erwin says quietly. “We don’t have to-- but we can... Some other time. If you want.” 

Levi nods. 

He still doesn’t feel right. He’s cold, and he wants Erwin to hold him, but he doesn’t know how to ask, but before he can work through those feelings, Erwin says, “Can I touch you now?” 

Instead of answering, Levi puts himself in Erwin’s arms and pushes his face to Erwin’s chest. He’s warm, and solid, and he smells good, he always smells good. He’d tasted good too. Just soft, clean skin. Levi had been able to smell the laundry detergent in his jeans.

Erwin pushes his fingers through Levi’s hair _very_ carefully and says, “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Levi nods. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

“Let’s go home.” 

Levi nods again. He feels exhausted now anyway, and when he realizes he’d had his back pressed up against a toilet, he wants desperately to just take a shower.

Erwin kisses him on the temple, and then they leave. They sneak out quickly, so no one can stop them, and they’re half way back to the dorm when Erwin says, “You know we don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to, right?” 

“I know,” Levi scoffs as if this is obvious. Erwin goes quiet again, and Levi decides he could probably stand to give Erwin a little bit of an explanation, but he has no idea how to go about explaining. Explaining that he hadn’t _known_ that would happen. That the last time he’d sucked cock had been with a man who liked to pull his hair and hold him in place. That he’d been young and stupid enough to think that’s just how it was, so he hadn’t done it for anyone else ever again, and before Erwin, hadn’t let anyone do it for him. 

In halting phrases and long silences, he manages to get this all out before he and Erwin get back to their room. Erwin is quiet the whole time, and he doesn’t let go of Levi’s hand. 

When Levi finally goes quiet, Erwin still doesn’t say anything. It’s not until they get back into the dorm room, that Erwin says softly, “That’s assault, Levi.”

Levi rolls his eyes and scoffs. 

Erwin looks at him. “He made you do something you didn’t like. He _held you down--_ ” 

“He didn’t _make_ me,” Levi mutters. “I could have broken his fucking arms if I wanted to.” 

Erwin shakes his head. “That’s not… you should talk to Pixis about this.” 

“ _What?”_ Levi says with a laugh. “I’m not-- don’t be fucking stupid.” 

“Levi--”

“I’m not telling _Pixis_ why I don’t like to suck dick, Erwin,” Levi says sharply. “Let it go.” 

Erwin stares at him with his eyes narrowed, chewing on his lip. Then he says, “If I ever find out you did something you didn’t really want to because you thought it would make me happy, I’m going to be _very_ upset.”

Levi almost rolls his eyes, blows Erwin off, says _of course he wouldn’t--_

But then he sees the way Erwin is looking at him, sees actual _fear_ in Erwin’s eyes, and he says, “Okay.”

*

His next meeting with Pixis isn’t until Tuesday. 

When Levi walks in, Pixis stares at him for a long time in silence. It’s not until Levi snaps, “What?” that he says quietly, “You look like you have something on your mind, Levi.”

Levi stares at him and chews on his lip. 

He stares some more. 

It is a very long time before he says, “Something. Something happened. With Erwin. And he thinks I should. Um. Talk. Talk to _you_ about it.” 

Pixis sets down the paper he’d been holding, and puts both his hands on his desk. 

Then he says, “I’m listening.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for references to past sexual assault/unhealthy relationships, and Levi experiencing a panic reaction in regards to being reminded of a past abuse associated with oral sex during an encounter with Erwin. 
> 
> Also! CW for D/s dynamics, nipple clamps, bondage, sex toys, an accidentally under-negotiated scene of sorts, and exhibitionist/public sex undertones. 
> 
> Again, I know most of this stuff has already appeared in past chapters, but I'ma try to be a little better about tagging stuff just to be safe...


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is glad he holds the phone to his chest because when he sees the picture, a warm embarrassed thrill shoots through him. _Wouldn't she rather see this?_ it says.
> 
> It's the picture of Levi Erwin took last weekend when they'd…
> 
> Levi has never seen himself like this. It turns his stomach a little, fills his chest with tight anxiety, but Erwin clearly loves it. It's... very dirty even though it's only from the chest up.
> 
> Erwin had done a good job with the framing. It doesn't surprise Levi, really-- Erwin has an eye for photography that Levi hadn't noticed until he started receiving all Erwin's snaps. The sheets are tangled under Levi's body, framing his head between his cuffed wrists. His head is turned toward the wall a bit, mouth open, cheeks flushed and red and hair hanging down over the blindfold. The worst part is the slick sheen on Levi's kiss-pink lips, trailing down over his neck, his chest. 
> 
> Somehow-- and Levi is not at all sure how-- it's almost artistic. Erwin put a filter on it, cropped it just right. Levi feels like he could appreciate it more if it wasn't _him._
> 
> His cheeks feel hot. 
> 
> _Mike took a screenshot!_

Smartphones, Levi decides, have their perks. 

He holds his phone close to his chest when he opens the Snap from Erwin. The last three have been very clearly for Levi's eyes only and he's pretty sure Petra had caught a glimpse of the first one. 

He stares at the picture for perhaps longer than he should when he's supposed to be paying attention to physics. There is an unfamiliar warmth spinning in his gut, a strange emotion he has come to recognize as belonging exclusively to Erwin. That he is not only allowed to enjoy seeing Erwin like this but actually encouraged to has taken a while to get used to. Every time Erwin sends him a steamy picture, he feels like he's peeping, stealing lecherous glances he shouldn't be entitled to. 

Snapchat was good for that. Erwin had been sending Levi suggestive texts and the occasional nude shot since they'd first consummated their relationship, but he'd only just managed to talk Levi into downloading this app. Levi had spent three days ignoring it before Erwin finally sat him down and showed him how to use it. It's not exactly a user friendly app, and all but the most basic technology still occasionally eludes Levi, but he's gotten the hang of it over the last four days or so. 

As he's looking at Erwin, his phone buzzes and the app informs him he has a new snap from Mike. 

He secretly takes a picture of Petra, staring at the professor, and types _Keep this up and I'm not the only one who's gonna get an eyeful, Smith._ He sends the snap, and toggles over to Mike's message. 

It's a group chat. Erwin, Eren, Jean, and Mike use it for tennis bullshit, mainly. Levi's been receiving the messages but hasn't actually replied to any of them. Mike's message is a picture of a doodle he made on his history notes. Levi stares at the phone and holds back a laugh. Mike doodled (rather skillfully, actually) all of them. Eren has huge, wide eyes with angry eyebrows. Jean has his nose turned up in the air and a little speech bubble that says 'Guys, I'm too BUSY for tennis'. Erwin has a cyborg eye on his right side and his right hand is a racket instead of an arm. And Levi is about a third of the size of all the other drawings and is positioned in front of Erwin with his teeth bared. The text reads _I'm gonna ace my history final._

Eren replies, _Aw, look jean he managed to really nail that holier than thou but also constipated thing that you do with your face nice job mike_

_Fuck you, Eren._

Levi snorts. 

"Glad you're enjoying yourself," Petra cuts in, voice very low. Levi gives her a slightly guilty look, and lowers his phone. 

It buzzes in his hand a split second later and when he checks his notifications, he sees another snap from Erwin. 

Levi is glad he holds the phone to his chest because when he sees the picture, a warm embarrassed thrill shoots through him. _Wouldn't she rather see this?_ it says.

It's the picture of Levi Erwin took last weekend when they'd…

Levi has never seen himself like this. It turns his stomach a little, fills his chest with tight anxiety, but Erwin clearly loves it. It's... very dirty even though it's only from the chest up.

Erwin had done a good job with the framing. It doesn't surprise Levi, really-- Erwin has an eye for photography that Levi hadn't noticed until he started receiving all Erwin's snaps. The sheets are tangled under Levi's body, framing his head between his cuffed wrists. His head is turned toward the wall a bit, mouth open, cheeks flushed and red and hair hanging down over the blindfold. The worst part is the slick sheen on Levi's kiss-pink lips, trailing down over his neck, his chest. 

Somehow-- and Levi is not at all sure how-- it's almost artistic. Erwin put a filter on it, cropped it just right. Levi feels like he could appreciate it more if it wasn't _him._

His cheeks feel hot. 

_Mike took a screenshot!_

Levi shakes his head and swipes the snap away, toggles over to the group chat. 

A snap from Jean comes in. It's just a picture with no text-- Jean with wide eyes and a stunned expression on his face. 

Levi furrows his brows and scrolls back up to see what he missed. 

There is an opened snap from Erwin. 

An opened--

Levi stands up, an actual gasp of panic cutting through the quiet room. 

Everyone turns and looks at him; the professor just lifts her brows. Petra says, "Levi?" 

"Are you alright, Mr. Ackerman?" 

Levi looks down at his phone in his hand. He didn't. _He didn't._

"I gotta go," he says sharply, grabbing his binder and book and backpack in a tangled huff. He flies out of the room, barely holding his things together, and pauses in the hallway. He looks down at his phone. He can't replay the snap; it's already gone. He shoves his things in his bag and barrels down the hallway, dialing Erwin. 

"Hey, what's up?" Erwin says brightly when he picks up the phone. "Why aren't you in class?" 

"Where did you send that snap?" 

"What?" 

"Erwin, look at your goddamn phone," Levi hisses. 

"Shit, fuck, fine, what's wrong?" 

"Just..."

Levi hears Erwin shuffling around. There is a pause. And then Erwin says in sheer horror, "Oh my god." 

Levi curses. 

"Fuck, fuck, Levi, I'm _so sorry."_

 _"I'm going to murder Mike,"_ Levi hisses through gritted teeth. 

"What? Why-- _sonovabitch."_ Erwin is quiet for a second, probably listening to Levi breath, and then he says, "Where are you going?" 

Levi hadn't known until Erwin said it. "The Sigma Kap house." 

"I'll meet you there." 

Erwin hangs up. 

When Levi arrives at Sigma Kappa Sigma, he throws open the door so loudly people start poking their heads out of their rooms. Levi turns his head and finds Jean and Eren both sitting in the living area now. Jean has books spread out, but it's clear Eren just got here. 

Jean blushes more deeply than Levi has ever seen and can't look Levi in the face. Levi grinds his jaw and stalks over, entirely unsure what he's going to do, what he even _can_ do. Maybe beat them both badly enough they don't remember the entirety of this past week. 

Jean looks appropriately mortified, but Eren just holds up his phone and says, "Hey, how come _we_ didn't--" 

Levi grabs him by the front of the shirt, slams him back against the sofa and _glares._

"Got it," Eren says. 

Levi lets him go. 

Erwin comes barreling in the door a split second later and says, " _Where the fuck is Mike?"_

"He's in class," Eren replies, looking at Levi when he says it. 

"This is your goddamn fault!" Levi hisses.

"I didn't _mean to--"_ Erwin begins, eyes _pleading._

 _"_ What's going on?" Mikasa asks, walking into the room from the kitchen with a cheap beer in her hand. 

"Erwin--" Eren begins. 

Levi turns and looks at him. 

Eren says, "Nothing." Jean's eyes are wide. He stares at his lap and shakes his head. 

Mikasa says slowly, "Eren..."

Eren looks between Levi and Mikasa. "Um." 

"What's going on?" 

"I will make you swallow that phone," Levi hisses. 

"You wanna swallow my fist?" Mikasa asks Levi. 

"Alright, if everyone can just take a breath," Erwin cuts in. 

Mike walks in the door. He pauses, sees the collection of people in the living area, and says brightly, "Hey, guys!" 

Levi launches himself across the room, but before he can get to Mike, Erwin is in his path. 

Levi draws up short. 

Erwin _looms_ into Mike's space, face furious and hand clenched into a fist, and says, "Delete it."

"Delete what?" 

"You know what," Levi snarls. 

Mike sticks a finger in his ear. "Hmm? Musta slipped my mind, remind me?"

Levi lurches forward again, tries to shove past Erwin. Levi touching him seems to bring Erwin back to himself, because he puts his hand on Levi's shoulder and says, "Okay, it's okay--"

" _Why don't we handcuff you to the goddamn bed and come on your face and send all your friends pictures of it?"_

Everyone is silent. 

Mikasa says, "I'm gonna go." 

Mike says, "Awww. We're friends?"

It takes Erwin, Jean, Eren, and Mikasa to keep Mike safe after that. 

By the time Levi has expended far to much energy trying to wrestle away from them all (and Levi is convinced if even one of them was someone else he would have gotten away) Mike is _laughing_ like this is _funny_ and he says, "Relax, I deleted it, you pervs." 

"Show me," Erwin demands. 

"You can't go through my phone," Mike says. Then he adds, with his nose in the air, "Petra wouldn't like that." 

"I thought you two were done," Eren says curiously. 

Mike shrugs. "Like I'm supposed to delete the pictures?" 

Mikasa whirls on him, eyes dead and dangerous and says, " _Yes."_

Mike shrugs again. 

"God, you're an asshole," Mikasa says. She drains her beer. "We shoulda let Levi murder you."

"Yeah," Levi hisses. 

"Shit, I'm late," Jean says suddenly. He still hasn't actually looked at Levi. 

He leaves, and Mikasa isn't far behind. 

Levi takes a breath and glares at Mike. Mike's eyes scrape over him and Levi doesn't at all like the way Mike is looking at him. 

"I'll be honest," Mike says. "That isn't really the arrangement I assumed you two had." 

Erwin looks at him suspiciously. Then he looks at Levi. "What do you mean?" he says finally. 

"Honestly?" Mike says brightly, crossing the room to drop into one of the chairs. "I just assumed Levi was the most terrifying power bottom ever." 

Erwin's lips twitch. Eren's eyes go wide and he looks at Mike and... _nods._

"You shut the fuck up, Jaeger," Levi snaps. 

"I didn't say anything," Eren complains. 

"Maybe I'm just special," Erwin says. He clears his throat guiltily when Levi looks at him. "Fuck, I'm sorry, baby, I'll make it up to you." 

"However will you do that?" Mike asks. 

Levi's jaw clicks again and Erwin says, "Keep it up."

"Alright, I'm sorry," Mike drawls. "Look, it never happened alright?" Mike says looking at Levi.

Levi stares back in suspicious silence. 

Mike says, "If you want, I'll send you a picture of my dick and we can call it even." 

"No," Erwin says sharply. "You will not." 

Mike smirks at the both of them and shrugs. Eren looks like he finds Mike's offer rather attractive and that is enough to tip Levi out of fury and into annoyance. He glares at Eren’s back when Eren finally starts packing his shit and announces he’s going to study at the library instead.

Levi gets a text then. 

_What’s wrong with you? Is everything okay?_

Levi sighs. 

“Who is it?” Erwin asks, still giving Mike a suspicious glare. 

“Petra,” Levi answers. “I kinda… sprinted out of my physics class.” He looks up and glares at Mike. “And we were reviewing for the final, shit head.” 

Mike chuckles. “ _I_ didn’t send the picture.” 

_Sorry. I’m fine._ Levi texts back. 

Petra replies almost immediately. 

_What happened?_

Levi considers. And then he has a very odd realization.

After Erwin, Petra is the closest friend he has. She’s the only person he’s ever hung out with without Erwin there too, and the only person he’s ever really spoken to about anything other than classwork or frat bullshit. 

_Erwin accidentally sent a private picture of me to a group chat. Mike took a fucking screenshot of it. What did you ever see in him?_

_OMG!!!!_

Levi smirks. Now that his _fury_ has faded a bit, he can see how it’s… kinda funny. 

_Yeah fuck him._

_Wanna see his dick? I’ve got receipts._

Levi actually laughs. 

“What?” Erwin asks, stepping behind him. 

Levi texts back, _He offered. Erwin wouldn’t let him. He still has pics of you by the way. Might wanna tell him to delete those._

_Awww Erwin. And really? That’s so sweet._

_Sweet?!_

_I mean, yeah, it’s kinda flattering, don’t you think? And it’s not fair for me to tell him to delete my pics when I am NOT deleting his. Sure you don’t want to see it? Honestly it’s really impressive. I didn’t think dicks could get that big._

Levi snorts loudly and shows Erwin the text when he tries to peer over Levi’s shoulder. 

They must both look at Mike at the same time because he says suspiciously, “What?” 

Erwin looks Mike up and down, then frowns when he says, “You don’t think…”

“No,” Levi answers. Then he looks at Mike too. “No? No.” 

“ _What?”_ Mike demands. 

“Tell her to send it,” Erwin says.

“ _Send what?”_

“You sure?” Levi asks with a chuckle. 

“No, now I just need to know,” Erwin informs him. 

“We could send her one of you and tell her to compare,” Levi snickers. 

Mike lifts his brows. “Compare _what_?” he demands. 

Erwin takes Levi’s phone out of his hands and texts back, _Send it. Pick an embarrassing one._

Then he hands the phone back and gives Mike a smug look. 

“Goddamn it, let me see,” Mike says, lurching up out of his chair and taking a step forward. He draws up short when Levi _glares_ at him. 

Levi’s phone buzzes again and he and Erwin both look down at the same time. They both start to laugh, but then Erwin snatches the phone out of Levi’s hand and says, “You’ve gotta be _fucking_ me.” 

“Not with that thing he’s not,” Levi hisses back. 

It is a _very_ good picture. Mike is striking a ridiculous pose with his head thrown back. His chest and arms and thighs are on display and Levi knew Mike was built but he hadn’t expected him to be _that_ ripped. Or for his dick to be in perfect proportion to the rest of him-- that wasn’t how it usually worked and Mike is a _big_ dude. 

He’s also wearing Petra’s panties. 

They do not fit. 

Erwin peers between Levi’s phone and Mike’s face with a stunned expression on his face, and then he says, “But. She’s so…” He holds up his hand, indicating roughly Petra’s height.

Levi just lifts his brows and brings his phone a little closer to his nose. 

Erwin frowns at him, looking crestfallen and Levi is distracted enough that Mike is able to snatch the phone from Levi’s hands. 

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” he groans. 

Erwin looks at him smugly and says, “At least you look pretty.”

“Hey, fuck you,” Mike says with a scowl. “Of _all the fucking pictures.”_

“You deserve it,” Levi tells him severely. 

“Yeah, fine,” Mike grumbles, handing the phone back. 

Levi sends Petra a ‘thank you’ text, and then makes plans to meet her later for any notes he missed. 

But first, he saves Mike’s picture. 

*

Finals come too soon. It isn’t long before Levi and Erwin find themselves staying up late, studying, quizzing each other with flash cards Erwin insisted they make. There is less sex and more stress and Levi thinks, for the first time, that he was an idiot for taking eighteen credits. 

The weekend before finals start, the Sigma Kaps have a party. It’s a private party, with just the frat brothers present, and at the end of it, Levi isn’t wearing a pledge pin anymore. 

At the end of it, none of them are. 

Levi takes his first shot of gin as a fully initiated Sigma Kappa Sigma brother, and thinks of laying on a pool table while a man in a leather jacket tattoos his chest. He thinks too of another man peeling that tattoo from his body. 

And then he thinks of Mike pushing a pin into the collar of his shirt, and he thinks of Mike taking it off again, and he knows which one he prefers. 

*

Levi’s heart has been in his throat all morning. He helps Erwin pack the last of his bags into his car and thinks of the empty dorm room and he wants to hang onto Erwin and never let go. 

Erwin is quieter than usual as they make their final trip together back up the stairs. Levi isn’t leaving for another four days, so his things are still in all their proper places, but Erwin’s room is totally empty. 

Levi hates it. 

“It’s only a month,” Erwin says quietly. “More or less.”

“Uh huh,” Levi says.

“And I’ll come visit you next weekend.”

Levi still isn’t sure he wants Erwin seeing Kenny’s house, but he’d rather that then risk not seeing Erwin for the entire remainder of December and into January.

“Yeah,” he says. 

Erwin throws his arms around Levi’s neck and when Levi does the same, Erwin actually picks him up, stands so Levi’s whole body is pressed to Erwin’s, and says, “Fuck, this sucks.” 

Levi agrees, but he can’t say it. 

“I could just stay tonight,” Erwin says hopefully. “I can just stay and leave tomorrow instead.” 

Levi almost takes him up on it. But he knows if Erwin stays, they’ll just be up all night, like they were last night, and-- “I have to study,” Levi says quietly. “I have my Shakespeare exam in the morning.”

“I can help.”

Levi unwinds his arms from Erwin’s neck so Erwin has to put him down. “You already helped,” he says. “I’m just gonna review everything and go to bed early.” 

Erwin nods. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. You’re right.” 

Levi knows he is, but that doesn’t make it any easier. 

Erwin looks down at his feet for a second, and then looks back up at Levi a little shyly. “Have you gotten your housing assignment for next semester yet?” 

Levi frowns and shakes his head. He hasn’t had time to think of that. He knows he can stay in this room if he wants, but Erwin is moving into the frat housing like he’d wanted to do at the start of the semester. They could give Levi a new roommate. Levi doesn’t know how he’d handle that. 

Erwin bites his lip. 

“Levi. You could. You could come live with me.” 

Levi looks up sharply and furrows his brows. “What?”

“You can live at the house,” he says. “You’re not a pledge anymore. You can live with us.” 

“I… really?”

“Yeah,” Erwin says, taking Levi’s hand. “You could. Well, there’s not an empty room right now. But you could… with me…”

Levi looks at the sheepish expression on Erwin’s face, and he understands. The university had put them in this room together. They hadn’t had a choice. They hadn’t chosen each other. And at the end of the day, they each had their own rooms, and their own beds. 

That’s not what Erwin is asking. 

He isn’t asking Levi to be his roommate. 

He’s asking Levi to _live_ with him. 

Levi says, “Are we allowed to do that?”

“Charter says each room can house two people,” Erwin explains. Then he gives Levi a slightly sly smile. “It doesn’t specify that they each have to have their own beds.” 

“And Mike…” 

He is the chapter president after all. 

“It was his idea,” Erwin says, smiling. “I mean. I’d thought of it, but he brought it up first.”

“Yes.”

Erwin’s eyes get wide. “Really?”

“Yes. Yeah. Okay.” 

It’s hard watching Erwin drive away. 

But knowing that in only a few short weeks, he will back here, and that Levi will be moving his things into the Sigma Kap house _with_ Erwin… that makes it all just a little easier.

*

Levi does as he said he would. He studies. He texts Erwin and then goes to bed early. His final exam is at eight AM and he emerges from the classroom at 9:30 feeling like that could have gone worse. Now he just has to pack and wait for Kenny to come pick him up Monday morning. 

Instead of staying in his dorm by himself, he goes to the Sigma Kap house. 

Everyone is in high spirits. The house is mostly empty, but everyone who is there has finished their final exams and are playing cards in the front room, laughing, enjoying each other’s company. 

Levi takes a seat on the floor between Mike and Eren and Mike elbows him. 

“So do you know where you’re living next semester?”

Levi’s belly flutters, but he plays at casual. “Erwin didn’t tell you?”

“Nah, I haven’t heard from him,” Mike says. 

Levi hasn’t either. He’d texted him this morning before his exam, and again after, but Erwin must have been sleeping in because he still hadn’t replied. 

“Well,” Levi says, “We talked about it and we figured it was best if I live here.” 

Mike grins. “ _Fuck,_ yeah.” 

And he actually hugs Levi. 

Mikasa scoffs at them while Levi pats Mike awkwardly on the back. 

“Um.” 

“Sorry,” Mike says with a chuckle. “Can I not be happy for you guys?”

“What’s going on?” Eren asks a little distractedly, peering at his cards. 

“Erwin and Levi are gonna live together next semester,” Mike says proudly. 

“Don’t they already?” Jean asks, wrinkling his brow. 

“No, like _together,”_ Mike drawls. “Same room.” 

“Awww, that’s nice!” Armin says cheerfully. 

Levi smiles to himself and looks down at his cards. 

*

They all eat lunch together. 

Levi texts Erwin again. 

He gets no response. 

*

Something is prickling in the back of Levi’s throat when dinner time rolls around. He hasn’t heard from Erwin all day and that’s _strange._ Is he upset? Is he second guessing his decision to have Levi live with him? 

The group who had been playing cards earlier all crowd around a few pizza boxes, but when someone tries to hand Levi a plate, he declines. He isn’t hungry. 

They’re all being loud and boisterous. They all seem so _happy,_ but Levi’s fingertips are tingling. Something doesn’t feel right. 

When Mike reaches into his pocket and answers his phone, for some reason, Levi pays attention. 

“What? Slow down-- what-- no. Oh my god.” 

Levi takes a step closer. 

“No. He’s. He’s right here.” 

Mike’s face is white. 

Levi’s going to be sick. 

He puts the phone in Levi’s hand without another word. 

“H-hello?”

“Levi?” 

“Yeah.”

“This is Era Smith.”

“Mr. Smith?”

“Have you spoken to Erwin?” 

Levi’s stomach plummets. 

“He was supposed to be home around midnight last night and when he didn’t show up, I, I, I just assumed he’d decided to stay, I mean I hoped-- have you-- he’s with you?”

“No,” Levi says. “No. He’s not.” 

“He’s not.” 

“No,” Levi whispers. 

“He’s not,” Mr. Smith says again. “He’s not.”

Mike is staring at him. Everyone is suddenly very quiet. 

“You just now thought to check?” Levi grits out. His voice is harsher than he means for it to be, but… 

“No, no, I’ve been trying to call him,” Mr. Smith says frantically. “I just called _the police_ but they said-- there hasn’t been any accidents, and his phone is going straight to voicemail, I just thought maybe, I mean I hoped he’d-- Oh god. When was the last time you saw him?”

“Yesterday. Around ten or so.” 

“Oh my god. Oh my-- okay. Okay, I’m calling the police again, I’m--”

“Okay,” Levi says quietly. “Please. Um.”

“I’ll call you, I’ll call you when I know…”

“Yeah.”

They hang up. 

Eren looks between Levi and Mike and finally blurts what everyone must be thinking. “What’s wrong?”

Levi doesn’t look away from Mike’s face when he says, “Erwin didn’t. He didn’t get home last night.”

“What?” Levi doesn’t know who speaks. 

“He’s.” He swallows. “He’s missing. Erwin is missing.”

*

Levi’s dorm room is fuller than it has ever been, but it’s still ungodly quiet. 

There are seven of them in all: Mike, Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Jean, and Hanji, who had caught the whole story on their way inside and was now waiting with the rest of them, desperate for news. And of course, there is Levi. 

He isn’t sure why he’d come back here. He’d just needed to _move_ and he found himself back in his room looking for his skateboard before he realized they’d all followed him here. 

Mikasa of all people had talked him into staying. The cops would be calling him, she told him. They might need to come look at the room or something. Better if he was reachable by phone. 

Levi didn’t think anything she said really made sense, but then he’d looked at Mike’s face and… maybe the rest of them didn’t get it, but Mike did. Mike got it. And then Levi couldn’t storm off by himself the way he’d wanted to. What if there was news. What if Mike heard something first and Levi wasn’t there. 

What if--

No.

_No._

Levi is pacing. He can’t stop. 

Mike’s phone rings, and they all turn to look at him. 

“Mr. Smith?” Mike says. “Do you have--Oh. Oh god. Okay. Okay. No. We still haven’t. Yeah. Yeah, okay.” 

He hangs up, and everyone just _stares._

“They uh. They found Erwin’s car,” Mike says slowly. “All his stuff is in it, but.” Mike pauses and Levi sees him wet his lips before he says all in a rush, “Erwin’s not there. It. They found it in some parking lot and there’s.”

He goes silent. He’s staring at Levi. 

Levi says, “There’s blood in the car.” 

Mike nods, white faced. 

“How much?”

“Not much,” Mike says. “They don’t even know if it’s Erwin’s.”

There is more waiting. 

Armin says quietly, “They released a news report about it.” He hands his phone around the room so they can all see the report, see Erwin’s smiling face. 

Levi can’t look at it. 

They wait. 

And they wait. 

And they wait. 

And then Levi’s phone rings. 

He pulls it from his pocket, expecting to see an unknown number, expecting the cops to be calling him, but that is not what he sees. He looks at his phone and feels like he’s been electrocuted.

“Baby--” he says breathlessly into the receiver. 

“Levi.”

He’s going to be sick. He can’t-- _this can’t be--_

No. 

“Let me talk to him,” Levi hisses, voice a low, feral growl that makes everyone suddenly sit up a little straighter. 

“In a moment,” Zeke replies. 

“I’ll tear your fucking throat out.” 

“I’m not sure you’re in the position to be making threats, Levi.”

“Where is he?” 

“He’s safe. For now.”

“If you hurt him, I swear to god, Zeke, if you lay one fucking finger on him--”

“This is going to be very simple, Levi. I have two tasks for you. First, you are going to return my money.” 

“Your--”

“The money I gave you for your last fights. I’d like it back.” 

“Fine. Fine, whatever--”

“Second. I’d like you to take care of someone.” 

Levi feels cold. “What?”

“Oh, don’t make me spell it out, Levi. You’re a very smart boy, I should think you understand what I need from you.” 

“I’m. I’m not-- who?”

“You know him quite well, I think,” Zeke said blithely. 

And Levi, without thinking, without considering, looks at Eren. 

“No,” Levi says softly. 

“Let me be perfectly clear, Levi,” Zeke says. “You can do this for me, and we can go our separate ways. I will consider any debt to me or to my Titans to be paid in full. You can get on with your life. Or…” he trailed off.

Levi says, “Let me talk to him.”

And the next voice Levi hears is not Zeke’s. 

“Levi?”

“Baby,” Levi says. His voice cracks. “Are you. Are you alright?” 

Erwin’s voice is hoarse. He sounds exhausted and distant when he says, “I’m alright.”

“Did he hurt you?”

Erwin hesitates just a beat too long before he says, “No.” 

Levi doesn’t know what to say. “Listen, listen, okay, I’m gonna get you, okay, I’m gonna come get you, I promise, I--”

“Times up,” Zeke says. “You have twenty four hours.” 

And then he hangs up the phone. 

Eren stands up, eyes flashing, hands balled into fists, and Levi realizes he’s been staring at him the whole time. Before he can say anything, Mikasa speaks, and her voice is so soft and so deadly it raises a chill on Levi’s skin. She says, “I’ll kill you.”

“What is this?” Mike demands. “What’s going on?” 

“You know?” Levi asks Eren without taking his eyes off him. 

“Yeah. I know.” 

“When?”

“Just now,” Eren says. Levi narrows his eyes. “I wasn’t sure. I am now.” 

“You’re not touching him, Levi,” Mikasa says again. 

“He’ll kill him,” Levi replies. And speaking the words unlocks something in Levi’s head, makes pure unfiltered panic spike under his skin, fill his whole body-- “He’ll kill him. Shit, he’ll kill him.”

“Who was that?” Mike demands. 

“Tell us what’s going on,” Jean adds. “What’s happening?” 

“He’s got Erwin!” Levi rounds on the two of them, voice raised, and when they just stare, he says, “He-- the Beast. He’s got Erwin.” 

Armin says, “Eren’s brother is--”

“I didn’t know,” Eren says sharply. “I had no idea.” 

“That’s why he wants you dead,” Levi realizes. “He knows you know, _what did you do?”_

Mikasa answers. “We found Eren’s father’s will.” 

Levi just stares. 

“Zeke’s had the safe this whole time,” Mikasa answers. “But he didn’t know Eren had the key. And Eren’s the sole beneficiary. He gets everything when he turns twenty one.” 

“Turns out my dad was kinda rich,” Eren says, scowling. 

Levi doesn’t have time for this, for this _Jaeger family drama_. _Zeke_ has _Erwin._

“Why now,” Armin asks. He is quiet, thoughtful. “If he’s had it this whole time?”

“When my parents were killed,” Eren says slowly, “They never found a will.” 

“And without a will,” Armin muses, “Everything would go to Zeke. He’s the oldest son. Or you’d split it, but since he’s been your guardian...” 

“Why Levi?” Hanji asks. 

Everyone turns to Levi, and when Levi stops to think, the answer is there. He doesn’t want to say it out loud. He wishes he didn’t have to. 

“Eren. I.” 

Eren narrows his eyes and Levi sees a fury there, a deeply buried rage that he’s never noticed before. 

“I was there.”

Eren’s nostrils flare and he breathes out slowly. “Say it.” 

“It’s what they do,” Levi tells him. “When you. When you first get inked. They. Want to make sure you won’t turn rat. So. They make you watch.” 

Eren’s face is white with fury, and there are tears in his eyes, but they don’t fall. 

“That’s why he wants me to… I’m the only one left who was there that night. Who isn’t dead or locked up.” 

“ _What night,”_ Mike demands furiously. “Could you clue us the fuck in? What’s this got to do with Erwin?”

Armin answers. “Levi watched Eren’s parents get murdered. Didn’t you, Levi?”

Levi doesn’t say anything. 

“So now, Zeke wants Levi to take care of Eren too,” Armin finishes. 

Levi hates the way he says it. Short, Matter of fact. He looks around the room and realizes he doesn’t know these people half so well as he wishes he did. An hour ago, he would have said aside from himself that Mikasa was the most dangerous person here. 

But now he’s not sure. 

It could be Eren, who looks damn near crazy with rage.

It could be Armin, who is putting everything together far more quickly than Levi feels comfortable with. 

Or Mike, who is bigger and stronger than all of them, and he loves Erwin too. 

“What are we gonna do?” Hanji asks. 

Levi looks at them in shock. “ _We_ aren’t doing _anything,”_ he says. 

“We could call the police,” Armin says like Levi hasn’t spoken. 

“He’d kill Erwin just to spite me,” Levi answers. “No cops.” 

“Where is he keeping him?” Mike asks. “Do you know?” 

“I--” 

Yes. Levi does know. There is only one place Zeke would take Erwin, and it will be a fortress, crawling with Titans. 

So that’s where Levi must go.

He turns without another word, but Jean grabs his arm. He drops it quickly when he sees the look on Levi’s face. “We need a plan first,” he says. 

“There is no _we,”_ Levi says again, shoving Jean away from him with a hand on his chest.

“Well, you’re not going _alone,”_ Mikasa drawls. 

“ _Yes,_ I--”

Mike grabs Levi by the shirt front and Levi is so stunned he doesn’t fight back when Mike shoves him hard against the door. 

“You think you’re the only one who cares about Erwin?” he demands. 

And Levi thinks of the people in this room.

Of who had been present for Mikasa’s fight lesson. Eren, Mike, Mikasa, Jean. They can all fight. They can fight _well._

And Armin and Hanji… They’re _smart._ Smarter than Levi. Maybe… 

_Maybe…_

And so, together, they come up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND HERE WE GO!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You sure he’s in there?” Mikasa asks. “If he’s got Erwin somewhere else, all this is going to do is piss him off.”
> 
> Levi grimaces and stares at a low, long building. He’s sure. He knows Zeke. And he’s sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY Y'ALL! Content warnings for LOTS OF VIOLENCE! 
> 
> This chapter is pretty much just one enormous fight so. 
> 
> Just wanted you to know. :*

“You sure he’s in there?” Mikasa asks. “If he’s got Erwin somewhere else, all this is going to do is piss him off.”

Levi grimaces and stares at a low, long building. He’s sure. He knows Zeke. And he’s sure. 

They hide Mike’s car in the trees, then let Eren and Jean out of the trunk. Both of them were livid at having to squeeze back there together, but it was the only way to make everyone fit in one car. 

Hanji gives Levi a wide, manic grin that sends a chill up his spine. Of all the people in that dorm room, Hanji had been the one Levi was the most unsure about. But when they’d all buckled down and started talking, Levi had realized they couldn’t do this without Hanji. 

For one, about ten seconds into the conversation, Hanji had disappeared into their room and come back holding strange little ear buds. 

“We’ll use these,” they said, voice down right maniacal.

“What are they?” Mike asked skeptically, poking the little electronics suspiciously. 

“They’re just a project I’ve been working on,” Hanji explained. “I wanted to see if I could build them from scratch and, guess what! I did.”

Mike raised his brows and looked at them. Hanji rolled their eyes and handed him an ear piece, then picked up a second and said, “See?”

Mike’s eyes went wide. 

So they had a way to communicate. 

Levi got one, and so did Mikasa, Eren, and Mike. 

And that was only the start of what Hanji could do. 

What startled Levi most, however, was how excited they were. The rest of them were thrumming with grim, frightened energy, but not Hanji. Hanji was all eager smiles tinged with a _viciousness_ that Levi had never seen in them before. 

He was glad they were with him, and not against him. 

Levi bent low and crept through the weeds, Mikasa and Eren close on his tail, then Mike and Jean. Armin and Hanji stayed back, lugging their equipment. 

Levi held up his hand when they got close enough and everyone stopped. 

There would be patrols circling the building. Four groups of two. 

Levi turned and looked behind him, eyes flicking between Mike, Eren, and Mikasa. 

“You’re sure you can handle this?” he asked. “If any of them get by, this is over before it starts.”

And Erwin would… 

Zeke would make him pay. 

Levi feels sick every time he thinks about it, but he can’t see any other choice. He can’t _kill Eren,_ but if he goes to the cops… 

So he has to trust them. He doesn’t have a _choice._

The three of them nod grimly. 

“Okay.”

The sneak off and split up, Mike and Levi to the right, Eren and Mikasa to the left. Jean stays behind to keep Armin and Hanji safe while they set up their computers.

Eren and Mikasa fade from view, and Levi sees the first patrol. Mike will take it out. He gives Mike a short, jerky nod, and he creeps past Levi, staying alarmingly silent for someone so large. 

Levi keeps him in view, but keeps going, and then he sees his patrol. They will only have one shot at this….

“Okay, team!” Hanji’s voice sounds in Levi’s earpiece; they were using a gaming headset and microphone to stay in contact since they’d given all their homemade ear pieces to the attack team. “Buzz in if you can hear me.” 

Levi presses the little button on his earpiece and Hanji says, “Got Levi. And there’s Mike. Mikasa… Eren? Can you hear me?” 

There is a long silence and then Hanji says, “Got Eren. Okay, buzz again if you’ve got your targets in sight. Once for yes, twice for no.” Levi buzzes. After a beat, Hanji says, “That’s everyone. Now or never right? On my cue. Three. Two. One-- _go.”_

Levi careens out of the shadows, blood pounding in his ears, _singing,_ and it feels _so good_ when he cracks the first skull with the stun baton he’s holding. He’s _doing_ something, he’s going to get Erwin _back--_

And he’s going to make someone pay--

The first Titan crumbles without a sound. The second, Levi takes a little longer with. He punches the man in the mouth before he can yell out, and then gets behind him, wraps his arms around his neck and squeezes until the man goes down. He hadn’t wanted to use the baton if he didn’t have to. Too dangerous. Too easy to kill. 

The whole thing is over in seconds, and then Levi is frantically taking the two guards out of commision. He zip ties their hands and feet, duct tapes their mouths, and does a quick search for weapons. By the time he is done, the man he’d choked out is groaning; the first is still out cold, but he’s alive at least. 

Levi says, “Clear.”

Mike says, “Clear.” 

Mikasa says, “Clear.” 

Eren says nothing. 

They wait. And wait. And when Eren doesn’t answer, Levi takes off in a sprint, keeping low to the ground. He rounds the corner and sees them. One man is on the ground, not moving, the other has his hands around Eren’s throat and is shouting the alarm. But there is no one to come to his aid, and no one inside can hear him out here-- that’s sort of the point. 

Levi hurls his baton at the exact second that Mikasa appears at the other side of the building. It hits the Titan square in the forehead, and he stumbles. Eren is on him before Mikasa or Levi can get close enough, and he is a wildcat. He punches and punches and _punches--_ Mikasa has to catch his hand, pull him off. 

Together, they bind and disarm Eren’s targets. 

Huffing, Eren says, “Clear.” 

“Great job, guys,” Armin says into Hanji’s microphone. “Have you seen the box we told you to look for yet?” 

“I found it,” Mike answers. “I think. Over here on the east side.”

They congregate there, skirting the doors. By the time Mikasa, Eren, and Levi get back to Mike, Hanji is already there. 

“That’s it,” they say. They’ve got a bag of tools with them, and Levi watches as they cut the lock, and then open the little gray door. There’s a lot of wires and things Levi doesn’t understand, but Hanji just stares at it for a few long minutes before they start poking at the insides. 

Armin says, “I got it!” loudly, makes Levi wince at the voice in his ear. “Great job, Hanji! I can see everything.” 

“He says you did it,” Mike tells Hanji. Hanji grins and shuts the door on the box. “Do you see Erwin?” 

Levi knows he won’t.

“No,” Armin answers. “But he’s got a lot of guards outside the only room I can’t see into.” 

Zeke would never put cameras in his _special room_. 

“How many are there?” Levi demands. 

“Mmm. A lot,” Armin says in concern. “It’s gonna be hard to get to the back room without anyone seeing you.”

“It doesn’t matter if they see me,” Levi reminds him. “They just can’t tell Zeke about it.” 

“Gimme a minute,” Armin says. 

“Okay, I’m going back to help the brain,” Hanji says, putting the last of their tools back in their bag. “Good luck.” 

“Okay,” Armin says. “I can put the cameras on loop, for one so whoever is watching them doesn’t see us coming. And if I have to, I can cut the phone lines. They’re using a sort of VOIP system, so--”

“VOIP?” Mikasa interrupts. 

“A lot of offices use it,” Armin explains. “Voice over internet protocol, it’s phone by internet. It’s a closed system. That’s why we needed Hanji to patch in, but now that I’m here, I can control all their phones, cameras, I can shut down all internet access--” 

Armin sounds far too excited for Levi’s liking. “Get to the point.”

“I can fix the cameras,” Armin says again. “But the second I cut the phone lines, we’re on a timer. They’ll notice they’re out if anyone tries to use one, and that’ll tip them off.” 

Levi adjusts the bag he’s carrying. It’s full of Zeke’s cash, and a few supplies. Duct tape. A switch blade. The zip ties. 

Levi drops it and takes his jacket out of it. 

This had been plan B, if they couldn’t figure out how to get inside quietly. Levi would take Eren in along with the cash, and they’d try to get Erwin out that way. 

But with the guards down, Levi can just walk through the front door. 

He still puts his jacket on. His armor. He’s not sure why he needs it. He just does. 

“Got it,” he says to Armin. “Go fast.” 

“Any idea how we’re gonna get out once we’re in?” Mike asks. That was the one part of the plan they hadn’t come up with yet. 

Levi shakes his head. “Let’s worry about getting Erwin first.” 

Mike nods grimly. 

“Armin, you can see everyone,” Mikasa says. “Do we all four go in the front, or do we split up?”

Levi answers before Armin can. “You three stick with me. You hang back, you let me handle it, got it? You don’t get involved unless you _absolutely have to._ ” 

“Let you handle it,” Mikasa scoffs. “You gonna take on a building full of thugs by yourself?”

“They have _guns,_ Mikasa,” Levi says. “This isn’t a fucking muay thai class, these people will _kill_ you.” 

“They’ll kill you,” Mike interrupts. 

“Not if they can’t catch me,” Levi says. “Armin, gimme a run down of the main entrance.”

“Easy. Three guys. All watching the monitors and playing cards. Five guys in the next room over, close enough that they’ll hear if anyone yells.” 

Levi picks up his bag, and jerks his head for the others to follow. On their way back to the entrance they pass a total of four men tied up on the ground-- two are awake and wriggling, the other two are completely still. 

Levi kicks the last one in the chest when he walks by and the man grunts before he goes quiet. 

“Wait here.” 

“Levi,” Mike says. 

“Trust me,” Levi hisses. 

He opens the entrance. 

The three men look up when he comes in the door, but he’s wearing his jacket and they don’t immediately realize the danger. By the time one of them recognizes him, it’s too late. Levi is close enough now to vault the little counter they’re situated behind. He kicks one of them in the chest as he does it, then slams the second one's head into the table before he hears Armin say, “Go!” 

He’s busy with the third man, who opens his mouth to shout for help. Levi punches him in the throat, cuts the shout off quickly, and then Mikasa is at his side, dealing with the first man Levi had kicked while Mike drags the second over the counter and zip ties him. 

Three down. 

They sneak down the hallway after that, following Armin’s directions. Three near misses, and six thugs later, and Armin says, “Okay. This is it, this is as far as I can take you.”

Levi knows. Through this door is a large, empty room that Zeke has packed full of Titans. And at the other end is the door to the room. 

“Are they armed?” Levi hisses. 

“A few, yeah,” Armin says. And to his credit his voice only wavers a little. “But I don’t see any guns.” 

Levi takes a deep breath. 

“Wait for me,” he commands. 

“You can’t be serious,” Mikasa says. “Armin, how many are there?” 

“Uh,” Armin says quietly. “About thirty.”

“Levi,” Eren hisses. 

“I can do this,” Levi says. He has too. And-- “I can’t worry about you three.” 

“You can’t do this alone,” Mike insists. 

He doesn’t know. 

None of them do. 

Levi says again, “Stay here.” And before they can argue, he throws open the door, steps inside, and shuts it behind him. 

The door bangs when it closes. And Levi stares at a fucking _warehouse_ full of familiar faces. They’re all here, aren’t they? Pieck. Bertolt and Reiner. Fucking Dom. They’d all been laughing, chatting, enjoying each others company. There are card tables, and a few checkerboards to keep everyone entertained while they guard their king. 

Levi steps into the room. The people closest to the door notice him first, and they start tapping their friends, a ripple of sound moving away from him with Levi at its center. 

Pieck stands.

“He in there?” 

“How’d you get in here?” Pieck demands. 

Levi bares his teeth. “You thought a few guards would keep me out?” 

“What’s going on?” Levi hears Mike demand in his ear. 

Armin answers. “I’m cutting the phone lines. He’s just talking right now. Nobody move.” 

“He thought you might try something,” Pieck says. Then she gives Levi a smug, sleepy grin. “Figured we’d stack the odds a little,” she says with a lazy shrug. She waves her hand at the room. Bertolt and Reiner are the only ones moving, slipping in closer to Pieck. “Even you have limits, doncha Levi?”

“I’m going in there,” Levi tells her. 

“Like hell you are,” Reiner interrupts. “Only way we’re taking you to see him is in cuffs.” 

“But he’s there,” Levi says. 

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s there,” Pieck says. 

“With your boy,” Bertolt adds. He gives Levi an unassuming little smile. “Probably in his best interest if you just let us take you.” 

Levi actually considers it. 

“You’re not cuffing me.” 

“Then you’re not moving,” Reiner growls. 

Levi turns his head. “You gonna stop me?” 

Reiner actually cracks his knuckles. “If I have to.” 

“Pieck,” someone says sharply. All of them turn their heads. “The phones aren’t working.” 

A mutinous murmur goes around the room. 

Armin says, “Oh no.” 

“What’d you do to the phones?” Pieck asks Levi. 

“Nothing,” Levi lies. 

Pieck makes eye contact with someone behind Levi. “Go check the front desk,” she commands. “You didn’t kill them, did you Levi?”

“Shit, shit, hide!” Armin says in Levi’s ear. And then. “Oh my-- that’s. That’s--”

“On it,” a slow, drawling, painfully familiar voice says behind Levi. 

He turns, stomach plummeting, to look. 

“Annie?”

Mikasa says, “What?” 

It is Annie. Annie with her hair tied back, eyeing Levi in dead-eyed disinterest. Annie in a leather jacket. _Annie s_ porting the Titan crest. 

Levi’s shock must show on his face because Pieck snickers. Annie had been there for _all_ of it. The parties, the late nights, the-- she’d _teased_ Levi for being jealous of Erwin’s girls, and she’d talked Mikasa out of trying to beat Levi to a pulp for sleeping with Eren, and she’d helped them all dress Armin in drag. She’d seen it all. 

For one vertiginous moment, he thinks _Zeke was spying on me all along._ And then he realizes it wasn’t him Zeke was watching. He’d just been convenient. 

It was Mikasa. And through Mikasa, Eren. 

Levi watches her cross to the door. Levi had seen Mikasa with Annie more than any other girl, except maybe Sasha. They were _close._

“ _Traitorous bitch.”_ Mikasa hisses in the mic, a split second before she careens through the door.

Peick looks at Reiner and Bertolt. “He’s not alone?” she says frantically. And then all hell breaks loose.

Time slows and bends. 

Mikasa launches herself over a table feet first and slides across the length of it before it crumbles under her weight. Annie side steps, dodges the kick Mikasa had been aiming at her chest, but Mikasa grabs her by the lapel as she slides past and both women go tumbling into a little cluster of Titans. 

Mike barrels like a linebacker into a man who’s standing too close to the door, who was watching Mikasa and Annie with a dim, shocked expression on his face. 

Reiner curses at the exact second Eren appears in the door. Reiner starts to launch himself forward, but Levi catches him by the back of the coat and rips him back, hurls him into Bertolt. The two men fly away from him and Levi hears the sharp _shk_ of a knife at the exact moment Armin just _gasps._

Levi throws his elbow back and turns his whole body into it. The hand holding the blade falls somewhere behind Levi, wrist slamming into Levi’s shoulders, and he shrugs up, pushes back _hard_ before he completes the turn. 

He faces the thug with the blade, and the man curls in on himself, gasping for air and clutching at his chest. And then there are more. More hands. More blades. 

Levi fights. He breaks bones. He loses his friends in the shuffle, can’t be scared for them, can’t protect them. He can only take out as many people as he can, and hope that no one gets hurt. 

Knives and and fists and a few bats or batons whistle around him. He acquires new scrapes he wouldn’t feel if it weren’t for the blood sliding along his skin. Once, he catches a broken table leg with his forearm and his whole arm goes numb when the wood shatters. He can still move, still use his arm, but the white flare of pain radiates to his fingertips before he forces it away, ignores it like so many other hurts.

All he can hear is shouting, grunting, pained yelps and--

He grinds to a halt. Someone he’s never seen before is facing him with a gun. He’s too far away, Levi can’t get to him and the man has a clear shot--

The goon crumbles. 

Levi blinks, expects to see Mikasa or Eren or Mike standing behind him, but he doesn’t. 

Instead, he sees Dom. 

Levi stares at him. Dom jerks his head toward Zeke’s door, looks around to make sure no one has seen what he’s done, and then he leaves. He makes a beeline for the door out, leaves Levi all alone, and Levi remembers what it felt like when he and Dom had been sinking below the water in that lake. 

And he remembers who pulled them both out. 

Levi looks around; no one else has tried to attack him. 

Mikasa and Annie are brawling, and it’s _nasty._ No one else can get close. 

Eren is hurling himself at Reiner’s head while Bertolt holds him back. Reiner punches Eren in the stomach, and Levi is about to move to help him when Eren throws his head back, breaks Bertolt’s nose, and then launches himself at Reiner’s face. And Mike--

Levi turns his head and sees Mike standing in a pile of groaning bodies, just like Levi is. There are people all over the floor all around him, wriggling, holding various body parts. Mike lifts his head and meets Levi’s eyes and starts to stalk over. The only man left standing gets _the fuck_ out of his way, and Levi gives Mike one curt nod before they both turn together and climb the metal stairs to Zeke’s lair. No one else will come close to them. The one time someone tries, Levi deliberately breaks his arm in two places after disarming him, just to show off. Just to keep everyone who’s left from getting any bright ideas. He is distantly aware that when he does it, Armin whispers very softly, “Oh god.” 

Levi doesn’t see Pieck anywhere and that concerns him. She broke free of the crowd once the fight started, and Levi hasn’t seen her since. 

But he can’t worry about that right now. 

He tries the door to Zeke’s office. 

It’s locked. 

Levi eyes it, wondering if he can break the door down, but then Armin says, “Hold on.” 

The door clicks open, the huge electronic lock disengaging at Armin’s finger tips. And together, Levi and Mike go inside. Zeke will know they’re coming of course. It’s possible he’s already-- just to hurt Levi, just to make him _suffer_ before Zeke kills him too--

There is one beat that seems to last far too long when Levi has stepped into the room and his eyes haven’t adjusted to the slight change in light, when he has no idea what he’s looking at and every inch of him is sick with fear that he will see only blood, when all he can hear is Eren and Mikasa grunting and gasping into their mics, when he _knows_ all of a sudden that he has pushed too hard, that he was _so_ foolish to hope he ever deserved a happy ending.

And when the moment passes, Levi forgets it ever happened and he is instead overwhelmed with nausea for what he knows is about to happen in this room. For what _has to happen_ in this room. 

It’s what the room is for, after all. 

Levi hadn't thought about what being here again would do to him. He hadn't thought about all the screams he'd heard here, and all the blood he'd washed from his hands and his face and his clothes. He knew where Zeke would take Erwin because Zeke had done this before. And he hadn't let himself think what it really meant, what Erwin being behind this door actually was. 

It's a gray room, all metal, and it smells like bleach. Bleach, and under it, rust. Levi draws up short and almost has to cover his face when the smell hits him. It's worse because he remembers. Remembers rags soaked in bleach and water pushing pink stains in circles. Remembers the red swirl disappearing down metal grates. 

Remembers bone popping and flesh tearing and the way they'd all screamed. 

Zeke sits behind a gray metal desk, watching the door serenely. And. 

He's taken Erwin's arm away. It sits on the desk, disembodied and useless and somehow the worst thing Levi has ever seen until his eyes flick to a spot across from the desk.

Erwin's skin is so white, it makes the bruises around his eyes and the blood on his face look even darker. His golden hair is damp, plastered to his head, and his left arm is stretched above his head and locked in place by a single handcuff; the twin cuff is hooked to the ring in the wall, since Erwin doesn't have another arm to attach it to. 

Levi has never seen him look so exhausted and when Levi and Mike come through the door, his head rolls slowly toward them. His jaw works, and Levi realizes with a surge of fury that he's just been hit. 

Pieck is holding a gun to his head, staring at Levi and for once, she doesn't look the slightest bit tired. 

Mike hisses, "Jesus Christ." 

Levi looks at Zeke, and then Pieck. And then he says, "Lock the door." 

"Don't move," Pieck snaps. 

Neither of them do. Zeke and Pieck don't realize Levi wasn't talking to Mike. 

In his ear, Armin's voice has gotten oddly still. "Done."

"Just hang on, baby," Levi hears himself say. His voice doesn't sound like his. Erwin looks between Levi and Pieck and Zeke and Levi can hear him swallow. 

"I brought your money," Levi tells Zeke. He hefts his bag. 

"That was only half the deal," Zeke says. His voice is calm, level. But Levi can see it in his eyes. He's scared. 

Something thrills through Levi at that. _He should be._

And Levi realizes that’s the only reason Erwin isn’t dead right now, that Zeke hadn’t shot him in the face the second Pieck told him everything had gone to shit. Because he knew if Levi was loose, he’d need a bargaining chip.

"I didn't agree to any deals," Levi tells him. "But you did." Zeke says nothing. "We shook on it, see?" Levi goes on. "I'm out. You said that, you agreed to that." 

"The terms have changed," Zeke says. 

"Stop pointing that at him," Levi says to Pieck without taking his eyes off Zeke. "He's not the one you have to worry about." 

"Pointing what?" Armin says. "Do they have a gun?" 

"Let him go," Levi says calmly. 

"They have a gun on Erwin," Armin guesses. 

Mike takes one small step forward, looks Zeke in the eye and says very enthusiastically, "Yeah!" And then. "Let Erwin go."

"If I give you a signal," Armin says, "Can you surprise them?" 

"I think," Levi says carefully, "We can work something out." 

"What did you have in mind?" Zeke asks. "I think I've made my conditions very clear." 

"First," Levi says, "Why don't you just have her point the gun at me?" 

"No," Zeke says. "I like it where it is." 

"You gonna execute an innocent man, Pieck?" Levi still hasn't taken his eyes off Zeke. "That the kinda woman you are now? You just gonna _shoot_ him in cold blood? He doesn’t deserve this and you know it."

"Just stay still," Pieck says. "And no one has to get shot." 

"Okay, okay, on my mark."

"Okay," Mike says. And then after a beat, he adds, "Lets all just take a breath." 

"Three... two..."

Levi takes a step toward Zeke. 

"One."

And Pieck panics. She jerks the gun off Erwin, swings it up at Levi--

" _Go!"_

Levi flings his bag to the side, aiming for Pieck's hands, and the gun goes off. Levi doesn't have time to see if it hit anyone. He's launching himself over the desk at Zeke and Zeke _doesn't stand a chance._

He tries to fight back. If Levi was any other man, he might have won. 

Instead, they topple to the floor, Zeke’s chair sprawling out from under him and clattering into the wall behind them when they both hit the ground. Zeke’s hands are around Levi’s neck, but Levi doesn’t care about that. He slams his elbow into Zeke’s face, throwing his whole body into the descent, and then jerks back up, one hand fisted in Zeke’s shirt front and the other wrenched back to throw another punch. 

Zeke lolls, glasses broken, and eyes fuzzy from the crippling blow Levi has already dealt.

Levi stares at him, breathing hard, and decides not to hit him again. Instead, he jerks Zeke to his feet and drags Zeke behind him as he reaches for the overturned desk chair. 

He can hear nothing but Pieck struggling against Mike. He forces Zeke back into the chair, and turns his head, heart in his throat and terrified at what he'll find. 

Mike has Pieck in a choke hold. The two of them are on the floor, and he’s got her twisted up, practically in his lap, arm around her throat and one leg thrown over her thighs. He’s so big, and she’s so small. When she reaches back and tries to scratch his face, he gets both her wrists in one huge hand and then looks up at Levi.

The gun is on the floor. When Mike sees Levi’s eyes fall to it, he kicks it away and it slides under Zeke’s desk.

Erwin is staring at them all in shock and-- 

No one is shot. 

"You want him?" Zeke growls, coming to a little, and trying so desperately to maintain control of the situation, it actually makes Levi laugh. "Take him then." He tries to shove Levi’s hands away from him, but Levi shakes him hard and slams him back into the chair.

"No." 

Levi lets him go then. Zeke jerks up in his chair, straightens his shattered glasses. His hair is in his face; his nose is bleeding.

"No," Levi says quietly. 

There is a sudden wild pounding on the door outside, and Levi hears Eren scream, _"Zeke!"_

Zeke's face goes impossibly whiter. Levi leans in close so he can drag Zeke’s chair back to the desk, and Zeke leans away from him, eyes flicking between Levi’s face and the door where Eren is screaming. He reminds Levi of a rat desperately trapped and trying to choose between a viper and a hawk. 

He adjusts Zeke's chair, makes room for himself to sit on Zeke's desk. 

Armin says quietly, “What’s going on? Tell me--”

Mikasa’s voice is there too, hissing Eren’s name, and then-- “Armin, open the door.” 

Levi says, “No,” and the other three go quiet. “Keep them out.” 

Eren starts screaming again, and Levi can hear him over the earpiece and behind the door. 

Armin starts talking; Mike says, “Levi--”

Levi cuts him off with a glance, and tunes the rest out. 

He feels like maybe his heart should be beating more quickly than it is, but he's calm. Calmer than he is before fights, calmer even then he's ever been in this room when he was watching Zeke teach his _lessons._

He has a lesson of his own. One Zeke has to understand if Levi is going to walk out of this room without killing him. He doesn't want to kill him. He doesn't want to kill anybody; he's seen so much death, been the cause of so much pain, just once, he thinks, maybe just once they can get out of this without anyone ending up in the ground.

But for that to happen, Zeke has to understand. 

“Did you touch him?” 

Zeke leans back in his chair, face impassive, but Levi watches his eyes get wider. Levi stares at him, and the room is still. Even Pieck goes quiet, watching. Levi looks behind him, looks at Erwin’s face. 

He has to look at all the pieces alone, can’t consider the whole thing. So he looks instead at Erwin’s nose, crushed flat at the bridge. At his bleeding lips and black eyes. He can see the imprint of the ring Zeke always wears for just this occasion across Erwin’s cheek bone-- a round bruise darker than the rest. 

Levi reaches out and cracks the finger wearing that ring, feels it give like a dry twig and hears the clear, hollow sound it makes. 

Zeke sucks in a breath that is almost a scream and tries to jerk his hand away but Levi’s digging his fingers into the meat of Zeke’s palm, and he can only yank against Levi like a dog trying to break a chain. 

“Did you touch him.” 

Zeke looks at Levi, and then at Pieck, panic in his eyes and so clearly trying to search for a way out--

So Levi breaks his middle finger. He does scream this time, once, short. Beautiful. 

“Did you touch him.” 

“Yes,” Zeke hisses, furious and so full of loathing--

Levi doesn’t really blame him. 

He moves very quickly then, now that Zeke has admitted to it. He twists, so he can hold Zeke’s hand against the desk by the wrist, his back to Zeke so he can’t get the leverage to pull away, and with his other hand he takes Zeke’s hammer from the little array of tools. 

He will _never_ hit Erwin with that hand again. 

When he is done, he lets Zeke go and faces him. "You made a mistake."

Zeke is breathing hard, but his eyes have stopped darting around the room. He only looks at Levi now, holding his crushed hand to his chest like it will protect him somehow. 

"I made a mistake." 

"You forgot," Levi tells him. 

"I..."

"Say it," Levi hisses. "You forgot who the fuck I am." 

Zeke's eyes flutter closed, and he says very softly, "I forgot." 

Levi turns his head, and traces his fingers over the tools on the desk. "Did you use these on him?" 

"No," Zeke says _too_ quickly. 

Levi turns his head. "Did he--"

"No." 

It is the first time Levi has heard Erwin speak, and it almost undoes him. He goes weak at the sound, almost lets all of this go, but he can't. He can't risk leaving Zeke alone, leaving him craving pay back. He can't risk it. 

"He just showed them to me," Erwin adds quietly. His voice is so hoarse. For dehydration. From yelling.

Levi turns back to Zeke and watches him flinch. Levi looks back down at the tools, and lifts the pliers. 

There is nothing about them that tells Levi they are anything other than a normal pair of pliers. Zeke keeps his things nice and clean. 

"Levi, _don't,"_ Pieck suddenly hisses. " _Stop, stop him."_ She's pleading with Mike. "Don't let him-- _Levi."_ And then, “Levi, _please.”_

Levi turns his head toward Mike, but he can’t look him in the eye when he says, “Keep her quiet.” 

"What's going on?" Armin says. No one answers him. Eren is still banging on the door outside, screaming Zeke's name. 

None of that matters. 

Levi peers down at the pliers in his hand. "He's the best man I've ever known. Do you know that?" 

Zeke doesn't say anything. 

"Better man than we are." He says quietly. "We're not good men. Are we."

"No," Zeke says quietly. 

"You were right about that," Levi admits. "It was stupid of me to try to pretend. I'm done pretending." 

"Le--"

Levi reaches out, viper fast, and grips Zeke by the chin. "I need you to understand something," he growls. He's used this voice before. When he was Zeke's man. When he was _here_ in this room. 

"You ever come for him again, there is no where you can hide that I won't find you." Zeke swallows, teeth bared, trying to pull his head from Levi's grip. But he doesn't try to hit Levi. He knows better. "There is no jail cell or safe house secure enough. You know that, don’t you? _"_ Zeke swallows and Levi can hear it. 

Levi leans to the side, leans away so Zeke can see Erwin and says, "He's the only reason I have left--” Levi cuts himself off.

He hefts the pliers in his hand, and then says, "So what do you think I'll do to you if you take that away from me? What do you think I'll do to you when I finally have nothing left to lose?" 

Zeke goes very quiet, staring at those pliers. 

“You now what I can do,” Levi says. “I don’t know why you forced me to remind you.” 

It takes longer than he remembers. He'd never reveled in causing pain, really, even though he's good at it. 

But then, before, he’d been under orders. It hadn’t been personal. Hell. Sometimes, he’d even liked whoever it was Zeke had shackled to that wall. An enemy. A disobedient soldier. An innocent victim Zeke decided to use to send someone else a message.

Before, it hadn’t been Zeke.

He wishes it didn’t feel so good, but it does. And what does that say about him? More than anything, he wishes Erwin and Mike didn't have to see. 

Zeke doesn’t fight him, and that’s maybe the worst part. He keeps his hands curled to his chest, knows that if he fights back, it’ll only be worse. Levi is grudgingly impressed that he doesn’t scream. At first. 

Pieck does though. She screams the whole time, voice muffled by Mike’s hand, but no else speaks. Not until Levi drops the second canine on the table and then moves for a molar, just because it will hurt and Zeke _deserves_ it. 

Then Erwin says, "Levi."

Hearing his name like that sends an awful shock through Levi's body. 

"That's enough." 

Erwin's right. 

It is enough. Zeke is shaking and his eyes are huge and glassy and he’s not a monster anymore. He’s just a man. It’s less than he deserves, less than he ever dished out to the people who truly pissed him off. But it’s enough. 

Levi drops the pliers on the table and shakes the blood off his fingers. Zeke falls away from him, clutching his face and suddenly, Levi hurts everywhere. He slides off the desk. 

Zeke won't bother him now. Erwin is safe. 

Erwin is _safe._

Levi has to put his hands on Erwin's body, has to feel his heart beating. When Levi touches him, he leaves Zeke’s blood on Erwin’s shirt.

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice is strange and distant. Too calm and level. When Levi looks at him, his eyes are wide and animal, the pupils shrunk to little pinpricks. They’re all blue and white, so bright against the awful yellow and purple bruises on his face and _all that blood._

And Levi realizes he's begging, pleading, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, baby, I'm sorry, I--I love you, I love you, I--"

“Levi,” Erwin says again and he’s _too calm,_ Levi hates it, he should be screaming at Levi, cursing him for what Levi put him through. “Do you remember the first line of _The Illiad?”_

It startles Levi so badly he just _stops_ speaking, and stops shaking, stops all the tremors that come _after_ a fight, a _bad fight,_ and goes right back to the cold. This isn’t right, Erwin isn’t _right._

“In my translation, it’s _Sing, Goddess, Achilles’ rage._ Do you remember?”

“Yes,” Levi rasps. 

“But it doesn’t work in English, the word they use, rage, it’s-- in all other instances of its appearance in Greek literature--” 

Levi tries to clear bile from the back of his throat, but the way Erwin is looking at him, the way he is _pleading_ with his desperate animal eyes-- Levi can’t _stand_ it.

“--it’s only ever used to describe the wrath of a god.” 

Levi feels like glass slowly cracking in the middle, spiderwebs radiating from a point somewhere in his chest. 

“Erwin.”

“I knew you’d come.” Levi shakes his head and reaches out to touch Erwin’s face, to reassure himself that he really is okay. Erwin grins at him, as much as he can with his bloodied lips, and Levi watches the light flicker on in his eyes again, watches him come back to himself when he says, “You always come for me.” 

Levi throws his arms around Erwin’s shoulders holding back an awful, terrified, _vulnerable_ sob of regret and relief and fear and triumphant satisfaction that he will never, never give voice to. 

There is an ungodly bang on the door and Levi jerks, senses flaring-- where is Armin, they hadn't heard from, where--

The bang comes again, and Mike looks at Levi. 

"Armin," Levi says aloud. Where is he? Where's _Eren?_

The door starts to crumble slowly, bubble up in the center under the weight of a battering ram. Levi looks around, panicked, because _who the fuck called--_ and then the room is flooded with police in full riot gear. Mike lets Pieck go a split second before they are both flung faceforward, hands torn up behind their backs. One of the cops looks around, looks at Erwin, at Zeke bleeding on the floor, at this _torture_ chamber, and says, "What the _fuck_?" 

And then Levi is being cuffed. Erwin watches it happen, watches Levi hauled away in chains like the criminal he is, while they cut Erwin from the wall. 

And Levi thinks this is it. There is nothing left to hide. 

He made Zeke understand. 

And now Erwin does too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What were you _thinking?”_ Levi blinks at the table, and Mr. Smith snaps, “ _Look at me when I’m talking to you.”_
> 
> And Levi does. He looks up. He’s never had anybody speak to him like this before, with this kind of authority. Like he just expects Levi to do what he says, like he _knows_ Levi will, like he deserves Levi’s respect even though he hasn’t really done anything to earn it. “You could have been _killed._ You could have gotten _Erwin_ killed!”
> 
> “I had to,” Levi says quietly. “Is. Is he…”
> 
> “He’s fine,” Mr. Smith answers. “A little battered. Wouldn’t say a word to anyone until I got down here and talked to you.” 
> 
> Levi swallows. 
> 
> “What the hell is going on, Levi?” When Levi still doesn’t say anything, Mr. Smith plows on. “This place is _covered_ in _gang_ members, I’ve got you, and _Mike,_ and _five_ other kids in cuffs and refusing to say a goddamn word about what happened last night. Erwin _kidnapped by Titans.”_
> 
> “I’m sorry,” Levi whispers. 
> 
> “I don’t have time for ‘sorrys’,” Mr. Smith says, sinking into the chair across from Levi. “Start talking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE PENULTIMATE CHAPTER omg I'm gonna cry you guys. ;_; 
> 
> Thank you to Ajax for helping me with this chapter I was very concerned about it @_@ 
> 
> See end notes for a content warning!

Levi has never been so exhausted. At least when Farlan and Isabel died, the pigs let him sleep. He lays his head on the metal table and can’t lift it. He throbs with a hundred aches and pains he doesn’t remember getting; it hurts to move so he just doesn’t. Sitting still hurts too, enough that he can’t sleep. And the room is cold and it’s loud outside. The station is like a kicked hive, all the police crawling out of their holes to swarm all over the nest of Titans they’d just crashed down upon. 

Levi just wants to sleep. 

He opens his eyes and lifts his head a little when the door opens. 

“Lawyer’s here, kid,” the officer grunts. Levi blinks. He didn’t ask for a lawyer, so they shouldn’t have given him one yet. 

Mr. Smith barrels into the room looking very different from the man Levi met at Thanksgiving a lifetime ago. He seems flustered, but fierce; there’s a fire in his eyes that Levi has seen in Erwin’s before. He’s dressed in jeans and a blazer, and there are thick, dark circles under his eyes, but he still manages to look authoritative somehow.

He draws up short when he sees Levi, and Levi sits up, a wave of guilt and shame washing over him. 

“Are you _serious?”_ Mr. Smith demands, whirling to look at the police officer. “He’s a _child,_ do you really think those _shackles_ are necessary?” 

The officer looks at Levi and then Mr. Smith. “Far as we can tell, that _child_ just put about two dozen of the most dangerous thugs in the city in the hospital by himself. Three of ‘em are in intensive care. ‘Scuse us for keeping him locked up.”

Mr. Smith looks at Levi, eyes wide. Levi can’t look at him. 

“How long have you had him sitting like this?”

The cop shrugs. “Few hours.”

“Levi.” Mr. Smith’s voice is stern and unwavering and too gentle for what Levi is. Levi has to look at him now. “Have they given you anything to eat or drink? You’re pale.” 

Levi drops his eyes to the table. He wants to tell Mr. Smith he’s fine, but he’s not. He’s been here for _hours._

“Can I have something to drink?” he says quietly. “Please.” 

“Sure, kid,” the cop says. “What do you want?”

Levi tries to shrug but it hurts too much. “Tea?” 

“Yeah.” The officer leaves and Mr. Smith just _stares._ The cop comes back with a styrofoam cup and tea bag and sets it on the table. Levi doesn’t move.

“I need to speak to my client in private,” Mr. Smith says. 

“All our rooms are full,” the officer supplies. “This’ll have to do.” 

“Fine.” 

The officer leaves. 

Mr. Smith stares at Levi in simmering silence and Levi still can’t bare to look at him. 

“What were you _thinking?”_ Levi blinks at the table, and Mr. Smith snaps, “ _Look at me when I’m talking to you.”_

And Levi does. He looks up. He’s never had anybody speak to him like this before, with this kind of authority. Like he just expects Levi to do what he says, like he _knows_ Levi will, like he deserves Levi’s respect even though he hasn’t really done anything to earn it. “You could have been _killed._ You could have gotten _Erwin_ killed!”

“I had to,” Levi says quietly. “Is. Is he…”

“He’s fine,” Mr. Smith answers. “A little battered. Wouldn’t say a word to anyone until I got down here and talked to you.” 

Levi swallows. 

“What the hell is going on, Levi?” When Levi still doesn’t say anything, Mr. Smith plows on. “This place is _covered_ in _gang_ members, I’ve got you, and _Mike,_ and _five_ other kids in cuffs and refusing to say a goddamn word about what happened last night. Erwin _kidnapped by Titans.”_

“I’m sorry,” Levi whispers. 

“I don’t have time for ‘sorrys’,” Mr. Smith says, sinking into the chair across from Levi. “Start talking.” And then he sighs, “How did you boys even get _mixed up_ in all this?” 

Levi sits back in his chair and winces a little. He moves carefully, and, shackles clanking against the metal table he’s chained to, tugs the collar of his shirt down. Shows Mr. Smith what he is. What he will always be.

“It’s my fault. He was… he was trying to get to me. With Erwin,” Levi says softly. He can’t lie to Mr. Smith. And he can’t stay quiet. Not if they’ve still got Erwin’s friends-- Levi’s friends-- locked up. 

“Who?”

“He’s our--their-- boss. Head guy. They call him The Beast.” 

Mr. Smith’s eyes squeeze shut briefly. So he’s heard of Zeke too.

“I know him,” Levi says. “He, uh. We…” Levi shifts in his chair. “He didn’t like that I got out, that I tried to. Um.” There is a lump in his throat. His eyes sting. “So he took Erwin. He took Erwin to get back at me. To try to get me to--” Levi cuts himself off. “I had to get him back.” 

“You should have gone to the _police,_ they’re _trained_ for this.” 

Levi scoffs. “Woulda killed him. He woulda.”

“Levi--”

“Woulda,” Levi says again. “Seen him do it.” 

Mr. Smith gets very quiet. 

And then he says, “Are you telling me you’re a murder witness?”

Levi smiles bitterly. “You don’t wanna know what I’ve seen.” The silence that follows that proclamation nearly chokes him. He clears his throat. Wipes his hand over his face. “So you wanna be my lawyer? Thought you were a teacher.”

“I can still practice,” Mr. Smith says. 

“Okay. Take this to the fucking pigs then. Tell ‘em, tell ‘em if they let the others go, I’ll talk.” 

“I’m not sure--”

“They were just trying to help,” Levi insists. “They don’t need to go down for this. I’ll tell ‘em it was my idea. Tell ‘em they were fucking scared of me, so they went along with it, or some shit. Do the goddamn lawyer thing. Just... get ‘em to let the kids go.” 

“I’m not letting you shoulder all this--”

“I did it though. And I broke my parole so I’m going to prison anyway. Might as well tack a few extra years on, right? Not like it fucking matters anymore.”

“Your. Parole.” 

“Yeah. Guess Erwin wouldn’t tell you he’s dating a felon,” Levi says with a grin that feels all wrong, too strained. “Cause you dads just _love_ the bad boy types right--”

“ _That’s enough.”_ Mr. Smith doesn’t actually yell, but Levi still snaps silent. 

“Sorry,” he says. “I just.” He wets his lips. His shoulders sag and he knows he has passed into delirium when he whispers, “I’m so tired.” 

“Drink your tea,” Mr. Smith says grudgingly. “And I’ll see about finding you a place to sleep.”

“Thank you. Sir.” 

Mr. Smith eyes him, and then sighs. And then he gets up, and walks around the table. Levi looks up at him, stunned, as he dips and throws his arms around Levi’s shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” 

Levi could cry. He could. Except the weight of Mr. Smith’s arms on him has sent a white spike of pain racing down Levi’s spine and he’s trapped between breaths, unable to draw air at the shock of it.

Mr. Smith draws away and puts his hands on Levi’s shoulders, looks at Levi’s face, and then frowns. 

“Levi.” 

Mr. Smith looks down at the floor, and then at his hands. He’s got blood on his shirt now and Levi wonders where it came from. 

He lunges away from Levi and pounds on the interrogation room door. It opens a second later, and Mr. Smith hisses, “Has he received medical attention?” 

The cop chews his gum. “Kid refused at the scene. Said he was fine, said it wasn’t his.”

“ _Does he look fine to you?”_

The officer steps around the table, and looks Levi up and down. “Aw, shit.” 

“I am fine,” Levi insists. But then he drops his head and sees the blood on the ground. There’s a little pool of it, dripping slowly out from under Levi’s jacket. Levi blinks at it. “‘S not mine. Probably.” 

It is. 

He’s been stabbed. 

They cut Levi’s jacket open so they can reach his back. He begs them not to, but the cops won’t uncuff him and the nurses have to reach the wound. Someone-- Levi has no idea who or when-- broke a switchblade off in his back. 

His arm is broken too.

They remove the broken blade, stitch him up, put his arm in a soft cast. And then they shackle him to a hospital bed and leave him alone in the dark. 

*

He wakes up when the door to his hospital room opens. He expects to see the cops, coming to take him away again, but instead, he sees Erwin. 

His whole face is one big bruise, and his left arm is in a sling, and he’s pushing an IV bag hanging from a stand in front of him a little awkwardly, hand held close to his chest. He’s still not wearing his prosthesis, and Levi hopes they’ve given it back to him, that it hasn’t been tangled up in evidence somehow. 

Erwin shuts the door behind him, cutting off the little sliver of light, and Levi just watches him. It hurts to look at him, hurts so much Levi almost chokes on it. They had come _so close_ to-- he had come so close to never seeing Erwin ever again. Thinking it is like falling back into a nightmare he hadn’t let himself live in the moment. What would he have _done_ if he’d found-- if Erwin had been--

Levi doesn’t say anything because he can’t. He just waits for the inevitable. It was his fault. He got Erwin kidnapped by a maniac with a penchant for torture. How could Erwin ever trust him again? Ever feel safe with him again, after everything Levi put him through? 

“Dad says you got stabbed,” Erwin whispers. 

“Just a little,” Levi mutters. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“I’m okay.” 

Erwin doesn’t speak after that. Instead, he climbs into Levi’s bed. 

The second he does it, Levi feels like his chest is going to explode. And before he can swallow it all away, Erwin carefully scoots in behind him and puts his chin on Levi’s shoulder. He’s moving tenderly, and Levi knows he’s sore, but he’s also careful not to jostle Levi. They shackled both his hands to the same side of the bed so he could lay on his side. Erwin curls in behind him and Levi’s shoulders start to shake. 

“Don’t,” Erwin whispers. “Come on, don’t.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s _not your fault,_ Levi.” 

“Yes, it is,” Levi hisses back. “If I hadn’t-- I should never have gone back, you were right, fuck, you’re _always_ right.” Erwin just breathes against Levi’s neck. Levi sniffles after a while, and says, “They let you in here?” 

Erwin laughs, but it lacks conviction. “One of the nurses distracted your guard so I could sneak in. You know, I’m very charming when I want to be.” 

Levi gives a watery laugh too. And then, “Are you okay?” he whispers. 

“Nothing a few hours an on IV and some therapy can’t fix,” Erwin mutters back grimly. 

“How’d they get you?” . 

“I stopped for gas,” Erwin says. “I guess that’s when they… I got a flat and when I pulled over, these guys _jumped_ me.” He shivers and sighs. “Got a few good hits in.” 

“Yeah,” Levi agrees. “I bet they didn’t think--”

“With my arm.” 

“Yeah.” 

They don’t say anything for a while. Levi just likes feeling Erwin behind him, feeling his solid weight, and his warmth. Feeling his heart beat.

“You saved me.” 

“Erwin--” Levi starts, before his voice cracks. It’s _his fault._

Erwin buries his nose under Levi’s ear. “I knew you would.”

Levi just sniffs. Erwin’s going to make him do it, isn’t he? God, he didn’t think he could hurt this much. 

“You should go,” he says. “They’ll… they’ll be back soon to take me back.” 

Erwin scoots in tighter and Levi tenses when Erwin bumps his back. 

“Erwin.” 

“Yeah?”

“Listen. Don’t. Don’t be stupid okay?”

“What?”

“I don’t want you trying to visit me in prison,” Levi hisses. “You don’t need to be around that shit. And I’m gonna be there for a long time. So you should probably just. You know. We.”

“Shut the fuck up, Levi,” Erwin growls in his ear. Levi is so shocked, he actually does. “You said ‘always.’”

“Baby--”

“Did you mean it? Or were you just bullshitting?” 

“Of course I meant it,” Levi whispers. “But you--”

“If you say I’m better off without you I’m gonna poke you in the stab wound.” 

And Levi laughs. Fucking hell, he actually laughs. 

“Besides,” Erwin says, “Dad’s on a warpath.” 

“What?” Levi asks, squirming a little so he can turn his head. 

“You’re not gonna spend a day in a cell if he can help it,” Erwin tells him, voice grim. 

Levi doesn’t answer. How can he tell Erwin there is nothing Mr. Smith can do? He broke his parole so many different ways-- there’s no way he can get out of this. 

But after all Erwin has been through…

Levi decides, for now, to just leave him with his hope. 

*

“How’d you get in here?” 

Levi wakes up again to an annoyed voice coming from the doorway, and when he turns his head, he finds the officer who’d been guarding his door staring at them. 

Erwin mumbles sleepily, “You’re bad at your job.” 

The officer huffs, but then he steps aside to make room for two people to enter: Mr. Smith and Dr. Pixis. 

Mr. Smith looks at Erwin and rolls his eyes. “You’re not supposed to be out of bed.” 

“I’m in a bed,” Erwin replies without moving. 

“You can go,” Dr. Pixis tells the guard. The man rolls his eyes, and then shuts the door. “How are you feeling, Levi?” 

Levi chews his lips. 

Everything in him tells him not to talk. That’s how this works, isn’t it? Levi shrugs them all off, he suffers in silence, he’s…

Alone. 

Always alone. 

“I got stabbed,” Levi says quietly. “Broke my arm. But I’m okay though, I’m.”

Pixis takes a huge breath and frowns at him. “This is quite the mess you’ve found yourself in.” 

Levi just swallows. “What’s going on?” he finally asks. “Mike and, and Hanji, and--”

“Everyone is safe,” Pixis says. “They’ve all been advised to keep quiet for now, while the authorities work through the video they retrieved at the scene. And of course, none of the Titans are giving statements.” 

“We have a lot of questions,” Mr. Smith says sternly. “And we need you to tell us everything if we have any hope of keeping you out of prison. And making sure the people who hurt Erwin face justice.” 

“Off the record?” Levi asks. 

“Anything you tell us is confidential,” Mr. Smith answers. “But-- Erwin, you should probably--”

“No,” Levi says sharply. “No, I don’t want him to go.” 

So Levi takes a breath, and for the first time in his life, he starts to talk. 

He tells them everything-- how he went back to Zeke when he needed cash, how Zeke didn’t want to let him go, how he called Levi. How he wanted Eren dead. When he gets to that part he hesitates, but Mr. Smith and Dr. Pixis are calm and patient and Erwin kisses him on the back of the neck, and he says, “That was my first job. I was there when. The night Eren’s parents were killed. You know, I just. Watched. From the car.” 

Mr. Smith looks ill. Dr. Pixis doesn’t seem surprised. 

Levi finishes his story. He doesn’t tell them he’s the one who took Zeke’s teeth. He thinks they know. 

When he is done talking, Dr. Pixis says slowly, “I can work with this. I’ll have to call in a few favors. But. I can work with this.” 

Mr. Smith says, “How much video did you say they had?”

Pixis looks at Levi and his eyes twinkle. “Uh, yes. I have a source on the force, and they informed me, confidentially, you see, that Mr. Arlert handed over video he retrieved at the scene. Unfortunately everything from last night was corrupted. Some kind of computer glitch, completely unavoidable, of course. All they have is Erwin being dragged into that back room by Zeke and his goons before the video, uh, cuts out.” Pixis’s mustache twitches. 

“That’s very lucky,” Mr. Smith sighs, missing the way Pixis and Levi are looking at each other. “If Eren can provide his father’s will, we’ve already got a real case, but none of the Titans will talk.” He levels a stern glare at Levi. “If we want to keep you out of a cell, we need to give the police something they can work with.” 

“You want me to testify against him,” Levi says. “You want me to be a fucking rat.” 

“Now, think about this,” Pixis begins. 

“I’ll do it,” Levi says quietly. 

They all stare at him. 

“Get them to drop all the charges against everyone else. And. And just let me go back to school,” he adds, hyper aware of Erwin’s heavy warmth at his back. “And I’ll give them enough to bury him.” 

Pixis nods. “We can do this.”

“No one else,” Levi says sharply. “If they ask me to ID anyone, or, or incriminate anyone else, I’ll lie,” he proclaims, lifting his chin. “We were all just… following his orders anyway.” 

“They’ll want a lot, Levi,” Mr. Smith says. “You’ll have to make this worth their while.”

Levi can feel the fury on his face when he speaks. All his rage, and disgust, and shame. “Then I’ll have to give them what the fuck they want.”

Mr. Smith tries to keep his face impassive. But Levi sees something when his eyes flick from Levi’s face to Erwin’s: fear. Always. Always fear when they find out who he really is. 

The door opens then and a nurse comes in. “They want me to get him ready for discharge,” she says curtly, jerking her chin at Levi. Pixis and Mr. Smith say their goodbyes. They have deals to make, meetings to set up. 

Erwin stays until the guards take Levi away again.

*

“Let me get this straight,” the prosecuting attorney says, bitter laughter in her voice. “You want me to just _let him go?”_

“Mr. Ackerman has agreed to cooperate fully with your investigation,” Mr. Smith says. “He’s agreed to hand you the Beast on a silver platter-- at great personal risk, I might add.” 

“Personal risk?” she repeats. “From what we’ve pieced together of what happened in that warehouse, _Mr. Ackerman_ caused almost as much damage as a _small explosion.”_ She looks down pointedly at Levi. “Unless you didn’t take out some thirty people by yourself. That’s your story, isn’t it?” 

“Yep,” Levi says. It’s not strictly true, but it could be. 

“No one was seriously injured,” Dr. Pixis says reasonably. 

“I’ve got six compound fractures, more concussions than I care to count, a man had his hand crushed and _two teeth extracted--”_

“You have no proof that those injuries were caused by my client,” Mr. Smith interrupts. 

“I find it incredibly suspicious that no one in the holding cells would go near him,” she replies, raising her voice. “You ever seen a bunch of street thugs refuse to look at someone?”

“You want the Beast or not?” Levi says, rolling his eyes and leveling her with his drollest stare. 

“Let’s use his name, shall we? Zeke Jaeger.” Levi blinks at her. 

Mr. Smith says, “You have proof Mr. Jaeger and the Beast are connected?” 

“We’ve got Jaeger cold on kidnapping and fraud. Only a matter of time before we turn up the proof we need. There’s no other reason for him to have been in that warehouse.” She straightens up and crosses her arms over her chest. “The fact is, we don’t _need_ Levi’s testimony to put Jaeger away. And from where I’m standing, keeping Mr. Ackerman off the streets is in the better interest of this city.” 

“He is a straight A student,” Pixis says, pulling something out of a folder he’s been holding. “With glowing recommendations from _all_ his professors. He’s joined the most prestigious fraternity on campus, he’s never been late to a meeting with either me, or his parole officer--”

“Being punctual and intelligent isn’t a reason to get away with about two dozen charges of assault and battery! Not to mention his parole violations.” 

“Do you have proof for these charges?” Mr. Smith interrupts. “So far, the only definitive charge you’ve got is breaking the bounds of his parole stipulations. We can certainly say Levi was outside the approved boundaries, but given the circumstances, I hardly see that as a reason to ruin this young man’s life.” 

“The circumstances,” she scoffs. 

“Do you understand what Erwin Smith means to Levi?” Dr. Pixis asks mildly. 

Levi feels a heat come to his cheeks, and he shifts in his chair. 

“I’m aware of their relationship,” she answers, relenting a little. 

“Yes, but I don’t think you fully understand-- allow me to give you a little of Levi Ackerman’s history, shall I?”

“Dr. Pixis,” Levi interrupts. 

“Don’t worry, Levi. Our sessions are still totally confidential. I won’t reveal anything that isn’t already a matter of record.” 

Levi stares at the table. 

“Levi was born to a single mother, a Kuchel Ackerman, who at the time of Levi’s birth, already had a record of her own.” He pauses and lifts his brows. “Prostitution. It is likely he is the son of one of her… clients.” 

Levi swallows uncomfortably. 

“When he was five years old, she died in the studio apartment they shared, only no one really noticed. It took a full five days before he was found.” Dr. Pixis looks up from the file he is staring into and looks the prosecutor in the eye. “It was about mid-July when Kuchel Ackerman died and the apartment lacked air conditioning.” 

Levi hears Mr. Smith exhale through his nose. Levi bites his lip to keep from telling Pixis to shut his goddamn mouth, no one needs to hear this bullshit, _especially_ not Erwin’s dad-- But instead he keeps quiet and hopes Pixis knows what he’s doing.

“His uncle took him in, but he was hardly a fitting guardian. Levi lived there for three years before Kenny Ackerman left him on the steps of a public library and turned himself in for an outstanding warrant.”

Levi turns his head and looks at Pixis. He didn’t know that. Kenny had turned himself in? Levi thought he’d just… bailed. Just decided Levi was too much work and ditched him.

“He spent the next several years in prison while Levi was passed from foster home to foster home. He didn’t get along with his foster parents. They reported he was violent, combative, surley. However, Levi’s, uh, outbursts prompted, on more than one occasion, a more thorough investigation into the parents in question, revealing several instances of neglect and abuse.”

“Every felon has a sob story,” the attorney interrupts, but she’s looking a little disturbed. Levi can’t be too glad for that though, because so is Mr. Smith. 

“I’m not through. When he was eleven, he stabbed his foster father in the throat with a steak knife and disappeared with his foster sister. The man in question didn’t report the disappearance for a week. It seems he needed time to get rid of some rather incriminating photos he’d been taking of the young girls in his care.” 

The attorney sighs and runs her hand over her face. 

“The system lost track of him until he was arrested at sixteen,” Pixis finishes. “At which point he did everything in his power to build a future for himself. He was a model prisoner, both in juvenile detention, and when he was under house arrest. He sought special permission to take an expanded course load at his local community college, and his exceptional grades and SAT scores qualified him for a full scholarship to my university. He intends to apply to medical school once he completes his four year degree.”

“What’s that got to do with the Smith boy?” she asks, voice softening a little. She sounds tired.

“He’s the only person who ever--”

They all turn and look at Levi. He ducks his head. He can’t believe he’s talking. 

“He cares about me,” he says softly. “He wants. He. Thinks I’m better than I am.” 

“Levi,” Mr. Smith whispers, the clipped authoritative tone he’s been using with the other attorney falling away. His hand falls on Levi shoulder, careful not to jostle the knife wound under his shoulder blade.

“Every felon’s got a sob story,” she repeats quietly. “You broke the law, Levi. I can’t ignore that.” 

“We could go to court, appeal it,” Mr. Smith replies, voice deadly soft. “We can put his friends on the stand and talk about how the Beast had gang members stalking Levi on campus. How he tried time and again-- in front of witnesses-- to rebuff them. How the Beast _kidnapped_ his--” Mr. Smith swallows, voice shaking, before he says, “ _Boyfriend_ to try to blackmail him into commiting a murder.”

She shakes her head, eyes narrowed at the wall, head turned from them. 

“I’ll call every single frat brother and sorority sister,” Mr. Smith says. “I’ll call every teacher and counselor, and _every_ kid that followed him to that warehouse. I’ll put my son on the stand. Kidnapping victims are _awfully_ sympathetic. Have you met my son? He’s incredibly charming. ” 

The attorney still doesn’t look at them. Mr. Smith lowers his voice further and Levi has never heard him sound so livid. “We can talk about how Levi sat in this station for _eight. Hours._ With a shattered forearm and _a knife in his back.”_

“Tell me your terms,” she says, turning her head to face them. 

Levi lifts his head. Mr. Smith leans back in his seat. 

“Levi doesn’t spend another day in jail. He goes home with his uncle today.”

“We extend his parole,” she counters, glancing at Levi’s face. “He’s on an ankle monitor, and he doesn’t leave his house, or campus when he returns to school.”

“Levi,” Mr. Smith says. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” 

“You drop the pending charges you have against Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman,” Mr. Smith goes on.

“I can’t do that,” she says. “Eren picked a fight in the holding cells and Mikasa assaulted a police officer and resisted arrest.” 

“Let ‘em go,” Levi says. “They weren’t thinking straight. His fucking brother tried to kill him.” 

She considers Levi for a long time. “You gotta make this worth my while, kid.”

Mr. Smith looks at Levi. Levi nods. 

“Drop the charges against Eren and Mikasa, and Levi will provide you with previously unknown details about the murders of Grisha and Carla Jaeger.”

The attorney's eyes get wide, and she blinks. “Done.” 

Levi nods in relief. Eren and Mikasa were the only two who hadn’t gotten away scot-free yet. Armin handed over footage, cooperated right from the start (or at least, as far as Levi understood it, cooperated as much as he could without implicating the others in any actual crimes), so they’d let him go. Hanji and Jean, by all accounts, hadn’t done anything but provide moral support since Hanji never copped to hacking into Zeke’s security system; the cops had bigger fish to fry than whatever bullshit conspiracy to commit whatever-the-fuck they could have tried to pin on Hanji and Jean. And none of the Titans implicated Mike in the assault. Levi guessed the cops knew he’d been involved. But without testimony, all they had was him in that room with Levi. And even Levi knew nothing would stick if all they had him on was trying to save his friend. The press was already calling the lot of them heroes. 

Mikasa and Eren would have been out by now too, if Mikasa hadn’t punched a police officer and Eren hadn’t tried to strangle Zeke in the holding cells. 

She draws up the paperwork. Levi signs it. It takes a few hours; they have to wait for a judge to approve the whole thing, which takes longer than it otherwise might, since it’s a Sunday. Dr. Pixis calls Kenny.

When it’s all over, they uncuff him. 

Zeke Jaeger is the Beast. Levi will testify to that. He will testify that Zeke tried to get him to kill Eren, that Zeke ordered him to rob the convenience store that put him in lock up in the first place, that Zeke was the brain behind countless other scams and crimes. Fortunately the cops already had a case built against the Beast. 

They just needed a name, and someone willing to sing. 

He knows more of course, but Levi will keep it in his back pocket, just in case. 

When he leaves, they have to pass by the holding cells. They’re still mostly full; the police have been working through processing everyone, figuring out who they can charge with what, and who they have to release. Unlike Levi’s friends, all the Titans have records already. Makes it easier to keep them here for far longer than is technically humane.

When Levi steps out of the interrogation rooms uncuffed, a free man, a single sibilant hiss starts in the back corner of one of the cells. And then it spreads, and spreads, until the whole bustling pen has gone quiet, all the cops looking at the band of criminals locked behind the holding cell bars, and every criminal looking at Levi.

Levi is a rat standing in a pit of vipers. 

Mr. Smith puts his hand on Levi’s shoulder, starts to steer him away, but Levi shrugs him off and crosses to the holding cells. Now that he’s looking at them, the threatening hiss dies, tapers pathetically away. 

Reiner glares at him from behind the bars, and when Levi gets close, he spits, “Traitor.” And then, as if it’s worse, _“Rat.”_

Levi’s eyes slide past Reiner. Zeke lounges casually in the corner, a little seperate from the others, protected by the presence of his honor guard. Pieck. Bertolt and Reiner. And apparently Annie; she’d joined up after Levi had left, it seemed. 

Zeke’s face is bruised and swollen. Someone has given him an ice pack to hold. He’s got bruises on his throat too. Eren, Levi realizes with a little thrill of satisfaction. He stares at Levi and once, a very long time ago, Levi would have would have been terrified of the pure loathing on his face. 

But not anymore. 

He doesn’t look scary anymore, Levi realizes. He just looks pathetic.

“Hey, Reiner,” Levi says softly, but loud enough that Zeke can hear him, loud enough that Bert and Pieck can too. They all glare at him. They hate him. “Ask Zeke what happened to Marcel.”

That is all Levi says, but it is enough. His tone is enough. And he knows, based on the way Reiner’s eyes go wide all at once, based on the way he jerks around to look at Zeke, based on the way Bertolt steps away from Zeke and Pieck covers her mouth with her hands, that they understand. And they believe him. 

Levi turns and heads out of the room. 

In the elevator, the prosecuting attorney looks at him and narrows her eyes. “Who’s Marcel?” 

“Marcel Galliard,” Levi answers calmly. “He was Zeke’s right hand man. Unofficially. Knew every scrap of bullshit that went on in the organization.” 

They all stare at him. Mr. Smith, Dr. Pixis, and the lawyer. 

Levi can give her this. She’ll find it soon anyway, if they pull all the threads they’ll find when they investigate Zeke. 

“He got too popular,” Levi says. “Real charismatic, that one. Goddamn leader type. But really, he just didn’t want Zeke sinking his claws into Marcel’s kid brother. Zeke didn’t like that.” 

Mr. Smith looks sick again. The elevator stops and opens, but no one moves. 

“Check the northeast corner of the field where that warehouse sits,” Levi says. 

“He’s buried there,” she says with a breathy sigh. She doesn’t need to say it. It’s obvious what Levi means. He supposes he should give her one more thing though, so she knows his info is good, so she knows he didn’t just hear this, or was told about it later. 

“What’s left of him,” he says. He lifts his head and looks her in the eyes. “Zeke shot him in the back. And then he fed him to his dog.” 

Levi steps off the elevator. It seems like a long time before he hears the others move too. 

*

The rumbling of the truck is making Levi’s back ache. Something’s wrong with the suspension; maybe he can help Kenny fix it, when he heals up a little. 

He can’t believe Kenny is taking him home, that he’s not behind bars. He’d resigned himself to a cell the second he’d heard Zeke’s voice coming over that phone line, telling him he had Erwin. He’d just assumed, somewhere in the back of his head, that he was either going to die, or end up in cuffs. 

The fact that they’d taken the cuffs off in the end…

He puts his face in his hands and curls forward over his knees. It hurts to lean against the seat; this position pulls his stitches, but it’s better this way. He’s got a script in his back pocket that the hospital had given him-- Oxy. But he’d needed to be clear headed for the meating with the attorney; he hadn’t taken anything for the pain since the IV they gave him when he very first got to the hospital yesterday afternoon. 

This has maybe been the longest weekend of his life.

Levi goes stiff when he feels a hand at the base of his neck. It hesitates, brushes his skin, before he feels the full weight. Kenny squeezes his neck gently and then puts his hand back on the wheel. 

“I didn’t know you,” Levi starts, and then he stops. 

He and Kenny don’t talk. 

“I didn’t know you were locked up,” he says quietly, without lifting his face from his knees. 

“What time?” Kenny says with a chuckle. 

Levi turns his head and he knows his voice is more bitter than he wants it to be when he says, “The time you left me at that library.” 

Kenny glances down at him and shifts uncomfortably. He’s quiet for a long time. 

“Kept having to move,” he says. “Keep ahead of that warrant.” 

Levi waits. 

“Couldn’t put you in school.” 

Levi reaches back, remembers Kenny telling him how to hold a knife the proper way, and how he could never trust a pig, and how to throw a punch. 

“Kids should be in school,” Kenny says. “Specially. Specially a smart brat like you.” 

Levi still doesn’t say anything. 

“Thought if I. Hoped. If I turned myself in, they’d go easy, you know? And I could. After.” Kenny snorts, and then spits into his cup. “I ain’t a fuckin’ father,” he snaps. He glares at the road. 

“Time I got out,” he says, when they have both sat in silence for far too long, “You’d run away. Didn’t know where to find ya. Time I did, you was wearing that patch and I thought. You know. Maybe you was better off. Family like that. Don’t need me.” 

“Some family,” Levi scoffs. 

Kenny breathes out through his nose. And then he paws at Levi’s back again. 

“Don’t touch me, shit head,” Levi snaps. 

Kenny flicks him on the ear and laughs. “Fuck you, runt.” 

“You got any cigarettes?” 

Kenny lifts his hips off the seat and pulls a crumpled box from his back pocket. Levi finally sits up, wincing, and lights up. The first draw of smoke filling his lungs is a release, and he feels some of the tension that he’s been holding onto since he first got Mr. Smith’s call about Erwin leech away. 

*

When they pull up to the house, there are three people loitering on the corner. They are wearing leather jackets, looking innocuous enough. 

But Levi knows what a threat looks like. 

Kenny pulls into the driveway, and Levi watches the people on the corner.

Kenny doesn’t seem to notice. He climbs out and reaches into the back for Levi’s bag, and before he can hand it to him, Levi is stalking across the yard. Kenny’s house is on the corner lot. No way those shitheads are there accidentally. 

“Hey!” 

They turn and look at Levi, pretend they haven’t already seen him. 

“Get the fuck outta here.” 

“You own the road, fucker?” one of them asks. 

“Tell Zeke that’s not gonna work,” Levi spits. 

The biggest one grins at him, and says, “We ain’t bothering nobody. Just. Enjoying the view.” 

Levi swallows. This is what he’ll have to deal with? Wondering if Kenny’s gonna jumped when he steps out the door, or if someone’s gonna light their house on fire in the middle of the night? 

“You-”

Something flies past Levi’s head, sings as it passes, and he jerks away from it too late-- it was already going to miss him though. There is a dull _thunk_ and the boy standing in front of the stop sign jerks and then gasps too loudly. 

Levi’s brain takes a second to catch up to his eyes-- the thug is stuck to the signpost by a fucking _throwing_ knife pinning his jacket in place. He jerks and can’t get loose. The blade is stuck just so, thrown so expertly it doesn’t seem to have actually cut the kid.

There is another dull thunk and the kid screams this time, wrist pinned by the cuff of his jacket when he reached up to pull the knife out. 

All four of them turn and look at Kenny, who is standing only a few feet behind Levi. He knocks his hat back on his head a little and _grins._

The two thugs who are loose jolt away when Kenny flicks his wrist and the third blade he’d been holding sings into the signpost, just above his captive’s head. 

Then Kenny very deliberately opens his jacket and pulls out a revolver Levi hadn’t known he’d been carrying. Levi is stunned. Is Kenny really going to--

He points the gun at the kid stuck to the signpost, cocks it, and says, “Bang.” 

And all three of them take off. The two who are loose sprint away, while the third yanks himself free of the signpost. The second he turns his back, Kenny bends down, plucks a rock from the gravelly ground, and hurls it at the thug’s head. The kid nearly trips over his own feet when the rock hits him. 

“Awww, where you going?” Kenny calls after them, voice sing song. “Thought we was gonna play!” 

Levi looks at him. “Fuck did you get throwing knives?” And how the fuck did he get so _good_ with them?

Kenny snorts and then spits on the ground. Somewhere in the motion, he flicks his arm and yet another knife appears in the hand not holding the gun. 

Levi shakes his head and says instead, “That’s not loaded, right?” 

Kenny grins at him, _vicious,_ and pulls the trigger, gun aimed at the sky. 

It’s _loud._

“What the fucking fuck, you asshole, shit, that’s so dangerous, you can’t just _shoot into the sky,_ are you trying to kill someone--” 

Kenny laughs while Levi berates him, spins his pistol by the trigger guard, and then holsters it again. 

*

Levi hasn’t been home, so Kenny’s place looks like a hurricane hit it. Levi doesn’t have the energy to fix it though. He spends the first three days in bed doped up on Oxy which makes him too nauseated to eat properly. 

They don’t see the thugs again.

On the fourth day, he has to go to the hospital to have a hard cast put on his arm, and when they return, the cops are waiting with his new ankle monitor. 

On the fifth day, he cleans Kenny’s house while Kenny is at work. It feels good to be moving again, and he coaxes himself along with the promise of another pain pill when he is done; he can’t stand the dust and clutter, even in an opioid haze. 

He is taking the trash out when an old, beat up cadillac rolls into Kenny’s overgrown driveway. Levi narrows his eyes and watches as an enormous bald man covered in prison tattoos climbs from the passenger side. The driver stays where he is, looking straight ahead. 

“Hey kid,” the man says gruffly. “Ripper home?” 

Levi lifts his brows. “Who?”

“Kenny,” the man amends with a slightly feral grin. 

“Nah,” Levi says. 

The man frowns, and then he pauses to look Levi up and down. “You’re his kid.”

“I’m not-- He’s my uncle,” Levi drawls. “Fuck do you want?” 

The bald man pulls a face. “I see the resemblance,” he chuckles, staring down at Levi. Levi imagines he doesn’t often have thin teenagers who can’t stand in the deep end of a pool staring him down. “Tell him we took care of it.”

Levi furrows his brows. “Took care of what?”

The man just grins at him. “You stay out of trouble, kid.” 

Levi watches him get back into his car and pull away and can’t shake the strange chill that darts down his back. 

When Kenny gets home, Levi passes on the message. 

“Some goon with face tattoos came looking for you. Said ‘we took care of it.’ Fuck does that mean?” 

“Hmm,” Kenny hums, face impassive. He doesn’t answer Levi’s question. Instead, he goes inside and takes a beer from the fridge before he sits in his chair and flips on the six o’clock news. Levi rolls his eyes and goes back to wiping down the kitchen counters when a single name draws his attention. He turns his head. 

“--has been admitted to intensive care after a prison riot left him unresponsive. Jaeger was due to appear in court Monday to face arraignment for charges relating to the kidnapping of Paradis University student Erwin Smith, as well as charges of fraud, and murder in relation to activities of the local street gang known at the Titans. That court date has been postponed.” 

Kenny sips his beer and changes the channel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: this chapter contains brief, passing references to child sexual predators and abusive foster situations.


	15. Chapter 15

Kenny's truck rattles into the driveway and Levi doesn't move. He's scrolling through Facebook. He'd been bored enough, in the last week or so, to finally create one and had found a truly upsetting number of pictures of himself speckled throughout his friends’ profiles. Most of them aren't terribly unflattering, but there is one of him doing a keg stand that he has to text Jean to take down. _You'll get me arrested you idiot I'm not supposed to drink._ The picture had disappeared a few minutes later, and Levi had gotten a very apologetic snap not long after that.

Levi is distracted now by Erwin's relationship status. 

After he'd created the account, after he'd friended Erwin, he'd gotten a notification: _Erwin Smith says you are in a relationship!_

And after chewing his lip for a moment, he hit the confirm button. 

Levi only has a few friends-- Erwin, a few Sigma Kaps and Alpha Rhos. But within minutes of pressing that 'confirm' button, his notifications don't stop ticking up. Erwin, Levi remembers belatedly, has _a lot_ of friends. 

The messenger dings and Levi glances down. Erwin has sent him a link to a picture he's just posted. 

_Make this your profile picture so I'm not dating a silhouette._

_This website is stupid,_ Levi says. _Why do you have so many friends._

_Only creepy assholes don't have profile pictures._

_Fine. How do I do it?_

_lol just go the link and there's a little button you can hit you'll see it_

Levi rolls his eyes and follows the link. 

The picture, unfortunately, makes him smile. 

He's never seen it before; Erwin clearly took it when he wasn't looking. He is curled up in his favorite chair in their dorm, Erwin's copy of the _Illiad_ in one hand, and a mug of tea in the other. He's wearing his new black hoodie and the sleeve is falling down over his hand and the mug. He never realized until now how strangely he holds his mug, with his palm protecting the mouth of the cup. When had he started doing that? The Clubhouse leaked when it rained. And the kids in juvvie had played pranks sometimes, ruined a drink with ketchup or something worse. Foster kids had done that too... 

He doesn't know. 

Erwin has captioned the picture quite simply '<3'.

Levi spends a few minutes figuring out how to set it as his profile picture, and then the friend requests start rolling in. Erwin's family, more frat brothers, friends of friends-- it's overwhelming. 

He clicks back instead to look at the relationship status update. This is a big step for Erwin, Levi knows. His high school friends know now, and people he'd worked with when he was lifeguarding, and the family Levi didn't meet at Thanksgiving. 

The first few comments are from Mike and Jean and Ymir. Things like _omg really????_ and _bout time,_ and _should we pretend to be like surprised or something?_

And then Levi starts seeing comments from names he doesn't know. 

_????_

_Wait is this a joke_

_Seriously?_

_Very funny._

Levi frowns, stomach churning for Erwin's sake. He checks Erwin's 'about' info and finds that Erwin has updated his 'interested in' section to include men. 

He clicks back to the relationship status update.

Erwin's father comments very simply, _Proud of you._

Levi's stomach flips over. 

And then Erwin's friends jump to the rescue. Every comment that's confused or not one hundred percent supportive gets a reply from Mike, and Ymir of all people. Mike is kinder, saying things like _Yeah, it's legit, aren't they adorable?_ and _Wait is this confusing? What part wasn't clear?_ while Ymir seems far less patient. 

When Levi sees a comment from Olivia that says _Ewwwww,_ and a reply from Ymir that says very simply, _Fuck you,_ he sends a message to Erwin. 

_This status update is getting out of hand._

_lol yeah it's nuts_

_you better get ymir she's bitchin at Olivia for busting your balls._

_haha oh fuck_

A few seconds later, Erwin comments, _Thanks for the support but try not curse out my baby cousin._

Ymir pops back, _Oh shit sorry._

And Olivia just says _boys are groosssssssss._

"Yo! Brat!" 

Levi sits up and closes his laptop. 

"Get out here!"

"What," he groans, stepping out into Kenny's tiny living room. He draws up short. Kenny is holding a very sparse looking Christmas tree against the wall, and he's got four Wal-Mart bags full of lights and ornaments in the other. 

Levi lifts his brows. Kenny shoves the bags in his hands. 

"Gotta few more in the truck," he explains. "Get the bullshit outta that corner so we can set this up." He waves at a corner of the room where a stack of boxes that has been there since he'd moved in and had never been unpacked rests. 

Levi doesn't say anything-- he is too stunned. Instead he blinks dazedly, and starts to do as Kenny asked, pulling out the boxes of junk and moving them to a spot where he can go through them for Kenny later and pack them away in the attic. 

Kenny comes back in with a few more bags and a box. He eyes the tree and then drops everything where he stands. 

"How come it won't stand up straight?" he demands with a frown, eyeing the little tree. 

"Did you get a stand for it?" Levi drawls. 

"A what now?" 

"A stand, you dumbass," Levi snaps. "It's a real tree, you gotta give it water and shit and put it in a fucking stand." 

"Aww, shit," Kenny complains. "Well fuck, now I gotta go back to the store." 

Levi rolls his eyes. "Get me some tea, I'm all out." 

"Yeah, yeah. You gotta package," Kenny adds, pointing to the box he'd unceremoniously thrown onto the floor. "Picked it up from the post office." 

Levi groans. "That could be fragile!" he snaps, picking it up from the floor. Kenny stalks into the kitchen to get a can of beer and downs it all in one go while Levi slits the tape on the little brown box. 

It's from Erwin. 

Levi curiously peers inside, and then flushes all the way to his toes. 

"Whatcha get?" Kenny asks, coming back into the living room and trying to peek into the package. 

Levi slams it shut. " _Nothing, fuck,_ mind your own business!" 

Kenny wrinkles his nose at him. " _Touchy._ What, yer boyfriend send ya something naughty?" 

" _Shut up!"_ Levi snaps. He turns on his heels and races back to his bedroom while Kenny makes kissy noises at him. " _Asshole!"_ He slams the door. 

When his heart slows down a bit, he shakes his hair out of his eyes and sends Erwin a snap of the box. _You’re a dick Kenny almost saw this_

Not three minutes later, after Levi has curiously dumped the contents of the box out on the bed, he gets a Skype call. 

“Well, I couldn’t _warn_ you, now could I?” Erwin demands when Levi opens the call. 

Levi gives him the finger, but it’s not as effective as it could be since his arm is in a lime green cast. 

It feels good to see Erwin, makes Levi’s chest hurt. They’ve only been apart for two weeks, but it’s the longest Levi has gone without seeing him since they _met._ Not to mention the last time they’d been together, he’d been in handcuffs being dragged out of a hospital room and hadn’t known if all their plans for deals would actually work. 

Erwin’s hair is wet, and he’s shirtless, leaning against the headboard of his bed. Even now, his upper body is still covered in fading bruises that are echoed in the skin around his eyes. His split lip is mostly healed; his nose is still crooked and he’ll need surgery to fix it. 

At least his flesh arm is out of the sling. He’d told Levi he’d been locked to that wall like that for over twenty four hours. Levi isn’t surprised since he knows how Zeke works… worked. But it still makes his blood sing with rage when he thinks about it. He spends a few moments then, thinking of a pair of pliers in his hand and blood on his fingers and then feels guilty about how satisfied that makes him feel. 

“How’s your back?” Erwin asks. It’s always the first thing out of his mouth, even though they Skype at least once a day. And often more. It’s not like Levi has anything better to do. 

Kenny _did_ manage to get his hands on a Playstation (Levi didn’t ask how) and a copy of Overwatch so an uncomfortable amount of time has been spent getting yelled at by Mike, Jean, and Ymir over a headset; Levi is apparently atrocious at video games and a burden to his entire team, and really Erwin, why did you insist we let him play with us? Sasha is the only one who actually takes the time to tell Levi what he’s doing wrong, aside from Erwin. Erwin says she’s the best player on the team and only plays with them because she’s nice, but that no one else will admit it. 

“I get to go back to the hospital for a follow up tomorrow,” Levi says. The blade that had broken off in Levi’s back had miraculously missed hitting anything vital, but it was still deep enough that Levi had gone to two follow-up appointments so far to make sure it was healing properly. “Might take the stitches out,” he says hopefully. “How’s your face?”

Erwin scowls. “My nose clicks if I poke it.” 

“So don’t poke it.” 

“Yeah, fuck you,” Erwin laughs. “That’s not even the worst part. I can only breathe out of one nostril.”

Levi chews his lip.

“Hey, come on,” Erwin says suddenly. “It’s fine, it could be worse.” 

He’s right. It could be. Levi still wishes he knew exactly which asshole smashed Erwin’s face into the steering column so Levi can go repay the favor. Erwin doesn’t remember though. He’d taken a few other hits to the face after the initial assault, and over the course of the day, and he said they started to blur together after a while. But that might have just been his eyes swelling. 

“What did you do today?” Erwin asks, very clearly to change the subject. He’d been out with his dad all morning and aside from the occasional text, they hadn’t talked much until he got home an hour ago. 

Levi shrugs again, and tilts the screen on his laptop up a little so he can see better. “Same shit I always do,” he answers. “Found something to clean and then ended up reading. And the fucking Facebook thing. I can’t believe I let you talk me into that.” 

Erwin grins, but it’s a little twisted. “Yeah, well, you needed one.” 

Levi rolls his eyes and smirks and leans back in bed. He pulls the laptop onto his lap and absently toggles to Erwin’s wall while they talk. 

“Shit, when did you take all these pictures,” Levi demands. Erwin has apparently been busy, because he’s posted a new album that seems to be exclusively pictures of he and Levi together, or Levi with his friends. There are a few selfies Levi remembers tolerating, and a few more where he is glaring into the camera, but the rest are all new to Levi. Enough of them are candids of Levi and Erwin together that Levi knows he must have gotten from his friends. 

“I love taking pictures,” Erwin says. “How have you not noticed?” 

Levi frowns. “I dunno, you do it quick I guess.”

He’s not sure how he feels about all these pictures. There’s one of Levi from behind, shirtless with a tennis racket in his hand and stretching his arm across his chest so his angel wings are on full display; Eren and Mike are in the background making faces. There is another of Levi and Petra with their heads bent over their physics books. Levi comes across one from the night they had their greaser party-- Erwin in his leather jacket and sinfully tight jeans, pretending to run a comb through his hair while Levi flips off the camera with both hands, hair in his eyes and hip at an annoyingly femme angle. Ymir has commented _Could this picture be any gayer._

A good third of the photos are from before. Before he knew how Erwin felt, before maybe even Erwin did. It is strange to see them. Levi feels like he is looking at himself through someone else’s eyes, or maybe like it isn’t him in the pictures. The way the ones Erwin has taken are framed is so… careful. Soft in a way Levi has never considered for himself. Curled in his chair reading, or staring out the window at the lake when he should be studying, or in one, smiling at something Eren had done when he’d thought no one was looking. 

It makes him realize Erwin is always looking.

And in all the others, in so many pictures Erwin didn’t take, Erwin is staring at Levi, or vice versa. 

The very last picture Levi doesn't think should be on Facebook. Erwin had posted a selfie he’d made Levi take-- he is holding Levi’s chin, and they are kissing. He supposes it’s not exactly inappropriate, but Levi knows what had followed, the firmness of Erwin’s fingers on his face, the way he’d looked Levi in the eye and said with heat in his voice, _Take a picture._

They have been sitting in silence for sometime, each occupied with whatever is on his computer screen. 

Levi says, “I can’t believe you posted this.” 

“Which one?” 

“The kiss one,” Levi complains. “Why’s everything gotta go up on Facebook, what the fuck.”

Erwin chuckles. “I wasn’t gonna, but do you have any idea how many messages I’ve gotten in the last hour from people wanting to know if this is legit? I’ve even had a few friends from high school, who I haven’t talked to in years, by the way, come out to me? It’s weird.”

“You have too many friends,” Levi informs him again. He stops looking through the photo album and sees an update from Erwin, posted in the last fifteen minutes or so. _Thanks guys! Gotta nice little list of people to unfriend now so that’s cool I guess. Probably not as big as it could be though. Appreciate the congrats. <3_

“Shit,” Levi mutters. 

“What?”

“I just saw your status. Who do I need to fuck up?”

Erwin snorts. “No one important. Couple shit heads I played football with.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Erwin says easily. “I figured I’d shake a few douchemongers loose.” 

Levi snorts. There’s a little pink in Erwin’s cheeks that tells Levi maybe he’s not being entirely truthful, maybe he is just a _little_ bothered by something someone said, but Levi doesn’t push him. He knows it’ll only upset them both. 

Instead, he picks up one of the items Erwin had sent him, a blue box with a black plug on it, and says, “Kinda fucked up to send me this shit a week before you get here. You just want me to fucking stare at it. That’s cruel, Erwin.” 

Erwin grins at him. “It’s bluetooth, babe.” 

“What? You got another?” he says, curiously moving to open the box. This isn’t the same one from before. 

“Yeah,” Erwin says brightly. He adds with a mischievous smirk, “That one’s bigger, and has more vibe settings. I researched it for like a week, it’s supposed to be the best.” 

Levi frowns. “I still don’t see why you wouldn’t just wait until you got here to give it to me.” 

“Oh my god, you’re hopeless. It’s _bluetooth,_ Levi.” 

“So?” 

“ _So,_ install the app on your phone, and then _I_ can control it.” Levi blinks at him. “From here. Right now.” 

Levi is too shocked to be worried about how much Erwin spent on the damn thing. “What, seriously? That’s fucking cool.” 

“Yeah, it’s awesome.” Erwin gives him a lopsided little smile. “And perfect. Since you’ll be stuck at Kenny’s whenever we’re not at school…” 

Levi feels his cheeks getting hot, so he pulls the plug from the box so he doesn’t have to say anything. It’s got a little charging stand he can set it in when he’s not using it, and a plastic cover to keep it hidden. Erwin had also included some spray to clean it with and a bottle of lube in the package, and he’d wrapped all of it in one of the soft, worn shirts he usually slept in. When Levi picks it up, he smells fresh laundry detergent and a hint of Erwin’s bath soap. 

Levi would never admit it, but the shirt might just be his favorite part. 

“Let’s try it out,” Erwin says holding up his phone with a mischievous grin. 

Levi says a little too casually, “Don’t I gotta charge it first?” 

“Nah, I did that already,” Erwin replies. “You just have to download the app. It’s on the instructions.” 

It’s easy enough. Levi follows the directions, fiddles with the settings for a second, and then says, “Try it now.” 

The plug vibrates in his hand, and then pulses twice before it turns off. 

Erwin grins and says _very_ enthusiastically, “Cool.” 

Kenny generally leaves Levi alone when he’s in his room, but Levi is suddenly very glad that he’d had to go back to the store. 

The way Erwin is looking at him. 

It isn’t fair. He wants to be there with him, he wants to be together, wants to feel Erwin’s lips on his skin and smell his hair and hear him purr Levi’s name. 

But, he supposes there are worse ways to deal with missing someone. 

Erwin has to tell him to use it, has to tease, “Come on, don’t be shy, babe,” so Levi curses at him, and then the game begins. Erwin disappears for a second to shut his bedroom door and when he comes back, he tells Levi to undress. When he pulls his shirt off, Erwin sighs. 

Levi is covered in bruises of his own. 

“Probably a good thing we’re not together,” Levi says quietly. “We’d just hurt each other.”

“Don’t tease me, Levi,” Erwin deadpans. 

Levi snorts. “Come on, it still hurts to bend. I got stabbed, you know. You’d just tear my stitches.” 

“Would not,” Erwin proclaims. “I’d be _so_ gentle, I’d treat you like a _prince.”_

“You’re such a liar.” 

“What, you don’t think I can be tender?”

“ _Tender_ and _careful_ aren’t the same thing,” Levi counters. Erwin is always tender. He just maybe does it by biting Levi’s neck and pushing him into the bed like he knows Levi likes. 

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’ll still be stabbed next week,” Erwin counters. “I’ll just have to show you then.” 

Levi says, “Now _you’re_ just teasing _me_.” 

Erwin grins at him again with his tongue between his teeth. “You gonna put that thing in or just hold onto it?” 

So Levi does. Erwin complains because he faces the camera and sinks onto it instead of turning around so Erwin can see; but his range of motion is still sorta limited and this is easier. 

He bites his lip when it settles into place. It _is_ bigger than the other, and considering how he hasn’t so much as jerked off since he got back to Kenny’s, he is already feeling a little too floaty, overly sensitive. He hadn’t done it on purpose at first-- it was just that his pain meds kinda killed his sex drive, and then he’d spent a few more days missing Erwin and feeling sorry for himself since he had nothing better to do, and then he decided why not just wait a few more days until Erwin got here? This is close enough for now though.

He spends a few spare seconds appreciating the size of the damn thing, how full he feels, before Erwin turns it on. 

Levi is sitting cross legged on the bed, laptop on the blankets in front of him, and he sucks in a breath and curls his head forward at the thrill of it. 

Erwin fiddles with the controls, changing the speed and pattern and strength of the vibration, before he puts his phone down and just stares at Levi with his chin in his hand and his elbow on his knee. 

“I didn’t know men could be so pretty,” he says. 

“Fuck you,” Levi says, breath already embarrassingly ragged, “Don’t call me pretty.” 

“But you are,” Erwin teases. “Look at yourself.”

There is a sudden ringing note of command in the cheerful order that makes Levi open his eyes and look at himself in the Skype window. 

He finds it painfully embarrassing to see himself like this, breath too laboured and skin too flushed, and a full hard on on display dead center of the picture, but it also sends a thrill through him, a feeling of something illicit and secret. Just for them. 

“This thing must be great,” Erwin comments. “Looks like I need to turn it down.”

Levi blurts without fully meaning too, “Fuck you, I haven’t come since the night before you left for your dad’s house.” 

Erwin’s brows go up. “Oh, _really.”_

“Shit.” 

Erwin turns the plug up _much_ higher than it had been before and Levi falls sideways onto his pillows with a strangled gasp. Now it _is_ too much, too much all at once to make him come at least. He jerks too hard on the bed and a dull spike of pain shoots down his back when he twists the wrong way. 

“Fuck,” Erwin mutters quietly. “The things I’d _do_ to you if I was there right now.” And then, “Sit back up, I can’t see.” 

Levi loves it when Erwin gets like this, loves the ways he just _demands_ things. It makes it easier for Levi to listen, to just do what he says so he doesn’t have to think for himself. It might scare him, how easy it is to listen to Erwin, if Levi didn’t trust him so damn much.

He manages to roll back into a sitting position, but it presses the plug deeper and he stuffs the first piece of fabric his fingers close around into his mouth to keep from crying out. It is not a blanket or a pillowcase like he expects. It is Erwin’s sleep shirt and Levi can suddenly smell Erwin all around him. 

When he opens his eyes, he finds that Erwin has adjusted the laptop screen so Levi can see him touching himself. His hand moves slowly, like he could watch Levi like this all day, and Levi is briefly enthralled by the slow, sensual pull of his beautiful fingers around his thick cock. 

It makes Levi do the same, though his own hand feels a little foreign-- his dominant hand is in a cast right now. 

He hesitates though, and he doesn’t know why until Erwin purrs, “Are you waiting for permission, baby?”

He is. A furious shock charges through him when he realizes; he hadn’t meant to, but the way Erwin is talking to him, telling him how to sit, and playing with the settings on the toy-- it makes Levi want to put on a good show. 

“Go ahead,” Erwin tells him. 

It’s a testament to Levi’s sheer determination that it takes as long as it does. That and every time Levi gets close, Erwin changes the pattern on the plug; sometimes it’s distracting, sometimes it almost sends him toppling over the edge he’d been biting his cheek to avoid. 

He puts his chin to his chest and groans softly into the T-shirt he’s holding with his free hand when it starts, shoulders shaking with the effort of keeping quiet. With Levi’s luck, Kenny would chose that exact moment to walk in the front door, and the walls in this house are paper thin. 

He lets out a huge breath when it’s over, body sagging in place, hands falling into his lap, and says, “Oh, fuck.” 

Erwin smirks at him and the plug stops torturing him. 

Honestly, he _really_ needed that. 

“So pretty,” Erwin says serenely. Levi flips him off again with the hand in the cast after he moves the T-shirt so it doesn’t get dirty. Then he looks at the bruised and come covered knuckles of the opposite hand in minor distress. Erwin says very quietly, “Lick it.” 

Warmth spreads through Levi’s chest, and he recalls that same secret feeling tinged with embarrassment at his own boldness, the illicit shiver he’d gotten seeing himself naked on his laptop screen. Only Erwin can make him feel like that. Like nothing is shameful and no one has ever enjoyed just looking at him so much. Like he’s worth looking at in the first place. 

He stares into the laptop webcam, and he does what Erwin says.

* 

Levi wakes up Christmas morning to the smell of breakfast food cooking. 

He rolls out of bed a little stiffly, and scrubs his hand over his face before he wanders out of his room. He’s already standing in the living room when he realizes how strange this is. Kenny is _cooking._ Levi has _never_ seen Kenny cook. Levi wasn’t even sure the kitchen stove actually worked. There is nothing in the cabinets that can’t be microwaved, or so Levi thought. 

“You’re gonna burn the house down,” Levi complains. 

Kenny ignores him and keeps frying whatever it is he’s frying. Levi watches him scoop something onto a paper plate and then bang the spatula on the side of the pan. He turns around and shoves the plate in Levi’s hand with a flourish. 

Levi looks down skeptically. Nothing on this plate resembles food. 

“Happy fucking Christmas!” 

Levi chews his lip. 

He’d been about to tell Kenny he wasn’t touching this since he valued his life, but Kenny is actually _smiling_ like he’s proud of himself, and for once Levi can’t bare to bust his balls.

Instead, he says, “Uh. What is this?” 

Kenny looks at him like he’s stupid. “It’s corn beef hash. And scrambled eggs. There’s hot sauce in the fridge.” 

“Corned beef hash.” 

“Yeah!” 

“What the fuck is corned beef hash?” 

Kenny gapes at him like he’s sprouted an extra head. 

It looks like cat food. 

“It’s the best breakfast meat!” Kenny insists. 

Levi glares at him. “ _Bacon_ is the best breakfast meat.”

“Just try it, you ungrateful little shit,” Kenny snaps, shoving Levi on the shoulder. Levi can tell by the dark look on his face that for once, Levi has _actually_ hurt his feelings. 

So Levi draws a breath and takes a bite. He inhales three more without taking a breath and sits down on the battered loveseat to finish. There’s a piece of shell in his scrambled eggs, but all in all, he’s had far worse breakfasts. 

Kenny gives a small ‘humph’ of satisfaction and then scoops some onto a plate for himself. He sits down in his armchair and they eat in silence. Levi stares into his plate for the first serving, and doesn’t look up until he’s ready for seconds and needs a glass of Sunny D. It is then that he notices Kenny’s tree has a box under it. 

It’s poorly wrapped in red paper with a lopsided purple bow. 

Kenny catches him looking and he clears his throat. “That’s. Uh. That’s yours. So,” he mutters haltingly, scratching his beard too casually. When Levi just furrows his brows, Kenny pulls out a cigarette and lights up. 

“You got me a present?” Levi asks, turning his head. Levi is really too stunned to know what to think. On the one hand, Kenny has _never_ gotten him a Christmas present. On the other, in the past three weeks, Kenny has laid hands on a small TV, a playstation 4 with two controllers and a headset, and a few games to keep Levi from going crazy when he’s home alone all day. He hadn’t framed those as gifts. He’d said things like, _Here. Keep you the fuck outta my hair,_ and _So I can have my TV back,_ and _Good. Now I don’t have to look at ya._

But Levi isn’t so naive. He knows all the ways Kenny is just trying to help. Levi hadn’t really cared for a long time, had thought there wasn’t much a man could do to make up for leaving a kid at a library and running off, nor did Kenny really seem to _care_ to make up for it. But now Levi’s not so sure. 

“You serious?” he says. 

“Might be,” Kenny says. 

Levi sets his plate on the couch cushion next to him and picks up the package. He glances once at Kenny, who is still refusing to look at him, and then opens the box. 

There are two things inside. 

The first is a switchblade, and Levi feels something strange bubbling in his chest when he picks it up. It feels familiar in his hand, comfortable. He presses the button to open the blade, and sees two initials carved into the base, near the handle. KA. 

Kenny trained him with this. 

Levi turns it over in his hand; there is something strange about it, something he never picked up on when he was a kid, but that he sees now, now that he has held a few switchblades of his own. 

The white mother-of-pearl handle is too slender, the nasty curve of the blade just a little delicate. It’s almost… feminine. 

Understanding brings a strange fog to his head. It’s not Kenny’s, like Levi had always thought. Or at least, it hadn’t been. 

Kuchel Ackerman had not just been Levi’s mother, after all. She had been Kenny’s sister. 

“They’ll arrest me if they find me with this,” Levi says quietly. 

“Best not let ‘em find it then,” Kenny replies. 

The second item is a photo Levi has never seen before. It’s a polaroid-- the old, boxy kind, not the tiny little things he’d seen one of the sorority sisters playing with at a party one night. Kenny actually framed it. 

Levi supposes this is Kuchel. 

It is not until he sees her that he realizes he never really has. 

She doesn’t quite look like he remembers. Memory had smoothed the lines around her mouth and taken the strained gauntness from her face. She looks a little older than he remembers and a little thinner. 

She is still beautiful, with long dark hair and enormous dark eyes. She also looks just a little bit like Kenny. 

Levi is asleep on her shoulder, a toddler barely bigger than a football. 

She looks happy though. At least for a moment. 

“Where’d you get this?” 

“Found it in those boxes,” Kenny admits. “Forgot I had it. She uh, she took you to the park. Some stranger asked to take her picture. Gave it to me after.” 

Levi stares at the picture in the cheap plastic frame, and squeezes the switchblade in his hand. He likes the way it feels there, the deadly weight of it. 

“Thanks, Kenny.” 

Kenny just says, “Happy birthday, brat.” 

*

Two days later, Levi is sitting in his bed opening and closing Kuchel’s blade in a sort of anxious meditation. He can’t play games right now, or get on his laptop. He can’t focus on _anything_ except the metallic _shck_ of the blade springing from the handle again. And again. And again. 

That is why he hears the smooth purr of an expensive engine so clearly, his heart skips a beat. There is no mistaking that sound. Not in this neighborhood at least. 

Levi catapults out of bed, and throws himself into the hallway, but Kenny beats him to it. 

He stands in the front yard, hands hooked in his belt loops and a cigarette dangling from his lips and rocks on his toes as Erwin pulls into the driveway, parks, and turns off the car. 

“Hoo boy! Look at that! You best go park somewhere else or you're liable to lose your hubcaps.” He bends at the waist, head turned to examine Erwin’s tires and then says, “Lookit that, Levi, you see this? _Shi-yet,_ lookit that!”

Erwin gets out of the car and looks around in alarm. Levi wants to run to him, but Erwin is parked far enough back that Levi might cross out of his ankle monitor periminter. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Levi says. “No one in this town would fuck with a car on our property.” 

Satisfied that his car isn’t in danger, Erwin smiles and his grin is so sunny, so unabashedly happy, Levi finds himself smiling too, in a very undignified, very fond, very pleased sort of way. 

Erwin shuts the door to his car and starts coming toward Levi. Levi doesn’t move off the step even though he can go out in the yard a little ways. He doesn’t want to risk it. 

Kenny goes quiet and watches Erwin trot across the yard and wordlessly wrap Levi in an enormous, warm embrace that Levi is too happy to be embarrassed about. 

He presses his face to Erwin’s chest and _breathes_ and _breathes_ and never wants to let him go ever again. 

“Alright, alright,” Kenny drawls. “Cut it out, the neighbors are watching.” 

There are no neighbors with balls enough to watch what goes on in Kenny’s yard. Levi says, “Fuck you.” 

But Erwin pulls away. “Oh, uh. Sorry. Mr. Ackerman. Hi. I’m Erwin.” He sticks out his hand. 

Kenny blows smoke in Erwin’s face when he starts cackling. “You hear this, runt, he called me ‘mister.’” Kenny pauses then and takes the hand Erwin has offered him. Then he looks down sharply, squeezing it, and says, “What’s wrong with yer hand?”

“ _Kenny,”_ Levi spits, furious. 

Erwin furrows his brows, and pulls off his winter glove so Kenny can see his right hand. 

“Why’d you put a glove on it?” Kenny demands. 

Erwin shrugs. “I dunno, man, who only uses one glove?”

“A guy with one hand,” Kenny drawls. 

Erwin glances down at Levi and then back to Kenny before he bends his right arm and then twists his wrist. He mimics the motion with his flesh hand and says, “Looks like two hands to me.” 

Kenny rolls his eyes. “Smart ass.”

Erwin just grins at him, which Levi takes as a good sign, and then kisses Levi on the temple before he goes back to his car to grab his bags and a long, flat box wrapped in Christmas paper. 

“Fuck, _Erwin,”_ Levi complains the second he sees it. Erwin pulls out a second one and sets it on top of the first, and then he carries the whole lot of it back up to the door. Levi is glad to go back inside. His hoodie is the warmest clothing he has since the hospital destroyed his jacket. It’s very cold outside. 

“What?” Erwin complains, following Levi inside. 

“I don’t have anything for you,” Levi hisses quietly, so hopefully Kenny can’t hear. 

“I know,” Erwin says easily. 

Levi starts to drag Erwin back to his room immediately; he doesn’t really want Erwin to look around the living room for too long. But Erwin draws up short and pulls the top present from his pile. 

He holds it out to Kenny. “This is for you, sir. Thanks for letting me stay for a few days.” 

Kenny looks down at the gift and then at Levi; they both stare at Erwin for far longer than is probably proper. 

Erwin clears his throat, but doesn’t lower his hand. 

Kenny finally takes it and says, “Hey, uh. Thanks. Kid. Uh.” 

“You can open it,” Erwin says pointedly. 

“Uh. Sure.” 

“You really didn’t have to,” Levi mumbles while Kenny tears back the paper. 

Erwin says “Shush,” very firmly, and when Levi actually does, Kenny looks at him sharply. Levi blushes and furiously crosses his arms over his chest. 

“How’d you do that?” Kenny demands of Erwin. 

“Do what?” 

“Make the brat listen to you.” 

“Uh.” 

“Oh my _god,_ just open it, you shit head!” Levi snaps. 

Kenny scrunches up his face and mocks Levi with a series of high pitched nonsense words until Levi flips him off. 

Kenny pulls a face when he sees what Erwin has brought for him. “Hey, thanks, kid.” He actually sounds sincere, and Levi comes up on his tiptoes to see what it is Kenny is holding. 

It’s a dartboard. And a _nice_ one too. 

Levi looks up at Erwin in surprise. Erwin just smiles cheerfully and turns to follow Levi back to his bedroom while Kenny stares at the board in shock. 

Erwin looks too big in Kenny’s house. The ceilings are low and the walls are narrow and Levi wonders if Erwin will bump his head. 

He knows technically Kenny and Erwin are about the same height-- Kenny might even be a little taller-- but Kenny slouches and shrugs his shoulders and wears his clothes too baggy so he looks thinner than he is. And he just _fits_ in this house. 

Erwin, though, with his broad shoulders and straight back and head held high at all times. These walls can’t contain him. 

Levi ducks out the way and holds his bedroom door open for Erwin, and then shuts the door behind him. Erwin puts his hand on Levi’s face and kisses him, shoulders shrugged, bending down to reach. Levi never wants it to stop, and he twists his hand in the lapel of Erwin’s brown leather bomber jacket so he can’t pull away. 

Erwin only pulls back to take his other glove off so he can then push his fingers into Levi’s hair. Levi hugs him again because no one is watching. 

“I’m so fucking happy you’re here,” Levi surprises himself by saying. He actually means it. Even though his room is so much smaller than Erwin’s and all his furniture is scuffed and ragged and he only has a twin bed, he doesn’t care because seeing Erwin, touching him, is like coming home. It makes Levi realize he never really had a home at all, before this. 

Erwin is the one who breaks apart. He’s smiling so widely and he pushes his present at Levi and says, “Don’t be mad.” 

“What did you do?” Levi demands suspiciously. 

“I just, I had to make it _really_ good since it’s your birthday _and_ Christmas present.” 

And Levi feels doubly guilty. Erwin’s birthday had fallen in the middle of the week, and they’d mostly just repurposed a Sigma Kap party for him that weekend. And of course, Levi hadn’t gotten him a Christmas present. The only money he’d had had been turned into evidence in the State’s case against Zeke. 

“Open it!” Erwin presses. 

Levi sighs and sits down on his bed. Erwin sits beside him. 

He peels back the paper, and tears the tape carefully off the plain white box. 

“Erwin.” 

“Do you like it?”

Levi nods because he can’t speak. 

Erwin has gotten him a biker jacket. It is black leather, soft and rich and supple and it is very similar to the one he lost. This one is nicer though. There are no silly extra buckles, and somehow it looks… more mature in a way. Less ostentatious. There is just a silver zipper, and some rivets at the lapels. There is also a removable inner liner with a black fabric hood attached.

Levi starts to lift it out of the box, and pauses when he sees the lapel. There are no patches on this jacket, but Erwin has had it embroidered with a Sigma, a Kappa, and another Sigma in dark green thread. Levi runs his fingers over the greek symbols and Erwin chuckles. “I figured you wouldn’t want anything big and obvious, but I couldn’t resist.” 

Levi touches the leather reverently and inhales. Under the jacket there is a can of leather conditioner, a padded coat hanger, and a little card with care instructions. 

It’s the nicest thing Levi has ever owned. He’d be angry at Erwin for buying something so expensive if he didn’t love it so much. 

“Is it. Okay?” Erwin asks, a little hesitantly now, since Levi hasn’t said anything. 

Levi turns sharply and wraps his arms around Erwin’s chest. The box slides onto his floor, and he _squeezes--_

“Ow, babe, fuck,” Erwin chuckles. “You’re too strong for that.” 

“Sorry, sorry,” Levi hisses, relenting a little. “It’s.” It’s perfect is what it is. He picks up the box from the floor and finally shakes the whole jacket loose. 

“Thank you.” 

Erwin gives him a crooked smile. “Uh, I also have something else,” he says. 

“What? What did you--?”

Erwin reaches into his pocket and pulls out something Levi never expected to see.

“I may be outta line,” Erwin says quietly. “So I didn’t have them attach it.”

It is a patch. Levi has one very similar to it, hidden in his old things. This one looks newer, and the colors are a little different, a closer match to Levi’s tattoo. 

His wings.

“You said they were yours, right?” Erwin says quietly. 

Levi nods and takes the patch. 

“How’d you get em?” 

Levi pauses.

“I saved his life.” 

Erwin stares at him. 

“I’d… defended him before. And enforced for him. People started called me…” Levi pauses. “They started calling me Zeke’s Angel of Death.” 

Erwin twists a little on the bed and his eyes go wide. “That’s. Ominous.”

“Yeah,” Levi chuckles. “Little melodramatic. But it got the point across. Don’t fuck with the Beast. Don’t fuck with the Titans. Or they’d send me.” 

Erwin swallows. 

“People talk on the streets, you know? Word got around fast. People started attaching my name to shit I wasn’t involved in, _bad_ shit. It happened _so fast._ One day I was just… Levi. And then overnight, I was his _angel._ I was… The _angel_ was a legend.” 

Levi runs his hand over the jacket again, and lays the patch against it. 

“You saved his life,” Erwin presses. 

Levi smirks a little at the memory. “Yeah. We were running a deal. There was this other gang, and their boss set up a meet with Zeke. Wanted to talk consolidation. Take the Titans into new territory. But it was a fucking set up. That guy was _slick_ too,” Levi says, shaking his head. “He managed to get Zeke to leave his whole damn guard in a different part of the house, and go back alone. He _never_ did that. So I’m up front with the others, and something just doesn’t feel right. I can’t get comfortable, and everyone is looking at me, like what the fuck is going on, and I finally tell ‘em to hold tight.” 

Erwin nods periodically, attention rapt and eyes wide. 

“These guys try to stop me from going back there, but I gave ‘em some shit about needing to take a piss, and showed ‘em I wasn’t armed, so they let me through to the rest of the house. I was just a kid, you know? Well, I slip the guy who took me to the shitter and I find Zeke. He’s in some back room, and it’s supposed to just be him and the boss, but it’s not. They got like six guns pointed at him, and they’re gonna fucking kill him, I can just see it in their eyes, they’re just waiting for the signal, which means all the kids in the front room are set up too.” 

“Shit,” Erwin says. 

“So, I go in. Real casual like. Hands in my fucking pockets. Gotta get close to him, you know? Any one of these guys gets trigger happy, Zeke’s dead, and there’s no way I’m getting near him with the way shit’s going right now. They get real smug when they see me too, start talking about how Zeke’s got an army of children and nothing else, got kids doing his dirty work. And they shove me over to where he is, so they can keep us both in sight, you know?” 

Erwin shakes his head. “How old were you?” 

“Fourteen.” 

“Jesus, Levi.” 

Levi shrugs. “So they’ve got all these guns on us, and I just say, ‘Hey boss, you want me to take care of em?’ and while they’re all laughing, Zeke, just casual as fuck, says, ‘No, I think we can still come to agreement, since we’ve got the upper hand.’”

Erwin raises his brows in disbelief. 

“See, half the fucking fight in this shit is confidence. All his boys start to laugh, but they’re looking at each other now, kinda getting freaked out, and you can tell, they think Zeke is either crazy, or he knows something they don’t. So the boss says something like, ‘You’re crazier than I thought,’ something stupid like that and Zeke just looks at him and fucking _smiles_ and says, ‘I suppose no one told you my Angel is a fourteen year old boy.’”

Levi pauses, feeling his heart rate thrill a little at the memory of that, the satisfaction. 

“What happened?” Erwin demands when Levi has been lost in thought for a little longer than he should be. 

“They let us go. No one threw so much as a single punch, they just let us walk out and fucking _apologized_ for this disrespect. Not long after that, the uh… the boss turned up dead and a few of the guys who’d been in that room came to Zeke. Wanted to make a deal. Zeke had the patch made after that. Wanted everyone to know who I was on sight.” 

Erwin smiles at him. 

“What?”

“You. That’s how you got your wings?”

“Yeah.”

“By keeping everyone safe. But _preventing_ a fight.” 

Levi’s lips twitch a little. “Yeah.” 

“Can you still wear them?” Erwin asks. 

Levi looks down at the patch Erwin had made. “Yeah. I think I can.” 

Erwin grins at him, and Levi decides he will always wear his wings if he can. He’d done bad things to earn that reputation. But that was what eventually brought peace, wasn’t it? And hadn’t it happened again and again? How many fights had Levi stopped just by being present? How many deaths had he prevented? 

He’d never really thought of it that way. He’d been so caught up in what he’d done to reach that point, he’d never stopped to consider if it had brought any _good_ into the world. 

Erwin leans down suddenly and grabs Levi by the ankle. 

“Fuck,” Levi curses when Erwin lifts his foot up, makes him fight for balance, and then shoves the cuff of Levi’s pajama pants up.

“So how’s this thing work?” Erwin demands, tapping Levi’s monitor. “They can’t like, hear us or anything can they?” 

“Nah, it’s just a GPS so they can see everywhere I go,” Levi says, leaning back a little so Erwin can see. His back twinges and Erwin sees him wince. 

“Fuck, sorry. Is it still bad?” 

“Um,” Levi mutters. The truth is, his back _is_ still worse than he thinks it should be. It’s been three weeks since Erwin was kidnapped, so the worst of it has healed, but aside from the actual wound, Levi’s _muscles_ are sore. He wakes up stiff every morning and even though he stretches and works out in his room, he’s still moving slow and careful. “Kinda sore all over still,” he admits. 

“Turn around,” Erwin commands. Levi does. “Shit, you’re all full of knots,” Erwin says, running his fingers along Levi’s spine. It feels _very_ good and Levi takes off his hoodie so Erwin will have better access, even though it’s cold in his room without it. “You should see a chiropractor,” Erwin says. “I bet you threw something out of whack when you were healing, you know, like, from holding yourself still?” 

Levi frowns. “I dunno,” he mutters. “Isn’t that kinda bullshit?”

“No,” Erwin says sharply. “I went after the accident, and I’m going again since the whole handcuffed to a wall for a day and a half thing. It’s helped so much.”

“Maybe,” Levi murmurs. He can get permission to go to doctor’s appointments if he talks to his parole officer. But he doubts chiropractic is covered. And it’s not as if he has the cash for it. He lets his head roll on his neck. Erwin is good at this, and he can feel some of the knots uncoiling under his thumb. 

Then Erwin leans forward and kisses his shoulder. He moves higher, toward Levi’s neck, and Levi tilts his head to the side, a happy sigh on his lips.

Erwin bites him at the same time that he wraps his arm around Levi’s waist and pulls him close and Levi missed him _so much--_

It’s like something breaks inside him. He jerks around and climbs onto Erwin’s lap, pulling at his jacket and trying to kiss as much of his skin as Levi can reach. 

He didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much. He didn’t know it was possible to _need_ to be touched so much, and finally having Erwin in front of him makes him realize just how _not_ alright he has been. He hasn’t been sleeping. He’s been walking around Kenny’s house in a lethargic fog, making himself exercise and eat on autopilot, living only for the moments when he can Skype Erwin and finally, finally see his face again. When he thinks of how long they have been together, he feels so foolish. Barely two months. 

Of course, if he is being honest, he has been in love with Erwin for much longer than that. 

Maybe since they met. 

Definitely by the time Erwin had coaxed into him to playing that damn soccer match and tricked him into pledging Sigma Kap. 

Erwin shrugs out of his coat. Thier feet hit the floor long enough for them to both take off their pants and then Levi is back in his lap, and Erwin is holding him with one arm wrapped around his waist, kissing him so sweetly Levi can’t stand it. Levi pulls his hair a little, and bites his lip, and Erwin just groans euphorically and kisses Levi deeper, sweeter, and Levi really is going to break and what a strange thing that it will be softness that does it. 

He comes up on his knees and presses his hips to Erwin’s belly and moans very softly against Erwin’s lips, careful that Kenny can’t hear, but desperate to tempt Erwin to action. Erwin squeezes him tighter and kisses his jaw, his neck, the front of his shoulder, until Levi lowers himself over Erwin’s cock just to feel him.

“Wait,” Erwin says, jerking his hips a little and pulling away. “Don’t.” 

Levi furrows his brow and sits back against Erwin’s thighs, studying Erwin’s face. Erwin pushes Levi’s hair out of his face, and then he reaches between them, wraps his gorgeous hand around himself _and_ Levi. 

It is gentle and quiet and so sweet it makes Levi ache all over. Erwin stares at him, just looks and looks, and kisses and kisses, and lets Levi hold him as Levi rocks against him. 

“I love you.” 

Erwin pulls back a little and then smiles at him, replies so quietly it’s almost just air, “I love you too.”

Levi thinks maybe they could do this for hours, that this could _last_ and last and last, until he realizes Erwin’s breath is getting sharp and short, and he’s starting to lift his hips into his hand in time with the way Levi rocks into him. 

So Levi lets go. He covers his mouth with one hand, shoulders hunched and head bowed and feels Erwin _moan_ deep in his chest, lips clamped shut to keep himself quiet. Erwin’s hand, his steady stroke and the way he is lifting his hips all falter, and Levi’s feels Erwin’s whole body _shake,_ like a cold shiver, with the way he is trying to hold himself back. 

Levi realizes with a shock how much Erwin likes this. Of all the things they’ve done and all the different ways-- something about _this_ has him outside himself, hanging on by a scrap of consciousness so he doesn’t make a sound that anyone but Levi can hear. 

Levi _feels_ it when Erwin starts to climax, feels his hand catch his own come and drag it down over Levi’s cock and there is something so _wonderfully_ obscene in that, Levi suddenly understands exactly why Erwin wanted to feel him like this. Erwin has shown him so many things and this is just one more, that sometimes maybe it is better to be gentle. 

After, Levi lays on Erwin’s chest, sprawled sideways across the bed and for once he is not thinking about the slick wetness between them. He thinks only what it had been like to feel Erwin’s cock pulse against his, and the way it had taken him over the edge, left him shaking against Erwin’s sweat-slick skin and thinking that if he has his way, he and Erwin will not leave this room for the full three days Erwin will be here. 

They do have to leave eventually though. Kenny brings home a bucket of fried chicken and then offers Erwin a joint without Levi having to sneak into his stash and steal it. They eat and smoke and Erwin actually holds a pleasant conversation with Kenny, which is probably one of the most bizzare things Levi has ever seen. 

They go back to bed after, make quiet, tender love again and Levi never knew he could like the quiet so much. He can hear every subdued gasp Erwin makes, every tiny moan that slips through his lips. He tries so hard to hold his own breath to keep from screaming, all he can hear is how much Erwin wants him. 

Levi loves him. 

Now that he can say it, he’s not sure he will ever be able to stop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, you guys????? 
> 
> I'm sorry this update took me two weeks, but I just COULDN'T BARE TO LET GO. 
> 
> And tbh I'm still not letting go. I'm working on SEVERAL wips right now that take place in this world in Levi and Erwin's future and they are all indulgent and fluffy because I'm just not ready to say good bye. <3 So keep an eye out if you are so inclined to read! I'm hoping to get the Erurimike pwp fic up, uhhhh soonish. 8D?
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for your kind words of encouragement throughout this journey! I still can't believe how wonderfully kind hearted you all are and all the amazing comments you left along the way helped SO MUCH! 
> 
> AND OF COURSE this whole fic is dedicated to Ajax who is truly the most encouraging and supportive person I think I've ever known. I love you, my angel! <3
> 
> AHHHH IT'S DONE!

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr!](https://ellabesmirched.tumblr.com/post/172568789243/pledge-ellabesmirched-elbell-shingeki-no#notes)
> 
> And please tell me what you think! Your comments and kudos sustain me tbh. Like at this point I think that's all my soul is made of.


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